What Rene had done was a betrayal. She’d pried into my private stuff, lied to me and deliberately gone against my specific wishes. I hadn’t been vague about telling her to leave the whole situation with my sister alone. She’d suggested and I’d rejected. There wasn’t any gray area.
Trust is one of those things that’s hard to win and way too easy to lose. My trust in Rene was part of what made me know I truly loved her. Without it, I didn’t know if I could.
Chapter 31—Rene
Say something! Yell, scream, beat your chest, but say something. Dylan’s silent treatment was killing me. His face was like stone—hard and cold. He went over to the mini-bar and removed the two tiny bottles of vodka, opened one and drained it straight. He did the same with the other. Then he went into the bathroom with his phone and locked the door.
I was at a loss. I picked up the museum catalog and put the lamp back on the side table. I sat in the chair by the window and numbly watched the traffic crawl past on the street below the hotel. It was rush hour and the cars moved at the same pace as the minutes. It was an agony of slow motion.
He was waiting in the john for Blake to call him back. I was sure of that. He wanted to hear the skinny on his sister and then he’d deal with me.
It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t like I cheated on him or stole from him. I had his best interests at heart when I went looking for her. Weren’t we supposed to be a ‘couple’? Wasn’t I entitled to do what I thought was best for him and for us?
Unfortunately, even I couldn’t make a right out of my wrongs. Best interests and good intentions did not trump snooping, lying and deceiving. If I was in his shoes, I’d probably be just as mad. Or maybe not. I loved Dylan enough to forgive him almost anything. I had to face the fact that maybe he didn’t feel as strongly about me.
I don’t know how long I waited until the phone behind the bathroom door rang. It was long enough for me to decide that if Dylan chose to be unforgiving about the whole Dawn incident, then he wasn’t for me. Love forgives. There are very few things I could think of that were worth losing the love of my life over. My behavior didn’t qualify me for termination.
By the time the bathroom door opened, I’d worked my way into a righteous state of justification. It made it a lot easier to keep my composure. I had told him I was sorry but I wasn’t going to grovel. If sorry wasn’t good enough, too bad for us.
Wordlessly, he went to the closet and got one of our smaller suitcases. He packed a few things never once making eye contact with me. The longer he gave me the silent treatment, the angrier I became. Apparently he had nothing more to say to me. I was dismissed. It was his usual method of dealing with conflict. We had gone over it and he’d promised me he wouldn’t pull this act again. He had said he’d understood.
So that’s how it is. That’s all I’m worth to you. You’re going to walk out that door without another word just like you have every other time things didn’t go your way. Well fine then, you damaged son of a bitch who can’t even get over this bump in the road. Leave then!.
I crossed my arms over my chest and didn’t take my eyes off of him. I was amazed at his behavior. He was actually going to leave without saying a thing. And he did.
Without so much as a glance in my direction he left me staring at his back, alone in our fancy hotel room in fancy New York City. My love. My ‘stay with me forever’ Dylan. My ‘I like the sound of our life’ boyfriend. Yeah, right.
As I threw my things into our bigger bag, I decided it was a damn good thing I found out how fragile his love was now, instead of later. I could have married the guy, had three kids and then found out what a reactionary baby he was. I could have been ten years down the road, my youth behind me and learned how little I meant to the man. Lucky me.
The last thing I did before I left the room was lay the diamond necklace over ‘his’ pillow. If the maid wanted to pocket it in the morning, so be it. If he ever did come back to the room, I wanted his precious gift to be waiting for him.
I was on the last flight out of LaGuardia bound for Ft. Lauderdale before the first tears came. The cabin lights were low and I was crammed into a window seat back in ‘coach’ again. I put my hot cheek up against the cool fuselage and let the tears just flow. Big silent fat drops poured out of my eyes and I felt sorrier for myself than I ever thought possible. Whoever made up that saying about it is better to have loved and lost was full of it. I would rather never have loved.
