“We’ll leave on a puddle jumper in the morning for Ponta Delgada,” I told Rene. “We’ll probably have to stay a night depending on how fast I can get funds wired into the bank there.” It was a nightmare I had been wrestling with while everyone else napped. The lifeboat stores included a hefty wad of cash, but not enough to buy eighteen plane tickets out of the Azores and some walking around money for the crew.
Fortunately, in spite of the somewhat icy end to my meeting with Spencer, my father’s former lawyer was a godsend. The cavalry was on the way and I’d have a line of credit and a wire transfer ASAP.
“How are you going to handle the crew?” Rene had asked me when I returned from my call with Spencer.
“I’m going to send them on their way with six-month’s severance and all expenses. Every contract, including the one you signed, has an ‘act of God’ clause, so I don’t have to worry about who signed on when or where. After the dust has settled, I’ll check back with all of them. If there’s more I need to do, I’ll do it.”
“That sounds more than generous.”
“Yeah, well considering I almost got them all killed, I ought to be. Don’t you think?”
“You’re not suggesting that any of this was your fault, are you Dylan?”
“Not directly. But if I hadn’t been in such a hurry to get ‘home’ we might have avoided that storm. Now I don’t even know where home is. Or rather ‘home’ is out there on that reef about to sink into the Atlantic.”
“We managed to wreck a long way from anywhere that’s for sure. But,” she said as she looked out over the amazing view, “it’s so beautiful. According to this brochure, this is the island of flowers. Hydrangeas grow all over the place. Look at that field over there. It’s like a sea of baby blue.”
She stood in the long afternoon light dressed in a short multi-colored smock that could have belonged to a child. Her hair was tied in a damp knot at her neck and light reflected off the dry strands that curled around her face. The grime of the morning had been washed away and her skin reminded me of a white peach all creamy and blushed with rosy health.
She walked away from the window and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back. It was trust. It was building fast. The more I gave to her, the more I had. At that moment, it seemed infinite.
Chapter 15—Rene
We borrowed an ancient laptop from Mrs. Da Silva, the proprietress of the inn. Bless her heart, she was doing everything she could for us. Our clothes, such as they were, came back to us in the early afternoon clean and ironed. She’d even mended a tear in my shorts where I got caught on the rocks.
I was able to dash off a quick note to Hannah.
Dear Hannah,
Well, you can add shipwreck to my new experiences. After that last note to you where we were just sailing along and Dylan and I were getting all cozy with one another. One afternoon we ran into a storm. Not just a storm but a real-whopper of a storm. Hit a reef on the northernmost island in the Azores. I’ve never been so scared in my whole life.
I wouldn’t have believed any boat could stay afloat in the kind of waves that hit us. But El Loco did and probably would’ve come through alright if not for a lightning strike. It knocked out all the instruments and Stephen couldn’t tell where he was headed or into what. Later he told me that the sea had been confused (that’s a real term; I thought he made it up at first). It means that the waves don’t have a pattern, they’re all messed up and coming at you from everywhere.
Confused or not, the rocks we wound up on were vicious. Tore right through several compartments of the hull. The way these kinds of boats are built, there are watertight sections. But the rocks ripped open several of them at once. Remember Titanic? Kinda like that.
Obviously, I made it out alive and so did everyone else. Except Lady Delaney, the monkey.
She died against my chest, Hannah. Her little heart just stopped with the terror. It broke Dylan in pieces. And me too. She was so sweet and so funny. I’ll really miss that little girl. I can only imagine how much Dylan will. She’s been like his child for years. He dug her a tiny grave on the beach. I watched from a distance . . . I thought he could use the space. I could see him just sobbing when he was through. Is there anything sadder in the world than to see a big, strong man cry over the loss of his pet? Poor baby.
