“We’ll see how you’re feeling when I’m ready to go. It might be a while.”
No way she’d let him accompany her to the store. That would not happen. She had phone calls to make. To Chris. To her lawyer. In the previous twelve hours, her plans had become fucked up beyond all recognition.
“FUBAR,” she said under her breath.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing,” she said, bringing her attention back to the task at hand. “We need to figure out what you can eat, and I need to make a list.” Kassie fist bumped the air and grabbed a pre-printed pink notepad that read SHOP out of the small desk drawer. She had a notepad for all contingencies—to-do, ideas, tasks, notes, memos. She’d even had one printed, Topher. It was yellow, just like him.
She pulled a chair around from the end of the oak table so she could sit next to Mike and admire the flowers blooming outside the bay window. The sun that poured its rays across the kitchen in the morning had already shifted to its afternoon position on the backside of the house.
Mike with his Italian Roast and she with her English Breakfast tea sat as they did in the car ride home. In silence. Not a sound except for the tick-tock of the teapot clock on the wall, a five-year anniversary gift from her mother. While Kassie prepared their drinks, Mike had placed a light-green folder with his name printed in bold, extra-large black type in all caps on Kassie’s place mat. They looked at it, and then at one another.
Kassie breathed in searching for more than a pound of courage and centered the folder between them. “We have to do this, you know. It’s critical. We’ll go through it together.”
Mike opened the folder. Again his name, along with the words “Stage Four Chronic Kidney Disease,” stared back at him imprinted in smaller letters than on the folder. But to Kassie those five words appeared immense, grotesquely ominous as though they were plastered on a billboard with flashing yellow lights: Game changer. Your future is at risk. Proceed with caution.
There were several documents in the folder. The first contained the diagnosis with all the supporting test results and definitions. They’d heard it all earlier in real time from Dr. Singleton. No need to review it then. There would be plenty of time for that. Hopefully. She was certain Mike would examine it line by line and Google every word he didn’t know. After he did it once, he’d do it again. She’d do the same thing when he was otherwise occupied.
Next was the script, the doctor called it, ordering follow-up blood tests to be done in three months.
“That’s May, June, July. July,” Kassie said, using her fingers to count the months. She took the wall calendar down with a picture of The David accompanying the month of April, flipping it to July. “How about the middle of July? A week after the fourth. That should be about right.”
“I’ll need to check my office calendar. Isn’t the annual company picnic around that time?”
Kassie put her elbow on the table, her fist to her mouth, and gnawed her thumbnail. She stared out the window at the green bush that would blossom into pink azaleas in a week or two.
“I said, I’ll need to check my calendar. Kassie, did you hear me?”
“Yes, company picnic. How many should we plan for?”
“What are you talking about? It’s too soon to think about that. Go ahead, put the tests on the calendar.” Mike jabbed the eleventh square on the calendar one, two, three times. “We can always change it if we have to.”
“I think we had about forty people last year, with spouses, significant others, and children. Maybe more this year with interns and freelancers?”
“Yes. Maybe. Who cares? Are you trying to distract me from this?” Mike asked, upending the folder, its contents tumbling to the floor. “If so, it ain’t working.” He stormed out of the room.
Mike’s abrupt exit did not faze Kassie. She’d seen him in denial before, most often when she’d try to get him to talk about the downward trajectory of their marriage. He’d appear to be engaged in a meaningful conversation, but as soon as it got a little too hot for him, he’d change the subject, or more often than not, he’d go watch television or smoke a cigarette.
Distract wasn’t quite the word Kassie would use to describe her line of questioning about the company picnic. Probe was more like it.
She wanted to see if he’d react. Was hiring Chris on his mind at all? Apparently not. Why would it be? He was just a new guy from San Francisco. A talent that would fill a need. Not the man who fulfilled her needs. She touched the necklace.
Focus. Focus. She picked up the papers and re-ordered them as Mike returned.
