by Jill Shalvis
“Okay?” she whispered, sliding her other hand down the front of a rock-hard thigh, then up again to cup him, gently squeezing.
“Christ.” His voice was thick and husky. “If I was any more okay, I’d be a puddle on the tile at your feet.” He covered her hand with his and stroked himself along with her, showing her how hard he liked it. After a minute, he groaned and pulled away. “Stop,” he gasped. “I’m going to come if you keep that up.”
She peered around his arm to take in the sight of him fully aroused, wet and glistening, and her mouth actually watered. “Sit.”
“What?”
She pushed him down to the tub ledge along the back, then straddled his legs and kissed him.
Gripping her hip with his good hand, he dived into the kiss, taking her mouth roughly, stroking her tongue with his while his one hand ran feverishly over her, gliding over her breasts, cupping and squeezing her ass. “You feel so good,” he murmured against her wet skin. Dipping his head, he pulled a nipple into his mouth at the same time his thumb stroked between her thighs, directly over ground zero, and that was it for her.
In that moment, she didn’t care what this was, or why she was trying to hold back.
She needed him.
“Inside me,” she gasped.
“But you’re not ready—”
“I was ready before I even got here.” Lifting up, she slid herself down onto his hard, throbbing length all in one motion, fully seating him deep within her.
“Oh, Christ, Bella.”
Her body clenched hard, making him groan again.
“Condom,” he groaned.
“It’s the wrong time of the month.” Then she gave him the line he’d so often given her. “It should be okay.” She listened to the sound of his quickened breathing, loving how his arm tightened on her as he kissed her throat, a breast, licking his tongue over her nipple as he thrust up within her.
Her arms tightened on him, too, and she shifted restlessly, feeling filled, feeling desperate, feeling so hungry and achy, needing him—
Needing.
God, she was half out of her mind with the need, and also halfway to heaven, and only partially aware that she was spreading hot, desperate kisses over his neck in tune to the hot, desperate words she was whispering, “Don’t stop, Jacob. Please, don’t stop loving me…”
“I won’t,” he swore, wrapping his good arm solidly around her back as he began to move, flexing his hips, doing his best to meet her thrust for thrust as he kissed, bit and sucked the skin of her neck and throat, all of it turning her on all the more, as if she needed to be any more turned on.
“God, Bella.” He paused to devour her mouth again, his tongue tangling with hers. “You’re so wet, so tight.” He was looking into her eyes, holding her gaze prisoner, and she couldn’t look away, didn’t want to.
“Mine,” she thought he whispered, but then she burst and could hear nothing but the blood rushing through her head and the faint guttural sound of Jacob’s rough groan as he came, his entire body contracting with hers, taking her over the edge yet again in a longer, protracted orgasm she wasn’t sure she’d survive. Then his mouth touched hers, sharing air, sharing everything he had, and there were no more thoughts.
FOR A WEEK NOTHING MORE happened on the case. No shootings, no notes, nothing out of the ordinary. The men on Bella’s date list were still watched and protected to the best of the P.D.’s ability, but every day that passed seemed to drain some of the urgency away.
Not Jacob. He remained frustrated and worried about Bella’s safety, especially given that his shooting arm was, well, shot.
But he was glad for the reprieve from more death and mayhem. It gave him time to obsess over whatever he’d done to make Bella pull back. Not physically.
Physically, they were still setting records for condom usage and the number of times they could drive each other insane in bed.
And out of it.
But emotionally…emotionally Bella had changed, albeit so slightly it was hard to be sure. Still, ever since that day after his shooting, when Austin had walked in on them, she hadn’t been quite as open, quite as…his.
And nothing he did seemed to bring her back. The only time she allowed any kind of connection with him was when they were making love. And that should have been enough.
But it wasn’t.
Another adjustment was the whole being off work. For the first time in years, he wasn’t working 24/7, and he…liked it.
He liked it a lot.
He liked having free time, which he did his best to spend with Bella. She and Willow were determined to reclaim Edible Bliss and get over the shootings, and their customer base was slowly returning, but when she wasn’t toiling away in the kitchen, she came out to be with him.
He’d played the injured-patient card for the first few days, and had indeed coaxed a Nurse Bella out of the deal. And then, though he was up and about, he managed to still need her help with as many tasks that involved dressing and undressing as possible.
She’d been game.
So maybe he’d imagined the other, the slight pulling back. Maybe it was just her way of keeping it “casual” like they’d agreed.
If so, he had to respect that.
And so it was that one week after getting shot, he’d conned Austin into bringing Shenanigans takeout for him and Bella. She was due off work any time, and had said she’d drive over.
He’d have preferred to take her out in person. Maybe for paddle boarding, or kayaking. Or a ride on his bike.
Something wild and fun and adventurous.
But he was still so limited. The shoulder was healing, but slowly, painfully slowly. He’d started physical therapy, except it would be a month yet before he had full movement.
At least his doctor had promised to clear him back to desk duty next week.
Woo hoo. Desk duty. He could hardly wait.
