by Amy Reece
“I can’t. I really just—”
“Oh, man. There’s the bell. Gotta go, sweet Bernie. See you around, okay?” Diego hurried away, leaving Bernie frustrated. She needed to find out what he knew about Gabby, but a date with him was a high price to pay for that information.
***
“So, are you going to sit with us today?”
Bernie jumped as the voice sounded close behind her. “God, Josh! Don’t sneak up on me like that!” She straightened the bottle of juice she had knocked over on her tray.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He smiled, showing the dimples that left Bernie weak. He reached past her to grab a cardboard container of French fries. “Will you? Please?”
She rolled her eyes at his pleading. “Yeah, I guess.” She turned to give her ID card to the lunch-line cashier, embarrassed at this glaring sign of a free-lunch student. “I’m surprised you eat cafeteria food, what with your elevated gourmet taste.”
He laughed lightly. “Well, it’s hard to mess up fries. I bring my lunch sometimes.” He handed the cashier a five-dollar bill and pocketed his change.
She followed him to his lunch table, hoping there wouldn’t be any hostile stares from the popular kids who were already seated.
“Bernie! Hi! Here, I saved you and Josh seats.” Kayleigh welcomed her warmly. This cheerleader girlfriend of Josh’s was seriously messing with Bernie’s preconceived notions of how the in-crowd was supposed to behave. “So, how’s the econ project going? Is Josh pulling his weight?”
“Of course he is. He’s doing more than me, actually. I think he drew the short straw partner-wise.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Kayleigh said. “He’s brilliant, though, so be glad you’re with him.”
Josh actually blushed, which amused Bernie. “Definitely not,” he said. “Especially at anything math- or science-related.”
“Hey, Bernie.” Tony spoke up from across the table. “You coming to the game this Friday night?”
“What game?” She had no idea what he was talking about.
“The football game! It’s homecoming.” His face was comical with disbelief. “You should come.”
“Oh, I work ’til seven. Sorry.” She wasn’t sorry at all. She had never been to a high school football game and didn’t feel like she was missing anything.
“The game doesn’t start until seven thirty,” Kayleigh piped in. “You could go with Josh! That would be great! He’d have someone to sit with since I’ll be cheering and Tony will be playing.” She seemed totally oblivious to the expressions of utter panic on both Josh and Bernie’s faces.
“Oh, I don’t—” Bernie began.
“I’m sure Bernie doesn’t—” Josh objected at the same time.
“Please?” Kayleigh flashed her huge, baby-blue eyes at both Josh and Bernie. “We can all go out for pizza afterward. It’ll be so much fun!”
What was it with this girl? Was she trying to set Bernie up with her boyfriend? Or did she simply not see Bernie as any kind of romantic threat to their relationship? That was demoralizing.
“How about it, Bernie?” Josh asked reluctantly. “I could pick you up from work and drop you back there after the game.”
“Sure. Sounds great.” She would simply get out of it later, when she could talk to Josh alone. He couldn’t possibly want to be responsible for squiring her around when he could be spending time with his girlfriend. And she didn’t think it was good for her to spend more time with him than necessary. He was too good-looking and nice for her peace of mind.
“Yay!” Kayleigh actually squealed. “We’re going to be such good friends. I can tell.”
Bernie was flattered but confused. Nobody, much less the queen of the in-crowd, had ever sought her friendship. Was this girl for real? People just weren’t that nice in real life, were they?
She pondered the conundrum as she settled at her desk in economics. “Is your girlfriend for real?” She turned and confronted Josh as soon as he reached his desk.
He blew out a huge breath. “Yeah, she is.”
“Because if this is a joke, and she’s setting me up for some sort of Carrie scene, I’m gonna be pissed!”
“She’s not, I swear! She is just literally the kindest person I’ve ever known and she loves making new friends.”
“God, a football game? I’ve never been to one in my life. What do you do?”
Josh raised his eyebrows, surprised. “Never? Wow, okay. Well, you just watch, I guess. And eat junk food.”
