Why couldn’t she have just stayed at the stupid game? Why had she let her temper flair up and piss off The Final Club? Why hadn’t she just pissed them off more by actually staying for the rest of the damn game? So many things could have happened differently to make this easier on her. Why did she have to be the one with everything working against her?
As the sun was setting, Mackenzie worked through some of her anger and frustrations by smashing through the trees. She ripped plants from their roots, destroying anything that stood in her path. Rocks were picked up and thrown and she screamed out in a strange almost animal like noise she had never made before. Somehow decimating anything that came into her path made her feel better.
The cave came into view just as Mackenzie realized she had been walking in the dark and that time had gotten away from her. Looking up, she saw that the moon was nearing its highest point. Not knowing what else to do, she stepped forward until she was bathed in the moonlight and waited. After a few moments, she decided she was indeed insane. She turned to walk back, but before she could go more than two steps, the worst possible pain shot through her body. As she fell to the ground, pops and cracks resounded from her arm and her neck twisted off to the side. Her heart raced and sweat bathed her skin.
She had to get to the cave. If she could, she could try to push the boulder in front of the door and keep everyone, including herself, safe. Crawling and clawing her way through the forest floor, she cried out with every bone and every muscle that was slowly torturing her from the inside out. The pain was so excruciating that she nearly tried to twist her own neck, to stop the pain and end her life so she would never have to feel it again. Except, when she tried, it felt like it clicked into place.
As she crawled through the mouth of the cave, her spine snapped. That was the moment that Mackenzie fell to the floor, the fight gone from her as the animal inside took over.
Chapter 5
Snarling, the beast that had been Mackenzie just moments before stood. Taking a step out of the cave, the scent of the woods and all the animals that lived there woke her wolf from its stupor.
Racing through the trees, knocking anything small enough out of the way and dodging around the others, the large black wolf with yellow-green eyes was hungry. It could smell the blood and the fear of something close.
The forest went silent, with the exception of the thundering paws and heaving pants that the wolf left in her wake. Grinding to a halt, her eyes narrowed. Her vision was superb in the dark, her hearing so sensitive she could hear the ants scurrying beneath her feet. She focused on a copse of trees just across the way.
Then she smelled it. Blood. Once she smelled it, all of her senses honed in on it. She could hear the animal breathing, and hear its heartbeat. She could see the glint of its eyes hiding behind the brush. Without a moment’s hesitation, she darted after it.
Not able to match the speed of the wolf, the deer had no chance. The wolf clamped down on the animal, the blood spurting into her mouth. Ripping the flesh from the bone, the blood flowed until the creature was no longer breathing.
The blood and meat had done nothing to satisfy the beast. It needed more, wanted more. With every animal taken down, with every drop of fresh blood, the wolf grew stronger. The night wore on and as the sky began to lighten with the rising sun, the wolf grew tired, falling asleep in the middle of a kill, muzzle still buried deep in the hide of a bear.
~*~
Mackenzie’s eyes fluttered open. Every muscle in her body was sore and every joint ached. Her teeth were chattering and her skin was covered in goose bumps. Other parts were numb. Pressing her hands into the damp earth, trying to sit up, she saw that she was completely naked. That wasn’t the most disturbing part.
She was also covered in blood.
Letting out a scream, she tried to stand, but only slipped in the remains of the animal she must have killed the night before. She sobbed, sitting on the dirt with her knees pulled to her chest and rocked. She had no memory of the night. The last thing she could remember was the excruciating pain. She stood, wiping the tears from her face, but smearing blood along the way.
“I’m sorry. I hope you didn’t have a family,” she whispered to the bear. Carefully stepping around the animal, trying not to look at it for too long, she searched for anything that might look recognizable. She hoped to find her way back to where she changed; maybe her backpack with the spare clothing had survived.
Every birdcall or wind-whipped tree set her on edge. What had happened to the heat her body was throwing off the day before? She was burning up the whole day and then, as if she went from the Sahara to the North Pole in a single day, she was freezing. Of course, being outside in the middle of November without a single stitch of clothing on her body could have something to do with it.
Finally, after two hours and many cuts (and subsequent healing) on her feet and legs, she came upon the cave. Lying off to the side were the tattered remains of the clothing that had adorned her body the night before and her backpack, completely unharmed.
Diving for the bag, she stumbled and fell onto the leaf and needle covered ground. The zipper couldn’t open fast enough for Mackenzie to pull a water bottle out and drink the whole thing in one gulp. Tossing the bottle to the side, she opened up a second, this time, drinking a little slower.
Deciding she needed to wash the blood off before trying to head back to civilization, she also decided not to put her clothes back on right away. She remembered there was a small stream not too far from the cave. But when she slowly turned in a circle to remember which way to go, she couldn’t believe what surrounded her.