“Sorry, Mike. I can only imagine how difficult this is. Let’s keep going. Here’s the referral to the nutritionist.”
He looked at it, shaking his head. “Humph. Not just any nutritionist. A renal one.”
“Dr. Singleton explained that you must be on a strict diet designed especially for you. To watch for diabetes and control your blood pressure. It’s a good thing there are folks who specialize in this. Don’t you think?”
“I guess. But shouldn’t this suffice?” Mike held up the last group of pages that said, Nutrition. Its sub-head read, Important information to minimize CKD symptoms.
Four days ago, CKD was a meaningless acronym to Kassie. Now she knew what it meant—chronic kidney disease. The operative word was chronic. And now that he’d progressed into Stage Four, it wasn’t going away anytime soon. Not in the near future at any rate.
Kassie pulled out the staple in the corner of the document, chipping her nail polish. She spread four sheets of paper out on the table so they could share the experience. No way was she going to take full responsibility for his diet. Mike would have to embrace this new way of life with or without her, or he could face dialysis or a kidney transplant according to the doctor. She was determined to do whatever she could to prevent that from happening or at least delay it as long as possible. But Mike needed to be all in on this as well.
“Look at this,” Kassie griped. “It always frosts my ass. They always tell you what not to eat. Look, limit cheese, nuts, ice cream, milk, yogurt, tomatoes, bananas, chocolate.”
“Oops. I guess I ate my last Mr. Goodbar yesterday.”
“I wish they’d tell us what you could eat. It would make my life so much easier.”
“Your life?”
“Oh, here we go. You’ll need to get enough protein. But not too much. They want you to balance between lower protein foods and higher ones. Red meat, poultry, fish and eggs in moderation and for balance—bread, fruit, veggies, and pasta and rice. Three cheers for pasta and rice. But without the tomato sauce, I guess. Maybe a stir fry would work for tonight. Yes?”
Kassie moved into list-making mode. “Mike, read me the list of veggies they recommend. Look, here.”
He gave in and recited the list. “Red bell peppers, cabbage, yuck. Don’t think you’re gonna feed me cabbage.”
“I wouldn’t dare. Go on.”
“Cauliflower. Oh great, better get used to me farting a lot.”
“More than you already do? I doubt it.” They shared a brief chuckle, the first in a long while.
“Oh, garlic and onions. I’ll be able to keep the vampires away.”
Mike switched to the list of fruits. Berries, cherries, and red grapes. “Seems like the diet is heavy on antioxidants. Did you write down, red grapes, not just grapes? Oh, and make sure they’re seedless.”
“Mike, I know, I’ve been buying seedless grapes; what, forever?”
“Do you think I can have alcohol? I will not be able live on water and coffee alone. I’d rather die.”
“Don’t say that, Mike. Don’t ever say that. Dying is not an alternative. Flip the page. What you can drink is on the other side.”
“I think I’m hungry. All this talk about food.”
Kassie surveyed the contents of the side-by-side stainless steel refrigerator. “How about an omelet? We’ve got eggs and vegetables. And toast. That should hold you until dinner. Go relax. I
t’s after one. There should be a ballgame on. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
With Mike out of sight and earshot, Kassie turned on her phone. She had received six calls, but only four messages. One from the office, two from Nancy. Chris had called three times, but left only one message. The only one she listened to.
“Hey, Babe. Hope all is going well today. Unpacking and going to find the nearest grocery store. Got a call from a guy named, Bill, from Mike’s office. He said Mike’s taking the week off. But you probably know that already. Anyway, we had a great chat. Seems like a nice guy. Sounds like they’re busy and could use my help. We’re meeting—”
Wednesday, Kassie mouthed what she already knew and clicked off the phone. She closed her eyes, shook her head. This can’t be happening. She shifted her focus to feeding Mike.
“This is good. Real good,” Mike muttered between bites. “I can’t remember the last time we had lunch together here at home, on a weekday no less.”