The lifeboat landed us on a small beach ringed by sheer cliffs. But it was late so we spent the night on the beach until day break. Stephen more or less knew where we were and it only took a few minutes to get to the port on the island. But there’s only 400 people living there! So we grabbed some coffee and went on to the next one, Flores. It isn’t much bigger but there is at least a hotel where we’re going to spend the night. Tomorrow, the plan is to go to yet another island and hopefully there’ll be some funds there from Dylan’s lawyer.
So, I guess I’ll be seeing you in a few. We have to fly to Lisbon and then to the states. I’m not sure exactly when I’ll get there, but I’ll try to let you know. Of course, I don’t have anything—no phone, no computer, no clothes, no nothing. Oh, but you’ll be happy to know I still have the necklace I told you about. I never take it off.
Talk soon. R
After I hit send, I realized that I hadn’t told Hannah that we’d said ‘I love you’ to each other. I wondered why I had chosen to keep that tidbit of info to myself. I usually couldn’t wait to discuss with Hannah the ins and outs of my relationships—good and bad.
I told myself that it was just because it was all so new, so private. I didn’t want to share such an intimate detail so soon. It was something I wanted to keep just between the two of us, at least for a while.
But then I wondered. Was that really my reason? Or was there something about saying ‘I love you’ to each other that seemed . . . off? Was it too quick? Did the high drama circumstances make me think the words weren’t quite real? Did I doubt him? Did I doubt myself?
You can’t take back ‘I love you’. Lots of things can be unsaid. ‘I hate you’ can be smoothed over with “sorry, I was so angry” or “I really didn’t mean it, I don’t hate you, I hate what you did”. But ‘I love you’, once said, is out there. You can’t go back and ask for a few more days to be sure. I said it and I did mean what I said. Mostly. More than mostly. Enough.
I didn’t understand where my confusion was coming from. It was all just so much so soon. The future was a big, fat question mark that punctuated every idle moment.
Dylan had no place to live when we got back to Ft. Lauderdale. Did he expect to live with me and Hannah in our apartment? We had one bathroom, one television, our refrigerator didn’t have an icemaker, and none of our furniture matched. All of that seemed unimportant before. Now it seemed terribly important.
One. Day. At. A. Time. Please let me, for once, live by that philosophy. I had a fantastic opportunity to start life with a man I adored and all things were possible. I prayed that I wouldn’t ruin it up by over thinking. I had a talent for constructing whole fantasy scenarios and letting them take over. I wanted this relationship to be the first where I had at least a tenuous grasp of the real.
I played with the diamonds resting against my chest. I had mixed emotions about all that money, too. It didn’t seem quite right that Dylan went from a boat nanny to a mogul overnight. Maybe he had a better handle on the wealth than I did. To me, it was overwhelming.
He came out of the shower with a puny towel wrapped around his waist that left an entire thigh exposed. All the nagging voices fell silent at the sight of him.
“Your turn. Second shower of the day felt every bit as good as the first one. Kinda funny how being gritty and sticky stays with you long after it’s all been washed away.”
“I know. I think I’ll never take hot, fresh water for granted again.” I laughed.
“We’ve not exactly candidates for Survivor, are we? All of twenty-four hours and you’d think we hadn’t bathed in weeks.”
I dropped the smock to the floor and went to bathe.
> Dylan came over to me and lifted the pendant from between my breasts. Then he kissed each one. “I think this looks best on you when it’s the only thing you’re wearing.” He smacked me on my bottom as I headed into the shower. “Hurry up. Everyone’s going to want to hear what the plan is.”
We were the last ones to arrive in the dining room except for Angelo and the first mate. Everyone settled down at a few tables and waited to hear what Dylan had to say. Stephen was AWOL and I wondered why.
There weren’t any grumbles when the crew got the word on the generous compensation coming their way. Dylan was clearly going to go above and beyond what he would be legally required to do by maritime contracts. He’d told me that the most he’d have been required to pay was six weeks’ severance in case of a catastrophe such as our shipwreck.
