by Devon Vesper
“Take a jog,” Tavros called. “Sixteen laps around the arena floor.”
Valis hated running. Not because he wasn’t good at it, but because it was boring. But, as he fell into the familiar rhythm of feet hitting stone, his mind blanked out again, and he started to feel the weight slowly lift off his shoulders. It wasn’t an immediate thing, but by the time Tavros called him over, he did feel slightly better.
Tavros put his fingers to Valis’s throat, checking his pulse. “You did twenty-five laps. Did you get lost?”
Laughing, Valis ducked his head. “I wasn’t counting.”
“Figures.” Tavros didn’t sound or look upset, having a small smile lighting his face. But it grew to an almost sinister grin when he motioned to the dreaded drag blocks. “Time for the dead drag. I’m starting you off with two blocks.”
“Fuck.”
“I did say I was going to get you sweaty and exhausted.”
“You said nothing about the exhausted part.”
“That’s my secret to destroying your frustration. You should know this by now.”
“Fuck.”
“You said that already. Get over there, get that bull rope in hand, and get dragging.”
Valis might have hated it, but he had to admit it was a genius plan. As the bull rope bit into his palms and his leg muscles started to burn, Valis had no room for frustration. The only thing he had room for was the movement of his arms and legs.
He pushed out for five steps, his arms shaking under the strain of dragging the blocks. His legs quivered. Five steps at full extension. Sweat dripped from his brow. Five steps, each step bringing the rope closer to his chest. Five steps with the rope biting into his breastbone. Over and over again.
Then the block got heavier, and Valis glanced back to see Tavros had added a third block. He groaned but kept up the rhythm. As much as he hated it, he needed it.
When Valis almost fell on his face, Tavros called for him to stop. Then Valis did fall, but he managed to do it on his ass instead of his face.
“You okay?”
“No,” Valis groaned. “I’m dying. Send help.”
His husband chuckled and went about returning the blocks to their base. “Get off that floor and take a jog. It will help your legs feel better.”
Valis doubted that wholeheartedly but did as he was told. And when they made it back to their room, Valis tired and dripping with sweat, Valis’s found his frustration had evolved. He wasn’t frustrated anymore. He was determined.
Yes, he knew he’d been determined from the start. But now, he felt that determination on a whole new level.
“You seem… different,” Tavros said as he drew the water for their bath. “What’s up?”
“Just figured something out,” Valis said. He chanced sitting on the vanity stool to give his wobbly legs a break.
“Care to share?”
Valis went to shrug but cringed when his muscles screamed at him. “I just feel determined. Nothing earth-shattering. But the frustration isn’t as bad. So, the workout worked, even if my entire body does feel like jelly.”
“Get in the bath and relax. We’ll grab something to eat from the kitchens before we head out for you to teach your classes. We still have plenty of time.”
Valis almost fell into the sunken tub, but for a well-timed catch of both arms from Tavros. He helped Valis in and climbed down beside him with a contented sigh that disturbed the steam rising from the water. Tavros drew it hotter than they usually made it, but it felt so good to Valis’s overworked muscles that he didn’t dare complain.
Training with the translocation students went on as normal. But when the reliquary guards started filing in, Valis stomach pitted. No one looked happy, and Valis didn’t like the downcast eyes as they all milled about.
“What’s going on?” Valis asked the room at large. “Why does everyone look like someone kicked your favorite puppies?”
“Brother Bachris is still making a stink,” Shyvus said, his voice a low growl. “Some of us went to the Grand Master Aesriphos, but Brother Bachris had gotten to them first, and… well, our meeting did not go well, Valis. Our Grand Master has denied us the sanction until we can convince Brother Bachris that it is a ‘worthy’ mission.”
“Needless to say, none of us are happy,” Netai said with clenched teeth. “Our Grand Masters aren’t happy, either. They’re rather angry at Brother Bachris and won’t tell any of us what the Patron Priest has over them that their hands are so tied when they’re essentially Brother Bachris’s superiors.”
