Lewis was different. Not only did everyone - including her hard to win over brother - like him immensely, but he had a different sort of nature, a kinder one. He was known throughout Society to be a good man, while Alex had been largely viewed as a rogue. So while yes, her attraction to Lewis had been rather quick, perhaps, in reality, it had not been so very quick at all.
In the darkness, Sophia began to remember that night in the carriage once more, and the sense of peace and calm, of utter safety, that had washed over her when she had seen Lewis poke his head into the coach. Would she have felt that way with another man? She now doubted it. With a single glance that night, that one worn, masculine hand that had reached out towards her, he had changed something in her. Looking back, though neither of them had realized it at the time, Sophia now firmly believed that he had started the healing process within her that very night.
So while she still might be a bit foolish, it was likely only because she was falling in love, if she was not completely in love already. What had started as an attraction and a need to banish her physical fears had quickly turned into something more. Something greater. Something that might very well be love. Not that she was ready to say the words just yet. But she might be soon. For her, that was a sign of how truly far she had come since that night.
With the crush of the ballroom far behind them and her fears regarding Lewis now fading away as well, Sophia felt herself relax. She had not realized that she was tense and said as much to him.
"It is strange. Back in the ballroom, I felt this buzzing sort of sensation in my chest and head. As if I was filled with bees, silly as that sounds. I had no idea that I was afraid." She bit her lip. "At least not until you brought me here where it is so much calmer. Quieter."
Slowing, Lewis stopped in front of a bench and helped her to sit, the skirts of her pale pink gown spread out around her like a cloud. "I could see you becoming tense, Sophie. I know that women who have endured what you did often go back to that night in their minds when faced with unpleasant situations."
Sophia was thoughtful for a moment. "How do you know so much about women who have been through what I have?" she queried softly, not wishing to break the spell between them but still requiring answers so that her mind might truly settle. "I know you have sisters, but I was unaware that any of them had suffered as I did."
For a long moment, Lewis did not know what to say. This was his last secret, the one he had thought he would never reveal to another living soul. Not even the woman he eventually took to wife. Yet for some reason, he found himself slowly beginning to speak as Sophia sat silently by his side, simply listening.
"When I was on the peninsula, we often made camp in a small village outside of Salamanca. It was home to a lovely country church and an even lovelier peasant girl named Valeria."
"Go on," Sophia whispered softly, taking his hand in hers, linking their fingers and giving him strength to go on, though she likely did not realize what she was doing. "I'd like to hear about her."
"Everyone loved her, the villagers and soldiers alike. We...took a liking to each other, she and I. I had not yet been wounded and was sought after by many of the village women. But Valeria? She was special." Lewis swallowed hard. Even now it was difficult to speak of her. "As the battle approached, Valeria begged me to run away with her. No place around there was truly safe, but she felt that if we ran far enough, there was a chance. She had heard whisperings in the village about the viscous plan the French had in store for us and she did not wish to see me harmed."
Sophia tugged off first her glove and then his so that they were skin to skin now. Then she traced small circles over the back of his hand with her thumb. "It is not in your nature to run, Lewis. You are far too brave and loyal for that."
"In that way, she did not really know me at all," he agreed quietly. "When I refused to desert my unit, Valeria became distraught and left the safe confines of the village. I have to believe that she was not thinking clearly, otherwise she would not have acted so rashly. There? In the fields outside the town? She was attacked, just as you were."
"I'm sorry." Sophia linked her fingers with his and squeezed as tightly as she was able. "It is a horrible thing to endure."
Lewis nodded, his gaze fixed in the distance, no longer really seeing either the conservatory or Sophia. "After that? Valeria was different, but unlike you, she never recovered from what was done to her. She did not possess your strength of will, though few women do."
"I shall take that as a compliment, but I do not blame her." Sophia swallowed hard. "What I have just done? It is not easy and I would never judge another woman for such a thing."
"You are a rare creature indeed, Sophie." Lewis kissed her hand. "After that night? I tried to assist Valeria as best I could, but we were at war. Had we been at peace? Then...perhaps. But as it was, I was helpless. And she was suffering. Greatly. Then, I was wounded." He gestured to his damaged body. "You have seen what lies beneath these fine clothes. It is not pretty and I nearly died. Valeria could not deal with seeing me in so much pain when she was suffering so herself. And I could not help her in return. Each time I cried out as I was stitched up anew, she would cower in fear." He sighed. "Eventually, everything became too much for her and she drowned herself in the river."
"That wasn't your fault." If nothing else, Sophia was certain of that.
"I still feel as if it was. Her death is on my hands, as is her suffering. I refused to run away with her, to keep her safe from whatever might harm her. Had I done so..."
Reaching up, Sophia cupped Lewis' scarred face in her hands. Once more, it was her turn to be brave. This man needed her now and she would not let him down, for she understood him far better than Valeria likely ever had. "Had you done so, you would have betrayed not only your country but yourself as well. You would no longer have been the Lewis Blackmore that Valeria fell in love with. And in time, she would have come to resent you for that. Just as I resented Alex for how he changed when he betrayed his principles. If he even had any to begin with, that is."
