The only thing left to tell was how it had ended. Elisa rushed through the rest of the story. “We met again three more times. By the time we were caught by the camp counselors, we’d moved on to really kissing, right on the lips. But that’s all we ever did.”
“Exactly how much trouble did you get into?”
The lump of hurt was back in her throat. Her voice barely a whisper as it fought past that knot, Elisa said, “I was sent home in disgrace. They publicly whipped me in the town square, and I was sentenced to six months of community service. I don’t know what happened to Audie. I never heard from him after that.”
Zemos let several seconds pass before asking his next question. “And your music?”
Elisa sighed. “I wasn’t allowed to sing in school or church after that. I received no more lessons. My music teacher didn’t speak to me ever again, though I would see her in the halls at school. Sometimes she’d look at me, and she seemed so sad. Back then I believed I’d disappointed her, but now I think she felt sorry for me.”
They sat in silence for a little while, wrapped in their thoughts. When Zemos held his arms out to Elisa, she didn’t hesitate. She stood and moved into his embrace, allowing him to pick her up and cuddle her on his lap. She dove into the warmth of his body, pillowing her cheek on his shoulder. He rocked back and forth.
Elisa felt that sense of security once more as she had with Miragin. Though she knew better, it seemed as if the shelter of Zemos’ body would keep her safe through anything. No one could touch her as long as he was there to keep life’s storms at bay.
Little by little, the spell of gloom passed. After a few minutes, Elisa looked up to gaze into Zemos’ face.
“Tell me about your music,” she invited.
He quirked a smile. “I play an instrument called a nilnam. It has twenty strings you pluck and strum over a round, hollow drum.”
“Are you good?”
“Having played for over a hundred years, I’ve achieved some small mastery,” Zemos said, his grin getting larger.
Elisa laughed. “One would hope! I didn’t know if you were serious about it or it was simply for your own pleasure.”
“I was invited to join several orchestral groups, but the life of a musician was too sedate for me. I play small concerts on board my ship with other musical members of my crew.” He brushed a lock of hair from Elisa’s forehead. “I would like to play some day and hear you sing with my accompaniment.”
Elisa thought about it, singing for others with Zemos at her side. She knew for that to happen, she would have to remain with his clan. She would have to join his clan.
Zemos’ voice was soft. “Is it so terrible to contemplate? Staying with us?”
She looked up at him, taking in the details of his face, which somehow managed to be wild at times and civilized at others. She felt keenly that she was in the arms of a man who could break her or keep her from being broken.
She told him, “It’s not terrible at all. That’s part of what bothers me. It shouldn’t feel so easy to leave my own kind behind.”
“You wouldn’t be leaving them all behind; just the ones who wish to remain separate. There are a number of Earthers on Kalquor now, you know, people who feel as you do. It’s becoming more and more apparent our species’ fates are intertwined, no matter how hard a few fight against it.”
Elisa sighed. “Miragin keeps saying how he can understand it being hard for me to feel like I’m betraying the rest of my species. To some extent, it does seem that’s what I’m doing. In all truth though, I often feel that I want to run and run and run from every other Earther and never see a single one of my people again.”
Zemos smiled. “You felt that way before we came along, didn’t you?”
She nodded. She could have happily left behind even kind people like Captain Walker and Ensign Larsen. “You’ve been my only happiness on this ship, as odd as that must sound.”
“It doesn’t sound odd at all. You have been the one delight of this whole trial for my clan, one worth being captured for.”
She snorted. “Sure I was. All I did was bring you food.”
“And smiles, comfort, kindness, and your voice. Everything about you has made us happy, my lovely Elisa.”
“Flatterer.” She looked away to let him know she wasn’t buying into his spiel.
Zemos grabbed her chin, making her look him in the face once more. “In the first two or three weeks of our captivity, the charge of empty flattery would have been true. I’ll admit that initially I’d hoped Miragin could charm you into helping us escape. Now I want to make you love me as much as I love you so you will escape with us.”