Murmurs arose from the others, and Valis’s gut felt so tight he wondered if it would shatter. “No…”
“I am sorry, lad,” Shyvus said. “Truly, I am. We won’t give up, and neither should you, but at this moment, the answer is still ‘no.’ ”
Valis firmed his mouth into a thin line and nodded. “Right. I’ll see what happens when I go see him after lunch. For now, line up. We have work to do. I want you all ready for this mission, because one way or another, I will get it sanctioned, or, as I’ve said before, I’ll go alone with the mercenaries and Kalutakeni at my side.”
“Never alone, my heart,” Tavros promised. “I’ll always be by your side.”
Valis spared him a tense smile and nodded. “I consider you a part of me, so always assume when I say alone, it always includes you, Tav.”
Tavros nodded and stepped closer to show his support.
“The rest of you, thank you for taking this matter further. I’ll deal with it from now on. I don’t think these men know quite how driven I am, or how stubborn.”
Quiet chuckles arose from the men and women as if they were afraid to be any louder for fear of upsetting Valis or breaking some sort of spell. But, when Valis looked, each man and woman had hope in their eyes, when they had all entered with despair and defeat.
“I promise you.” Valis looked around the room, meeting one pair of eyes after another. “I promise you I will rescue him. And any captured Aesriphos I find along the way. If I find bodies, they will have pyres. If I find them alive, they will receive as much healing as we can afford, and they will be returned home alive.”
He straightened his back even more, raising to his full height. “And I promise you all… I will take out every Qos nest I find, and I won’t rest until this war is at an end.”
The raucous cheers nearly deafened Valis. They sounded almost exactly like those from his dream, only these were happy calls instead of zealous jubilance. Still, the similarities made Valis tremble and his skin erupt with sick sweat. Tavros noticed almost immediately and his face hove into view. He removed his gauntlets and threw them down with a loud clatter of metal hitting stone. Then his hands cupped Valis’s face.
Everyone seemed to sense something was wrong at the same time whether they could see Valis or not. Kaltani came up to their side. “What is wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Tavros said.
Valis tried to still his trembling, but that made him shake more. His teeth chattered when he tried to speak. “Ch-cheer-cheering… l-l-like m-my dream. J-just—”
“Anxiety attack?” Kaltani asked.
Valis didn’t trust his mouth again, so he just nodded.
“Get him on the bench,” she told Tavros gently. “I’ll go get a damp cloth to help cool him down.”
She pressed the backs of her fingers to Valis’s forehead in a comforting gesture. “Regulate your internal temperature, Valis. Just like we taught you. It will be over soon.”
Tavros guided Valis to the side wall and helped him onto a bench while Valis fought to control his internal temperature. He wasn’t hot or cold, but somehow, he was both. His skin felt like insects were crawling all over him, while his chest felt too tight, and his lungs struggled to pull in each breath. The sense of impending doom was so strong that Valis didn’t know how to deal with it because he’d never had an attack quite this strong before. Nor did he ever have one that made him feel anything like this. They had all made h
im shy away from things, mainly crowds or going into different places. But this? He didn’t know how to deal with this. This was more than an aversion to something, it felt like he was dying.
And suddenly, it was like living that nightmare all over again. He could see and hear the reliquary guards nearby, close but keeping their distance to give him breathing room. But in his mind, he was shackled to that pole, bleeding out, wishing he could see his husband one last time before he choked on his own blood and succumbed to death as whatever didn’t go into his belly or lungs spurted down his torso and soaked the ground at his feet.
“Love, what can I do?” Tavros asked softly. “What do you need?”
Valis shivered and shook his head. He couldn’t talk yet. Instead, he shifted closer, and Tavros caught his meaning and started removing his own armor. “Someone help Valis out of his armor. He needs body contact.”
“Will he be okay?”
Shyvus and Phalin worked quickly but with great care to get Valis out of his armor. Shyvus looked at Tavros, waiting for an answer as his hands worked.
“I worked him really, really hard before his translocation class started because he was frustrated from the nightmare he has nightly. Your cheers might have sounded like those in his dream and caught him off guard. It’s just stress from everything bearing down on him. I think it’s finally reaching its peak.”