Austin let himself in and set down the bag in the kitchen. “Where’s the wife?”
“Funny.”
“No, what’s funny is that you think I’m kidding.”
Jacob pulled out the containers of food and…a couple of X-rated magazines. He slid a look at Austin.
“What? You’re married, not dead.”
“Will you stop with the married thing? We’re just…seeing each other.” Austin snorted.
“What?”
“Jacob, she has a drawer of her stuff in your bathroom.”
“So?”
“So when a woman has a drawer in a guy’s house, it’s not casual.”
“It’s just while I’m recuperating.”
“Really? So when you’re back to work, you’re going to tell her the license for the drawer is revoked?”
Jacob opened his mouth, and then shut it.
Shit.
He hadn’t thought of it like that. Hell, he’d not thought of it at all.
“Look,” Austin said, taking pity on him. “As a cop, you’re careful, methodical. It’s what makes you so great at the work. But you suck at the real-life shit.”
“I do not.”
“Real-life shit can’t be run off a careful, methodical plan of attack, man. Or by the book. Sometimes you have to wing it. Sometimes you have to go with the flow.”
“I can go with the flow as good as the next guy.”
Austin wasn’t buying it. “Going with the flow would mean accepting that Bella isn’t just a casual fling. That things have changed, and you want more with her.”
“More doesn’t work out for me, remember?”
“Yeah, but that was when you were with the wrong women, and when you were just a badass detective and nothing else.”
“What are you talking about? I’m still a detective.”
Austin eyed Jacob’s board shorts, which was all he was wearing. “No, now you’re also part beach bum apparently. Maybe that guy could go for more and keep it.”
“Would you quit it already. We’re just messing around.” There wasn’t more
, there couldn’t be, even if he sometimes lately found himself wishing for it. No woman in her right mind would want more from a cop, and he knew this from personal experience. “Hey, guys.”
They both whipped around to find Bella in the doorway.
“Didn’t mean to startle you,” she said. “I knocked, but no one answered.”
As usual, she was a sight for sore eyes. She wore a knit top that crisscrossed her breasts and was the color of her eyes, with a short denim skirt that made the best of her mouthwatering legs. Jacob headed for her, pulling her in, pressing his mouth to her jaw, then her lips, and though she met his kiss, it seemed devoid of its usual wattage. “You okay?” he asked, running his good hand down her arm. “Always.”
“You kids enjoy,” Austin said, and pulled Jacob away from Bella in the guise of giving him a brotherly noogie. “You might want to explain that ‘just messing around’ comment to her,” he whispered.
But Jacob knew that no explanation was necessary, not for Bella, who’d set the rules herself. He shoved Austin out the door and smiled at Bella. “Hungry?”
Her gaze met his, a little too shuttered for his liking, but she was smiling warmly and was clearly happy to see him. “Starving,” she murmured.
WHEN BELLA OPENED HER EYES a few hours later, it was ten o’clock at night and the sun was long gone. Jacob was asleep beside her, both of them naked. They were sideways in his bed, blankets and sheets long ago tossed to the floor.
Jacob was on his back, his good arm being used as her pillow. She’d thrown a leg over him and had drooled on his chest. Carefully she untangled herself, rolled off the bed and began to search out the various articles of clothing that had been strewn around the room.
Jacob had been right. He was recovering nicely, and had proven it. Three times.
She slipped into her clothes, grabbed her sandals, and tiptoed to the bedroom door. “Hey.”
With a grimace, she plastered on a smile and only when she was sure it was light and casual—God, how she’d grown to hate that word—did she turn. “Hey.”
Sprawled out, lit only by the moonlight slanting in his window, Jacob sent her a lazy smile, a wicked smile, the kind that suggested maybe a late-night snack to regain some strength, and then another heart-stopping round of naked fun. “Where’re you going?”
She hesitated. “I thought I’d stay at Willow’s mom’s tonight.”
“Bella, it’s late. I don’t want you driving back into town now.”
Then ask me to stay…
“Stay,” he said.
Oh, God. Her heart actually skipped a beat as hope and affection and something far trickier all tangled for space in her heart, which had just lodged itself in her throat. She held her breath and moved closer to the bed. “Why?” she whispered.
“I just said why, it’s late.”
Disappointment nearly choked her. No worries. She’d go home and drown it out with chocolate. “I have to get up early anyway, and you don’t. You need your rest.”
He sat up, the muscles in his abs crunching.
God, he was beautiful. It wasn’t fair just how beautiful, and with a sigh, she leaned in to kiss him.
She couldn’t help herself.
He cupped the back of her head and deepened the kiss, fisting his hand in her hair, pressing her in toward him until she began to melt.
She knew what would come next.
Her clothes would fall away again and then he’d put that mouth on her, that talented, greedy, knowing mouth, and she’d never leave.
She’d never want to.
Which was why she was going, dammit. Sleeping with him was doing something to her, making her want things she had no business wanting, not from him. Knowing it, she forced herself to pull away, forced her hands into her pockets and her eyes off his. “If you keep that up,” she quipped, “I’ll never go.”
