by Sienna Blake
His eyes narrow. “You seem to be under some misguided belief about my feelings for you. Let me make it clear.” He grabs my arms and pulls me in close, so close I can see the flecks of pale ice in his deep blue eyes. Despite the rage bubbling in me, I can’t help but remember how his bare skin felt against mine last night. Desire fissures through me at his nearness. “I may have had a moment of weakness. Believe me, that impulse is over.”
“No,” I shake my head. “You’re trying to dampen what you feel by marrying her. You’re trying to pretend you don’t care. But you do.”
His lip curls up. “You shattered my heart five years ago, Alena, you ripped my soul into pieces. Your suffering is all I care for.”
“Hurt me if you want to hurt me. Leave Emily out of it. She’s done nothing to you.”
His eyes drop to my lips. “I will hurt you. I will hurt you every time I kiss her. Every time I hold her close or whisper in her ear.” He pulls me flush against his hard body. His breath tickles my ear, making me shiver. “It’s your turn to go to bed every single night, your soul tearing to pieces as you imagine me fucking someone who isn’t you.”
His words hit me like bullets from a firing squad. Pain, unlike anything I thought I could feel, rips through me. I shove him back. He lets me go. His face blurs behind tears making him unrecognisable.
I want to hate him. I do. But I imagine Dimitri all those years ago suffering like I’m suffering now when I married someone else. Now I understand his madness. Now I understand his rage.
I turn and run.
46
____________
Alena
“Edgar,” I tumble into my husband’s bedroom. He’s standing at his window, staring out across the grey misty moors. “You can’t let this happen.”
He turns to look at me, his face twitching. “Let what happen?” he says slowly.
“You can’t let Dimitri marry Emily.”
Guilt flashes across his face, which he quickly covers up. “I’ve already given him my blessing.”
I can’t fucking believe this. “How? How could you give me to him last night then agree for him to marry Emily today?”
“I have no choice, Alena,” my husband says, his hands running through his hair. “Dimitri is saving my company, saving us. I have to give him what he wants.”
“Money isn’t worth losing your daughter to a monster.”
“You’ve never had to work for money,” he snaps, “you just spend it. You live comfortably under my roof, eating good food, wearing designer clothes. You don’t consider for a second what I must do to provide it for you. You have no idea what work is.”
His words are a slap in the face. I stumble back, more pieces tearing in strips off me. He’s right. It’s true. Dimitri took care of me when I was younger. Then I let my husband take care of me.
All the fingers I’ve been pointing outward begin to turn back in. This situation I’ve gotten into, I brought on myself. I’ve reached for the easy answer all this time, leaving myself dependent. I’m not free. I’m caged.
47
____________
Alena
My husband won’t stop this wedding. I must. I can’t let Dimitri ruin more lives than my own.
I tumble into Emily’s room, where she’s sitting behind her dressing table humming to herself and running a brush through her hair. She spins, rising to her feet like she’s a floating dandelion bloom, a huge grin spreading across her face. “Alena, isn’t it wonderful.”
“You can’t marry him,” I blurt out. Shit. My desperation is making me blunt. I had all these calm, sage words to say to her. They all flew out of my head the instant I saw her dreamy face.
The smile drops from her face as the happiness bleeds out from her. Her mouth parts. “I can’t believe you would say that to me.”
I ignore the guilt. Hurting her a little now is much better than sitting back and letting her go through with it. “I’m only saying it to stop you from making a mistake. You’ve only known him for four weeks, Em.”
She shakes her head as she begins to pace, her hands in fists by her side. “What does time matter when you’re in love. You married my father after only knowing him for a few weeks.”
I cringe. Emily doesn’t know I was bought. “That’s different.”
She spins towards me, her arms crossing over her chest. “I thought you were my best friend. Why can’t you be happy for me?”
“How can I be happy that you’re marrying a man who’s cruel and hateful and—”
“He’s not cruel. He’s kind and caring.”
“You don’t know him like I do.”
Emily stiffens. “You’re jealous.”
“No!” I protest a little too quickly.
“Yes, you are. Just because my father doesn’t love you, you’re jealous that someone might actually love me the way you want to be loved.”
“He doesn’t love you,” I snap. I regret it instantly.
“And you think he loves you?”
I flinch.
Realisation flashes in her eyes. “You do, don’t you? You want to take him from me because you want him.” Her lips press to a thin white line. “You jealous, spiteful bitch.”
She’s seen right through me. Underneath the concern for her, the need to save her from a loveless marriage, is the belief that Dimitri is mine. He is mine, no matter what he has done or what he has become. “He’s not yours, you stupid girl.”
The doors burst open. Edgar strides in. “What’s all this noise here?”
Emily straightens, tightening her crossed arms. “Alena doesn’t approve of my marrying Dimitri. She…” wants him for herself. I feel her eyes slide over to me, a clear threat of exposing my true feelings to the man I married. I stiffen, but I don’t beg her not to speak. “She’s saying all these awful, untrue things to try to stop me.”