“We’ve made arrangements with the U.S. consulate in Ponta Delgada to meet with all the American citizens for emergency travel documents, but for those of you holding other passports, it’s going to be trickier. The U.S. consul has assured me that he’ll work with all of you to secure travel documents. El Loco sailed under a U.S. flag, so that counts for a lot.”
I could see Angelo, among others, nod their heads in relief.
“I’ve got rooms for each of you in the best hotel we could find in Ponta Delgada and hopefully by tomorrow afternoon, I’ll have a line of credit established at the bank. It would be a great favor to me if you all could book your onward flights individually. That will save me a great deal of time.”
He went on. “As soon as I am sure that you all can move forward on your own, I’m going to be returning to the wreck. I hope to be able to salvage what I can of the artwork. Many of you are aware that there’s quite a collection on the boat. If she doesn’t go under completely, there’s a chance some of it can be saved.”
This was news to me. I wondered if he intended to try to board the boat himself. I couldn’t imagine that much was left after the engine fires that I watched burn through the night, but I guessed it was possible. It seemed a job better suited to a professional. The boat was unstable, probably still smoldering and could jar loose and sink in minutes. A sick kind of fear slid through me when I thought of Dylan revisiting the scene.
Later, I told him as much. “Isn’t there some company you can hire to go onto El Loco and retrieve what’s valuable?” I asked him. My voice was a little shrill with worry.
“Of course there are companies. And each one of them is located half an ocean away. Every hour that goes by, the risk of the boat completely going under increases. Plus, I know where every treasure is. It would take me hours just to describe what to look for.”
“I don’t like it, Dylan. First off, you’re leg is barely healed. You’re still favoring it—a lot.” I saw ‘the look’ cross his face. Well, I didn’t care whether he wanted to hear it or not! “Don’t shoot me that evil eye. I’m not babying you or mothering you. I’m being practical.”
“That’s very nice,” he said sarcastically. “Practical is wonderful. Now please drop it.”
“Why do I have to drop it? Because you say so?”
“That’s a pretty good reason, don’t ya think? Did I ask your opinion about whether I should go back on the boat?”
“No, you absolutely did not. And that ticks me off. I think you deliberately withheld that little bit of information to avoid an argument.”
“And I should have kept it to myself a little longer, it seems. I’d have been much better off if I’d just put you on a plane from Ponta Delgada and come back to Corvo afterwards.”
“Who do you think you are? Put me on a plane? Put me on a plane? What, like a shipment?” Dylan had changed the argument. Instead of being about my justifiable concern for him it became battle of wills. “Let me remind you, mister, that I am a contractual employee of El Loco, Ltd. I believe I have the same rights as any other employee. You’re giving them money and the choice to go where they please with it. I want the same consideration.”
“This isn’t about money! Of course you’ll get your severance like everyone else.”
“Then I can use it any way I wish.”
“Yes you can. But I’m asking you to take your stubborn self back to Lauderdale and wait for me. You can’t help me with this.”
“This is dangerous. This is something you are not equipped to handle.” I was furious and terrified at the same time.
“Rene, I think I’m in the best position to say what I’m capable of handling. Please don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.” His voice was quiet and cold as ice.
“I can hear it in your voice, you know.”
“Hear what?”
“The old demon. You’re projecting all those years of being told you can’t right into the here and now, with me. You told me you became a dare devil after your mother was . . . after she left and you went to all those shrinks. But every time something reminds you of those years you regress right back into defensive mode.”
“My, my. I wasn’t aware that among your many credentials you’re also a psychotherapist.”
“You missed the point and your sarcasm is wasted on me.” I decided to try to take another route. “Didn’t you tell me that the boat is in a precarious position? That it could shift at any time? And didn’t you also tell me that there’s always a danger of further fires and explosions while she’s still up on those rocks?”
“Yes,” he answered.
“Did you also tell me that you love me? Did you tell me you want me to stay by your side and sort out a life together?”