I’d phoned Hannah from the airport and told her I was on my way home, tail between my legs. She didn’t ask me a lot of questions, she just got the flight information and told me she’d be there to pick me up. At least I had someone to count on. I sure had been way wrong about counting on Dylan. Bailing out. Walking away. What a guy. What a wonderful, understanding man I had fallen for. What a jerk.
The tears gave way to anger. I was angry at Dylan for abandoning ‘us’ without a backward glance. I was angry at myself for not believing him when he said he didn’t know how to love someone. I should have taken his word for it. He didn’t know how to love someone. His expectations were unrealistic and his standards were far too high.
I had allowed myself to be seduced by too many things that weren’t real. Dylan was too handsome, too charming and too sexy for someone like me. He dazzled me right out of any common sense and seduced me body and soul. I let it happen and I blamed myself for making yet another painful mistake. He may have been a jerk, but I was a fool.
When I saw my sweet buddy waiting for me at the baggage check, I started crying all over again. Hannah threw her arms around me and let me sob a minute on her shoulder. Then she held me at arm’s length and said, “You look like an old hairball Tiger left on the rug.”
“Thanks, it’s great to see you too.” I put my arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze. “Thanks for coming to get me on such short notice.”
“Of course. You checked a bag?”
“The one he left me was too big to carry on. Look for the Louis Vuitton,” I told her as the luggage carousel started up with an obnoxious beep, beep, beep.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. How so totally cliché. Couldn’t you have managed something a bit more subtle?”
I laughed as I grabbed the ‘steal me now’ suitcase from the conveyor belt. “We were kind of on a money-spending high.”
“I’m not sure I can put that thing in the trunk of my humble car. It could be illegal.” Hannah took the bag from my hand. “It’s awfully light. Didn’t you bring the gold bullion I requested?”
“Joke all you want, but there actually was some gold bullion involved in the last few days. And a couple of hideous gold watches. All of which is tucked away in a hotel safe along with all those gift cards.”
“I haven’t touched your room. There’s probably an inch of dust covering everything. Sorry, I didn’t expect you to just pop on home so fast.”
Hannah had been known to iron the collar, cuffs and only the part that ‘showed’ on a blouse if she was going to wear a sweater over it. Her modus operandi was always to get the results she wanted with the least effort. From my slightly OCD perspective, her take on life was admirable. I would have been in that empty room at least once a week tidying up.
“Not a problem. I’m too tired to notice. I just want to be somewhere familiar. I’m so beat, Hann.”
“I’m all ears when you’re ready to talk about it.”
“There’s not that much to say, really. I made a mistake that he can’t forgive. The bottom line is that he doesn’t love me enough to forgive it.”
“What was the mistake?”
“I read his email, searched for his sister and met up with her after he told me not to.”
Hannah was silent for a very long minute. “You realize that’s pretty serious, right?”
“Yes, I do. But the result is that he now has his sister back in his life. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“I don’t know. Would he have found her without y
our ‘help’?”
“Probably. I hate to admit it but, yes. I just accelerated the process, I guess.” I sighed and tears began to roll from the corners of my eyes. “I just can’t believe it was enough to make him quit on us all together. I didn’t do anything malicious. I didn’t cheat on him.”
“How did he end it?”
“What do you mean? He packed a bag and walked out of the hotel room.”
“Where was he going?”
“He didn’t speak to me after I got off the phone telling his lawyer what I knew about Dawn. Not one word. He wouldn’t even look at me. That’s the way he’s handled every conflict we’ve ever had—stonewalling. He just shuts off. I hate it.”
“That does sound pretty harsh. So you left right after?”
“Was there any reason for me to stay? How can someone just turn love off like that, Hannah? How can you take one incident and just flip the switch? This was the guy who was talking about ‘forever’ just twenty-four hours ago.”
