by CJ Bishop
“I still miss mommy.”
“That’s okay.” Cochise rubbed his hands over the boy’s head and kissed his brow. “I think we’ll always miss them a little bit.”
“But we’ll see them again, when we go to heaven…won’t we?”
Cochise slid his thumb down the child’s soft cheek. “You will see them again, for sure.”
“And you.”
Cochise gazed at the boy, his heart heavy in the chest. No one’s going to let me into heaven. He kept the thought to himself and simply nodded.
♦
“I just want to check and make sure you don’t have any broken ribs.”
Callum sat on the bed in the guest bedroom while Adrian examined his bruised torso. It hurt like hell to move and to breathe. He gasped when Adrian gently pressed his fingertips to Callum’s left ribcage.
“I don’t think they’re broken,” Adrian said. “But they could be cracked. At the very least, they’re badly bruised. And sometimes, believe it or not, bruised ribs hurt as much or more than broken ribs.”
Callum nodded.
“I’ll tape them up for tonight, then tomorrow take you in to the hospital and have some x-rays, just to be sure.”
“I don’t have any money for doctor bills,” Callum mumbled.
Adrian smiled. “Don’t worry about that. It’ll be taken care of.”
Callum lowered his eyes as tears formed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For what I did. For…for all the worry I caused everyone. I put Jules in danger and I don’t expect you to just forget about that. I don’t even know why you’re helping me.”
Sitting beside him, Adrian squeezed his shoulder. “If we begin to lose our ability to forgive one another, that’s when we begin to lose our humanity. In the end, you chose to do the right thing, even when it put your own life at risk.”
A tear rolled down Callum’s face and he wiped it away. “I don’t have anywhere to go,” he trembled. “The gang was my home.”
“Did you like that home?”
“No.”
Adrian squeezed his shoulder again and stood up. “Don’t worry about a place to go. You’ll stay here for now.” He smiled. “And trust me, with Jules in the house, you’ll never be bored—or lonely.”
Callum raised his head, tears in his eyes. “Thank you, Adrian.”
Nodding slowly, Adrian said, “I always liked you, Cal. You were always a good kid. You were just in a shitty situation where only the strong survive…just trying to survive. I’m glad you’re here, now. You’ll be in no shortage of good men to look up to. No assholes like Tazz and Blade. The men in this family will acknowledge your efforts and treat you well.”
Callum had no experience with that, but was eager to explore this new territory…and maybe discover a new home that was a real home.
♦
“Did you call Axel?” Clint asked Cory.
“Yeah. I let him know Jules made it home safe and you, too.” Cory remained unnerved by the shadows behind Clint’s eyes. He didn’t tell the cowboy everything he and Axel had talked about. Cory was sure that once Clint was back home with Axel, and the two made love, then Clint would be well on his way to recovery. He prayed the same could be said for Cochise.
“Good.”
“You should head home soon, though,” Cory suggested. “I know Axel, and he won’t completely relax until he sees you.” He smiled. “You may also want to prepare yourself for a long night.”
Clint nodded. “Good to know.”
The two men walked down the hallway toward the master bedroom.
“You’re his whole world,” Cory murmured. “You got that through your thick skull by now, right?”
A smile twitched the cowboy’s mouth. “Yeah.”
“Good. Don’t ever forget it.”
Clint glanced at Cory. “You really think I might leave him?”
Sighing, Cory shook his head. “No, not really. But I also know how much everything has affected you, that you and Axel have been through. I know you still blame yourself. I just don’t want you to lose sight of what you have with Axel, the new life you’re building together. It’s nice to see you smile and laugh and enjoy yourself—enjoy life. And to see you so in love. All my life, I never really saw this side of you. Wasn’t sure it even existed.” He grasped Clint’s shoulder. “I like the new you. I like the new Cochise, too. I really never thought I’d see that man open up to anyone—much less fall in love.”
“I didn’t expect that one, either,” Clint chuffed.
They paused when they approached the master bedroom doorway. Cochise sat on the bed, holding Jules deep in his arms. The boy appeared to be asleep, his head lying on the Egyptian’s thick shoulder.