“Maybe you’ve discovered my evil plan,” he murmured, his naked body calling to hers.
Maybe, he’d said.
Did that mean he wasn’t certain? She wasn’t sure, but it sounded to her like he wasn’t ready to admit that he wanted her to stay. Not because he needed help, not because she was in danger, but because he wanted her.
That settled her mind as nothing else could have.
Dammit.
It was her hang-up, not his, but she couldn’t ignore it. Not when her flight reflex was suddenly screaming. At the door, she turned back to look at him, and found his dark eyes on hers, silent and assessing. Her throat tightened, her eyes burned. “I’ll see you later,” she said, and left before he could touch her again with his magic body and change her mind.
15
THEY DID A WASH AND repeat for three days, with Bella coming over to Jacob’s after work, and then leaving late at night.
There’d been no more shootings and though Edible Bliss hadn’t reopened to the public, they were still operating the kitchen for their direct-to-restaurant customers. Willow was back in her apartment, being watched over by the cops, but she’d asked Bella to be around whenever possible.
Which is how Jacob once again found himself lying on his bed, watching Bella gather her things to leave. Two minutes ago he’d come so hard he’d been rendered blind, deaf and dumb.
Hell, he still couldn’t feel his legs. Somebody had taken out all his bones.
Not Bella. She’d put herself back together with alarming ease.
Jacob didn’t move or change his breathing because if he did, he’d sit up and ask—beg—to know why she had to go.
Why she seemed to want his body plenty, but didn’t want to sleep with him.
At first, he’d shrugged it off. They’d said casual, and she’d certainly kept it that. Besides, how could he complain? He was getting fantastic, mind-blowing sex without the worry or awkwardness of the morning after.
And given their typical humiliating morning after—what he referred to as the Raspberry Incident came to mind—he should be fine with that.
Which in no way explained why it was bugging the hell out of him. Maybe because it meant he was far more vested in this than she, and he hated that. She was happy enough to see him, hang out with him, he knew this. In fact, she seemed more than happy.
She glowed.
But just how content could she really be if she couldn’t wait to leave him at the end of the evening in spite of the looming, omnipresent danger?
There had to be a reason. He just didn’t know what. He was missing something, something big. But for two nights in a row, he’d let her go without a word because it was embarrassing that he wanted more than she did, and also because he didn’t want the inevitable confrontation that might facilitate their end.
The end of the happiest he’d been in too damn long. But he couldn’t do it any longer, couldn’t keep quiet. “Why do you always go?”
She went still for a beat, then turned back from the door. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“It’s late, Jacob.”
“But that’s the very reason you should stay.”
She was quiet a moment, just looking at him, and he knew right then—he’d most definitely missed something, but hell if he could figure out what. “I’ll come with you.”
“Not necessary,” she said. “I have to get up really early.”
It was his turn to be quiet a minute. “Are you afraid to let me go to your place because we haven’t caught the shooter?”
“Partly.”
“Then stay here.”
“Another reason I leave is because I don’t live here,” she said. “Actually, I don’t really live anywhere.”
“What does that mean?”
She turned back to the door, which frustrated the hell out of him because now he couldn’t see her face. “It means maybe I’ve been thinking it’s time to move on again.”
“You’ve been thinking about moving on?” Listen to that, listen to him sounding all cool and calm, when he suddenly felt anything but. “Since when?”
&
nbsp; “I always think about it.”
He pushed off the bed and moved toward her, taking her purse out of her hands, backing her to the wall. “Where will you go this time?”
“Don’t know yet.”
“Why now?”
“Why not? There’s really no reason to stay….”
He cupped her face with one hand and made her look at him. “No reason?”
“It’s not like I have my own shop, or a real relationship. I mean, we’re just messing around…”
Jesus. He stared at her, his thoughtless words to Austin coming back to haunt him. Hello, missing piece to the puzzle. “You know what I meant by that, right?”
“Yes,” she said. “I believe it’s fully self-explanatory.”
He shook his head as unaccustomed desperation welled up from within him. Not knowing what to do with it, he pressed her against the wall and kissed her. He kissed her until she softened and slid her hands up his chest, around his neck and clung.
He’d never been one to crave physical closeness, but having Bella in his arms suited him.
It suited him a lot.
Only, Bella had changed the rules, the game, everything, turning it all upside and sideways on him.
And she was leaving.
Right now, unless he said something to fix it, to bridge the big, gaping hole between them. He opened his mouth and let out the first thing that came to him. “Santa Rey has a lot to offer you. Your pastries are already gaining fame, and Willow told me she suggested you create a Web site. You could go huge, Bella. Right here.”
“I don’t think this is about my job,” she said.
“Is this about my job?”
She just looked at him.
Quick, Madden, think quick. “I’ve never been with a woman who could handle my work.”
“A woman who chooses to be in your life should accept you, Jacob, just as you are.”
“Should. But they don’t. Look at you, running for the door.”
“My leaving has nothing to do with your job. Or changing anything about you.” She cocked her head and studied him. “Would you ask me to change?”