“I can’t say I wouldn’t be mad at you myself. So, I hope you don’t start reading my email.” I shot her a look. “But if you did, I probably would forgive you. I think sometimes when people fall too fast and say things too quickly, it can get overwhelming. Maybe Dylan just took the first opportunity he had to cut his losses.”
“But, I swear to God, I never pushed him into saying anything or making any commitment. In fact, he did all the pushing. I gave him a zillion chances to dial back on all the heavy stuff. I know that’s hard to believe coming from me, but it’s true.”
“It’s possible that he’ll change his mind once he has time to think things through. Maybe this is just a knee-jerk reaction.”
“Well, guess what? Maybe I don’t want to be with the kind of man who behaves like this. Maybe I want someone who doesn’t just toss love away over one mistake. You know, spending a lifetime with someone means there are going to be things that go wrong. Can you imagine how it would be to spend your life knowing your mate would just walk out on you if you crossed his line?”
“This is why I largely stay unattached. Love is way too demanding.”
“And,” I said, getting on a roll, “what about children?”
“Children? You talked about children? Whew. That is pretty heavy.”
“Yes we did talk about having kids. But what kind of father would he be? Kids mess up all the time. Can you imagine what he’d do if one of our kids got caught lying to him? Would he just stop speaking to the kid and pretend he didn’t exist? Would he disown him and throw him out in the street?”
“You have a good point there. If he’s rigid with you, he’ll be rigid with his kids, too.”
“I wish I’d never taken the job. Wish I’d never met the man. I hate starting all over again.”
“It bites the big one, buddy.” She patted my knee. “You’ll survive, though. We always do.”
“This time, I’m not so sure.”
Chapter 32—Dylan
I called Dawn’s number from the Metro North train. I wanted to think of something clever and light to use as an introduction but everything I came up with sounded too frivolous for our circumstance. So I just wound up saying, “Hi Dawn, it’s me, Dylan.”
She shrieked into the phone so loud I had to hold it away from my ear. “Dylan! I am so, so, so happy to hear your voice. It’s been all I could do not to call you ever since I met Rene. But she made me promise. Where are you?”
“I’m on my way to Stamford right now. I should be there in an hour or so. Can we meet for dinner?”
“Absolutely! I can’t wait. Is Rene with you?”
“Uh, no. Do you have a couch I can flop on for the night?”
“Brother, I have an entire spare bedroom. I’ve got an idea. Instead of dinner out, I’ll order in and we can have the whole evening to ourselves. How’s that sound?”
“Perfect. Text me your address and I’ll grab a cab.”
“Don’t be silly. I’ll be at the station waiting for you. Look for the tall, gorgeous brunette who, according to Rene, looks just like you.”
The train moved north as darkness fell. I watched the landscape whoosh by, mile after mile of urban sprawl. I missed the ocean. And I already missed Rene.
I knew I should call her but I wasn’t ready to talk. I probably should have told her where I was going and that I’d be back the next day. I was seriously resentful toward her intrusiveness, but I knew as soon as I left the hotel that I’d be back.
It might do her some good to suffer a little. I was all for sharing my life, but I wanted to do it on a voluntary basis. I didn’t plan on having any secrets. If she’d wanted to read the damn will I would have let her. All she had to do was ask. But she had to play Inspector Clouseau and go off on her little mission. Blake was right. She’d missed her calling. I wondered if there was an occupation that combined awesome cooking with detective work and smiled at the thought of it . . . and her.
I’d let her wait it out. Tomorrow would be soon enough to put the whole incident behind us. My sister waited on the other end of the train ride and nothing could take the joy out of my heart. To think that we’d both been dead to one another for fifteen years was mind-boggling. Fifteen years. We’d missed so much. Now we had the chance to make up for all that lost time.
If I had walked into a crowd of thousands of strangers, I would have picked Dawn out in seconds. Rene was absolutely right. My only sibling looked like a soft, feminine me. I could only hope to be as graceful and as beautiful.