“I don’t know anything about football. I won’t have the slightest clue what’s going on,” Bernie groused.
He gave a half-smile. “I’ll teach you. Kayleigh’s right, it will be fun. Don’t be so cranky. You sound like an old woman. It’ll be good for you to get out and have some fun for a change. It sounds like all you do is work and go to school.”
“Oh, and you do so much better, huh?”
“Touché.” He ducked his head, seeming embarrassed. “Hey, I did go on a date Friday.”
“With Kayleigh?”
“Of course with Kayleigh!”
“And? How was it?” Were they really discussing his love life? She hadn’t talked with anyone like this since Gabby. It was strange, but it worked somehow.
“Well, it was okay, I guess. It’s been a while, but…” He ran his hand through his hair. “Shit. It sucked, actually. We had nothing to talk about, and then I fell asleep during the lame-ass movie she picked.”
“Sorry.” She bit her lip and shrugged. “What did you used to talk about?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure we ever talked, really. I asked her out right before my dad and Caleb…well, you know.”
She clasped her hand on his forearm without thinking. She meant it only as a comforting gesture but couldn’t help noticing how warm and firm it was. She swallowed and met his eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment before she slowly removed her hand. “Sorry,” she said again. She was glad when Mr. Griego called the class to order and she was forced to turn around. Oh, girl. You are in trouble.
***
Bernie had the afternoon off work, so she decided to swing by the trailer and check on her mother. The boyfriend’s car was missing, so she parked and used her key to enter.
“Mom?” She wandered through the pigsty of a kitchen into the living room. “Ma? Are you here?”
Her mother wandered out from the bedroom, wearing a short, silky robe and pushing her long, black hair out of her face. She had been beautiful once, but drugs and alcohol had left her looking at least ten years older than her thirty-three years. “Well, where the hell have you been?”
Seriously? She’d been gone for months and these were the first words out of her mother’s mouth? “Anywhere but here. Your boyfriend got a bit too friendly with me. I had no intention of being raped, so I took off.”
“Bullshit! Why would he be interested in you when he has me?”
Bernie looked at her mother’s ravaged face and noticed how the robe hung from her too-thin frame. “Yeah, go figure.”
Her mom lit a cigarette and poured herself a small amount of amber liquid from the open bottle on the coffee table. “That’s the way you talk to your mother?”
“Yep.” She blew out a breath, trying to maintain her cool. “Listen, I just came by to pick up some warmer clothes, and then I’ll get out of your hair.” She retreated to her bedroom where she stuffed all her winter clothes into a garbage bag and retrieved her heavy winter coat from the closet. It had seen better days and had been too tight last year; she could at least use it as a blanket of sorts at night. She folded the comforter from her bed and carried the lot to the living room.
“Are you staying with your cousin?” her mother asked.
“No.”
“Where then?”
Bernie didn’t answer. Instead, she opened the refrigerator, searching for some sort of food. “Have you eaten today, Ma?”
“You’re not going to tel
l me where you’re staying? You’re still underage, you know. I should call the cops.”
“Sure, go ahead. I’m sure they’d love to see what goes on around here.” She found a few pieces of stale bread and stuck them in the toaster. She buttered the toast and placed it in front of her mother. “Eat something, Ma. I gotta go.”
She pushed the plate aside. “You come back home. I’ll make sure Johnny doesn’t bother you.”
“I’m not gonna take that chance. When you get rid of him for good, you let me know.”
Her mother pleaded with her to stay as she loaded her car. Her pleas turned to curses as Bernie started the vehicle.
She pulled out of the driveway and drove the short distance to Gabby’s trailer. “Hey, Mr. Rodriguez,” she said in greeting to Gabby’s father when he answered her knock.
“Bernie! Come in. It’s good to see you.” He tucked his shirt in as he opened the door. Bernie noticed his unshaven face and sunken eyes. “I just made some coffee. You want some?”
Bernie didn’t care much for coffee, but she didn’t want to refuse his offer. “Sure. That would be great.” She added lots of sugar and milk to make it at least somewhat drinkable.