“Yes,” he answered slightly more humbly than before.
“If you truly wanted a future with me, you wouldn’t put yourself in harm’s way.” It was a long shot. Lots and lots of lovers put themselves in harm’s way every day.
“You’re exaggerating the danger. And, you’re forgetting what’s at risk. There are multi-million dollar works of art on that boat. Would you just let them float away?”
I thought about how my mother would probably swim naked through sharks with nothing but an inner tube to save just the one Renoir.
“No, I guess not,” I admitted.
“If it weren’t for my first obligation to the crew, I’d be back at the wreck right now. But no one else can get them the funds. As it is, I’ve sent Stephen back to Corvo, with the lifeboat. He’s going to do what he can to secure the boat with the help of some islanders. Looters aren’t likely but possible. Word spreads fast.”
“Why can’t you let Stephen handle the salvage? He knows what’s on the boat and he’s got two good legs.” I regretted that instantly. We’d almost gotten back to a normal, if heated discussion and I pushed the wrong button.
“For the love of God!” he bellowed. “I am not an invalid. I have a cut on my leg! And it’s healing quite well, thank you very much. This is my responsibility and I am going to see it through. I don’t need your approval. End of story. I’m going down to the bar. Do me a favor and don’t follow me.” He slammed the door hard enough to rattle the two decorative plates on the wall next to it.
It was one of those ‘what just happened?’ moments. I was clueless and I could feel little pieces of my heart breaking off. Chink, chink, chink—glass teardrops of my very soul rattled in my head without anywhere safe to land.
Chapter 16—Dylan
God, I hate being told what to do. I hate it even more when I’m told I’m not capable of doing something. When Rene copped that ‘you’re too fragile/it’s too dangerous’ attitude I saw red. Why couldn’t she understand how badly that tripped my trigger?
Okay, I admit I’ve got some psycho baggage, but it’s not like the baggage was a big secret. I couldn’t understand why the woman didn’t have the sense not to poke the bear. She had to go and get a big stick and just keep jabbing until I roared.
I didn’t like losing it with her. Of course, I understood that her concern sprang from her love for me. But something snaps in me sometimes. She was right. The old demon was a good name fo
r it. Unless you wanted to give it a real name . . . like Francesca Cruz.
The bar didn’t have any Grey. I swirled my second Stoli and watched the few members of my crew tuck into some beer and what looked from a distance like fish fingers. I’d seated myself at the farthest, darkest end of the bar and tried to give off unapproachable vibes. It worked.
Eventually I gave into my hunger and ordered up some seafood soup. Mrs. Da Silva had promised that Azorean ‘sopa’ was heaven in a bowl. She wasn’t exaggerating. But I’d have happily traded that delicious dinner for a shared peanut butter sandwich with Rene any time. She didn’t earn the crappy treatment I just handed to her.
I was feeling a little guilty when I went back to the room. I half wondered if Rene would still be there. She was, but she was asleep (or pretending to be) in the bed away from the door. Her back was to me and the room was dark except for a small light she’d left on in the bathroom.
The other bed looked terribly uninviting, but there wasn’t a choice. I could barely squeeze myself into it and it would have been impossible for me to share one with her. The lumpy pillow couldn’t do the job even when I folded it in half. I tossed around and ended up staring at her through the darkness. She never turned. It was my first lesson in going to bed mad. It sucked. Big time. No wonder every old timer who’s ever given advice tells you not to let the sun set on your anger.
I woke up several times during the night. She never moved. I wondered how anyone could stay balled up in a knot like that all night long. It made my legs feel crampy just watching her.
Of course I owed her an apology. I could have made my point the night before without being rude. But when she woke up and acted the way she did, my stubborn pride kicked in. She wouldn’t look at me at all. She went straight to the bathroom, came out fully dressed and asked, “What time does the plane for Ponta Delgada leave?”
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