Sophia shook her head firmly when Lewis would have interrupted her. "The man who died in Paris? That was not the man I fell in love with so long ago. I was foolish back then in my youth, yes. I now admit that. However I have recently come to the conclusion that the Alex who attacked me was not the same Alex who swept me off my feet that first Season. I never would have been attracted to him otherwise. He changed over the years, Lewis. He was weak and he betrayed his own principles. In the end, I clung to the memory of what used to be, instead of acknowledging the truth that was in front of me. He was no longer my Alex, if he ever really was at all. And I was too stubborn to let him go, even when I knew that I should. Had you betrayed your principles and run away? Then you would not have been Valeria's Lewis, and in the end? She would have come to despite you for it. If I have learned nothing else from my time with Alex Selby, I have learned that much, though the price I paid to learn that lesson was dear indeed."
For a long while, the two of them sat there in the conservatory, the silence deepening with the night and the moonlight shifting over them as the clouds now came and went more frequently. Their breathing evened out to combine as if one, and their heartbeats slowed into the same rhythm. All the while, Lewis started out into the darkness of the lush greenery while Sophia stroked his hand. He had never told another living soul about Valeria. Now that he had, he felt relieved. Until this moment, he hadn't even realized that he had been carrying an enormous weight around with him all this time.
"Where did you gain your knowledge of the human heart?" he asked finally, his words, though soft, seeming to echo loudly all around them.
"By being a willful female who is accustomed to getting her own way." Sophia paused. "There is a chance I am wrong, you know. I cannot truly speak for Valeria. All I know is how I felt when Alex changed into a man I did not know and did not particularly even like. I continued to pursue him out of sheer willfulness, I believe, rather than out of love.
In the end, I do not think that I loved him at all. Rather, I loved the idea of the man he used to be."
That too, had been a difficult revelation for Sophia to cope with as of late, but in the quiet moments of the last few days, she had come to that conclusion and embraced what she now recognized to be the truth. She had been wrong. Adam, her family and friends had been right. While that did not make her responsible for what had happened that night - for in her mind, no one but Alex was responsible for his actions - she also knew that her poor choices had not helped.
"Sophie Reynolds? You are a wonder." Lewis brought her ungloved hand up to his lips for a kiss. "I never imagined that a lady of Society could be so..."
"Brash? Changeable? Wonderful?" She was teasing now, wishing to bring the light back into his eyes. She missed it when it was gone, she was quickly discovering.
"I was going to say surprising. But those words will do nicely also." He pulled her close for a kiss then. At first, it was a simple brush of his lips over hers, meant as a sort of thanks, since this was hardly the place or time for them to indulge themselves. After all, the fracas in the ballroom had likely settled by now, and it was time they returned before they were missed.
However when Sophia wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, Lewis could not seem to manage to push her away. Instead he drew her closer and in short order, he had worked the bodice of her gown loose so that he could free her breasts to suckle there as he liked.
More free with both her body and her emotions now, Sophia rose up so that she could straddle his lap again, offering him as much of her body as he desired. When she reached down to cup him through his trousers, she found him already hard and throbbing, so it took little time at all to free his erection and caress his cock lightly in her hands.
"Sophia. We shouldn't. Not again. The risk is too great. We were foolish once and that night might yet bear consequences. A second time could be utter catastrophe." Except that with each stoke of her talented fingers, Lewis was weakening towards her and her wishes.
"Tell me you do not want this," Sophia whispered as she bit his ear again, since he rather seemed to like it when she did that. "Tell me you do not desire me."
"You know that I do," he growled in return. "I would have you like this always if I could."
"What if I told you that it was possible," she replied, thinking back to Adam's offer earlier in the evening. She hadn't given the matter much serious thought, or at least she didn't think she had. Yet a part of Sophia must have because somewhere in the course of the evening, she realized that the idea had merit. And while she would not yet call this love, this peculiar emotion she felt for Lewis was something tender. Something that could, in time, grow into love. She also did not fear him and in truth, she could not see herself with another man in this fashion. Just Lewis. It had always only been him.
He growled at her as he lifted her up by her hips to settle her womanly core over his throbbing cock. "Do not tease me, Sophia. I could not take it."
"I'm not teasing," she replied, her words coming in great, breathy gasps. "If you want me, I am yours. There need not be love. Just this. Only this. Oh!" She gasped as Lewis thrust up hard into her. "Oh, yes! Just that!"
"You talk too much," he grumbled as he seized her mouth in a rough, hungry kiss.
Then there was no more talking, only the sounds of their coupling. As Lewis spilled himself inside of Sophia once more, he wondered if, finally, the happy future he thought he had lost when Valeria had died might truly be possibly after all.
