Veruschka started off. “Welcome... Miss Rookmaaker...” she said. She had to read my name off a piece of paper. I stood waiting while she wrote something down. Finally, she looked up at me, and then at the judges.
“It is my turn?” she said.
They nodded, and she turned to me. I couldn’t help it. I looked around at all of them. Were they all going to be ‘reading’ me? I found Lux whose cheek colored slightly when I looked questioningly at him.
“Miss Rookmaaker?”
Veruschka Ravenseal had apparently finished shuffling her papers, and was calling me back to attention. I waited. Finally, she spoke. I repeat the event verbatim.
“Try and keep eye contact,” she said.
I looked into her blue-haired face. “Into my eyes,” she said. “There you go.”
Close your mind, Halsey, I told myself.
Veruschka Ravenseal probed––every once in a while her reading of me was punctuated by the sounds of her scribbling in her notebook, but she never once broke eye contact with me. I could see her iridescent moonlight eyes widen and distend, the pupils grow larger. It felt like I was going to fall in to them.
“Don’t be alarmed,” she said. “It is just you and me, just you and me. The others needn’t know.” Somewhere I heard an intake of breath. “Do not look away, Halsey.”
I redoubled my efforts, staring in to her, in to her eyes, which held me like a caress.
“I can see someone has been teaching you how to lock safe your reticent soul, but you needn’t fear me. In fact... let me see if I can... pry you open a bit... Now this won’t hurt...”
“No...”
I tried to resist, to break from her eye contact, but it was like we were locked; she was in my head. “I don’t want you to see!” It came from me like a gasp.
I could feel Veruschka Ravenseal rattling around in my mind with all of her skeleton keys and super-secret lock-picking devices––she darted here and there into various corners of my brain. “And my, are you strong,” she said. “Very good indeed. We’re almost over; then I’ll pass you off.”
You mean, I have to go through this again?
I felt like I was on display; like one of those bodies being taken apart in an anatomy theater; the good doctor humbly taking a bow, cleansing his hands of my blood; my body open for all to see (“I wonder if he’ll wish to look inside,” said Veruschka Ravenseal, “if he will even be able”). I felt voices, not all of them friendly, there on the outskirts of my vision. Gray mist ensconced us, as in a curtain of fog, Mistress Veruschka and myself battling one another. Lux warned me to empty my mind. Now I knew why. It was like a house that’s been shuttered, thrown wide open. All the locks ordinarily in place had been picked. The other Wiccans were waiting to come inside.
Veruschka held me, it felt like, within the palms of her hands––yet, from some places, she would turn away.
“No, mustn’t go there, mustn’t go there, either...” she said, as she skirted about.
“Jackpot! Oh, that is good! Yes, indeed! Wonderful, wonderful!”
She made notes and winked at me, the move to draw me away, to distract me from someplace else she wished to penetrate.
“You have a very nice mind; quite good, in fact. It’s capable of great leaps. Still some places are underdeveloped. It’s not clear if you’ll ever be good there, for instance,” she said, zooming in on one aspect of my nature, “but, all in all... yes, I’m quite satisfied. It’s like taking somebody’s car out for a test spin, don’t you think; a nice little two-door coupe. I like you, Halsey Rookmaaker, very much.” She broke off.
I felt myself fall off-balance; I had to take a step to regain my equilibrium. Disconnecting from her was like electrocution. Veruschka Ravenseal scribbled in her notebook, and said she was finished, quite finished, indeed. Lux was next.
He held me in his eyes and I felt them open warm and inviting. The tenor of his mind was different than that of Veruschka Ravenseal. Where she sought to probe, and rifle into every closet, his was more laissez-faire. He came in and took a look around, politely inquired as to this or that, how I was holding up.
When I replied, it was like I was talking through my teeth. “I’m fine.” My lips didn’t move very well.
“Ignore them, Halsey. They can’t hear us. You have some formidable minds coming up. I noticed Veruschka Ravenseal was a little rough with you.”
“Is that what you call it? She’s grabby,” I said.
“I can’t say that I blame her.”
