They’d perfected this routine, too. She slid down his muscular body and savored the leisurely trip. By the time her feet touched the ground, she was heated clear through by the lazy friction and the press of his hard penis against her belly.
She lifted her face for his kiss. “That was nice.”
His face was in shadow and his voice was thick with emotion. “Everything with you is nice. I love you.”
She hadn’t expected that. She sucked in a breath.
“I love you so much, Lexi.” He kissed her then, and it wasn’t a hurried, eager-for-sex kiss. His mouth covered hers with care and reverence, touching down with the soft pressure of a man clearly cherishing the privilege.
She knew what to do with his lust and hunger. She could handle testosterone-fueled urges and desperate cravings. But this... She couldn’t deal with this. His outpouring of love was stirring up all the girlish fantasies she’d had five years ago, and she was in real danger of letting those fantasies sweep her away. She couldn’t allow that.
He raised his head a fraction. “Marry me. I was a fool to walk away five years ago. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, to give me another chance, then—”
“Oh, Cade.”
“Then you will?” He hugged her tight. “Oh, Lexi, I promise that I’ll—”
“No, I won’t. Not now. Maybe not ever.”
He went very still.
She ached for him, but there was no easy way to say what had to be said. “You can’t come back expecting to slide right into the life we had. I don’t want that life anymore.”
“But you love me! I know you do!” His voice rang with anger and hurt.
“Yes, I love you. I always will. But that doesn’t mean I want to become a wife to you or anyone. I used to think that love and good sex should lead to marriage.”
“It should! I was an idiot not to see that before.”
She reached up and cupped his face in both hands. “You’re where I was five years ago. I was focused on you and our life together. But you didn’t go for it, and I’m so lucky that you didn’t. Your refusal forced me to take a different path, and I’m doing something I might never have attempted if you’d agreed to get married.”
“What you’ve accomplished is terrific, and I won’t get in the way of that. I swear I won’t keep you from doing whatever you want.”
“I wouldn’t let you keep me from doing what I want. The very fact that you feel the need to promise not to means you still think that you have that power as a man, and especially as my husband. You’d expect me to be grateful that you didn’t interfere.”
He groaned. “I don’t really understand what you just said.”
“That’s okay. But let me throw this out. You decided to move back here. Why?”
“To be with you.”
“That’s not enough. What do you want to do with your life, Cade? What are your goals, your dreams?”
He hesitated. “Well, I...”
She recognized that he wasn’t ready to answer that question, just as she hadn’t been five years ago. “It’s something to think about, but there’s no rush. We have plenty of time to work through all of this.”
“No, we don’t. You heard what Damon said. I need to live on the ranch to keep an eye on things.”
“So do that. It might inspire you, lead you to some conclusions.”
“But what about us? I want to be with you, make love to you and wake up next to you in the morning. Do you realize we’ve never done that?”
“We don’t have to be married for you to sleep over.” She smiled up at him. “You can do that tomorrow night if you want.”
He blew out a breath. “So you love me?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re inviting me to spend an entire night in your apartment?”
“Yes.”
“Then why the hell not marry me?”
“Take my word for it. We’re not ready.”
“Are you prepared to tell Damon that? Because he’s determined that we’re getting hitched, and the sooner the better.”
“Damon? The confirmed bachelor? Where does he get off giving you advice on the subject of marriage?”
Cade shrugged. “Go figure.”
“I would love to see a woman swoop in and lay him flat.”
“Come to think of it, so would I. He has it coming.” He was quiet for a while. “So we’re not getting married.”
“No.”
“But I guess you still want to have sex with me.”
“I do, unless you decide to get all pouty because I turned down your proposal.”
“That has a certain appeal, but then I couldn’t try out the bed of your truck.”
“No, you couldn’t. I don’t have sex with pouty men.”
“That settles that. I’m about to be the most cheerful lover you’ve ever had. I might even whistle while we’re doing it.”
And that was the Cade she’d fallen in love with. And being Cade, he had to carry it to extremes.
“I love these blankets,” he said as he helped her spread them out. “Soft, big, colorful.”
“It’s dark. You can’t see the color.”
“I can sense color.” He took off his shirt and tossed it on the tailgate.
“Oh, sure you can.”
“I can.” He pulled her close and reached under her shirt to unfasten the back clasp of her bra. “Your bra is white.”
“All my bras are white. I don’t buy colored bras.”
“You did one time.” He pulled her shirt over her head and threw it on top of his. “It was red.” He cupped her breasts and leaned down to begin tasting.
“For prom.” Her voice was a mere whisper as she closed her eyes and concentrated on the pleasure he gave her when he did this. He’d been the first boy to take off her bra, and it had been red to match her dress. Her panties had been red, too, and he’d been the first boy to slip his hand inside and fondle her, the first one to give her a climax.
