“That’s terrible.”
I nod.
“So…what exactly is a Ponzi scheme?” she asks after a moment.
“It means he wasn’t investing any money at all. He was just taking on new investors to pay the old ones.”
I scan another article and summarize the findings.
“Apparently, recently he focused a lot on private foundations because of the five percent payout rule, which requires them to pay out five percent of their funds each year. They never took out more than that and that protected him from sudden withdrawals, perpetuating his fraud.”
“That’s how he was able to pay his debts to prior investors, with new money,” Harley says. I give her a slight nod.
She doesn’t ask anymore questions for a while; we sit in silence as my world crashes around me.
I try to do anything but calculate exactly how much money I have invested with them, but I can’t keep myself from counting.
That was the money that I was using to keep Minetta Media afloat. It made money initially, but with the big expansion, it acquired a lot of debt as well.
Debt that I thought I could pay with the money from this fund. But now, it’s all gone.
And then there’s Woodward.
It will take him a few phone calls to find out that I had my assets tied up with Swanson and once he knows that, he will never give me the deal that he was going to give me before.
Why would he?
Suddenly, I’m wounded.
Desperate.
Bleeding.
About to die.
He could wait for the whole thing to collapse and buy it later for parts, or he could invest in it now under terrible terms, for me anyway.
Harley turns to me and takes my hand in hers. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, even though we both know that’s a lie.
“Ask me,” I say after a moment.
“What?”
“Ask me the question that you are dying to know the answer to.”
She looks away and then directly at me.
“How much did you have invested with Swanson?”
“Six hundred million dollars.”
Chapter 21 - Jackson
Darkness descends…
I’ve known the answer to her question ever since Phillips first called me.
But saying the words out loud made it real.
Six hundred million dollars.
There’s a small chance, of course, that there will be restitution paid and some of the money will be reimbursed.
But that will not happen until after a lengthy trial.
His assets will be sold, but there’s no way that he has enough to cover everyone’s losses.
Fiction.
Everything he did was made up.
He hasn’t made any real investments since the late nineties; all he did was pay new investors with old money.
After dropping Harley off at Julie’s place, I ask Mr. Garbo to drive me home.
I want to be alone now.
I need to be alone again.
Harley wants to come stay with me, to comfort me, to be here for me, but I push her away.
Not now.
I can’t be around people now, not even her.
I can see that her feelings are hurt when I give her a small peck on the cheek, but it’s all the affection that I can force myself to show at this moment.
When I walk back into my home, I pour myself a glass of whiskey and place the glass canister under my arm.
I head straight upstairs into my office.
This is not a place I go to often, because of what happened here, but tonight it’s the only place that I can be.
The walls are lined with built in, dark wooden bookcases.
I sit down on the leather couch, which was her favorite place to sit and play while I worked and I pick up the blanket that she used to wrap around herself when the room got cold.
There’s a fireplace in the corner and I flick it on, bathing the room in a warm glow.
It’s strange where your thoughts go when you lose so much money.
Suddenly, my heart breaks, but not for my wealth, for someone else I lost, right here in this room.
It has been rebuilt to look exactly like it did before, but this place is not the original room that she played in.
Before I had this whole life, I had Lila.
She was the sweetest little girl in the world and she was my everything.
Her mother took off soon after her birth and is now married to some royal in Europe.
As hard and fraught as that relationship was, it did result in creating someone I gave my whole heart to.
My Lila.
I take a picture frame off the shelf with her image in it.
This was taken only a few months before she died.
She’s sitting on a big rock in Central Park and laughing as always.
I wipe away the tears that run down my cheeks and put her picture away.
Even after all of these years, I still can’t really bear to think about her for too long.
That’s one of the reasons I haven’t told Harley about her yet, even though she was brave enough to tell me about Aspen.
The darkness that we have faced in our pasts seems to mirror one another’s.
She, of all people, would understand the pain I feel now, but she is the one person I can’t tell.
Yet.
It’s almost five and Phillips is blowing up my phone, but I can’t bring myself to talk to her yet.
I just keep looking around this room and missing my little girl.
If she were alive now, all that money wouldn’t matter so much.
It would just be something unfortunate that happened.
It’s a lot to lose, of course, especially in a fraud, but I’ve never been one who cared much for material possessions.