Lux smiled and the contact was broken.
“Good?” said Maria, raising her eyebrows to me.
“We’re good,” said Lux. He settled back in his chair. I could see his encouragement like a palpable blanket enfold me.
“Then it’s my turn,” said Maria Lenoir.
I looked at her like she was joking. Which was the absolute worst thing I could have done. “I thought––” I said.
She didn’t need a psychic wereleopard––or an invitation. Maria Lenoir invaded my mind. She was flipping through it. Her brazen marigold-colored eyes stared at me. “Ah! Miss Rookmaaker! At last, we meet!”
“You’re a witch?” I said. I couldn’t help it; I wanted to know more.
“How simple your mind works. I am eldest. Now... be quiet.” Her pupils widened, sucking me in. “I want to penetrate through the lies to the real you.”
“How old are you?” I said.
“I see you know my cousin, Lennox...” I could feel my heart rate spike. “I see you know him very well. At least, you think you do!”
Her voice continued.
“And running around with poor Professor Lux. Isn’t he an unfortunate one? But then, you don’t know anything about that, do you? And what is this? There’s something insatiable about you, Halsey Rookmaaker. I can see you have lots to learn. About us... About everything... Do you have feelings for a vampire?”
“Stop it,” I said.
“Ah! You’re hiding something. Now, what is it? Ce n’est pas possible. They wouldn’t be so benign if they knew what dark powers I saw lurking here. Something happened to you. It’s here, plain as day. Something I have not seen in two centuries...” She rattled around. Her mind was absolutely filthy with death. “They’re afraid of you. What is it that you can do, Halsey Rookmaaker? Is that Camille, do I see?”
But I had finally had enough.
I ripped myself from Maria Lenoir.
Her deeply-hooded eyes looked back at me shrewdly. I blew the strand of hair out of my face, letting it fall between us. I was tired of looking at her.
“I’m done,” said Maria Lenoir. Asher, I noticed, was smiling. Maria and Pier Alexander whispered to one another. Julius Pendderwenn looked like he was anxious to get started. Then this coldness... Like ice... I shut down completely. I turned, looking for who had done it. Who had been trying to break into my mind.
The silent wizard was staring at me. Without preamble, he leapt into my brain. I forced myself back, to no avail.
There was this silence about me––like an aura. I realized it was what kept him from my stare. A dark nebulousness through which it was impossible to see him. But into me he could, and did, look....
I had come to the silent wizard’s mind only to find it locked shut, remote, inhospitable. Very hostile. He tossed my memories about. Before I even knew it he was gone. My synapses caught up with the rest of me. The silent aura had retreated shadow-like from my mind.
“That just leaves I Gatti,” said Veruschka Ravenseal. “Gaven?” She indicated that the werewolves should go next.
“One moment, please! One moment!” said Mr. Pendderwenn. He held up his hands; I could see his Wiccan Mark. It had no style whatsoever.
“We said that we would let you watch, Julius,” said Veruschka Ravenseal.
“Then I should be able to read her!” he said. The idea was repulsive to me; I promised myself not to allow it. I would expel him from the temple of my imagination. A temple, the others hadn’t ha
d any real problems negotiating.
“Do not try my patience, Julius,” said Veruschka. “The Sons and Daughters of Romulus must first have their turn! Asher?”
Gaven cleared his throat. “There is no need. Halsey is here with me. I know her.”
“You mean you have already tried to indoctrinate her!” said Julius Pendderwenn angrily.
“Julius!” Veruschka Ravenseal stood up. “You are the House of Rome. But you have no right to talk in that way.”
Fanishwar Harcort and the others joined in. “He does have a point...”
“The werewolves have two Initiates,” said Mariska Coven. “It is only natural that the Rome Initiates would want to go with them––they are like naïve children, who don’t know any better.”
“And what about the English Initiate, Fanishwar? Or,” said Veruschka, looking meaningfully at Mariska, “those who come from where you do? The question is where does Halsey wish to go.
The more I was getting to know her, the more I liked Veruschka Ravenseal. The two twins had still not spoken. They watched the goings-on, dispassionately, giving nothing away. I thought no more about them.