Elisa stared at him in shock. She’d convinced herself she’d misheard Miragin earlier but this time there was no mistake. Zemos had just declared he loved her.
Before she could find her wits to reply, the Dramok kissed her. It began with slow sensuality, a torrid sweetness that stole her very breath. Her toes curled as he tenderly but thoroughly plundered her mouth. If making love could have occurred through a kiss alone, Zemos would have succeeded.
Throughout the time his tongue stroked hers and he held her tight to his chest, Elisa’s mind repeated the same unbelievable statement over and over.
He loves me. He says he loves me.
When the kiss ended, Zemos looked down at her with an expression that was kind and firm all at once. Elisa had wanted to ask him to repeat his earlier declaration, just so she could be sure of it, but the quiet control in his face stilled her voice. She felt no fear, but she also could not speak until she felt he would welcome it.
“Do I dare see hope in your eyes?” he asked. “Did you want all this time to hear me speak of my feelings for you? I was afraid to do so. I thought saying the words would frighten you away.”
Elisa lay there, still not able to beg him to repeat the magical statement that her ears strained for. She needed Zemos to say it again. Needed it. Yet she could not ask him for it.
His gaze searched her face. “Here you are, looking at me with such want. You did wish for me to say it. I will, and I’ll ask if you love me too. But before that happens, you must know a few things about being my mate, Elisa. These are things about me you will not have guessed. Not from seeing me on the other side of that containment barrier, locked up like an animal.”
Elisa could not imagine the Dramok telling her anything that would keep her from wanting to hear him speak that dreamed-of declaration again. That she had to wait another second for it made her want to cry.
Zemos said, “I am a Dramok, the most controlling breed of my people. I also have strong Nobek characteristics, which make me even more demanding. I can be tender, but I am also exacting.”
Elisa found her voice at last. “I know you are a powerful man. I’ve seen how Oret and Miragin obey you.”
“It’s more than that, little one. I am driven to prove my mastery over others. I will listen to others’ opinions; I’ll even invite them to share their expertise to help me make decisions. In the end, however, I must dominate the situations I find myself in.”
Elisa tried to figure out what that would mean in a relationship. She couldn’t quite make out how Zemos’ controlling personality would make things much different for her. She was used to following orders on board a ship. Before that, she had obeyed her teachers and mother without question. There had never been any other way.
“I guess I don’t know what you’re trying to warn me about,” she told the Dramok.
He nodded, his expression patient. “I am my clan’s leader. I have also been a captain, the leader of my crew, for many years. I am used to guiding others for the benefit of us all.”
“You’ve earned that right, or you wouldn’t have the rank you do,” Elisa ventured.
Zemos smiled at her. “It’s important you understand that. Giving yourself over to my control means earning your trust, as I have Oret and Miragin’s. They know if I order something, it is with their welfare in mind as we
ll as the welfare of the clan as a whole. You must learn that too, if you are to become our Matara.”
“If they are unsure or disagree with an order you give them, they are free to discuss it with you. Is that right?”
The Dramok nodded. “Of course. If I don’t know what is bothering them, how can I reassure them? How can I make things right when they go wrong? Speaking up and telling me the truth is their responsibility in our relationship. I cannot guide my clan if I don’t know everything going on with them. We keep no secrets, Elisa.”
She thought he made sense. “I can see that.”
Zemos stroked her hair. “It would be the same with you. You cannot hide things from me ... because I would expect you to surrender in every way possible when we are together. Because I do not wish to see you harmed, I must know everything you think and feel.”
Elisa sucked on her lower lip. A little of what he said did concern her. She said, “Secrets can keep bad things from happening, though. If Audie and I hadn’t been found out, I wouldn’t have gotten into so much trouble.”
