The first time he whispered those words in her ear, she had no idea what they'd meant. She figured it was something he'd heard his father tell his mother, a Spanish phrase passed down through the family, something she wasn't supposed to understand.
The second time he'd sung them to her, she couldn’t resist her curiosity. But when she asked, he just smiled softly and looked away.
The third time, she memorized them to look up when he wasn't watching. And the fourth time, hearing him say those words, knowing what they meant, she'd kissed him and changed everything.
Now, they touched her frozen heart.
They melted it.
They made it beat rapidly, in a vibrant fervor so new and unknown to a chest that had grown used to stone-cold stillness.
She should stand and walk to the other side of the boat.
She should move or turn away.
She should—but she didn’t.
Tomorrow, she thought. Tomorrow, I'll go back to hating him. Tomorrow, I'll remember the anger and the betrayal burning deep in my gut. Tomorrow, I'll keep running.
But tonight, she stayed right there.
Tonight, she listened as he repeated the words, and she smiled, translating them in her mind, enjoying the way her heart beat in tune with the rise and fall of his voice. Sure, he'd been a sappy, lovestruck fourteen-year-old when he wrote it, but it was still her favorite poem in the world.
My dear, my dear, with hair like the sun and eyes like the moon. My love, my love, so close, so far away. Sweet dreams until tomorrow. My heart is with you.
And she did have sweet dreams.
For the first time in a long time, she slept completely at peace.
Chapter Nine
Pandora knew the sun had risen before she even opened her eyes. The rays sparked along her skin, tickling her, sending little shock waves across her body. But the sun always felt like that to a vampire. It always burned a little.
Just enough to remind me that I'm not human, Pandora thought with a sigh, remembering the conduit blood from the night before. It must have worn off if the sun was prickling her again. After all, conduit fire was really just the sun's rays brought down to Earth—they channeled that same heat that was touching her now. It was just a heck of a lot hotter from five feet away instead of something like five hundred billion.
Okay. Enough delaying. Time to wake up.
And yet, she couldn't get her body to move. Her arm still rested over Jax's chest. His hand still gripped the side of her waist. And his heart still thudded gently in her ear, almost rhythmic.
Neither one of them had moved.
Not even an inch.
The entire night had passed, drifting into day, and yet the two of them had remained still, motionless, stuck in that moment and unwilling to let go.
Except something was different. His heart was beating faster, and his breath wasn't quite steady, almost as though…
Pandora glanced up, meeting Jax's open eyes.
He was awake.
Watching her and totally awake.
Crap.
Pandora pressed her hand into his chest, using his body for leverage, starting to ease into a seated position. But he gripped her waist tighter, stopping her.
"Wait," Jax murmured.
Pandora held his gaze, not sure she liked the way his lips were softening, not sure she liked the certain sort of fire starting to spark deep in those saltwater irises. "We said one night, Jax."
"Just wait," he said again, hooded gaze dropping to her mouth before flicking back up, making the space between them twenty degrees hotter.
She should've sat up.
Should've backed away the moment he got that gleam in his eye. Because she knew exactly what it meant. She'd seen it before.
But instead, she did what he asked. She waited, not moving as the hand around her waist shifted her that much closer, as his other hand came to rest on the back of her neck, strong and sturdy. The only reminder that time was somehow passing was the steady slap of water on wood, a gentle beat out of place in a world that suddenly seemed stopped on a dime. So many memories flashed between them, flickering in their unbroken gazes, all the times they’d been there before, in a perfect unspoiled moment. Pandora was too afraid to blink, to move. And when Jax slowly lifted his head, still watching her, purposefully closing the space between them, she definitely should have pulled away. Instead, her lips relaxed, expecting his touch, yearning for it.
And then they were kissing.
Slow at first, soft, remembering the days when they were fifteen and unsure and figuring things out for the first time with each other. Their touches were hesitant, cautious.
Until suddenly, they weren't.
Until suddenly, they remembered that they weren't fifteen.
And just like that, everything shifted.
Moved in fast-forward.
Intensified.
Jax moved his fingers into her hair, holding her with undeniable strength, as his lips grew more demanding. And Pandora answered that demand, pressing against him, digging her hands into his shoulder, gripping tight enough to make him grunt in pain, but the sound quickly turned to pleasure as they shifted their bodies closer. The heat of his bare palm found its way to her hip, slipping beneath her shirt, drawing a path of fire up her icy skin.
"Dory," he rasped.
But the word stopped her, brought her back to reality, broke the spell.
She couldn’t do this.
Not with him. Not like this.
Not as though nothing had changed, when in fact, everything had.
Everything.
"Jax," Pandora said against his lips, not even sure herself if the soft sound was meant to push him away or draw him closer. Traitorous voice! Whatever her body craved, her head knew that it was high time to get back to hating him, knew that what she needed was space to breathe, and that what Jax needed was a nice, cold shower.
Rolling over before his lips had the chance to change her mind, she flipped them so Jax was on top. He mistook the move for one of passion, trying to deepen the embrace. But Pandora had already shifted her legs. In one swift motion, she pushed her feet into his stomach and shoved his chest with her arms, sending him up and over the edge of the boat, splashing into the water.