“I never thought I’d hear myself say this,” Cory whispered. “But I think Cochise would make an awesome dad.” He looked at the cowboy and smiled. “Not just him.”
Clint grunted low but offered no reply as he entered the room. Cory followed with a quiet chuckle.
The Egyptian raised his head, a prominent dampness in his eyes. Jules stirred when he shifted and the pup scrambled off the bed, rushing to Clint and Cory.
Jules rubbed his eyes and blinked.
“We’re gonna head home,” Clint said and lifted the boy from Cochise’s arms. “Just wanted to say goodbye.” He kissed Jules’ cheek. “We’ll get you some new boots tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.” He hugged Clint’s neck, then brightened. “Can Rueben come with us? Can he get boots, too?”
Cory smirked. “Already wanting to buy him gifts.” He tsked. “That boy has got you wrapped around his little finger.”
His face scrunching, puzzled, Jules giggled. “Huh?”
Cory laughed. “One day you’ll know what I mean, when you’re older.”
“Yeah,” Clint smiled slyly. “You’ll be like Cory with Colton.”
“Or Clint with Axel,” Cory countered.
Jules didn’t know what they were talking about but he quickly picked up on the pattern and giggled again. “And Cochise with Kane.”
“Exactly!” Cory grinned. “Now you got it.”
The Egyptian stood up and scowled at them. “Leave me out of it.”
“Too late.” Cory patted his back. “You’re in it whether you like it or not. You’re so wrapped around your man’s little finger.”
Clint smirked and murmured, “And other appendages.”
Cory busted up, inciting giggles in Jules who, thankfully, wasn’t privy to the cowboy’s implications.
CHAPTER 17
The two men stood outside the car and stared at the houses. It was early evening and the sky had yet to fade to black, yet both porch lights glowed brightly…like beacons guiding them home.
Clint sighed and clasped Cochise’s shoulder. “Don’t shut them out. Just…live in the now. Despite what you think, you do deserve this.” Clint stepped away from the car. “Have a good night, brother.”
Cochise remained unmoving as he watched the cowboy walk across his lawn and onto his porch, then turned his focus to his own house. His home. Was it really? He approached the porch and climbed the steps, pausing outside the front door, and gripped the door knob. He looked at his hands—so recently smeared with the blood of the men he’d killed that day. How could he come home from all that and try to slip back into the role of a family man? It was like trying to wear a suit that fit too tight.
His heart—once a silent stone in his chest—contested his thoughts.
He was too tired to fight with it tonight and opened the door, entering the house. The door was hardly closed behind him before his nostrils filled with the tantalizing aroma of Beef Wellington and a blend of slightly lesser yet tempting appealing smells drifting out from the kitchen. The Egyptian’s mind jumped back to his first date with Kane, and the dinner Kane had cooked for him; the same aromas had met him that night as well when he’d entered the man’s apartment. He’d never felt more at home than he had that night, sitting across the table from Kane,
aching for the man in ways that startled and frightened him.
Cochise came out of his thoughts when Stella wrapped herself around his ankle, rubbing avidly against the cuffs of his pantlegs. He shed his jacket then reached down and picked up the kitten. It had grown some since Cochise first brought her to Kane the night he’d rescued her from the dangerous life as a bait animal, but her growth was slow and she remained quite small. She quickly crawled up against his neck, cuddling in; it was her favorite place to sleep.
Stroking the kitten’s fur, Cochise walked across the living room and approached the kitchen doorway, his footsteps quiet. In the adjoining dining room, the table was set and dinner was ready—yet no one was eating, the food dishes covered to keep everything warm. Kane and the three kids were in the kitchen cleaning up, stacking the used cooking pans and utensils in the sink to be washed.
John spotted him first and smiled. “You’re home.”
The others looked around and Zoe walked over, slipping her arm through his. “I see Stella got to you first.”
“Dinner’s ready,” Kane said, his gaze resting deeply on Cochise’s face.
Cochise handed the kitten to Zoe. “You didn’t have to wait,” he mumbled.