I lift my chin. “You know my feelings on the matter,” I say to Edgar. “I won’t stand by and watch you destroy this family.” I play the only card I have left. “Either she goes or I go.”
“What?” Emily and my husband say together.
Dimitri is determined to destroy the ones I love. They’re letting him do it. I can’t stop any of them. I can’t be around to watch it. It will kill me. “There’s not enough room for two mistresses of Worthington Manor. Either Emily leaves this house or I will.”
Emily lets out a small gasp beside me.
I keep my stare focused on my husband. If she leaves, Dimitri as her fiancé will have to go with her. Either way, I will not have to watch him use her.
As Edgar looks between Emily and me, his daughter and his wife, his face moves from shock into a cold detachment. “Then it’s clear. You can move out, Alena. You will stay in the cottage in the Cotswolds.”
I let out the breath I was holding. Emily has gone silent beside me. I suspected my husband would choose Emily. She is his daughter, after all. Still, my heart cracks. I want someone to choose me. I want someone to choose me over everything.
I nod, biting back the sting of tears. “I’ll pack my things now. If your driver is free, I’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning.”
48
____________
Dimitri
Early the next morning, just as the dawn breaks, I stand by the window of a small front study on the third floor opposite my guest room. I watch as one of the servants walks out the front carrying Alena’s single suitcase.
I thought she would have packed more.
Then again, Alena never asked for much.
The servant places her meagre item into the trunk of the car that is to take her away. I’ve looked up the distance from here to the Cotswolds. It’s a three-hour drive away. It might as well be across the Atlantic.
“Are you really going to let her go?”
I spin on my heel. Javier is standing at the doorway. “You’re right. It would be more satisfying to watch her suffer if she stays, but what can I say to convince her to stay?”
Javier shakes his head. “For an intelligent man, you really are an idiot sometimes.”
I grit my teeth, my hands curling to fists by my side. “That is no way to speak to your boss.”
He snorts. Javier has never been intimidated by me. No matter what I do.
Neither has Alena.
He walks all the way in, letting the door swing shut behind him. “She’s still in love with you.”
“Good. It’ll make my—”
“And you still love her.”
“No.” I bat away his words. I don’t love her. I hate her. For all the suffering she put me through. I have a plan. I need to stick to the plan.
“Go after her. Stop her.”
“I’m not here for her,” I explode. “I’m here for revenge. I’m here to make her suffer. And my plan is working.”
Javier’s disapproval radiates off him. He takes a long, deep breath. “I’ve been by your side for a long time, Dimi. I’ve stood there while you’ve done some questionable things. But this…this has gone too far.”
“Leave if you don’t like it,” I snap.
Javier’s face cracks with pity. The bastard thinks he knows what’s going on. He thinks he can see through me. “I’m not going anywhere. You should know better than that.” His words slide into the cracks of my armour. My jaw stings. I want to say so many things to him. I…I just can’t.
I turn away. There’s something lodged in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Javier’s footsteps move towards the door.
I see from my window that Alena is standing by the open door of the car looking back at the house. I think she sees me at the window watching her. For a moment, our eyes lock. My heart tugs towards her. My stomach twists with a creeping kind of horror.
She can’t leave.
I imagine myself running after her. I don’t know why. I don’t care if she leaves. I don’t fucking care, you hear me, heart?
“Dimi?” Javier has paused at the door. “Don’t fight so hard for revenge that you lose everything you need to be happy.”
49
____________
Alena
The backs of my eyes sting as the driver pulls away from the front of Worthington Manor and down the carriage driveway. I’m filled with mixed feelings. Worthington Manor has been a home for me, Emily has been family. I know that even Edgar, despite his detached, sometimes cruel manner feels affection for me.
Neither of them have come out to say goodbye, both of them choosing to do it last night after dinner.
Dimitri didn’t say goodbye. He didn’t even look at me once during dinner.
I tuck these thoughts away and wipe under my eyes. I turn around to watch as the manor disappears. My heart twists when I see Dimitri standing outside the front door, watching me go.
My exile is a five-bedroom stone house in the Cotswold district, three hours south from Yorkshire, cold and dusty from months of non-use. My husband has let me know that he will send a housekeeper to me soon. Percy, his driver, unloads my single bag into my bedroom, tips his cap to me outside. “You’ll be missed back in Worthington Manor.”
“Thank you, Percy.”
“Mrs Hobbs baked you her famous shepherd’s pie. I put it in the fridge for you to reheat later.”
I nod, blinking back tears. Apart from Mrs Bates, my husband’s staff were always kind to me. They too, had been a kind of family, I realise. One which I didn’t fully appreciate until now.
Once Percy drives off, the car kicking up gravel and dust behind him, I am alone.
Alone with my thoughts.
I walk through each bedroom, opening windows, airing out the rooms. It’s so quiet here. So quiet. I walk to the room that is to be my new bedroom. It has plenty of space and a nice view over the back garden. I can’t see the surrounding area like I could from my old bedroom window, a stone wall sitting rudely in the way.
I unpack my suitcase slowly, my thoughts ever flying back across the moors to Dimitri and Emily. Guilt weaves through me. I left her alone with him.
