by Dani René
I grew up not knowing what a mother’s love or affection was. When I finally ran, I packed my backpack with some clothes stuffed into the space along with my toothbrush and my notebook. I left everything behind and let her have it. Money never meant anything to me, all I wanted was my dad. After what she did to me, what Morgan did to me, I knew I’d never know what family is.
The night of their so-called party, when those filthy men groped me. Their vile hands on parts of my body, fingers prodding me, grabbing my breasts, spitting disgusting words. It was then I knew if I didn’t get out I’d lose more than just my virginity. I’d lose my soul in the process.
When I met Carrick, he promised to care for me. To make sure nothing harmed me in any way, and he kept that promise. He found me out of my mind from the tequila I inhaled like it was giving me my next breath and the coke I’d shoved up my nose. He dragged me to the parking lot of the club I’d almost been raped in and slapped some sense into me.
He was my new family. Sex wasn’t anything special to me anymore. It was a means to an end. My end. The girl that my dad raised died, and in her place, was a cold woman who needed the pain to forget. My story isn’t filled with sweet words and roses, it’s the whips, chains, and degradation that make me forget. When I knew what I needed to do, it came easily to me.
That night I finally let go of my past, I begged Rick to take me. I slutted myself out to a man who acted like my knight in shining armor. When he finally relented, I told him to show me his darkness and he did. I was a sixteen-year-old submissive for six months while I learned what this life was like. I don’t hate him for it. He did save me in so many ways. I took to it like a fish to water. And that’s where my journey begun.
“Eva, I know we can be good together. We both have demons to overcome, we both need the other to survive, and we can mend our souls by looking to our future. I can’t live without you. As dark as my world is, without you, it’s like walking through life blind. I need you,” Nate implores me. Never did I think I’d see a man like him kneel, beg, or plead. I hold power that I never knew I had with him. All our time together I was always on the receiving end of his dominance.
Now, I have a choice to make.
I look into his eyes, those beautiful pools of dark brown that haunted my dreams over the short time we’d been apart. I was a walking ghost without him, and now I know he felt the same pain I did. “I don’t know if I can accept the collar… yet,” I say, my voice raspy, my throat dry, aching from screaming at him moments ago. “We need time. I need time, Nate.” He nods slowly, relief that I’m not refusing him painting his handsome face.
“Come home with me, Eva?” He asks, his voice low, filled with longing. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, but staying with Carrick isn’t helping matters. “I’ll make you dinner, draw you bubble baths and you’re welcome to stay in the guest room if you feel you need time. I know I lied. I hid the truth from you, but as we spent more time together, all I wanted was you. Her agreement was null and void by the time I’d asked you to have dinner with me. That was the first date I’d ever had. And when you looked at me with those beautiful eyes, filled with amusement, fire, and yearning, I knew there was no way I was letting you go.”
He takes my hand, holding it between both his large ones.
“I’d never dated my slaves. They were merely toys to me. You…” his words trail off, his mind ticking by all the ways he can get me to agree. When he glances up at me again, he continues. “You’re the only woman who’s gotten into my heart and I can’t lose that. Finally, I’m greedy for the right thing. My greed brought me you, and my addiction won’t let you leave. I don’t know how we’re going to land on our feet, but we have to try.” He drops his head, looking at my shoes like they’re going to give him the answer he seeks.
“You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Ashcroft. Right now, it feels as if we’ve just jumped over the ledge and we’re currently in a freefall. Let’s worry about landing when we get there. Baby steps first,” I offer, shutting the velvet box, but holding onto it. “Since this is mine, I’ll keep it until we figure out where we stand. If that’s okay with you?”
“Anything you want,” he smiles, rising to full height, towering over me in his commanding way. His gaze pinning me with not desire, not lust. It bores into me with love.
