by Jayne Blue
I broke the asshole’s nose and the bar owner called the cops. They arrested me for assault and I ended up framed on federal drug charges instead. When I understood that I was really going to go down for it, I cut Ava loose. The last time I saw her stuck in my mind just as hard. Somebody pulled some strings and they let her come see me one last time while I was in holding, awaiting transport back to jail for what should have been forever.
She was trying to be strong. She wore a blue suit that showed off her legs and ass and it tore my guts out to do what I had to. I didn’t want her around me. I couldn’t bear to see her on the other side of the glass on visiting day with every low life on the planet. She said she didn’t care. She said she’d wait. But I saw the writing on the wall and knew I was never getting out. She cried and pleaded with me. I was cruel. I had to hurt her to save her. She should have slapped me after the things I said but that wasn’t her style. I set her free. Not long after that, she came to Marion to try and see me. I had them send her away and hated myself for it even though I knew it was the best thing for her. She never came back.
And now here I was, thinking about crashing into whatever world she’d built for herself again. Could I really be that selfish?
“Dex!” Billy leaned over and slugged me in the arm.
I shook the cobwebs out of my head. We sat parked near the water fountain in the town square. I gave him a sheepish smile and shrugged. “Sorry, man. Still having a tough time processing the idea of fresh air and freedom.”
Billy smiled wide. “You don’t have to explain it. You ready to head back to the Den? Mo’s got a plan to fatten you up by the end of the month. I think tonight’s fried chicken and sweet potato pie.”
“Shit. She’s gonna succeed. I’m still full from breakfast.”
Billy snapped his helmet strap, revved his engine and turned his bike around. I looked back at the town square, scanning the crowd. She was here. Somewhere. I could almost feel it. I let out the throttle and roared after Billy, leaving the town square and my memories behind me.
***
The Wolf Den parking lot was full again, but this time with more cars than bikes. The restaurant catered to the working class of Green Bluff. Sly had the place shut down yesterday in honor of my homecoming but club bills had to be paid. It was an odd thing to see as I walked in. I could see right away the type of clientele drew. It wasn’t a family joint, thank God, but this was a pick-up joint now, to be sure. We’d envisioned this too, Sly and me. We knew the key to a good bar was one where women felt comfortable. In this place, no way were any of the guys going to get out of line. Not with half a dozen of my brothers as bouncers.
I gave a nod to Charlie at the bar. Billy had stepped behind the bar and was busy filling two frosted mugs with whatever we had on tap. He slid one over to me and I took a swig. God. It was cold and clean going down and the place was just starting to feel like home.
“Sly back yet?” I said to Charlie. He didn’t hear me. He was busy checking out a young brunette at the other end of the bar. I shook my head and smiled. “Never mind.” I patted him on the shoulder as I walked past him and headed for the back room. Charlie grumbled something but I kept on going.
I gave the office door one solid thump then pushed it open and walked through. What I saw made me freeze. My blood turned cold and felt like it drained out of me leaving me breathless and filled with rage.
Ava.
Sly and Ava.
They stood in profile before me. The whole thing maybe took two seconds but in that time I took in every inch of her. The curve of her ass, under tight jeans. The bare patch of tanned skin that showed on the small of her back from the way her gray t-shirt hiked up as she reached up and looped her arms around Sly’s neck. He held her close with one hand at the center of her back and looked down at her with a smile on his face. A split second later, his smile dropped as he turned and saw me.
God. She had her head tilted up toward his, like she was ready for him to kiss her. He had her pulled so close to him. They were easy together. Familiar. Intimate. It was like a knife twisted in my gut. I felt sick.
And then she startled and turned toward me too. Her eyes widened, her mouth opened like she was going to say something. Sly’s hands were still around her and I couldn’t stand to look at it another second. I turned on my heel and walked out.
Chapter Five
Ava
I got to the Wolf Den late, just after six. Whatever Sly wanted to see me about, I hoped it wouldn’t take too long. I had about a half hour for him before I needed to get to the hospital. I was happy to see a strong dinner crowd already forming when I walked in.
“Hey Ava!” Brian Sullivan worked the door tonight. Everyone called him Tiny. He was a giant, burly guy with great looping tattoos from his neck to his calves. He looked dangerous with his shaved head, great muscled forearms, and an old jagged scar running from the corner of his left eye across his cheek.
“Hi, Tiny.” I smiled. Tiny was scary as hell to anyone who didn’t really know him. I did really know him though. He was sweet, charming, watched daytime soap operas and was scared to death of needles. A big baby about them really. It took three guys to hold him down every year when he came to see me for flu shots.
I went up on my tiptoes as Tiny reached down to plant a kiss on my cheek. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, honey,” he said. “Sly summon ya?”
I nodded. A shadow crossed Tiny’s eyes and I cocked my head.
“Everyone okay?” I asked.
Tiny nodded. “He’s in the back. You can go on and let yourself in.” He pursed his lips together and gave me a solid pat on the arm as I walked by. I couldn’t imagine what the hell was so serious to give Tiny that look on his face. Maybe I should have gotten here earlier after all. Shaking my head, I walked through the bar and headed for Sly’s office.