First, was to refute Mariska’s claims––and Fanishwar’s––neither of whose House I had any interest in joining whatsoever; I think they could tell.
“I have not Chosen––any House. But it is true,” I said, looking around at them all. “The werewolves are my friends.”
“And the vampires?”
This was asked by Pier Alexander.
“I have nothing against them,” I said. He took no more notice of me.
“Very well,” said Veruschka. “Gaven forgoes the Rookmaaker Wiccaning, and I am satisfied. Are you, Mistresses?”
They nodded, albeit reluctantly.
“Which leaves only Mr. Pendderwenn. You can penetrate her mind, Julius, if you can, but I would think you would want to make the best impression possible. Isn’t that the point, to get together so we can present our respective Houses in their best lights? You are only a number two. A second-degree Wiccan. Merely Adept. You are not powerful enough to rip the secrets from her mind.” The twitters broke out again; this time with particular significance. “You do not know how to sift brains yet,” said Veruschka, dragging his embarrassment out further. Pendderwenn swallowed hard. There were a lot of people there.
“Only because you have not taught me how,” he said. “Besides, I seek only that which is good for my House. As any of us would do.”
“Then take it from me... she is...” Veruschka Ravenseal pointed her finger at Pendderwenn. “But I will let you plead your case. Only make it fast.” She sat back down.
Pendderwenn stood.
“Halsey.... Your mother and father were in my House...” he said.
“ONLY BECAUSE THEY HAD NO CHOICE!”
“Selwyn, please!” Veruschka Ravenseal was back on her feet.
I looked at him, the Cold Mind. He had pounded the table with his fist. His mane of black hair covered his face. I could no longer see his blue eyes.
I faced Pendderwenn quickly, anxious to be gone; he stood trembling, with the whisperers in the background making it worse.
“We are a small House; we have not the numbers, Halsey, to be of much esteem,” he said. “We have zero satellites. None.”
Which appealed to me. I did not want to be enslaved or enslave anyone else; no part of me was interested in that.
“As Mistress Ravenseal says,” went on Pendderwenn, “I am only Adept. I can Craft, but not the best. I feel certain, Halsey, that you would find a place with us, that you would raise us up to the House we were. We have not been twelve since your mother and father died. Just consider that. I have had my say. I will say no more.”
He sat back down.
Mistress Ravenseal stood up. She looked at me. “You may go, Halsey,” she said. “Send Lia in next. Her I am most interested in.”
I looked back at Cold Mind. Everything from his bearing to his look said watch your step. I fully intended to.
* * *
When I got back to my dormitory I studied my Wiccan Mark, but it had still not appeared. I didn’t know what I had expected? Maybe I was Malleable. Maybe I was also fickle. Capable of being swayed by the slightest argument. That’s what it had come down to, after all. A choice. Everything was suddenly really hard. Only one path existed, and I had to choose carefully.
Asher was pretty much persona non grata the next day, as he had been scheduled to speak with me after the Wiccaning but had had to go, according to the Wiccans, to deal with a problem which had come up with his own people. I didn’t know who they were. Only, that it would be a while before I saw Asher again. Apparently they lived pretty far away.
* * *
“Aether. The fifth of five elements; the fifth of All. Aether is what makes you break out in Wiccan Marks. It is what curls up your arms in bands of bright blue. The Mark is the aether.” Lux’s eyes flashed like brilliant gems. It was almost December. Nearly a month had passed, in which the other Initiates and I had been studying hard. I had not spoken to Ballard for almost two weeks; not since the Wiccaning. He kept himself elsewhere these days, doing what, exactly, I had no idea. Lia and I were by this time complete emotional compatriots, and although her band had formed, mine had not; the rest of the Wiccan Initiates who were being pelted daily to come join this or that coven, passed the time arguing with one another over the merits of each House. Each Initiate had kept her Wiccan Mark to herself, but Lia and I were so close that I knew, for instance, what her Virtue was. It was a secret I shared with no one else, not even my diary.