But with Lila gone, this house has become something of a museum for my love for her. She loved this house. She loved its grandness and its beauty. She loved rollerskating down its large hallways and she loved that she could play hide and seek here, and the fact that no one could ever find her.
The reality of what losing all of this money means is settling in somewhere in the back of my mind.
When I bought this house, I took out a mortgage, which I quickly paid off.
But then when Minetta Media started running into cash flow problems and my money was tied up with Swanson’s Group, I took out another mortgage on this place.
That gave me enough cash to keep the company afloat and even profitable.
But we kept needing the money during our process of expansion and I kept reinvesting whatever profits we had back into the company, rather than paying off my mortgage.
Since I was the sole owner, I never took a large salary in order to reinvest further in the business.
And now, with all of that money gone?
My salary isn’t nearly enough to cover the mortgage payments.
I look around the room that Lila loved so much and finally come to terms with this reality.
I am going to have to sell this house.
But given how large it is, finding a buyer will be quite difficult and time-consuming.
What choice do I have?
It’s either sell this house or Minetta.
“Phillips, sorry it took me a bit to call you back. Is there any other news?”
“No,” she says gravely.
“Okay, that’s fine. We have to start making some decisions.”
“How about we talk about taking the company public again?”
Chapter 22 - Harley
When I get home…
The flight back from Missoula is a blur.
At first, I’m busy working on my tenth chapter of the novel and then Jackson’s whole world collapses.
Losing that much money is…devastating.
When he hears the news, his normally olive skin turns completely white and his jaw clenches and doesn’t relax until he drops me off at Julie’s.<
br />
I want to come up and stay with him, but he pushes me away. He says he wants to be alone and that frightens me.
I don’t want him to do anything stupid.
People who lose a lot of money can sometimes become consumed by that loss.
To the point of hurting themselves.
As I ride in the elevator, I debate with myself whether I should come right out and ask him to call me immediately if he has even an inkling of wanting to end his life.
But another part of me doesn’t want to plant the idea in his head. If that hasn’t occurred to him in the first place, the last thing I want to do is to bring it up.
I talked to Julie last night to update her on everything that happened in Montana and she welcomes me with open arms and a hundred apologies.
“You really have nothing to apologize for,” I say, dropping off my bag in my room.
“But I was the one who told you that your father called.”
“And I would’ve done the exact same thing in your place. I mean, what were you supposed to do? Not tell me that my mom was in a car accident and critically injured?”
She shrugs. “How could’ve anyone known that she made it all up. I mean…who the fuck does that to anyone, let alone their own kid?”
Julie shakes her head in disgust.
She asks me about the rest of the trip and I fill her in on the details.
“Well, at least you had a good time with your dad and showing the ranch to Jackson must’ve been…something.”
“Yeah, it was…something.”
Even though all of that only happened yesterday, it suddenly feels as if it was years ago.
“What’s wrong?”
I shake my head.
“What happened? Did you and Jackson get into a fight?”
“No, nothing like that.”
“What?”
I don’t know how much of this I should tell her, but it’s all over the news.
Some of Swanson’s biggest investors were already named in the press and if Jackson wasn’t named yet, he probably will be soon.
“Have you heard about the Swanson thing?”
She nods. “Logan’s father was invested in that fund. He lost a lot of money.”
“Well, Jackson did, too.”
Julie’s mouth drops open as I fill her in on some of the details.
“So, how much did he lose?”
“A lot. I’m not sure exactly, but it’s a significant amount.”
As much as I want to, I can’t tell her the number. It’s not my place and it’s none of her business.
A few minutes later, Logan calls and Julie excuses herself and disappears into their bedroom.
I make myself comfortable on the couch and pick up a magazine to flip through.
Anything to take my mind off the mess of thoughts that are swirling around in my head.
***
I must’ve fallen asleep because I suddenly wake up to loud yelling.
“You can just go fuck yourself then!”
“No, I don’t want to hear it.”
“I can’t believe you did this to me. You are such a liar!”
It takes me a moment to realize what’s going on. It’s Julie and she’s yelling at someone on the phone.
“What an asshole!” she says, slamming the door shut. It makes a loud thump sound, echoing all around the apartment.
“What happened?”