He waited for me at his desk, peering over some paperwork with reading glasses perched at the edge of his nose. He tore them off his face and threw them on the desk the second I walked in, making me snort with laughter.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll keep your secret, old man.”
“Forty isn’t old,” he said as he rose and stepped around the desk. He gave me a quick hug and settled back, perching himself on the edge of the desk. He gestured to the chairs around the conference table. I shook my head.
“I can’t stay long,” I said. “Sorry it took me so long to make it out. It was a rough one last night. Wrong way driver. Took out a minivan. Took me a while to fall asleep this morning and even longer to wake back up again.”
Sly muttered obscenities under his breath. “Kids?”
I shook my head. “All adults. And only one fatality besides the driver. Could have been a whole lot worse.”
“Good.” Sly crossed his arms in front of him. His gaze settled on the floor. If Tiny’s demeanor at the door hadn’t been enough to set off warning bells, Sly’s sure was.
“What’s going on, Samuel?” I said, knowing full well he hated it when I used his given name. I was pretty sure I was one of only about three people alive who still knew it. “What’s so serious you couldn’t just tell me over the phone?”
It could have been anything. Usually, Sly only called me like this if someone got hurt. Thankfully, whatever activities the Great Wolves M.C. engaged in over the years, the more questionable stuff seemed to be behind them. Every once in a while though, he’d have me meet him at the gym to convince one fighter or the other to see a doctor if it wasn’t something I could help out with.
“I didn’t want to tell you until it was an actual done deal. I didn’t see the point in upsetting you for something that might not even happen. So many things could have gone wrong.”
“What?” I practically shouted it.
“Ava, it’s Dex.”
Sly took a breath. He was steeling himself to tell me more and in that moment, it felt like a trap door had opened beneath my feet. So many times
, over so many years, I had expected we would have this conversation. Sly would say those exact words to me and I had even rehearsed what I might say, how I might react next. I shut my eyes tight then opened them again. I squared my shoulders and turned to face him, bracing for the words I’d always known would come.
He’s dead. There was an accident. Someone finally got to him. In the shower ... in the exercise yard ... in the chow line ...
I’d imagined a thousand different ways it could happen even though Sly always told me Dex had protection. I was prepared for this. I had learned to put it behind me. It didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt when the thing I feared finally became reality. And it was over. We were done. Dex himself had made that very clear the last time I’d tried to go to him almost thirteen years ago. This can’t touch me. Not anymore. I couldn’t let it.
“Ava, are you listening? Are you hearing me? He’s out. He’s finally out. Dex has come home.”
I blinked hard and reminded myself to breathe. Out. Not dead. He said out?
“What? How?”
Sly smiled, flashing me a row of straight white teeth. I called him Mr. Charming when he did it. He had a deep dimple in his left cheek and I could spot his moves a mile away when he closed in on some girl. I had to save Joleen from it more times than I could count although I was pretty sure the two of them had hooked up behind my back.
“It’s a long story and it isn’t mine to tell. But some new evidence came to light. It’s over. He’s out and all of his charges have been dropped. He’s home. I wanted you to hear it from me. I don’t know what he plans to do ... if he plans to get a hold of you. I thought you’d want to be prepared if he did.”
My knees felt weak. It was like I was in some dream. I couldn’t be hearing this. It couldn’t be true. Something in my face must have worried Sly because he came to me. He put a hand at the middle of my back. No. This can’t touch me. Not anymore.
“Are you okay? Ava? I’m sorry. Maybe I bungled it.”
I looked up at him and nodded. Dammit. I didn’t want to cry. I’d shut so many things off when it came to Dex, things that hurt, and I was afraid what might happen if I let them in. I reached up and hugged Sly. His eyes misted with tears and it hit me how much he’d been holding in too. Dex had been the love of my life once upon a time but Sly loved him like a brother. I could move on, or try to. Sly had to run the club without him, pick up the pieces in the wake of Blackie Murphy’s bad deeds. I knew what a burden that had been for him.
“I’m so happy for you, Sly,” I said. “I just can’t believe it. It’s just kind of a lot.”
His shoulders shook with laughter as he drew me in for a deeper hug and my back arched into it. In some ways, Sly was like my brother too. He never said as much, but I knew Dex had made him swear to take care of me when he went away. The Great Wolves took their oaths seriously and Sly Cullinan was someone I knew I could trust with my life.
Movement registered from the corner of my eye and I felt Sly’s back stiffen. I came down off my tip toes and turned. Dex himself loomed in the doorway like a mountain.
My God.
He was huge and strong. His green eyes flashed and the room had no air. My heart tripped behind my ribcage and blood roared in my ears. He looked from me to Sly, working the muscles of his strong jaw. Three steps, maybe four, and I could cross the room and touch him. Was he here? Was he real? He was very real, so different but exactly the same. He was still dark and dangerous like the first time I saw him, standing there in his leather cut, ripped jeans and black motorcycle boots. He was bigger, broader through the shoulders, his biceps bulged as he clenched and unclenched his fists. His eyes finally settled on Sly and filled with red menace.
