I tilt my head toward Lachlan. “You want to join us?”
The poor guy didn’t even get fully naked. Or come. But he just shakes his head. “You go on without me.”
I roll back toward Gavin and slide my arms around his neck. “Okay, Sir. Time to get me all squeaky clean.”
25
Gavin
Our room is empty by the time Ellie and I are finished in the shower and I’m relieved. Sharing Ellie didn’t sit right with me. But I’d set it up—I had to own it. I could have denied her, but that wasn’t right either. It was something I’d experienced, and who was I to refuse her fantasy because of my own selfish feelings?
We both dress, because as much as I’d like her to, Ellie can’t stay over on a Sunday night.
Just one of the many inconveniences of a kinky clandestine workplace affair with your subordinate.
“Lachlan will drive you home, Sprite.” This makes me uncomfortable, but it’s the only realistic option. I should have given this threesome business way more thought.
Her wide grin gives me a glimmer of hope that she’s handling this better than I am. “Yeah, I guess a taxi might not be a wise choice.”
We head downstairs and grab a bite to eat while we wait for Lachlan.
When he lets himself back in, it's as if nothing happened. As if he doesn't know what Ellie sounds like when she comes.
And I know that's truly how it is for him, because it's been that way for me in the past. Just a fuck between friends, meaning nothing once it was done.
I've shared women.
I've been the third.
I've never shared a woman that owns a piece of my soul, though. And I think it took sharing Ellie to show me just how stupid I've been.
She has no idea. She kisses me and ducks out the door like our afternoon was a few hours of kinky fuckery.
Well of course she does. That's what I’ve told her, over and over again.
Later that night, I’m unable to sleep. My bed feels empty—wrong—when she’s not in it and I find that worrisome. I shouldn’t be this attached. Maybe she’s right and we should slow things down.
The threesome weighs heavily on my mind as well. It would have been better with someone more peripheral to our lives. I can’t exactly request a new chief of security because I’m regretting my decision to bring him in as a third. It was a poor proximity choice on my part. He’s not distant enough to allow us—me—space to process, and not close enough where processing isn’t necessary.
My alarm wakes me up at four and I’m a mess. I have no idea when I finally fell asleep, but I was still awake at one-forty-three. I stumble out of bed and head to the kitchen in search of coffee.
Lachlan is already there, sitting at the table. He takes a sip from the mug in his hand, then sets it on the table. “You look like shit. There’s coffee in the pot.”
“Yeah, well you’re not looking so good yourself. Did you get any sleep?”
“Some. Which is usually worse than none.”
I grab a mug from the cupboard and pour myself some coffee before joining him at the table.
“We okay?”
“We will be.”
“How was she on the ride home?”
“Quiet. We both were.”
I should have called her. Or texted. But what was I supposed to say? Tip-toeing around conversations because they might be listened in on is becoming more and more frustrating. “But she seemed okay?”
“This isn’t fucking high school. You want an answer, go to the source.”
“I’m sorry, Lachlan. For everything. I put us all in a really awkward position and it was irresponsible of me.”
“We were all consenting adults participating in a mutually enjoyable activity. We need to own that and move on. Wasting time on regrets does more harm than good.”
“This from the man who had a disturbed night’s sleep.”
“Who said my lack of sleep was from regret?”
“Was it?”
“No. I’d say it was more…reflection.”
“And…?”
“And what? You want to know where I’m at? I’m still figuring it out. But I do know I can keep my professional life completely separate from my sex life.” He gives me a pointed look and I get it.
But it doesn’t stop me pushing. “If you want to take the day off, I’m sure someone can switch shifts with you.”
“Are you taking the day off? Is Ellie?”
“No.”
“Then why would I?”
To give me some fucking space. But he’s right and I have to acknowledge that. “Fair point.”
“Look, I get that you need to sort through your feelings about all this, but I’m not going to make changes to your protection detail just because you’re suffering some emotional discomfort.”
“I wasn’t asking you to. I just thought…”
“You just thought you’d take my shitty night’s sleep and use it as an excuse to create some distance. If you want distance, then request a new security chief. Otherwise, trust me to do my job.”
“Dammit, Lachlan, I need…” I drag my fingers through my hair.
“Most of your day is already happening in your office. Get Beth to rearrange your schedule so you don’t have to go anywhere. That will keep me out of your way for the whole day.”
I relax a little. I’m making this bigger than it needs to be.
Shortly after two that afternoon, I stop myself from calling Ellie and ordering her to my office. Same as I’ve done in between every meeting I’ve had so far today. I’ve also ducked three of her calls on my office line. I have no idea if she’s used our burner phones, because I left mine at home so I wouldn’t be tempted. I’m grateful she hasn’t come to my office, because there’s no send to voicemail option for that.
I’m being a coward, I know. But I don’t know how else to slow things down. When I hear her voice, I want her right there with me. And when she’s with me, I want to touch and kiss her. Everywhere. There is no slow and easy when we’re together. It’s all or nothing.