The more she looked around, the more devastation she saw. Trees were felled, claw marks marred the ground that wasn’t covered in fallen leaves, and as she followed the trail of destruction, blood and animal remains began to lead the way like a grotesque version of breadcrumbs. However, it did lead her to the stream. Whatever blood-crazed monster she turned into the night before had the instincts of an animal, and it knew it needed water.
Mackenzie dipped a toe into the still water and pulled it out quickly, the frigid temperatures too much to bear. Staring down at her body, the brown dried blood mixed with the red of the still slick blood from what she assumed was her last kill, she wretched. Her stomach ached and her throat constricted, coughing, and gagging until she expelled all of the water she just drank. She couldn’t stand the nauseating thought of killing anything, let alone eating an animal that had been breathing just moments before. She had eaten meat that her father had killed on hunting trips, but by that time, it was already cleaned and usually cooked, looking nothing like its live counterparts.
She couldn’t stand the idea of their blood covering her any longer; she plunged into the water all at once. When she had rubbed herself raw, when the only red left on her body was the irritation of her skin from the friction of the water plant she had found to use as a washcloth, she emerged from the water. Quickly pulling the sleeping bag she brought with her from the backpack, she wrapped up, pulling it as tight around herself as she could, urging her body to warm back up to a normal temperature, her new normal temperature.
Sitting on a large rock as time passed by, she tried to remember what had happened. She searched her memory, but not a single moment of the night before was there. She could only imagine what monster she had become. Every time she attempted to force herself to leave, she couldn’t. Facing the human world when she wasn’t sure she qualified as one anymore was not appealing. It could have been minutes or hours later, she really didn’t know, but she finally worked up the courage to return to the well-worn path back to civilization.
~*~
Sadness flooded Mackenzie as she crossed the barrier that kept people from wandering off the trail. It was there to keep them safe, safe from wild animals and creatures they didn’t even know existed. She was one of those creatures and there was nothing she could do to change it. She knew she would never be able to keep her life as it was. She
continued to lose control of herself when she did look like a normal person and who knows what she did when she turned.
“Hey! You! I thought I told you to stay out of there!” The man from the day before had run up to her. Mackenzie couldn’t stop the tears from springing to her eyes. His look of utter annoyance softened as he placed a hand on her shoulder. She flinched and his hand vanished.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I had to. I didn’t have a choice. No choice.” Her words were mashed together and half covered by sobs. She wiped at her tears for who knows how many times since she woke and started to walk away. The man followed her for a few steps, but stopped abruptly.
Her hearing was apparently still quite sensitive as she heard the crack of a walkie-talkie being turned on and the man behind her hurriedly speaking into the microphone. “I need an immediate search of the east quarter of the reservation. If there is anything out of the ordinary, report it immediately. Send the sketch artist, too.”
Mackenzie couldn’t figure out what had sent the ranger into panic mode. She didn’t want to turn around to look at him, but instead began inspecting every piece of herself that she could see. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, but then again, it wouldn’t. She had scrubbed every inch of skin she could see in the water. Immediately realizing she may have missed something she couldn’t see, she pulled her backpack around to the front of her body to retrieve her mirror. She saw what had alarmed the man. Her bag had bloodstains all over the front pocket where she had opened it to get her water bottles.
Taking a deep breath and quickening her steps, Mackenzie cursed under her breath. What if when they went into the woods, they found more than just the animals? What if she happened upon some poor soul who wandered off the trail and her wolf killed them? They would find her and arrest her and she would wind up in prison just like her dad. She wasn’t her dad. She refused to believe it, and had worked her whole life against it. She had to leave. Even if she did allow herself to be found and sent to prison, what would happen the first full moon after incarceration? If she thought the possibility of killing one person, who may just happen to cross her path in the woods was horrifying, the idea of being surrounded by them in a confined building was damn near petrifying.
No, she had to run. She had to leave everything she had worked so hard for her whole life because a fucking wolf got hungry when she was stupid enough to wander off the lit path on the way home from a game she never wanted to attend in the first place. For the first time since leaving home, she wanted her mother. She wanted to be able to curl up in her arms and pretend none of this was happening to her. She may have had her faults, but there was nothing like a mother’s embrace to make the big bad scary things in life vanish, even if only for a moment.
Chapter 6
The walk back to campus was a blur of thoughts and plans and what if’s and of what was to come in the days to follow. How would she tell her mother her plight without earning a padded cell and white straightjacket in her future? How would she pay back the loans she borrowed for the first and only semester she ever attended Harvard University? A semester she wouldn’t even be able to finish.
Sliding the key into the lock on her apartment door felt surreal. Would this be the last time she opened it? Sighing, she realized that yes, it was.
She wandered around her room for a while, just taking in the memories she had created in her short time at Harvard. The school pennant hung above the bed that was decorated in crimson. Getting into college, not to mention an Ivy League like Harvard, had been a huge accomplishment. She was the first to attend college at all on her father’s side, and the first to go beyond a community college on her mother’s side. She had received letters from family she didn’t even know existed congratulating her. It was nice, but it also amped up the expectations and now, she realized how many people she would disappoint when they found out she had quit.