“What are your plans for the week? Are you going into the office tomorrow?” Kassie played ignorant.
“I haven’t taken any time off yet this year. I think I’ll take the week off. Bill’s in town. He told me yesterday he’d cover with the team and clients.”
“You talked to Bill yesterday?”
“He came to see me. How about that? On Easter. With his sister visiting no less. Gather Nancy was whipping up quite a spread. The house was full with the kids home for the long weekend. He said his sister had to stay at the Westin. Do you know what he did?”
“No, what did he do?” Kassie said, picking up the empty plates and depositing them in the sink so her back was to Mike. She closed her eyes.
“He brought me cannolis from Mike’s Pastry. Don’t worry. I didn’t eat them.”
“I’m not worried about your eating a cannoli.” She put one her hand over the necklace and held onto the side of the sink with the other. She needed to listen to Nancy’s messages soon. What did Bill know? Had he seen her at the Westin? Was Mike playing her? Impossible. If he knew or suspected something, he’d confront her. Wouldn’t he?
“I gave them to the nurses on the evening shift. They were thrilled. I guess I showed them I wasn’t such a sonofabitch after all.”
It was late afternoon before Kassie could manage to escape the house. Mike had retired to his chair again, and over the cracks of the bat in the background, his snoring reverberated all the way up the stairs into the master bedroom. He’d conked out. If he were even half as exhausted as she was, she couldn’t blame him for taking a nap. But she had to get a move on. She had places to go, calls to make, adding Nancy to the list. First she had to unpack the suitcases she’d dropped off at the house earlier that morning before Mike caught sight of them.
On her way out the door to do her errands, she checked on Mike still snoring to beat the band.
“Hey, Mike,” she whispered, touching his arm, not wanting to startle him.
“What?” His body jumped as he opened one eye and then the other. Kassie looked down into the beautiful eyes of a man whose life had just been turned upside down, not by her, but by his own doing. Could he have mitigated the progression of this disease if he had just been honest with her about his diagnosis years before? But then she had to accept there was much Mike had hidden from her over the years. Much more than what she held back from him, she rationalized.
“I’ll be back. Going to Stop & Shop, CVS, and the cleaners.”
He released the chair’s footrest and started to get up. She placed her hand on his arm again, but this time more firmly, to stop him.
“No, you stay here and rest. We’ll talk tonight.”
She grabbed her purse, dry cleaning, her list, and her phone. She threw everything in the car and got the hell out of there as fast as she could.
Kassie pulled into the busy shopping center and parked in an area along the far corner of the lot where few shoppers parked. She didn’t mind the walk and from there she could make the calls on her list without the distraction of shoppers, carts, and cars coming and going.
She’d decided she’d go into the office on Tuesday, so she texted her assistant that news. Staying home with Mike all week was not an option. She’d itch and bitch. It wouldn’t be pretty.
Her first call was to her lawyer. She had to stop her from serving Mike divorce papers the next day. No answer. She left a message: “Hey, it’s Kassie O’Callaghan. Don’t do it tomorrow. I’ll explain later. Gotta go.”
She knew Chris was waiting to hear from her. Was it only seven or eight hours since they’d left each other in the hotel parking lot? It seemed like a lifetime. It was a lifetime, their lifetime, and the pit in her stomach made her feel that their future was on the verge of destruction. Somehow she’d have to save it, if she could.
Her phone rang. It was Nancy trying to reach her for the third time. Charming? Or alarming?
28
Cleaning Crewed
“Now we’re even.”
“We’re what?” Kassie felt as if Nancy had reached through the cybersphere and punched her in the gut.
“Remember when I was having trouble with Bill and you helped me get him back, I said I owed you one? Well, now we’re even,” Nancy said with what Kassie interpreted as a not-so-nice smugness in her voice.