Chapter Seventeen
Town Tattler
Ah, the proverbial Prodigal Son returns. But more on that in a moment, as first I must report upon the shocking scene that took place in the center of our fair Town recently, scandalizing many a Society matron and causing more than one debutante to swoon where she stood. As I was not present on Bond Street yesterday afternoon, I cannot say for certain what transpired. Many claim that the cause of the disturbance and spectacle was a vagrant, obviously foxed and likely half-mad who stripped off his clothing as he ran. Other observers contend that the man was most certainly a thief and that he was being chased by members of Bow Street, including the delightful Harry Greer, so that they might haul him back to their offices for questioning. To this author, that seems the most logical explanation, though this is the Little Season and anything might transpire, as we all well know.
Still others of my sources report that Lord Silas Blackmore was the man - half-clothed, mind you, which I seriously doubt Lord Silas would lower himself to do - running down the walk, dodging passers-by and window shoppers alike as he bellowed some nonsense about India and pirates. Given that what I know of India is rather limited, I cannot say for certain that their waters contain pirates, but it would not surprise me if they did. And if that truly was Lord Silas, then I pity the man for obviously his time abroad has affected his mind, though not too much, I would think for I can confirm that he was later seen in the company of his brother, Lord Lewis Blackmore, Lady Sophia and her maid entering the Blackmore carriage where both Lord Blackmore's mother and father awaited them. That alone casts a great deal of doubt upon the theory that Silas Blackmore was the cause of the scene. Instead, I attribute the hysteria to the mere fact that it has been ages since anyone has seen him about Town.
Though, if a wedding between Lord Lewis and Lady Sophia is in the offing, his presence in London makes a great deal more sense - even though I am told that Lord Silas has already journeyed on to Westwind in search of some much needed respite. Ah, Lord Lewis. Could he truly be stepping into the parson's mousetrap? Did a Society debutante finally snare the heart of the man who, in the past, only ever played the gentleman when the skies were dark and the moonlight shone silver, the rest of the time preferring his military uniform to eveningclothes? And what of Lady Sophia, she who was once thought to be so deeply in love with Lord Selby? Well, whatever the reason, I have it on excellent authority that these two are truly in love. The only question that remains, will that love be enough to pull them both to the altar when they have resisted for so long?
As for what transpired last evening at Lady Wofford's fete? The details are still far too murky to discern. Not to mention far too ugly. I shall report back to you on that matter on the 'morrow. When cooler heads have prevailed and all of the parties involved have stopped bleeding. Men! You would think that they would know better. Apparently not.
-Madame C
As he picked up his morning cup of tea in his study, Lewis made a note to himself to remind his father to send a note of thanks, and perhaps some fine French brandy as well, to Lord Candlewood. Though Lewis had no idea how the duke had managed it, somehow Candlewood had made certain that Silas' madcap race through town the previous day was utterly dismissed as foolish talk, no matter what people believed they saw. Truly, the man had a gift for deception and Lewis was thankful for it, especially at the moment.
He was also thankful that Candlewood seemed to have Madame C. firmly in his pocket. For who else could have made certain that the notorious gossip, who was also infamous for her accurate information, had in this instance, gotten the story completely wrong?
Still, whatever the reason and however he had accomplished the task, Lewis was thankful for the favor. Just as he was thankful that Sophia had not turned away from him when she learned the truth about his family. Instead she had not batted an eye and she certainly had not gone into hysterics. Rather, she had remained calm and continued to spread the same story that Madame C. had just published that morning. With Silas now packed off to Westwind once more after yesterday's chase through Town, there was also little chance that he would be seen in London again anytime soon, making their lies appear to be true. Lewis was not particularly proud of that part of the plan, but it could not be helped. If anyone learned the truth about Silas, he would be locked up in Bedlam. Loyalty to family above all was what he had been taught from birth and he still clung to that notion fiercely.
Then, of
course, there was also the little matter of marriage that Sophia had hinted about last evening as he took her in the conservatory. Was it possible? Could he wed Sophia? Certainly there was no logical reason as to why not. Though lacking a title, Lewis was still a peer and a gentleman. He had enormous wealth, though few outside of his immediate family knew about his fortune, as he preferred to live a more simple life, though his holdings and wealth were more than enough to support even the most lavishly spending of families for several lifetimes.
He simply hadn't considered the notion until now. Nor had he wanted to, either.
Well, that was not really true. Lewis had considered marriage to Sophia a time or two, and just as quickly dismissed the notion. They were play-acting at this courtship. Or at least they had both started out that way. His feelings had changed certainly, though he didn't know if Sophia's had as well. She had not mentioned anything specific, but then neither had he.
However they did like each other a great deal and the bedsport was excellent. If he truly took a moment to consider everything, the only real opposition to their union would likely be her brother, but Sophia had intimated last night that Adam would approve of a marriage between the two of them. If that obstacle was removed, well, why not wed her? He could do worse and he did certainly hold her in great affection.
If he was to wed her, Lewis wondered if she might be amenable to a Christmastide wedding. It would satisfy her mother he believed, and would certainly do the job of silencing the last of the gossip, not that there was much lingering about any longer. If they could be wed by special license after so short of a courtship, Lewis was fairly certain no one would dare mention the night at the Bull and Toad ever again.
Yes, he liked this plan very much. Not to mention that the idea of having Sophia in his bed permanently held a great deal of appeal. A very great deal, indeed.
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