Zemos regarded her for a moment. “There was no trust between you and those who punished you so harshly, however. Do you not despise your former government? And what of your parents? Your father broke his trust with not only your mother, but with his children as well. It caused irreparable harm to his family.”
Elisa nodded. She caught a glimmer of understanding. “You’re saying that if a relationship is good, there is no need for secrets.”
“Exactly. I will not tolerate lies or subterfuge from my clanmates. I cannot give them what they need if that happens. It also means I have failed to win their trust.”
“You said you wish to have me trust you.”
“More than anything. You cannot completely give yourself to me otherwise.”
“How will you do that?”
Zemos smiled, and it warmed Elisa through and through to see it. “A little at a time. I will test your limits bit by bit, and you will learn that if you say it is too much, I will stop. I will show you that while I may not always give you what you wish, I will provide everything you require.”
Elisa stared up at him. “What is it you think I need?”
His smile grew even larger, and she imagined she saw something a bit dangerous in it. “You need to be given the life you were denied. You need to have the space to let the stunted parts of you grow up, and you need to let the parts that grew up too fast to have permission to let go and play.”
She blinked. “I don’t quite understand.”
“I know.” Zemos’ expression sobered, becoming a little sad. “You were forced to be responsible for younger siblings. There was nothing left for you to explore your dreams. You skipped the explorations of childhood because your mother needed another adult in the family. Not only that, you were never made to feel safe and secure, as you should have.”
Elisa grimaced. “I’m almost fifty years old, Zemos. It’s a little late for me to have a happy childhood.”
“I don’t think so. If I can get you off this battlecruiser, you will know the security of three men who will do everything it takes to keep you safe. You can finally explore your musical talent and any other thing deemed too ‘trivial’ when you were a little girl. That part that was cut off from you will be encouraged to flourish.”
Elisa laughed and shook her head. “It’s a nice dream, Zemos. I don’t think it will work though. Too much time has passed.”
His brow lifted. “If you were on your deathbed, I would agree. But you are not, and you still have many years of life ahead of you. You have plenty of time to realize your dreams.”
She huffed in exasperation. “I’m forty-eight, you stubborn beast!”
“And I’m over one hundred thirty years old. Behave yourself and listen to your elders, young lady. Otherwise, I’ll put you over my knee and show you you’re not too old to have your ass warmed by a spanking.”
Elisa was about to retort when she saw the cold resolution in Zemos’ gaze. Dear heavens, he was serious about spanking her? It couldn’t be ... and yet she found she didn’t dare test him on that. Not with that look on his face.
A slow smile spread over his lips. “Good. I see you can be taught even at your so-called advanced age. Let’s see what other lessons you’re ready to learn, little one. It’s time we build some trust. Lace your fingers behind your neck.”
His look had warmed, but the command in his tone demanded instant obedience. Elisa found herself moving to carry out the order before she thought it over. She scowled and hesitated, her fingertips just touching at the nape of her neck.
One side of Zemos’ mouth quirked up in amusement. “Yes, I know you’re suspicious of what might happen. I will be honest and tell you there will be moments of emotional discomfort. However, I will not harm you. Lace your fingers as I told you to, Elisa.”
She complied, still watching him carefully. What in the world was he up to?
The Dramok nodded his approval. “Good girl. Say the word sholt, Elisa.”
“Sholt,” she repeated. He ordered, she obeyed. It was like a game of Simon Says, she thought.
“Very good. Sholt is Kalquorian for ‘stop’. Remember that word.”
“All right.” Zemos Says remember. Elisa stifled a giggle. Well, he’d wanted her to rediscover her childhood after all.
Zemos’ brow rose at the suppressed amusement in her voice, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he told her, “I intend to have sex with you, Elisa. It could be the way I decide to enjoy your body may be overwhelming to you. If you at any time feel you cannot follow my commands, you will say sholt. The moment that word leaves your lips, everything stops.”
Elisa’s eyes went wide. “What will you do to make me tell you to halt?”