Ellie walks into my office on Tuesday afternoon and shuts the door.
“Did you decide that we were in fact taking things slow and easy?”
“I don't know what you mean.”
“Oh come off it, Gavin. All weekend you were all up in my grill, among other places, and couldn’t get enough. Then come Monday it’s like you’ve got no time for me. Not, I’m busy being Prime Minister no time, but I’ve made a huge mistake no time.”
“Ellie, I have a lot going on—”
“It’s because of the threesome isn’t it?” Her face pinches tight. “I let Lachlan touch me and now you want nothing to do with me because I’m—”
Oh fuck. My first thought is she’s suffering from sub-drop and I did nothing to mitigate it. And maybe she is to some degree, but there’s something more going on. “Enough. It’s got nothing to do with what went on this weekend. That was consensual, and you were beautiful.” And I’ll never let her know it made me feel uneasy.
“I did some thinking. You were right. I’ve been taking risks that neither of us can afford and decided it was best to dial things back.” It’s not exactly best, but it’s all we can do. I hate this, but we don’t have time to get into it now.
“You decided? Really? You? Last I checked there were two of us involved, so where do you get off making decisions about our relationship without me? After you got all hurt when I said exactly the same thing.”
Exactly. She was the one who originally brought up taking things slow and easy. I don’t say that, though. Because I’m responsible for my own behaviour and I will never turn anything back on her to get the upper hand.
And because I’m so scared of fucking this up—I’m totally fucking this up. I move towards her and she backs away. Not good. “I’m sorry. I had planned to talk about it with you tonight—”
She cuts me off. “How very fucking convenient. You know what? Fuck you. I don’t need th
is.”
“Ellie, I—” She rips open my door and I rush after her as she storms out of my office.
I can’t stop her and when I burst through into the outer office, Beth is staring at Lachlan, hurt written all over her face as she grabs her purse from her desk. I turn my head. Lachlan’s skin is bright red and he looks ready to explode.
He rises from his chair and points to my office.
26
Ellie
You know you’ve hit a low point when you hide in a washroom stall.
I can’t go to my desk, because I share that space with the other junior staffers. I don’t want to leave the building, even to go over to Langevin Block, because that would feel too much like a temper tantrum.
We are not toddlers.
We might be acting like them, but deep down, we’re grown-ups and we’ll figure this out.
Until I figure out how that might happen, I’m hiding.
The door to the washroom squeaks as someone comes in and I silently groan. The only thing worse than being a chicken is being a chicken caught out as a creepy hider in the washroom.
But whoever comes in doesn’t use the stall beside me. She just turns on the water for a minute, then turns it off and sighs.
Then she sniffles.
Damn it. Nobody needs me listening to their sadness.
“Pull it together, Beth,” she mutters, and my eyes go wide. “He’s so not worth it.”
Beth? My stomach does a plummeting drop to the basement. Oh God.
Oh my fucking God.
I jerk the door open and she whirls around.
“You can’t say anything—” I burst out as she gapes at me.
“I didn’t know you were in here,” she says at the same time.
“I’m sorry. I was hiding. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t say anything. I didn’t know…I thought your relationship was strictly professional.”
“It is.” She wipes her nose. “Don’t worry about it.”
But I do, because the only thing worse than breaking news about the PM and his intern is a sordid love triangle between the PM, his intern and his secretary. “I don’t know what to say. I…nobody knows. Stew doesn’t know. I mean, Lachlan knows, obviously, but it just happened—”
“Stop. I don’t want any details of what you did.”
My cheeks go up in flames. “I wasn’t going to give details.”
“I just never thought that Lachlan…” she trails off.
I blink. “Lachlan?”
She makes a face. “Yeah. Stupid, right?”
“No, not at all.” Relief rushes through me, fast and sweet. Oh, Lachlan. Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lachlan, you idiot. And also, still double-shit on her overhearing anything, but this is fixable. “Not stupid in the least, Beth. I thought you were talking about Gavin.”
She gives me an alarmed look. “Gavin. Oh. No.”
“Right.” Because lusting after the PM…now that would be stupid. Sigh. “I don’t know what you heard, but I think you might have the wrong idea about what happened.”
Her look shifts to fragile wariness and I want to give her a hug, but now is not the time for assuming any liberties with regard to friendship and boundaries.
“Gavin and me…it’s complicated. But it’s just the two of us.”
“I heard you,” she says quietly. “Don’t lie to me.”
“You heard heated words in the middle of a fight. And that was so unprofessional of me, I can’t even begin to apologize. I’m so sorry. Nobody knows. And it’s stupid of us, we both know that. But you have to know, we fought it. We still are, hence the fight.”
“Far be it from me to give you relationship advice, but a threesome with his security chief is not a great way to start a relationship.”
No kidding. The floor could open up and swallow me now, please. But it doesn’t and even if she hates me, I need to clear that up. “It wasn’t really a threesome. It was probably stupid and a bad idea, definitely, but it wasn’t whatever you’re thinking.”