After all this time, she still loved him to kiss her breasts while he eased his hand under the elastic of her panties and slid his fingers into her moist heat. He’d fumbled that first time, but he didn’t fumble now. He knew exactly what she liked and how she liked it.
He used his mouth to greater advantage now, too. He’d learned to nibble and lick his way over and around, teasing her one minute and applying strong suction the next. She quivered. She moaned. And she came, faster than she used to because her body knew what to do and how to react to Cade’s brand of loving.
As she trembled in his arms, he lifted her into the truck bed and pulled off the rest of her clothes. He’d become an expert at that. In moments she lay beneath him and welcomed his first powerful thrust.
With a contented sigh, he pushed a little deeper. “I love it here.”
“Our make-out spot?”
“No, here, between your thighs, my belly flat against yours, my cock as far in as it will go. Here where I can feel you breathing and look into your eyes, which are this beautiful combination of brown and green.”
“You can’t see that, either.” She wrapped him in her arms and held on. She loved it here, too.
“I can see your eyes anytime I want. I just think about you gazing up at me when we were on the dance floor at prom. No one had ever looked at me like that.”
“I was wildly in love with you.”
He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. “And now?”
“Still wildly in love with you.”
“You do realize you’re confusing the hell out of me.”
“I have faith you’ll figure it out.”
“I will. I have to. But in the meantime, we have this.” And he began to move.
“Aren
’t you going to whistle?”
He started laughing, which made for an interesting sexual experience. She’d never had sex with a man who was cracking up. He’d stop pumping every so often and attempt a whistle, but then he’d laugh. Of course so would she.
Finally he paused and took a deep breath. “You have to choose which you want. I can either whistle or I can do you.”
“Then do me.”
“Good choice.” And he proceeded to take them both on an incredible ride that ended well and noisily. Afterward he flopped to his back, gasping for air. “Told you. Screaming orgasm.”
“Okay. I screamed.” She struggled to breathe. “So did you.”
“Nah.”
“Yes.” Smiling, she peered up through the pine branches where stars twinkled like Christmas lights.
After reaching for her hand, he laced his fingers through hers. “We have to practice that whistle thing. I’ll bet if I could learn to do it I’d get in the Guinness book of world records.”
“Guaranteed.”
He was silent for several moments. Then he squeezed her hand. “Look, I understand that you won’t marry me, but if we’re going to keep seeing each other, I have one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m the only man who gets this privilege. It may be chauvinistic, but I can’t deal with—”
“Done. And back at you.”
He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed each one. “I’m yours, Lexi. Forever and always.”
Her heart stumbled. Those were the words she’d longed to hear five years ago, the words he’d been unwilling to say. He was saying them now. Was she crazy to reject the earnest proposal he’d laid at her feet?
No. Those five years apart had taught her to be true to herself instead of reacting in a way that would please someone else. They’d allowed her to find a purpose other than marrying Cade. He needed space to discover the same thing about himself.
She’d wondered if, when the chips were down, she’d cave because she did love him so very much. Well, she hadn’t caved, and she was proud of herself. She’d listened carefully to what he’d said and what he hadn’t said.
He was clueless about his future except that he wanted her in it as his wife. In that regard, he viewed his role as that of a benign dictator who would generously let her continue to do what she wanted. She hoped he’d evolve beyond that. She would love to see him set a goal he was passionate about. But unless he could do those things, marrying him would be a huge mistake.
16
THE NEXT MORNING Cade worked alongside everyone else as they spit-shined the house. When they’d finished, they all ended up standing in the living room, as if everyone hated to sit down and dent the recently plumped and vacuumed cushions.
“So that’s done,” Finn said. “Now we need groceries.”
“You and Damon are welcome to borrow my truck if you want to head to the store.” Cade hoped they’d take the not-so-subtle hint and leave him alone with Lexi. Her rejection hurt, no matter how many times he told himself everything was okay. Making love to her was the only way he could think of to drown out the negative voices in his head.
“Whoever goes should run by Ben’s shop and pick up his preliminary logo sketches.” Lexi held up her phone. “He just texted me that they’re done.”
Damon blinked. “And you called him when?”
“About three hours ago. He’s been working on them ever since.”
“I have a really good feeling about this project,” Finn said. “Ben’s excited, and Chelsea’s on fire with ideas and—”
“Tell me about it.” Damon rolled his eyes. “Did you sleep at all?”
“Some. Chels and I tossed around website concepts, and she’s going to design one and see how we like it, no charge. If we agree on a logo, we should send it to her.”
“She’s being very generous,” Lexi said, “but I think we should offer to pay her for the website design.”
“She figured you’d say that, but she’ll settle for food and lodging if she comes for a visit.”
Lexi smiled. “I hope she does. Anyway, let’s get those logo printouts before Rosie comes home. I’ll bet she’d have fun helping us choose which one we want.”
“I think so, too,” Damon said. “Lexi, maybe you should go with Finn. You’re the one who’s been in contact with the guy.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure Lexi won’t argue about every flippin’ thing on the grocery list,” Finn said.