Did I actually just throw Jax into the ocean? she thought as a wave of cold droplets splattered against her cheeks. After twisting and jumping up to lean over the edge of the boat, she searched the dark water, trying her best not to laugh. Glancing around, she realized how far away from shore they'd traveled. The only indication that there was any land close by was a small strip of brown on the horizon. The rest of the world was blue.
"I can’t believe you," Jax sputtered the moment his head broke the surface, a few feet away from the boat, already carried by the tide. His tone was annoyed but unsurprised, as though he should have expected it.
Pandora stared at him pointedly. "You broke our agreement. Last night was supposed to be a one-time deal."
"So you threw me into the ocean?" he grumbled.
She shrugged.
"I could die out here!"
Pandora rolled her eyes. "You're fine. Don’t be so dramatic."
"Dramatic?" he questioned as he started to swim back toward her. "Do you have any idea how cold this water is? I could get hypothermia."
She narrowed her eyes in challenge. "Titans are immune."
He opened his mouth to retort and then frowned, dipping his head under the water and using his strong arms to push himself closer. And then he popped back up. "I could drown. What if I'd hit my head on the side of the boat?"
"You didn’t."
"But what if I did? Would you have come in here and saved me?"
Pandora rested her elbows on the edge of the boat, sitting her chin on top of her hands, and watched, thoroughly amused, as he fought the current. "Maybe."
He wrinkled his nose, treading water to stare at her. "I think I have a cramp," he murmured casually, sinking a li
ttle farther beneath the undulating surface.
"You don't have a cramp."
"Ooh," he grunted painfully, grabbing at his side and thrashing unconvincingly as his head dipped beneath the water and remained there for a few prolonged moments before bursting back up. "If only there was someone close by who could save me," he cried sarcastically before disappearing beneath the water again. For one second.
Two.
Ten.
Fifteen.
"Jax."
Thirty.
"Jax, this is not funny!"
Forty-five.
"Jax?"
Fifty.
"Jax! Come out right now!" Pandora shouted, jumping to her feet to stare at the murky water, searching for his outline or his shadow, unable to spot anything except for the exact spot where the light stopped filtering through the water and the ocean turned dangerously dark.
"I knew you'd save me," his voice teased.
Pandora spun on her heels, nostrils flaring with annoyance as she took him in. Jax was still half in the water, but his arms were crossed and propped against the side of the boat, cradling his chin like a soft pillow as he grinned up at her.
"What about sharks?" he asked with faux seriousness. "What if I had become fish food? Wouldn't you feel the least bit sorry about turning me into bait?"
Pandora curled her upper lip, trying her best to look at him with total disdain and not the slightest bit of relief. "I'd feel sorry for the shark."
"Why? Because you know I could take him?"
"No," she retorted, watching as he kicked with his feet to hurl himself back into the boat, unable to keep her gaze from the muscles flexing beneath the wet, clingy folds of his shirt—muscles she now understood the feel of all too well. When he landed with a heavy thud, she snapped her focus away and turned toward the shoreline. "Because you're a sorry excuse for a meal."
"I think I'd taste pretty good," he commented lightly.
Pandora snorted.
"You used to think so too."
She whipped her head around so fast she was afraid it might twist off, but before she could think of a snappy retort, her gaze landed on his now bare chest, and the words got lodged in the side of her throat, utterly stuck. Jax's grin deepened as he held his shirt between them and wrung it out onto the previously dry deck.
"You know what I think?" Jax asked, still holding her captive as his bronze skin gleamed in the sun, muscles expanding and contracting as water continued to drop with each twist of his shirt. And dammit, he was cut like a sculpture that had suddenly come bursting to life, hard as a rock yet brimming over with energy. "I think you still do."
Was it possible for vampires to feel lightheaded?
Was there enough blood in her system to feel flushed?
Because her icy body was sweltering, and her throat was dry as she forced a response out. "Do not."
Okay, not the best, obviously.
But she was working under a limited capacity right now.
"Do too," Jax whispered, as though it was a dirty little secret between them. "In fact, I think you liked what happened this morning so much that it scared you, that it maybe made you question why you've been fighting me so much, maybe made you wonder why you've spent the past four years running away when we could have spent them together."
And then he flapped his shirt one time in the breeze, snapping it for emphasis before laying it out in the sun. Lifting one eyebrow, he moved his hands toward his pants and unbuckled his belt.
"What are you doing?" she burst out.
"Get your mind out of the gutter," he replied innocently, enjoying this way too much, taking his time. "I've got to dry off somehow. Maybe you should have thought of that before tossing me into the ocean. Besides," he added, pausing to leave her mind open to many possibilities as he finished unzipping his pants and stripped down to his black boxer-briefs. "I think I'm going to withdraw my offer."
Pandora snapped her gaze up from where it'd been dangerously wandering and met his sparkling green ones. "What?"