“You don’t even want to know what I’m thinking.” She makes a face. “I thought Lachlan was straight-laced. I thought he was too square to have an office romance.”
“That’s something you should probably talk to him about directly. But…” How do I walk this line without betraying either man? They’re big boys. They can handle Beth having a little knowledge. “Beth, I’m going to tell you something that needs to stay between us. I’m trusting you here, because I know that Gavin trusts you. Okay?”
Her lips pull tight, but she nods. “I’d never betray him. Whatever you do privately is your own business.”
If only the rest of the world were that understanding. “Gavin’s more experienced than I am, and we got carried away. Lachlan’s similarly experienced. Gavin trusts him, too. So he asked Lachlan to help him set something up. What we did wasn’t for his pleasure.”
“That won’t make the encounter any less scandalous if it comes out,” she mutters, but her shoulders relax.
“I know. But right now, I don’t care about a public scandal. I care about the fact that we’ve hurt your feelings.”
“I have no claim on him,” she whispers. But she wants to, and oh, I know that ache.
She gives me a rueful smile that doesn’t go anywhere near her eyes, then presses her hands together as she glances back at the mirror. A professional mask slides back into place as she straightens her shoulders. “Well, better get back to it.”
Inside, I tremble with relief. She’s not going to be inviting me out for drinks again any time soon, but she’s not going to share what she overheard, either.
I wait another minute after she leaves, then duck out myself. When I get to my desk, there’s an email update from Lachlan, sent to the entire PMO staff, that Gavin’s left the building for the day.
Wednesday I work at Langevin Block.
Thursday I work at Centre Block and make it through the seven a.m. briefing without once looking Gavin squarely in the face.
I’m relieved when the student health clinic calls at noon and tells me I can come in to get the results of my physical. I went in last week while Gavin was in Europe, thinking that maybe we could ditch the condoms.
Ha. Now I wish I could seriously consider ditching him.
Love is awful.
But once we get past this, whatever this is, ditching condoms will be a fun surprise for him.
I pop my head into Stew’s office to tell him I’ve got a doctor’s appointment. He gives me a distracted wave as he’s on the phone, so I let his secretary know instead and head out.
While I’m on campus, I stop in to chat with my advisor about the course I’ll be teaching in the fall and a conference he wants me to attend in September. Then I run into Sasha and we grab coffee, so it’s nearly five by the time I’m back at the office, takeout dinner in hand.
I could have just taken the afternoon, but my summary notes won’t write themselves, and the report I’m reading is fascinating. So I dig in, and the next thing I know it’s getting dark outside.
People head out, and I try to tell myself that I should do the same, but the truth is that I don’t want to go home.
As the last of the junior staffers who I share my space with leaves, I give a half-hearted glance toward my bag, then open another report.
The soft creak of the elevator doors opening grabs my attention a while later. It's followed by footsteps I can hear because suddenly the entire floor is silent, and I find myself holding my breath.
A soft conversation happens between people, then nothing.
I look down at the report I'm supposed to be summarizing a response to and tell myself it's not him. And if it is, I don't want him to know I'm here.
I'm such a liar.
My desk is halfway down the office, a good distance from the door. Two other desks now sit empty, and when he appears in the doorway, that gap between us somehow makes the moment more intimate.
We're extra alone. My pulse p
icks up.
“You disappeared this afternoon,” he says quietly after glancing over his shoulder.
“I had a doctor’s appointment.”
He moves closer, leaving the door open behind him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I push back from my desk and cross my legs. His gaze tracks the movement. I'm such a total fucking liar. The skirt I'm wearing, the fuck-me heels…at least part of me wanted him to come find me. “It was just a follow-up.”
“For what reason?”
But not all of me is ready to forgive and forget. “Maybe that’s none of your business,” I snap.
A muscle twitches in his jaw. “Is that right?”
No. I hate fighting with him. I sigh. “I had a full work-up last week. Physical. Blood tests.” All clear.
He nods, his jaw tightening as his eyes bore into me. “And you got the results today.”
“Yes.”
He slowly unbuttons his jacket as he looks right into the heart of me. “My office. Now.”
“Gavin!”
“No, Sprite. When I tell you my office, now, the answer is…?”
“Yes, Sir.” The rational part of my brain is screaming right now. Really? We’re not going to talk this out like adults? But my inner submissive just let out the breath she’d been holding for like three days, so I’m not taking it back.
I stand up.
“Good girl.” He steps closer. His eyes are glittering. “Do you need to see my last physical? I’m sure it’s on record around here somewhere.”
I shake my head.
“Then you’d best be moving quickly.”
I slide past him and head into the hall.
Lachlan is standing at the elevators, facing away from us, and I suddenly realize the entire office suite has been cleared.
Oh. Shit.
Gavin’s office door is open and I walk straight in.
He follows, closing the door with an ominous click. My nipples love that click.
“Bend over the desk,” he says. The rustle of fabric tells me he’s taken off his jacket.
Prime Minister (Frisky Beavers #1) Page 18