“Yes, we did,” Donald insisted. “Families eat together.”
Cochise remained caught in Kane’s stare.
“We’ll go…wash up,” Zoe said and ushered the two boys out of the kitchen with her.
Coming closer, Kane flattened his hands on Cochise’s chest. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
Don’t shut them out.
Shaking his head slowly, Cochise admitted, “I don’t know.”
Kane wrapped his arms around him and kissed him softly. “That’s okay,” he whispered against his lips. “You don’t have to be okay right this second. But you’ll get there. We’ll get there together.”
Unbidden wetness glazed Cochise’s eyes. “I wish…”
When his words faltered, Kane asked quietly, “You wish what?”
I wish I was the man you think I am.
“Nothing.” Cochise pulled him into his arms and kissed him deeply, and held onto him until the kids returned.
“Come on, pops,” Donald smiled and led Cochise to the table.
“Pops?” Cochise muttered.
Donald chuckled and nodded, directing him to sit at the end of the table. Kane took a seat at the opposite end.
“I kind of like pops,” John laughed lightly, sitting to Cochise’s left. Typically, John was quiet and reserved, especially around Cochise, but tonight he seemed unusually outgoing. “It fits you.” He laughed again when Cochise scowled at him.
“That’s okay for you boys,” Zoe said and slipped her arms around Cochise’s neck from behind. “But being a girl, I prefer daddy.” He kissed his cheek and giggled like a school girl.
At the other end of the table, Kane shrugged and smiled as Donald and Zoe took their seats. “Shall we say grace?”
John slipped his hand into Cochise’s palm as the others joined hands as well. Cochise stared at John’s hand and lightly ran his thumb over the boy’s knuckles.
Being a father to John…that’s a step forward.
“Lord, bless this food,” Kane began, “and the hands that prepared it. Bless this family and draw us ever closer to one another and to you. Thank you, Lord, for watching over each of us this day and bringing Cochise safely home to his family. Amen.”
A soft murmur of amens went around the table.
Kane opened his eyes and smiled at Cochise, the power behind that smile, behind those eyes, gripping the Egyptian’s heart.
Don’t say you don’t deserve what’s waiting for you at home, my friend; you damn well deserve it all.
Maybe for tonight…he would let himself believe it.
♦
“Do you want me to move him to his own room?” The three men stood around their bed, watching Jules. He had crawled beneath the covers and fallen asleep with cowboy.
“No.” Angelo’s answer was quick and firm. “I don’t want him out of our sight tonight.”
It was merely the after-effects of nearly losing Jules that had them all needing to keep him close by this first night back.
When the three of them became a unit, Anthony had traded out his old full-sized bed for a king. Angelo laid down next to Jules and Anthony took his place behind him, wrapping his arms around the man. Adrian got comfortable on the opposite side of the child and softly kissed his head then stroked his fingers through his silky blond hair.
“I wouldn’t have survived losing him,” Adrian whispered. His gaze fell on Angelo’s face and knew the same was true for him; for them all.
“We didn’t lose him,” Anthony murmured and reached around Angelo to gently squeeze Jules’ small hand. “He’s home, safe and sound. No one is going to steal him away ever again.”
Angelo laid his head on Anthony’s arm and stared at Jules, his fingertips caressing the child’s soft cheek. “I don’t ever want him to be an active part of this world,” he said quietly yet with a stern tone, leaving no room for argument. “We lost Shay, and almost lost Cory on too many occasions. I’m not taking that chance with Jules.”
“I agree,” Adrian nodded. The look on Clint and Cory’s faces when they’d told them about Diego…that was a look Adrian never wanted to see in the mirror. The devastation of these men in losing Shay would be his own personal hell if he ever lost Jules. A hell Anthony and Angelo…and so many others…would experience all again as well.
“We’ll teach him how to survive, how to fight,” Anthony murmured. “But only as skills to protect his own once he’s grown and out in the world. This world isn’t the only dangerous world.”