"You heard me," he continued conversationally as he laid his pants down and then followed them to the deck, lounging completely at ease nearly naked in front of her, letting the sun warm the goose bumps off his wet skin. "Until you agree to come home, to stop running, I'm making myself off limits."
Pandora swallowed. "You can't exactly threaten someone with something they don't want."
He looked at her, brows raised. "Don't you?"
Yes.
Wait, no!
Maybe…just a little…
Instead of responding, she sneered.
Jax began humming under his breath, a cheerful little tune to match the cloudless sky and the otherwise beautiful day.
"Would you stop? Please?" Pandora grumbled.
"Don't mind me," he responded merrily, eyes closed. "I'm just warming up in the sun, getting my tan on, displaying my forbidden fruit…"
"Jax—"
"No," he interrupted. "No matter how much you beg, I'm staying right here, on my own side of the boat, far away from you."
"What is going on?" she murmured, scrunching her face in a mix of annoyance and utter confusion. "Is this all some play to try to get me to strip down to my underwear too?"
He stopped humming. "Why? Is it working?"
Aha! she thought. Now this I can work with. Let's see how he likes it. "Doesn’t matter if it is or it isn’t, because, well, I'm not wearing any underwear to strip down to."
He started choking as his eyes popped open, then he stared at her for a prolonged moment. His entire body paused, gaze turning suspicious as his eyes narrowed. "Yes, you are," he said, sounding as though he was trying to convince himself. "You are."
Pandora grinned, winking at him. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Crossing his arms like a petulant child, he sat up, facing her. "You know what I'd like to know?"
"What?" she challenged right back, charging head first into the tension filling the space around them, making their small boat seem even smaller. Anger was way easier to deal with than desire—way, way easier.
"Why?" he said simply.
But she didn’t understand. "Why what?"
His green eyes grew sharp, intense, and the air grew thicker. "Why'd you run? Why'd you leave?"
Pandora sucked in a breath, fumbling for a response. Because she didn’t know why. During her transformation into a vampire, something in her mind had clicked. Something beyond her control had built a wall inside her head, trapping those dark memories deep inside her soul, far, far away, where she wouldn’t have to relive them ever again. Because they'd destroyed her—utterly, completely destroyed her. And when she became a member of the undead, that pathetic, broken girl had been buried beneath layers and layers of pain and betrayal and hate—layers that still cocooned her shattered heart, constricting it painfully, aching warningly whenever she tried to remember.
Like right now.
Her chest squeezed so tight she gasped with the hurt, a reminder that no matter how good Jax looked, no matter how good it felt to tease him, to talk to him, to touch him, he'd destroyed her once. They all had. And something in the back of her mind told her he would only do it again.
"I told you before," she said gruffly, a threat edged into her voice, "it doesn’t matter, and I don't want to talk about it."
"It does matter," he said immediately, leaning forward, invading her space so she couldn't breathe. "Because I know why you ran away. I just want to hear you say it. I think it's finally time for us to talk about that night, the night of my initiation, the night you left."
"Stop!" she shouted, digging her fingers into her chest as though trying to rip out her heart, her unfaithful little heart that wouldn’t stop beating with every one of his words.
"We said we were going to run away together, we made a pact. I promised I wouldn't go through with the initiation. I promised we'd leave and go do all the things we always said we would. That you'd go to college in LA and study to beco
me a vet while I took gigs in bars and searched for an agent. That we'd forget about titans, about our duties and our obligations and our families. I promised the future we both dreamed of," he said, voice reaching a crescendo. And then he stopped, breathing heavily as he stared at her, eyes dark with unspoken pain. His shoulders slumped in, and his voice was soft when he continued. "And then I snatched it all away. Just like that. No explanation. No apology. One moment I was charging toward my father, ready to confront him, ready to tell him I wasn't going through with the ceremony. And then the next I was searching for you, head hanging low, neck burning with the tattoo confirming what I was, what I'll always be, what we were born to be. A member of the order. A titan. A protector. And when I found you, all it took was a single glance, and you knew. Without even looking at my tattoo, you could tell everything had changed. And you ran without giving me the chance to explain." Jax stepped closer, reaching out, imploring. "Let me explain."
"No." She stepped back, rocking the boat as her hand still hovered over her rapidly beating heart, as the wall in her mind cracked, a snap that reverberated painfully across her skull. "No. I don't want an explanation. I don't need one."
But even as she said it, a memory filtered through the seam. Jax, the boy she remembered, scrawny and kind and in love with her, standing twenty feet away, surrounded by the trees, eyes burning with newfound purpose, newfound pain, newfound heartbreak. It had been the last moment she'd seen him before she turned and ran away, disappearing before he had a chance to follow.
And that one little moment was enough to rip her apart all over again.
She didn’t want to relive any more.
She couldn’t survive it a second time.
So she turned her back on Jax.
She spread her arms wide, and she dove, flying over the edge of the boat, leaping to freedom, landing gracefully against the surface of the water and sliding into its dark depths before he had a chance to stop her.
The water was cold, just like he'd said.
It was freezing.
And she relished in it.
Frost (Midnight Ice Book One) Page 11