There was no way she would be able to take everything she had with her. Her backpack and a duffle bag were the only luggage she had and she needed to be able to get around on foot. Without a car, taking anything more than she could carry was out of the question.
Mackenzie packed a few personal items and plenty of clothing before zipping up her duffle. Not knowing where she would end up, she knew she had to have as much cash as possible. Dragging a small end table into her closet, she climbed up. Along the ceiling in the small hall closet that led to the bathroom was a loose tile. It would pop up and slide over just enough to hide a small box in. When Mackenzie moved in, the tile was slightly ajar, and when she went to investigate, she found a handful of joints, covered in dust. When she moved the tile back into place, she realized that it was the perfect place to save her money. Once she bought a small box with a little lock, she began to hoard away all her tip money and as much of her pay checks as she could.
Mackenzie pulled the box down and left the tile slightly open, just as someone else had for her. While in the closet, she grabbed her Harvard jacket and an extra pair of shoes. Once she had packed, she sat down on the bed and cried. Again.
Forcing herself to stop crying and to deal with her life was not an easy task but she was never one to dwell on her past. She would rather deal with the reality of her life and move forward in whatever direction fate led. As a child, Mackenzie learned to adapt to whatever life threw her way—new schools, disappointed family, and a father who was in and out of jail. She may have never wanted this life, but this was the life she had.
~*~
She knew before she could leave for good she needed to say goodbye to Jordan and to withdraw from school. She wanted to be able to go back one day and failing out of every class in her first semester would not look good on any school application.
Jordan lived in the student dorms on the east side of campus. The walk there was cool, and much to her surprise, stayed that way even while carrying what had to be close to fifty pounds in her bags. She passed by students and faculty, none of which paid her any attention. They would never miss her. She never made a name for herself at the school. She hadn’t had the chance. But it was better that way. If no one would notice her absence, no one would think anything was out of the ordinary.
Climbing the stairs one-by-one, running her hand along the polished wooden handrail up the thirty-two stairs to Jordan’s floor, her heart filled with dread. She was going to lie to the one person who took the time to get to know her. She was going to say goodbye, and most likely never see her again. She didn’t like the idea, but kept reminding herself that it was for the best. If she stayed, she could hurt someone.
When she finally stood before Jordan’s door, her hands began to shake and her stomach rolled, sending a wave of nausea through her. She could do this. She would do this. She had no choice. How was she being so rational yet so emotional? How could she concentrate on so many different things at once? Thoughts of leaving, packing, saying goodbye and all the emotional shit that went with it. Not to mention, turning into a giant wolf that, if the morning taught her anything, had a craving for blood and violence. Every bit of it was running through her head since she had got up that morning.
Mackenzie took a deep breath, raised her hand, and knocked on the door in front of her. When neither Jordan nor her roommate answered, she felt relieved. She wouldn’t have to say goodbye face-to-face. She wouldn’t have to try and explain what she didn’t understand herself.
Quickly pulling out a notebook from her bag, she used the door as a hard surface and wrote a letter to Jordan. She could say everything she needed to, without having to answer any questions. The only thing she could think to tell her was exactly what her mother told her from the beginning. She couldn’t handle the high expectations of Harvard. She wasn’t ready to be completely submerged into an adult world. Mackenzie apologized for leaving on such short notice, that she was leaving her key with the letter and to feel free to go and take whatever she wanted, and then to please leave the key on the dresser when she left. The school would take care of the rest.
They owned the apartment anyway.
Folding the letter into thirds, she slipped her key in, and then folded the ends up, creating a pseudo-envelope before slipping it under the door. One goodbye down, one to go.
~*~
After an hour in line at the registrar’s office, the woman at the desk finally called Mackenzie forward.
“What can I do for you?” The woman had dark brown hair with a few strands of grey starting to poke through and very ornate glasses resting on her nose. She smiled at Mackenzie while she stood there, staring ahead, not saying anything. “Miss? Are you all right?”
“As much as I can be. I need to drop out.” Mackenzie’s voice was just barely above a whisper. She never in a million years thought she would say those words. But there she was, quitting. She was a quitter. She was running away. Just like her father.
“Of what class?”
“All of them.”
“Are you sure? You don’t seem so sure. Let me get a counselor for you. I am sure we can help you with whatever academic problems you’re having.” She stood and began to walk away, but Mackenzie couldn’t talk to a counselor.
“NO!” She banged her hands against the counter in front of her, startling the poor woman. Quickly softening her voice and removing her hands, she added, “I’m sorry, but no. It isn’t academic. It’s personal. I wish I could stay but I can’t. Can you please just pull me from the school? And is there any way to get a partial refund of the money I paid out of pocket for tuition?”
The Tempering (The Mackenzie Duncan Series) Page 4