“Anything?” I quip, my body responding in a completely different way. I don’t need the spanking, the toys, or anything else. I only want him and the affection I know he’s capable of. Right now, more than anything, I want the sweet, gentle caresses rather than the pain. Tonight, I need the light, in this dark world I’ve become accustomed to living in. In this lifestyle, there’s no way you can stop yourself from forever dousing yourself in the murky shadows. I need it. He does too.
When he finally reaches for me, I fall into his arms. All the while we both stood on our own, but now, we need to stand together. We have a war to fight, a dragon to slay. I never realized how much she hated me, I thought running away would make sure she’s out of my life, clearly not.
“Eva, I thought walking away from you was the right thing to do, I did it because I didn’t want her hurting you anymore. Fuck, I know I’d done enough damage that night I walked out. But when you told me that Carrick was going to collar you…” He trails off, and I know that must have hurt him as much as I was hurting. “I can’t handle it, Eva. I can’t lose you.”
“You mean you can’t handle someone else having me,” I murmur under my breath. When I glance up, I see him nod, but doesn’t voice his response for so long, I think he’s about to change his mind. The cruel way I’ve always been broken was being reprimanded for wanting something, having it pulled out from under me. And now, even as an adult, I still expect it.
“Knowing another man has you on his arm, in his bed, I can’t live with that, Eva.”
“Then I can’t be with you if you’re going to have another woman kneel for you. I may not be a slave, but I’m a submissive. I’ve always needed the degradation, but from you… From you it feels dishonest. Wrong. I want…” My words trail off because I’m scared. For the first time in a long while I’m afraid of needing someone.
Since I was sixteen I fended for myself. Yes, Carrick was there, but it was always me looking out for myself. No one else mattered. Now though, when I look at Nathan, I’m so fucking scared, I don’t know how to do this. How do I finally allow myself to be with someone fully? To give them the ultimate control.
“Eva, you can always tell me what you need or want. I’ll change, I’ll do anything to have you wear my collar. No more other women, just me and you. We’ll set limits, we’ll put precautions in place so I’ll never do something you don’t want.”
His sincerity causes my heart to ache. It makes my lungs struggle to breathe. But I look into his eyes when I finally admit what I want from him. “I want you to not only be my Dominant, but I want you to love me too.”
21
Nate
Her request makes me smile. “Eva.” I reach for her face, cupping her cheek gently in my hand. My thumb swipes along her lower lip, causing the light pink gloss to smudge and I imagine making her face streak with makeup while I own her. While I finally take her as mine and collar her.
Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears as we stare at each other for a long while.
“If you can’t see by now that I love you, I’ll spend each day for the rest of my life showing you. Yes, I want to be your Dominant, but more than that I love you so goddamn much you drive me out of my mind. Never ever question that.”
Once again, I swipe my finger along the smooth skin of her cheek, wiping away a fallen tear. I watch her swallow, her lips part, and I wonder what she’s about to say. My chest tightens when she reaches for me. Her delicate hand on my face as she regards me with passion so fierce I’m stunned.
“Nate, I love you too.” Five words and I know my life is complete. I know that no matter what happens from here, we’ll be okay. Things will work out.
“Come home with me,” I ask her, lifting my thumb to my mouth, tasting the saltiness of her emotions on my tongue. When she takes a moment to answer, I know the answer will be yes. She doesn’t have a choice.
“Okay,” she says.
Her response has me releasing a breath I’d been holding in anticipation. Relief sags my shoulders. It won’t be long until Marissa comes strolling into my office threatening me, but if I have Eva beside me, I know I’ll be able to make it through.
When I pull the door open, I find Carrick glaring at me from the other side. “Are you okay?” His gaze falls on my woman. He doesn’t move, as he waits for her response.
“Yes, Rick.” She smiles, pulling away from me to circle her arms around him.
I watch him plant a kiss on the top of her head. A friendly gesture, but it still prickles me with jealousy to see how close they are. In a way, I’m glad she had someone to go to when she needed it, but I’m possessive, and from now on, she’s mine. Only mine.