“Poor bastard,” Phalin said on a sigh.
They kept working until Valis sat shivering on the bench, devoid of his armor and padding, his uniform sticking to his skin. Then Tavros was there, holding him and rubbing his back. Valis tucked his face into Tavros’s shoulder, and as if a dam broke, he sucked in a breath and sobbed it out.
“Let it out, love. It’s okay.”
And Valis did. He cried hard—for his father, for his papa, for all the Aesriphos who were taken from that dank cell but never returned. He cried for the injustice of Brother Bachris’s denial, and for the Grand Master Aesriphos’ decision to defer to the Patron Priest’s wishes.
But most of all, he cried for himself, because he missed his father, and it hurt to see his papa so frail and sick.
When the tears finally stopped, Valis leaned back and someone pressed a handkerchief into his hand. Tavros took it away and started mopping up Valis’s face for him. “Are you okay now?”
“No,” Valis said, his voice stronger now that he’d cried out all his panic. “No. I won’t be okay until I get this mission sanctioned. I won’t be okay until my father is home where he belongs.”
Chapter Nineteen
Breakfast was fraught with the remnants of Valis’s anxiety attack. He picked at his food as he struggled to get it down. But as he calmed more, he found himself able to stomach more of his meal.
It didn’t help that his friends all kept giving him worried looks. He smiled at them and swallowed his mouthful. “I’m okay. Honest. Or, at least, I’m getting better as we eat.”
Everyone seemed to relax except for Seza. She stared at Valis for a long time before finally nodding and going back to her food. Then she looked up again and pointed her fork at him. “You will rest today. Do you understand?”
Valis ducked his head. Suddenly his food was very interesting, and he started making patterns with the last of his scrambled eggs. “Yes, ma’am.”
She lowered her fork and muttered, “I swear, you boys turn into toddlers when you’re scolded. Not sure if it’s hilarious, or endearing.”
“Both?” Maphias asked hopefully.
Seza snorted but didn’t grace him with an answer. Valis wondered if she did it on purpose to annoy her brother. He stared at her with a wilting smile and huffed before going back to his breakfast.
“So what are we doing this morning?” Jedai looked pointedly at Valis as if he had all the answers. “Anything interesting?”
Valis rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his now-empty plate, pondering a trip back to the serving line. “I had thought to make a trip to Cadoras proper and get more supplies to take to the Kalutakeni caravan. I’m deadly serious that I’m going whether this mission gets sanctioned or not. And I want those with me to be as ready and supplied as possible.”
“I’m in,” Jedai and Maphias said in unison. The two men looked at each other and laughed.
Seza rolled her eyes at them and nodded to Zhasina. “I think we’d better go to make sure they don’t hurt themselves.”
Her wife almost choked on her tea. “Of course.”
Tavros shrugged and smiled at Valis. “I go where he goes.”
“You two are disgustingly cute,” Seza said and sighed. “Not even Zhasina and I are that cute.”
“We rather are.” Zhasina winked and nudged her wife. “We’re just cute in private most times.”
Seza grinned and ducked her head, a blush spreading over her face as it climbed up from her neck. “Shush, you.”
Aenali bounced in her seat. “I want to come, too!” Then she stopped and frowned. “But then no one would be left to watch Kerac. I’ll stay.”
“You don’t have to stay, Aenali.” Valis gave her a small smile. “I can get another guard to replace the one who’s with him now. It won’t be a problem. Most of the guards stationed with him are his friends, anyway. So, it’s not a hardship for them.”
“Oh.” She immediately brightened and sat up straighter. “Okay! If they’re his friends, then I won’t feel bad!”
“Can you handle a horse?”
She looked at Valis with huge green eyes, sparkling with hope. “Kind of!”
“Rasera should be good for you. We’ll need a horse to pull the rented wagon.” Valis chuckled as she did a little dance in her chair. “He’s so pretty! I wish I could spend more time with him. You’ve only taken me out to play with you two a few times!”