He shrugged. “It could be you will be fine with the things I want of you. It could be you have a mental or emotional block to what I demand. Your people are notoriously repressed. You may even find the kind of sex I enjoy to be physically taxing. If that is the case, you say sholt.”
“Wait. Did you say you would demand things from me?”
Zemos’ gave her a patient face. “I am a Dramok. I insist on my sex partners submitting to me. You will do as I say, without hesitation or argument. Only the word sholt will be permitted to change that.”
Elisa licked her lips. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d claimed he had to be in control. Could she give herself over to him so completely?
Zemos bent to kiss her. “I love you, my little Elisa. I love you fiercely and with all my heart. I love you so much that you own my every thought. If you cannot give me this however, if you will not give me the opportunity to build your trust in me, I must rescind my offer to clan.”
Trust. It seemed such a small thing he asked, so utterly reasonable. Elisa had never realized just how monumental putting one’s faith in another was until this moment, however. Even finally hearing the words I love you; those words that should make the universe the bright, wondrous place she’d expected such a declaration to make it ... even those words had not erased long-held fears after all.
Had she trusted anyone in her life? Certainly not since music camp. Even before then her father’s many betrayals had eroded her faith in others.
Elisa searched Zemos’ face, seeing the patience there, the hope he held. She saw the strength that said he would keep her safe in heart and soul. It came with a price, however. She had to try and discover trust in another being. She had to forget all the experiences that said no one could be given her full faith. If she did not, Zemos, Miragin, and Oret would leave her behind.
Elisa didn’t know if she could manage it. As badly as she wanted to give Zemos that trust, as desperately as she wanted to realize the fantasy of being with his clan, she feared she would not be able to give them what they needed.
She drew a deep breath. “I’ll try, Zemos,” she whispered. “I wish I could promise more, but trying is all I have.”
“Then trying is good e
nough for now,” he answered. “We will start with you closing your eyes. You will keep them closed no matter what until I tell you to open them.”
Elisa did as she was told. It was hard to shut out the handsome face hovering over hers, but she did it.
For a few moments nothing happened. Elisa sat cradled in Zemos’ lap with one of his arms supporting her behind her back. She imagined him staring down at her, watching her face to make sure she kept her eyes shut. His chest moved against her in slow, steady breaths that she couldn’t hear. If he hadn’t been holding her, Elisa would have suspected he had left her alone in the room. He was that silent.
The quiet spun out so long that Elisa’s mind began to drift. The nap she’d taken with Miragin had been a short one, and exhaustion only waited for the slightest relaxation to creep in on stealthy feet. Lulled by the rhythmic rise and fall of the Dramok’s chest and the warmth of his body against hers, Elisa let herself enjoy feeling cared for. Her thoughts wandered through memories and fantasies, mixing the two. Then her mind stilled.
A gentle tug on the top button of Elisa’s blouse nearly startled her eyes open. She remembered herself just in time to keep that from happening, her senses coming alert in an instant.
Zemos opened the first button and folded back the collar of her shirt. The rough callouses on the pads of his fingertips rasped over the skin he exposed. He stroked just below her collarbone.
“So soft,” he said in a low tone. “I have never felt skin as tender as yours.”
Elisa tried to contain a shiver but couldn’t. He, Oret, and Miragin had touched her in far more intimate places, yet this careful investigation somehow felt profound. Was it because she was so conscious of giving herself over to him? The idea that she surrendered herself lent extra poignancy to the liberties he took.
Zemos tugged the next button free, opening her blouse even more. He spread the top of the fabric wider, exposing the tops of Elisa’s breasts where they spilled out of the cups of her bra. Once more he stroked the skin he bared. Moisture crept from between Elisa’s legs at the careful, raspy feel of his hand on her. With her eyes closed and Zemos so silent, she was acutely aware of his touch. She imagined she could even feel the whorls of his fingerprints, so attuned was her sense of feel. Her breath came faster.
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