Sensing the coiled danger in Dex’s posture, Sly shifted to put his body between Dex and me. Just that small movement seemed to confirm something for Dex. His shoulders dropped and he turned and walked out of the room. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t real. Dex McLain didn’t get to just walk back into a room where I was standing then walk back out again.
“Shit,” Sly said in a voice barely above a whisper. He turned to me. “Do you want to do this now? Do you want to talk to him? Just give me five minutes to unfuck this little Three’s Company moment we’re having and you can have the room.”
I couldn’t help it: I laughed. My voice was higher pitched than I recognized and Sly’s eyes narrowed when he heard me. He rubbed my shoulder and patted me on the back. The whole thing was absurd. An hour ago my life was normal and settled. Well, not settled. But more than it had been for me since my deployment ended. In the span of ten minutes, Sly had upended it with his news and then Dex walked back in and exploded everything into a million pieces.
“You think five minutes is all you’re going to need?”
Sly shook his head, sighed and smiled. “Yeah. Maybe ten. Fifteen tops.”
I nodded and slid my phone out of my back pocket. God. It was such a normal thing to do. I wondered how I could get my fingers—my brain—to work in the wake of the bomb that just went off in my life. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to concentrate on anything else until I do. Shit, I don’t know how I will even after that. Pray for a very slow, injury-free night in Green Bluff, will you?”
Sly gave me a mock salute and ran toward the door. When he swung it open, I heard glass crashing to the ground and Charlie Brogan’s gravelly bellow. My guess was the rest of the Wolves were already trying to set Dex straight. I took a breath and tried to will my heart back to its normal position in the center of my chest.
Joleen answered on the first ring. “Hey, hon,” I said. My voice still sounded higher than it should. “Can you cover me for about an hour tonight? Something’s come up and I’m going to be a little late. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
Joleen sighed on the other end of the phone but I knew what her answer was going to be. In the “cover me” bank, I was way up on deposits. I decided to sweeten the pot for her a little just the same. “I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.”
“I’m maxed out on overtime for the month already.” Joleen laughed. “What did you have in mind?”
I craned my neck to see into the bar but whatever was happening out there, I couldn’t get my eyes on Sly or Dex.
“I’m at the Wolf Den,” I said. “Sly Cullinan was asking about you—”
“Done!” Joleen barked into the phone before I could finish my sentence. “Take all the time you need. Shit, take the whole night off.”
In spite of the chaos I knew was about to swirl around me, Joleen’s laughter was infectious and I was lucky to call her my friend, so I said so. “Thanks. I don’t think I’ll need the whole night.”
I should leave out the back door right now. What on earth could Dex say to me after all this time that wouldn’t just open up old wounds? I had a life. I should walk the hell out of here right now and get back to it.
My words stuck in my throat as I said goodbye to Joleen. Dex filled the doorway again and I pretty much hung up on her. My heart began to pound again as his eyes settled on mine, then dammit if they didn’t trail lower down. He took one step toward me, then another. One more and I could feel his hot breath on me. I had a fleeting thought that I might want to call Joleen back to tell her I’d changed my mind. He was just inches from me. I could reach out and touch him. He was solid and strong. Real. I could feel his body heat already. And yet, I was still afraid. Afraid I was dreaming all of it and if I did put my hands on him, he’d vanish, just like he did in my dreams.
“Dex,” I said, my voice sounding so far away to my own ears.
My eyes settled on a furious pulse beat in Dex’s neck. It occurred to me this moment might feel like a dream to him too.
“I didn’t know,” I said. “Nobody told me you were coming home.”
He smiled and lifted a hand to my face. My eyes traveled from that pulse point on his neck and finally up to meet his eyes. I hadn’t realized until that mome
nt that I’d been afraid to do it. This was too much. All of it. It was too much.
Dex. Here. Right in front of me. In some ways, I’d spent the last thirteen years convincing myself that the fast and furious time we’d spent together hadn’t been real. That I’d created some myth around how great we’d been together. First loves are like that, aren’t they? But everything came back to me. Everything I’d tried to blot out with time and distance. My heart and body seemed to cry out to touch him, to let him consume me just like he always did. It scared me. My breath came short, my heart fluttered and heat zinged through my blood, warming me with need. After all this time, he could still make me ache for him with just a look. God, what would happen if I let him touch me?
His hand hovered by my cheek. I had a sense that something similar was happening in him. His fingers twitched, like he was deciding what would happen if he finally touched me. Would I vanish like a dream? Would either of us be able to stop at just the innocent contact of his hand against my cheek?
“God.” His voice was ragged with emotion. “You’re more beautiful than I remembered. You’re the same ... almost.”
I studied his face, his features. He was my Dex, with his strong jaw, fierce, penetrating green eyes, thick black hair that I loved to run my fingers through. It was long and wavy at the ends, just brushing the leather collar on his cut. And, oh God, his scent. I had all but forgotten the intoxicating smell of leather, clean soap and that underlying hint of musk that was all Dex. My head flooded with sense memories. Dex’s touch. Dex’s kiss. The way he awakened my darkest desires with just the curve of his smirk or the slight arch of his brow.