“So, what have you been up to, Bernie? I haven’t seen you around for a while.”
“Yeah, I’ve been staying with, um, friends. Mom and I aren’t getting along.” She didn’t want to air their dirty laundry. “How are you doing?”
He took a sip of his black coffee and shook his head. “Not too good, Bernie.”
“There’s been no news? Have the police been back lately?” She fumed silently as he shook his head again, realizing the case was going nowhere.
“They think she ran away. They said they’ve done everything they can.” He took another sip, and Bernie noticed his hand shook.
“I can’t believe she ran away, Mr. Rodriguez.”
“No. Me neither.” He reached for a napkin to wipe his eyes. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. Could I look in her room? I won’t take anything, I promise.”
“Of course. Go ahead.”
Bernie opened the bedroom door slowly, as if she didn’t want to disturb her friend. The room smelled stale, unused. She walked around the tiny space, touching the remnants of Gabby’s childhood: various perfume bottles, stuffed animals, and picture frames filled with photos of Gabby, Natalia, and Sofia. She found a lone photo of Gabby and herself at Bernie’s fourteenth birthday party. Those had definitely been happier, simpler times.
She sat at Gabby’s desk and searched through the drawers, looking for anything that might give her some clue to Gabby’s location. A diary or journal of some sort would have been nice, but Gabby had never been much of a writer. She sighed and looked around the room. Where are you, Gabby? Give me some kind of sign. Please, Gabby. Her eyes fell on an item that made Bernie’s stomach drop in dread—her contact lens case and cleaning solution. Bernie had watched Gabby take out her contacts dozens of times before bedtime and she knew Gabby would never run away from home without taking something so basic. She realized it was possible, of course, that Gabby had taken a different case, but as she gazed around the bedroom, she recognized other things Gabby wouldn’t have left behind—her hairbrush, her makeup, and her favorite stuffed alligator.
Wherever she was, whatever had happened to her, Gabby had not run away. This was proof her disappearance was not voluntary, and Bernie had a horrible feeling about it. She sniffed and wiped her eyes as she pushed to her feet, determined to return to the police station to force Detective Garcia to listen this time.
***
Bernie let the nearly hot water wash over her, reveling in the warmth after an especially cold night. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer, but she didn’t see another viable option right now. She turned off the shower and sneezed. Great. All I need is a cold. She’d felt a kind of tickle in her nose and a vague ache in her throat since she woke up. She thought she heard voices in the locker room and hoped whoever it was left soon. She was not in the mood to make up excuses today. She was cold again and wrapped her towel tighter, eager to get to her locker and dress. Josh had sweetly refused to take back his hoodie, saying she needed it more than he did, but she was still hesitant to wear it at school in front of his girlfriend. Kayleigh was exceptionally nice to her, and Bernie wanted to keep it that way. She turned the corner into the aisle with her locker and nearly bumped into a couple locked in an intense embrace, kissing. She shrieked in alarm, grabbing for her towel. Jeez, who brings their boyfriend in the girl’s locker room? The couple sprang apart, and Bernie realized her mistake—it was definitely two girls. And one of them was Kayleigh.
“Sorry!” Bernie said, ducked her head, and rushed past to her locker. Holy shit! Did I just see that? She threw her clothes on and finished getting ready, her head spinning. What do I do? Do I just pretend it didn’t happen? Yes, that’s what I should do. It’s really none of my business, after all. Live and let live. Then she remembered Josh. Oh God. Does he know? Of course not. Poor Josh!
She wasn’t terribly surprised to find Kayleigh waiting for her outside the cafeteria before lunch.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Bernie? Please?”
Bernie nodded and followed her into the nearby girls’ bathroom. Kayleigh checked every stall, found them empty, and returned to where Bernie was leaning against a sink.
“So, is this the shakedown?” Bernie asked.
“The what?”
“You know, the part where you threaten to sic all your football player friends on me if I tell anyone what I saw?”