“I argued because you’ve gone all Pacific Rim on me! I’ve never once seen anyone on this ranch eat sushi. I was flabbergasted the store even carried it.” Damon turned to Lexi. “Do you eat sushi?”
“Not so much.”
“Cade, how about you?”
“Not my thing.” He was glad to hear Lexi wasn’t into it, either.
“See, Mr. Everybody Will Love Sushi?” Damon gave Finn a triumphant glance.
“Okay, okay. But you guys need to try it. I didn’t think I’d like it, either, but Chels talked me into eating some and now I love it. I’ll get one small tray of California rolls, and everybody can have a piece.”
Damon sighed. “Fine. Go shop for sushi. Meanwhile Cade and me, we’ll go muck out some stalls. It’s what manly men do.”
“Right.” Cade had no choice but to pretend he was fine with this plan.
Lexi grabbed her purse and started for the door. “Sounds good to me. You two can get all smelly and sweaty while Finn and I roam the grocery store’s air-conditioned aisles.”
After they left, Cade walked with Damon to the barn. “Was that on purpose or did it just work out that I lost my bid to have some time with Lexi?”
“A little of both. I did want to ask you something when she wasn’t around. Did you talk to her about the idea of you living at the ranch?”
A sharp pain lodged in the vicinity of his heart. “Sort of. Turned out to be a nonissue.”
“How come? I thought that was why you hesitated about making a commitment, so you could discuss it with her first.”
“It was. I asked her to marry me, and she said no.”
“No?” Damon stopped walking and turned to stare at him. “That woman’s crazy about you! Why would she turn you down?”
Cade shrugged. “I don’t really get it, either.” But he needed to get past the sick feeling in his gut. After all, she’d said she loved him. And she still wanted to have sex.
“Well, color me shocked.” Damon blew out a breath. “Wait a minute. You said she might make you suffer as payback for when you walked away from her. Maybe that’s what this is all about. Revenge.”
“I wish I could believe that, but I can’t. It was the nicest rejection a guy could have. She still wants to hang out with me. She invited me to spend the night at her apartment.”
“With her in it?”
“Of course with her in it, doofus. What else?”
“I dunno. Maybe she’s asking you to housesit when she goes out of town. Water her plants. Feed her fish.”
“No.”
“Well, if I were you I’d clarify that. You don’t want her thinking you’re some pathetic errand boy.” Damon peered at him. “And wipe that whipped-puppy expression off your face ASAP. I swear you and Finn are perfect examples of why I’ll never fall in love if I can possibly avoid it.”
Cade smiled. “Good luck with that.”
“I’ve dodged the bullet so far. Or the arrow or whatever the delivery system is these days.”
“It feels like you’ve been struck by lightning.”
“Oh, that’s appealing, getting fried with a gazillion watts of power. Sign me up.” Damon shook his head. “Come on, Romeo. Let’s shovel some shit.”
It was the perfect activity for Cade’s present f
rame of mind. Filling a wheelbarrow with manure and rolling it out to the pasture was a repetitive yet satisfying task. Sweating and using his muscles felt good.
Not as good as making love to Lexi, but when he was doing that, he wasn’t thinking at all. Mucking out stalls allowed him to think. Much as he longed to turn off his brain, that wouldn’t help him figure out how to handle this situation.
No matter which way he looked at his relationship with Lexi, he kept coming to the same conclusion. He needed to back off. Sure, he wanted to spend the night at her apartment. They’d never made love in a bed, and he’d give up almost anything to do that. Anything but his self-respect.
Damon had made a good point about not looking or acting like a whipped puppy. Or a lovesick one, either. He’d been concerned about Rosie when he’d first arrived, but once that crisis had begun to resolve, he’d focused almost entirely on getting Lexi back.
Well, he had her back, in a sense. But this time he was the needy one, not her. He didn’t like facing that truth, but there it was in all its embarrassing glory.
Her words kept running through his head. You’re where I was five years ago. But that couldn’t be right. He’d grown and matured, which was why he was ready for marriage. The idea of settling down with Lexi didn’t scare him anymore. He was eager to be a good husband and, if they had kids, a good father.
Maybe he hadn’t been able to pop out an answer to her question about goals and dreams, but he had them. They’d begun forming when he’d set eyes on her after all this time. He wanted to build a life with her in this place where they’d met and fallen in love.
That’s not enough. Maybe not to her, but for him it was huge. He’d been drifting, marking time. He hadn’t admitted it to himself then, but he realized it now. Seeing Lexi again had inspired him with a new vision of how things could be.
It would have been so simple if she’d said yes to his proposal. Together they’d figure out where to live so that he could keep track of everything at Thunder Mountain Academy. Maybe Damon would build them a little house that wouldn’t cost a whole lot.
Midnight Thunder(INCR) Page 16