“He’s already showing strength and protecting his own.” Adrian gazed at the two men and was sure they knew just what he was talking about as his mind went back to the wedding reception…and Jules fierce defense of Reuben.
Angelo kissed the boy’s head, his lips lingering. “He is his father’s son.”
♦
As soon as the front door opened, Jonah raced from the kitchen to the living room to greet the cowboy. Axel followed and lingered in the living room doorway as Clint sank to his heels and ran his fingers through the pups thick, soft fur. A faint smile touched his lips when Jonah tried to climb his chest and lick his face.
“Kisses are my department, Jonah,” Axel murmured, drawing Clint’s stare.
The cowboy rose up slowly and peeled off his jacket, leaving it on the coat hook by the door as he walked across the carpet. Once he was close enough to touch, Axel slipped two fingers between Clint’s shirt buttons, grazing his warm skin beneath. “I don’t like it when you’re gone all day.” He pressed a soft kiss to Clint’s throat. “I miss you too much.”
Clint rested his hands on Axel’s waist and dipped his head for a mouth to mouth kiss, then wrapped Axel in his arms and held him in a crushing embrace.
“Are you okay, baby?” Axel whispered and touched his face. The cowboy’s eyes were troubled as he gazed back at him silently. “Did something happen?”
Clint released him without answering and walked into the kitchen. He stopped abruptly when he saw the table set for a candlelight dinner, a bottle of wine chilling in an ice bucket.
“I thought you might be hungry.” Axel pressed against his back and kissed the nape of his neck as he rubbed his hands around to caress Clint’s chest.
Covering Axel’s hands, Clint drew them to his lips. “Would you be mad if I asked if we could save dinner for later?”
“No,” Axel smiled. “I wouldn’t be mad.”
Clint turned around. “Can we go to the bedroom?”
Axel nodded. “Bring the wine?”
“Yeah,” Clint murmured. “We’re going to need the whole bottle.”
Scooping up the wine, Axel followed Clint into the bedroom and set the bottle on the nightstand. Clint sank onto the edge of the bed and slipped off his boots, his eyes distant as he stared
at the floor. Axel peeled off his hat and slowly ran his fingers through Clint’s hair then tilted his face up and kissed him deeply. “Tell me what happened,” he whispered.
Clint grasped his hands and scooted onto the bed, drawing Axel with him. He propped pillows behind his back and pulled Axel into his arms, getting lost in another kiss as Axel unfastened Clint’s shirt and let it fall open so he could gently caress his warm muscles.
“Open the wine,” Clint said quietly through their kiss. “Then we’ll talk.”
Axel grabbed the bottle. “I forgot the glasses.”
“It’s okay,” Clint said. “We’ll just share the bottle.”
Axel opened the wine, took a drink, then laid against Clint and gently tipped the bottle to his mouth as he swallowed a small amount. Axel kissed him and sucked the wine from his lips, then kissed his neck. “Talk to me, baby.”
Drawing his arm more tightly around Axel’s shoulder, Clint took the wine bottle and downed another drink, swallowing audibly. He cleared his throat and spoke low, strained. “One of Cruz’s boys was shot and killed today.”
“What…?” Axel stared at him, startled. “Who?”
“Diego.” Clint drank more wine, his brow cinched and eyes distant. “A young man just a year or two younger than you.” He laid his head back and stared blankly at the ceiling. “He had a wife,” he whispered. “He was going to be a father any day now.”
Axel trembled, his stomach knotting. “Fuck.”
“Now…” Clint murmured. “Now the child will never get to meet his…or her…father. He’s just…gone. In the second it took to pull a trigger. Just fucking gone.”
Axel pressed his lips to Clint’s chest and closed his eyes, his heart aching.
“He was standing right next to Cory.” Clint’s voice wavered and tightened. “So close that his blood splattered on Cory…like the night Shay died.” He swallowed as his fingers gripped Axel’s shoulder. “It was like it was happening all over again for Cory.”
Tears filled Axel’s eyes; he’d been with Cory shortly after Shay’s death, saw the devastation with his own eyes. Some shit went down today that kind of tore open some old wounds.