Kayleigh laughed bitterly and shook her head. “Yeah, right. None of them know. Jenna said I should try to threaten you, but it’s not really my style.”
“So, what is your style?”
“Hell if I know. I’m a little confused, if you couldn’t tell.” Kayleigh ran her hands through her blonde hair. “I just wanted to talk to you before lunch, to beg you not to tell anyone.”
“Especially Josh?”
“God, yes! Especially Josh!”
“So…I hate to state the obvious, but you were kissing a girl. And you have a boyfriend. From what I’ve heard, the two don’t necessarily go together.” Although she felt it was none of her business and she certainly wasn’t going to judge, the part that affected Josh was her business because she considered him a friend.
Kayleigh slid down the wall and sat on the floor, laying her head on her knees. “Is there a question in there somewhere?”
“What’s going on, Kayleigh? Are you gay?”
“I don’t know. Oh my God, what am I going to do?” She started sobbing.
Bernie wished with all her heart she could leave Kayleigh crying and walk away. “Hey, it’s okay.” She sank down beside her. “It’s not the end of the world, you know. Lots of people are gay.”
Kayleigh sobbed harder. Bernie let her cry for a while, wondering how in the world she got herself into this situation. When Kayleigh finally slowed down, she handed her a wet paper towel.
“Are you going to tell Josh?” Kayleigh whispered.
“No. But you are. He deserves to hear it from you.”
Kayleigh looked into Bernie’s face for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay. Can you give me some time to think? Please?”
“Fine,” she said with a sigh. “But not too long, Kayleigh. He’s a really nice guy. Don’t toy with him.”
Kayleigh shook her head. “I won’t. I swear. I love him.”
Bernie raised her eyebrows, disbelieving.
“I do! I care about him. But—”
“But what? You say you love him, but it sure didn’t look like it this morning!”
“I know, I know! I’m sorry!”
“You don’t need to apologize to me! You need to talk to Josh. Your boyfriend. And you need to figure out which way you swing.” Bernie’s stomach growled, and she hoped this little tête-à-tête would be over soon. If she missed out on free lunch, she would
have to spring for fast food after school on the way to work.
“Okay, yeah. I get it. Just give me a few days. I swear I’ll talk to him.”
Bernie left her in the bathroom and hurried to the cafeteria before the lunch line closed. She managed to get something, although the pickings were slim, and saw Josh waving to her from across the cafeteria. Ah, crap! What do I say to him? She remembered the good old days when she’d had no friends.
“Hey, Bernie. Have you seen Kayleigh? I know she’s here today, but she’s not answering my texts.”
“Um, I think she’s in the bathroom. She’s not feeling well.” She cringed inwardly at the lie.
Josh started to get up. “Which bathroom?”
Bernie placed her hand on his arm. “I think she’d rather be alone right now. Girl stuff, you know?” The lies rolled off her tongue. She sneezed for about the hundredth time that day.
“Oh. Okay. Hey, are you getting a cold?”
She nodded, reaching for a napkin. “Yeah. Rotten luck, huh?”
“Well, come by after work, okay? I’ll make you some chicken soup. It’ll make you feel better.”
Right now it made her feel worse knowing the secret she was keeping from him. He was such a nice guy! How could Kayleigh do this to him? How could she prefer a girl to him? If she ever had a guy like him…she had to laugh at the thought. Right! Like that would ever happen!
***
She stopped by Josh’s house after work that evening. They had some work to do on the project, but it wasn’t really necessary to do it immediately; it was becoming a habit to stop by after work. Bernie felt so welcome in his home and hoped she wasn’t taking advantage of his and Claire’s hospitality. She tried to be ultrasensitive to any hints they might be tiring of her company. Tonight she was exhausted and her throat was killing her; she hoped Josh hadn’t been kidding about the soup he promised.
“Bernie! Come in, sweetheart. I was hoping you’d come by.” Claire welcomed her at the front door. “Josh isn’t here right now, but come on back to the kitchen.”
“Oh.” Bernie stopped in her tracks. “I can come back another time.” She started to turn to leave.