Dawn ran toward me on her colt-like legs and threw herself into my arms. There would be no awkward moments between us. I hugged her tight and breathed in the smell of the only family I’d ever known. We were both crying and laughing at the same time.
“Oh my Dylan! It’s a miracle. This is the greatest gift I could ever imagine. I have you back in my life.”
“Sweet little sister, I’ll never let anything tear us apart again.” I held her out in front of me as the station lights mingled with the last daylight. She glowed with health, just like she always did in my good dreams. Somehow, some way, we had both survived and thrived. “You look amazing. All grown up, but still the same.”
“And you, dear brother, are as handsome as Rene told me you were. God, you grew up well, didn’t you?”
“I think we both did. And that’s got to be the biggest miracle of all.” I picked up my suitcase and we headed toward the parking lot.
She eyed my bag skeptically. “Excuse me, but what’s up with the luggage?”
“It’s a long story. Let’s get to your place and I’ll tell you quite a tale.”
Dawn’s place was a cute little carriage house behind a bigger home that had been turned into a B&B. It oozed New England charm. She ushered me in and sat me down in a big overstuffed couch that was just the right combination of chic and comfortable. That was the impression the entire house gave off. It was stylish, classy and at the same time utterly unpretentious. It matched my sister entirely.
She opened a bottle of wine and set it on the coffee table with a couple of glasses. “There’s a great diner in town and I got us a meatloaf dinner complete with mashed potatoes and creamed peas and onions. I wanted something homey.”
“Sounds fantastic.” I patted the couch beside me. “Sit next to me and tell me what you’ve been up to for the last fifteen years. Because all I know is that I woke up one morning and you and Mom were gone.”
“So Father never gave you any explanation?”
“Not a word. Anytime I asked about you I was told you were gone. He never actually told me you were dead. I filled in that blank. Gone became just another word for being dead. Over the years I stopped thinking there was any other meaning to the word.”
“Why do you think he did it, Dylan? What was the point of inflicting all that pain?”
“I haven’t a clue. Maybe he didn’t understand how close we were. Maybe he thought we’d heal better if we didn’t have each other to relive the trauma with. Then the
re’s the possibility that he just had zero regard for our feelings and he did what was easiest. We’ll never know.”
“He came to visit me. At least twice a year. More when I was younger. He was actually sweet to me in an awkward and uncomfortable way.”
“I’m glad you got to see some good in him. I may have seen him slightly more often than you did, but there was nothing sweet about it.”
“Did you have ‘parents’ at the house after I left? I had the Jacksons. I love them now like they’re really my parents. I want you to meet them, too.”
“I never got attached to my ‘parents’. I was too burned. Maybe they’d have been great, but I wouldn’t let them anywhere near me.”
“I’m sorry for that. Aunt Cindy and Uncle Don probably saved my life. They’re the only people I’ve ever known who loved me in anything close to a normal way. And, yes, I know they were hired to do it. I’m not a fool. But by the time I realized they were being paid to take care of me, we already had a family thing going. When I got old enough to understand it, they told me they couldn’t have children and couldn’t really afford to adopt. Our father’s deal with them gave them someone to love and a comfortable life. They felt blessed and, believe it or not, they made me feel blessed. Like I said, they’re wonderful people.”
“I guess you got lucky.” I told her. Part of me envied that. The Robertsons had done all they could to engage me, but at thirteen I had been withdrawn and hostile. I couldn’t fault them. They tried and I fought them with every last surly ounce of willfulness in me. Maybe if I’d been a little more open to their overtures, I would have had a happier adolescence. My sister seemed far more content with her ‘upbringing’ after the separation than I was.
“I think you got lucky. Your Rene is wonderful. I’ve never been in love, Dylan. Never even close.”
“You’re kidding me. You’re a gorgeous young woman. You mean to tell me you’ve never . . .”
Tempest Tossed: A Love Unexpected Novel Page 36