“I’ll try to take you out again before we leave,” Valis promised. “But, when we’re done shopping, I’m sure the Kalutakeni will let you play with the herd. They’re all well behaved animals.”
He didn’t think it was possible, but her eyes got even bigger as she clasped her hands before her. “Really? You mean it?”
Valis laughed, and the last of the awful feelings from earlier drained away. “Yes. Really.”
“YAY!”
Snorting, Valis gave up his fight and went back to the serving line for another plate of food. When everyone had finished their breakfast, Valis led the way to pick up more gold from his caches, giving his husband and each of his friends a heavy purse, but giving a much smaller, lighter one to Aenali.
“What all are we going to get?” the little girl asked as she peered into the purse. “There’s enough gold in here to buy the entire market!”
Valis chuckled and ruffled her auburn curls. “Not quite, dollface. Today, we’re going to focus on things Tavros and I will need, such as heavy winter clothes and boots, heavier cloaks, thicker bedrolls, scarves, gloves, and that kind of thing. We’ll be journeying through snow and below freezing temperatures for part of our trip. And we’ll be getting some things for the army at large.”
“Like food and stuff?”
“No.” Valis paused as he held the door to the courtyard open for everyone to head outside. “The mercenaries and Kalutakeni are getting all that, themselves. I’m thinking blankets for the horses so they’re not freezing in the winter, wraps for their legs and necks, and just things to make sure our horses and army are warm and as safe as possible through the entire journey. We’ll also need more tethers for each of our horses to carry the additional supplies, because each man will have to carry their own winter gear and that for their horses.”
“That’s so much!” She took his hand and held on as they walked toward the market. “Maybe we don’t have enough money after all.”
Valis smiled down at her. “If we don’t, I can always run back for more.”
“Good.”
She remained quiet through the rest of the walk, but the moment she saw the stalls, she released Valis’s hand and darted off
. Jedai broke away from the group to follow her, always the doting and protective older brother. Valis’s heart warmed as he watched them go.
“Where will we start?” Tavros asked.
Valis adjusted his winter cloak and kissed his warm lips as the autumn breeze swept through the square carrying scents of baked goods, warm fires, apples and spices, and a cooler scent that promised an early snow. “Probably best to rent the wagon and hitch up Rasera before we get any shopping done.”
“I’ll tend to that. You start putting in orders while I’m gone?”
“Done.” Valis kissed him again and adjusted his own cloak. “I’ll meet you back here.” Then he added, “See if Aenali wants to go with you. She’s in love with Rasera.”
“Will do.” Tavros grinned at him, waved, and headed off to find Aenali before heading to the stables.
Twenty or so minutes later, a cold hand touched the back of Valis’s neck and he squawked as he whipped around, ready to hit someone only to find Tavros cackling like a madman. “I almost decked you!”
Tavros couldn’t quit laughing enough to reply, only pointed at him and wheezed between cackles, “Your face… Oh, Gods… I’m dying…”
Valis rolled his eyes and grinned. “Ass.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle and playfully shoved Tavros’s shoulder as he went to greet Rasera. “Hey, Ras. Miss me?”
The tall black stallion nudged him with his entire face, making Valis laugh and hug it. “Yeah. I missed you, too. Be nice to Aenali, okay?”
“He’s been super nice!” Aenali bounced and ran around under Rasera’s neck to scratch under his jaw. “He remembered me!”
“Of course, he did. No one could forget you.” He ruffled her curls and rested his forehead against the side of Rasera’s neck. “And he’s a big kid, so he’s got about as much energy as you.”
“A big kid?”
Valis smirked. “When we were waiting for the ground to dry during our journey to retrieve the Kalutakeni caravan, Tavros died and the mercenary leader, Jintas brought him back. Well, I was distraught and carried Tavros into our tent, and Seza and Zhasina came in with us. I had been training with Rasera, and… I’m part of his herd. He knows herd is supposed to stay together. And I think he knew that Tavros is part of my herd and knew he was hurt. So… Rasera laid on his side and stuck his head and neck into the tent, laying on Tavros’s legs to check on him.”