I tried everything, I try to reason with the guilt. I begged Dimitri not to go through with ruining a young girl’s life for the sake of revenge. I tried to get Edgar to disallow the engagement. I ruined my friendship with Emily trying to get her to turn him down.
There was nothing more I could do. Dimitri won.
If I stayed I would only be making myself suffer and giving Dimitri an audience.
I turn and start at the figure in the doorway.
50
____________
Alena
I drop the shirt I’m holding, my hand going to my throat. Terrance is standing in the doorway to my room.
“Terrance.” I force my voice not to shake. “Don’t you know it’s rude to sneak up on people?” I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t heard his car come down the front driveway. I hadn’t heard him enter or move through the house. “What are you doing here?”
Terrance smiles, cold and cruel. “I know who Dimitri really is.”
My skin prickles. I pick up the shirt I dropped and brush it off, acting as coolly as I can, even as my heartbeat speeds up. “I don’t know why I should care.”
“Dimitri Volkov.” Dimitri’s old name from his mouth sends a crackle through my spine. Terrance stalks into the room. “Your ex-lover.” The walls feel like they’re closing in with his steps. It’s getting really hard to breathe. “I wonder why neither of you have revealed that you know each other.”
He stops right in front of me, closer than appropriate. The look on his face is mad with glee. He has me and he knows it.
“What do you want, Terrance?” I try to push past him, I need air. He grabs my arm. I wince, tugging against him. His hand squeezes like a vice. “Let go of me.”
He leans in close, his acidy breath in my face. “What will you give me, pet, if I keep your little secret?”
“You want to blackmail me? I have no money.”
“Ah, but it’s not money I’m wanting from you.” His eyes travel down my body. Oh my God. He wants… Bile rises into the back of my throat. Real fear grips my body with its claws. My closest neighbours are at least two miles down the road. Even if I scream, they can’t hear me.
He yanks me against his foul body, his free hand clamping down on my breast. I let out a scream, draw back my knee and thrust as hard as I humanly can. My hard kneecap connects with his crotch. With a pained grunt, he lets go of me.
I don’t hesitate. I run.
I run out of the room, into the corridor, right into a hard wall of muscle. I look up. Relief and a feeling of safety flood my body.
“Dimitri,” drops from my lips like a whispered prayer.
His chest seems to swell and he wraps his arms around me. I sink into his warmth.
“You little bitch.” Terrance stomps into the corridor. His halts, his face contorting when he sees Dimitri by my side.
Dimitri pulls me behind him, a low growl emanating from him.
Terrance’s face quickly pulls into a sneer. “Dimitri. Fancy seeing—”
Crack. Dimitri’s fist collides with his nose, his arm moving so fast it’s a blur.
Holy shit.
Terrance lets out a yelp as he stumbles back. I gasp, my hands flying to my mouth.
Dimitri grabs Terrance’s blood-splattered shirt and slams him against the wall. “If you ever threaten her again, I’ll break more than just your nose.”
Terrance gurgles as blood rushes down his chin. “You can’t threaten me. I’ll go to the police. I’ll—”
“And tell them what? That you tried to rape a woman?”
“I’m an upstanding member of this community. No one will believe you two dirty foreigners over me.”
I suck in a breath, my nerves jangling. Terrance has connections to people in power. If he went to the police, we’d lose. Dimitri will get thrown in jail.
Dimitri’s lip curls up, his eyes glittering. “You breath
e a word of this, any of this, then I shall tell the world about your dirty secrets… Prostitution. Gambling. The fact that you stole money from your own business partner.”
Terrance’s eyes boggle out of his head. “H-how…?”
“You think you’re the only one who can do a little digging? Now, get out. Before I change my mind and snap your neck.”
51
____________
Alena
The front door slams behind Terrance. A motor starts and gravel crunches as he tears away, his engine fading until the silence is a heavy throbbing in my ears.
Dimitri stands there looking at me. I stare past his shoulder at the sweet cream wallpaper dotted with tiny violets, my heart too scared to hope. “What are you doing here?”
“I broke off our engagement.”
My gaze locks with his. God, his stare is too intense. It’s fire to my soul. “So soon. Is Emily okay?”
“She’s young. She’ll get over it.”
“Why—”
“She’s not the one I want,” he stalks towards me. Unlike earlier with Terrance, my body blooms with heat. “I want…I need you.”
My heart drums against my ribs. I back up against the wall, Dimitri’s body enclosing me in. He smells so damn good, his musky cologne invading me as his heat and his presence and this need conquers me.
“I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hurt you. But you…” His soft hands cupping my cheeks contrast against the sharp anger in his voice. “You bewitch me.”
There it is. The admission I’ve wanted to hear for weeks makes my chest ache with relief and…impossibility. My eyes flutter shut as I struggle to retain my self-control. “Dimi, I’m married.”
His lips brush against mine. “Leave him. Be with me.”
My core coils with heat. My fingers curl into his shirt. I moan as my body wars with my mind. “My contract…”