He pins me with an angry glare, and utters his warning. “Hurt her again…” I nod before he can say anything more. He doesn’t need to tell me what I did, because I know. We’ll fight to the death for one woman. I can see he cares for her. It’s not love. Not the all-consuming affection that I have for her.
“Thank you, Carrick, for looking after her when I couldn’t.”
He nods, offering me a hand and releasing my girl. “If you ever need anything…” He smirks in that asshole way he’s got. I don’t know how he’s never found the right woman. Perhaps because he’s too much like me in a way. He indulges with too many women, but doesn’t allow love into the equation. But for me, there’s no more playing with others. I’ve found my one. The only one I need.
“There might be something you can help me with. Let me get Eva home and we’ll talk later, I’ll give you a call,” I tell him, our eyes meet in understanding. Carrick has connections in far reaching places. And I have a feeling he’s the one who will be able to get Marissa out of our lives for good.
Leading my girl down the hall, I can’t help my mind racing with a plan that will once and for all free us from an agreement that I stupidly put myself into. I want that bitch out of my life, but not just mine, Eva’s as well. Her body nestles herself into me as we get to the parking lot.
The lights of the car blink twice when I press the key fob. Opening her door, I help Eva into the passenger seat. Rounding the car, I make my way to the driver’s side and slip into my seat. Silence lingers as we both figure out what to say. When I glance at her in the seat beside me, I can’t help smiling. It’s where she belongs.
Her gaze is on me and a soft smile plays on her lips as they quirk into a grin. “I’m tired, Nate.”
“We’ll be home soon,” I say, starting the engine and pulling out onto the road. Home. For me it’s always been a place to sleep, to perhaps relax, but it’s never been a place I wanted to go after a long day. Which is why I spent my time in casino’s, throwing my hard-earned money away.
Now I realize that home is more than just a house with expensive things. It’s a place where you feel happiest. A space that allows you to be yourself, and to love yourself. And mine is with her. My home is Eva. With her forgiveness, I feel like I can finally allow myself that luxury. Love.
The drive is silent, the air feels heavy with unsaid words and thoughts. I want to ease her fears, but I don’t know how. Pulling into the parking lot, I turn off the engine and exit the car. When I reach her door, I snatch it open, scooping Eva into my arms and carrying her into the elevator. Her face nuzzles into my neck, her steady breaths are calm, warming me all over.
I’d like to play a scene with her, to connect with her, but I think more than anything, I just need to hold her. In the hallway, I manage to get the door open and us inside before slamming it closed with my foot. The place is in darkness as I make my way up to the bedroom—our bedroom—with her.
She’s sleeping beside me, no questions asked. There’s no guestroom anymore. This is where she belongs and it’s where she’ll stay. I lean down, setting her on the soft navy sheet, tugging the comforter over her small frame.
I’m about to say goodnight, but her eyes are already closed, her breathing even, and her body curled into a ball. Her long flowing hair fans over the white pillow making it seem as if she’s flying.
She’s so goddamn beautiful.
Leaving her, I make my way through to the living room and pull out my phone. I need to talk to Carrick about helping me. If there’s one man who can fuck over anyone it’s him. I tap the call button and wait. Three rings in, his smooth baritone comes from the other end.
“Nate, calling so soon?”
“Rick, we need to talk. Marissa Gallagher, she’s a client of Seven Sins,” I start.
“Gallagher?”
“Yeah, she’s Eva’s mother,” I respond, but he sounds as confused as I feel.
He sighs then, frustration clear over the line. “Jesus, will she never learn.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I found Eva, she was a runaway. Over time, she trusted me with her past, with who she was. I’d found her mother not long after Eva and I stopped…” He trails off and jealousy burns through my veins. He and my girl were together. I don’t need to know that, but he’s telling me without words that he’s there for her. That he cares.
“Carrick, tell me what the fuck you know.”