Lux said that we were very close to completing the first phase of our magical education and that he was very pleased with our progress. I had stopped trying to catch his eye. In fact, there was a dropping off in the number of hands that were raised. “You have all started to become secretive, which means that you have become aware of what your magic can do,” he said. Soon, apparently, we would become so afraid of one another, that we would be addressing each other as Mistress So-and-So and not staring too long, lest the other attack, which explained why some Wiccan Houses were so far away. They were off the beaten path so they wouldn’t get beaten up, he said. Some were so far away that you had to go hundreds of miles just to go to a bookstore, if you joined their House.
The aether lecture continued: “There is positive aether. And there is negative––the negative aether.”
“How long has it been since there was a war?” asked Vittoria.
All this talk of aether. Lux wiped the sweat from his brow. “Pardon me?” he said.
“The Last War, when did it end? What is it like when two wizards fight? I want to know about dueling,” said Vittoria Ravenseal. The pretense may as well have been dropped. No Neophyte, that I knew of, had uttered one word of what had happened at their Wiccaning. Invitations were sent out tactically, targeting each Wiccan. I had received some myself. Fourteen, in fact. Harcort had recruited me. They had a number of openings. I wrote back thanking them for their interest. But said that I would need some time to come to my own conclusion. Somehow I didn’t think any House would want a Neophyte whose Mark hadn’t shown.
“Oh, and have you ever fought a duel? Someone at the party said that you had. They said you killed someone, if you can believe it, and that was why you didn’t Craft anymore. Because you felt guilty.”
For a future Housemate, Vittoria was very aggressive with Lux Ravenseal. Despite myself, I leaned forward to listen.
“Vittoria, you need to be very careful with what other people say. Otherwise, you’ll have to believe what they say about you,” he said.
Oh, that got her!
“That’s supposed to be a secret. How dare you bring that up?” she demanded.
“I might say the same to you,” said Lux. It was obvious that he had read her mind; perhaps she had gained access to his. “But as it will do us some good.... Negative aether can be bent. I do not say that it is bad aether, merely that it i
s the opposite of positive. It is in some ways much more powerful; and never does it prove that more than when you meddle with it. I meddled with the dark aether,” said Lux. “Let us hope you will not. As for dueling––non-wizards prized it for settling old scores. This world, our world, is nothing if not full of old scores. You may hear more about them if you meddle overlong in the affairs of us all. Something to consider before indoctrination. Nobody comes into the Magical world without accepting all which that entails. Now, off you go! I want to see those Wiccan Marks shining, or un-shining, as the case may be, before long.”
“I don’t think your boyfriend likes me very much, Halsey,” said Vittoria Ravenseal, once we were out of earshot of the Star Room. I was walking along with Lia and some of the other Initiates. They had cooled to Vittoria when it looked like she had been Chosen and they had not. When it looked like she would be the one––and only––Ravenseal recruit.
“Maybe he thinks you’ll stink the place up,” I said, referring to the House, in House Ravenseal. There must be one, mustn’t there? A place where they all lived?
Vittoria blanched.
“I’m in,” she said. “But you’re not. And I know why. Everyone knows you don’t belong.” She flung her hair. “You’re just not Ravenseal material, biiiitch.” She laughed at me and walked away.
I thought about calling after her, but if we dueled, I wouldn’t be able to do anything except pull her hair. My Mark had to show! It had to!
* * *
Camille, that night, came to see me; it had been too long, she said. She was with Dallace. The two of them had been sightseeing in Rome. “It’s nice to see where Lennox lives,” she said. Were those tears in her eyes? Dallace laid his hand on her shoulder. “Now now,” he said. “It’s time that we leave, my wife and I,” he said to me. “You do not belong with us, in Venice, and we have no right to take you back, Halsey. You belong here now.” Quite to my shame it had been a while since I had even thought of their son; or of the four of us together. I was wrapped up in all of this; of being a Wiccan.
“You are discovering who you are,” said Dallace, as if he could read it in me, and forgave me. “Undergoing your own special agones.”
Neophyte / Adept (The Wiccan Diaries, Books 2-3) Page 20