“I guess.” Kassie ended the call. She’d heard the words that came out of Nancy’s mouth, but her mind blanked and stomach swirled at the same time. She opened the window on the passenger side a smidge to let fresh air dilute the lingering stench of antiseptic she attributed to Mike’s occupancy in the car that morning.
“He knows,” Kassie blared as soon as Chris answered her call without either of them saying hello.
“Who knows, and what does he know?”
Kassie blathered through her conversation with Nancy, first having to explain to Chris that Nancy was Bill’s wife. “The Bill at the office. You know, the guy you’ll meet Wednesday.”
“Oh, that Bill.”
“Nancy told me that Bill knows, and he broke the news to Mike, so Mike knows.” Kassie sniffled, sucking up tears that converged with her runny nose. She rummaged through her purse for a tissue. On their way home from the hospital that morning, Mike had tossed the box she kept in the passenger seat onto the floor in the back.
“Wait a minute. Calm down. Tell me exactly.”
Kassie opened the driver’s side window about four inches so she could breathe in some fresher air, then she continued.
She said Nancy explained that Bill told her when he’d picked up his sister at the Westin on Friday, they stopped and had a drink at the bar, and while they were there, he saw Kassie walk into the lobby, go to the front desk, pick up something, and walk over to the elevator.
“Dragging my roller bag!”
“That’s it?”
“There’s more.” She paused, squinting her eyes, distracted by background noise coming from his side of the conversation. All she could detect were murmurs, some high pitched, some low. Birds? Must be birds.
“When Bill visited Mike at the hospital yesterday, he brought him cannolis.”
“Damnation. Sounds like we’re in mighty big trouble, girl. Guilty by cannolis.”
“Shut up. This is NOT funny. It’s serious, Chris.”
“You’re right. Go on.”
Was he mollycoddling her?
“That’s not all Bill gave him. Nancy, oh, she’s such a busy body, I think she enjoyed our little chat. She was just itching for me to tell her what I was doing there.”
“Who cares what she thinks, Kassie. What else did she say?”
“She said Bill told her that Mike told him that on Saturday I asked for a divorce. That’s a stupid saying. I didn’t ask him for a divorce, I told him I wanted a divorce. I think that’s what I said. Anyway, I don’t need his permission.” Her tears subsided, her nose still required wiping.
“Focus, KO, focus. What else did Bill give him?”
“A seed. He planted a
seed in Mike’s brain that I may be having an affair. It takes one to know one. Bill’s had multiple affairs. He’s always on the hunt. It wouldn’t be a giant leap for Mike to connect Bill’s idea with the divorce, since his best friend set that scenario in motion.”
“Whoa! Down girl. You’re the one taking the giant leap. What did Mike say? You saw him today, right? The doctor released him?”
“Oh my God, Chris, I’ve got so much to tell you. But I need to figure this out before I can go back home and face Mike.”
“Where are you?”
She told him and switched gears to answer his questions. It wasn’t what Mike said, but what he didn’t say that tied Kassie up in knots. When he told her about Bill’s visit, he omitted the part about Bill seeing Kassie in the hotel lobby. In other words, Mike didn’t let on that he knew she was at the Westin. What game was he playing?
Kassie listened as Chris launched into a rehash of the situation from where he sat wherever that was. What was that tinkling she heard among the murmurs?
“Fact. All Bill knew was that you walked into the Westin with a suitcase alone.
“Fact. He didn’t know whether you were staying there with someone or alone.
“Fact. He didn’t know how long you stayed, or if you stayed overnight.
“Fact. Based on Nancy’s recount, he didn’t see us together, right?”
“Right.”
“So if we assess just the facts, ma’am, I’d say Mike didn’t ask you about it because he suspects there’s no there-there. Or maybe he doesn’t want to rock the boat any more than it already is. Maybe he’s scared.”
“Mike, scared? What a concept.”
“Listen, Kassie, you’re the world champ of cover-ups. If he asks what you were doing there, you’ll think of something. You’ve done it before, you’ll do it again. No thanks, I’m good.”
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