“Marissa came to me the night you walked in and requested Eva. She spoke to me, gave me some bullshit story that she wanted to sort out things with her daughter. I told her to fuck off, that she no longer had a daughter. I told her to leave my club and I watched her walk out. I didn’t realize what her ploy was… She must have wangled her way back in after I left.” He explains slowly as realization dawns on us both. I can see his mind racing with thoughts as he rakes his hand through his hair. “The bitch infiltrated my club when I wasn’t here. Mason doesn’t know her. He has no idea about Eva’s past. So, she came to you? She wanted you because of your kink.” He says as the truth tumbles free and he sighs.
“I want you to book The Chambers, tell her she has to be there. I’ll make sure she talks,” I tell him, confident that I know one person who is able to fix this for me. I didn’t think about asking him before because he’s busy training a new submissive. But it’s time I call in the sadist.
“We can do that no problem, but I need to know what you have up your sleeve and I’ll do what I can. Marissa isn’t stupid, she’ll know something’s wrong, but right now, I don’t give a fuck. I’ll call in a favor, have one of my contacts take her out clean.” I know he means that offing the bitch would be an option, and as much as I’d enjoy that, it’s not going to work. Not for what I have in mind.
“No. We need more, we need leverage,” I tell him, urging him to listen to me.
“Okay. How?” Eva isn’t going to like it, but if her mother wants to play dirty, I can do that. I can certainly fucking do that. There’s only one man I know that can make this work, I need Carrick to provide the venue, and I’ll provide the entertainment.
“Oliver Michaelson.”
He’s silent, and I know he’s weighing his options. Either do this and help Eva, or allow the girl he cares for, perhaps a little too much, to walk away. Because there’s no doubt, I’ll take Eva and run if I have to. I’ll cross borders and oceans for her.
I settle at my desk, opening my laptop poised to type an email to the one man I know can manipulate as well as he can defend. The lawyer, and sadist, and one of my best friends.
“Call Oli, I’ll set up the room for this weekend,” Carrick says, I hear the smile in his tone. He knows as well as I do that this is going to be the death of an ice queen.
“I’ll sort it out. Make sure she’s in The Chambers at ten on Saturday night. Also,” I say, leaning back in my chair as another idea pops into my mind. “Set up three cameras, one in each corner.” The room in question is odd shaped, almost triangular, wh
ich allows the three cameras to pick up every angle.
“Done. See you then. And Nate,” his words halt for a moment. “Don’t hurt her again. Or I will be forced to end you.”
“Not going to happen, Rick. She’s mine now. I love her.”
He doesn’t say anything before the line dies and I’m typing out an email to my old friend Oli.
22
Eva
When I roll over and crack my eyes, I find the darkness wrapped around me like a warm blanket. A soft scent hangs in the air, coffee and cinnamon. Sitting up, I find myself in Nate’s bedroom. The silence is beautiful, yet disturbing. The red numbers on his alarm clock tell me it’s five in the morning. I must have slept right through.
My body aches from the roller coaster of emotions that’ve been pulled from me in the last few days. Pulling my hair into a messy bun, I wrap the hair tie around the long strands, and get up. My feet find the plush carpet, reveling in the warmth radiating from the floor.
I’m dressed in only a pair of panties and my bra, so I grab the white robe at the foot end of the bed and shrug it on and make my way toward the door. As soon as I pull it open I’m slammed with the scent of delicious sweet treats. There’s a candy scent, with spice, and dark chocolate wafting down the hall. When I step into the kitchen, I find Nathan in only a pair of dark gray boxers, standing at the stove making pancakes.
With his back to me, I can’t help watching how the muscles move under the tanned smooth skin. The way they slowly pulse, tightening and releasing, which in turn, causes me to ache with need. It’s been a few days since we’ve been together, too long without him and I miss him.
“Are you going to stand and stare at me all day?” he quips, not bothering to look at me.