“We were on Skype and I could see the rumpled bed behind him at his hotel room. And then someone moved. It was a girl. She fucking got up, completely nude, and walked out of the frame.”
“Oh my God,” I say, covering my mouth with my hand.
“Can you believe that? She was right there and he just…forgot. Forgot that he was cheating on me. What a dick.”
“I’m so, so sorry,” I whisper.
She just hangs her head and grabs a bottle of wine. “I need a drink, you?”
“No, thanks.”
“Oh, c’mon, don’t let me drown my sorrows alone.”
“Okay, sure,” I cave. I need to be a good friend.
She pours us two glasses, and immediately downs hers.
Then she pours herself another.
“I really thought that we were…in love. I mean, I really thought that he cared about me.”
“Did he say anything?”
“Eh, the usual bullshit. It was a mistake. He still loves me. He just met her at a bar and it means nothing,” Julie says, rolling her eyes. “But it’s only seven at night. And they had already done it. So, either they met for an early bird special or…he knew her already. Either way, it doesn’t fucking matter. He betrayed me.”
I wrap my arms around her as she sobs into my shoulder.
My heart goes out to her and I try to think of something to say that will make everything better.
“I’m here for you,” I whisper as she pulls away from me. Julie isn’t the type to cry much and she quickly wipes her tears.
“This is stupid. I can do so much better than him anyway.”
“Yes, you can.”
“I deserve nothing but the best.”
“Yes, you do,” I agree.
“Okay, so let’s go find someone.”
“What?” I’m taken aback.
“I want to go out. I want to meet someone hotter, richer, and nicer than he is and I want to fuck him in Logan’s bed.”
“Julie…you’re just angry. Why don’t you just take it easy tonight?”
“No. I need to get revenge. He thinks he can cheat on me and get away with it? Well, I’ll show him.”
I need to calm her down.
I take her hand and pull her down on the couch next to me.
“Julie, you shouldn’t have to sleep with a stranger just to settle some score.”
“No, you’re wrong. I’m not settling a score. I’m just acting like any other free woman would.” She gets up and goes to the master bedroom.
“Where are you going?”
“To get ready.”
I shake my head, trying to decide what to do.
I really don’t want to go out with her, but she really shouldn't go out alone either.
“Are you sure you don’t want to think about this some more? Sleep on it?”
She spins around in her swivel chair in front of the vanity. “I do need to think about it. And I do my best thinking in a club where the music is blaring.”
Chapter 23 - Harley
The next day…
The following morning, I feel the way I usually feel after I go partying with Julie.
Like an underpaid babysitter with a migraine.
Unfortunately, I am not successful in getting her to stay and I couldn’t very well let her go out in that condition by herself.
So, I tag along, nursing the same drink all night.
I dance a little until my headache starts to build and then I find a dark corner and just hang out there watching her dance with every guy who takes an interest, and some who don’t.
She doesn’t get her fill until early into the next morning but, luckily, she drinks too much and is such a sloppy drunk that no one takes her up on her offer to spend the night.
I coax her into a cab after she refuses to take the subway, and we make it back home in one piece.
I’m so busy taking care of her that I don’t spend much time worrying about the person driving us home.
Despite my best efforts, she throws up in the elevator and on Logan’s doormat.
The second instance makes her laugh maniacally and even gives me a chuckle until I realize that I have go back and clean that up.
Logan won’t be back for a bit, but there’s a nice old lady who lives across the hall who shouldn’t see something that gross on her way to walk her poodle.
After holding Julie’s hair as she vomits into the toilet, and then helping her into bed, I clean.
“Fuck you, Logan,” I say under my breath.
If he hadn’t done that, I would b
e in bed right now getting my eight hours.
But instead I’m here, still in my club attire, scrubbing my friend’s vomit off his toilet and front mat at four in the morning.
I sleep in late since Jackson texts and says he has a lot of work to deal with today and can’t see me until later.
When I finally do wake up around eleven, I’m awoken by Julie’s loud voice and incessant cursing.
I know who she’s talking to even before I leave my bed.
They got into another fight, but this time it’s on the phone instead of Skype.
When I walk out, I see Julie pacing around the living room, gesticulating wildly as if Logan is here to see it.
It’s hard to make out most of the words through the half sobs and screams, but I get the gist.
He cheated on her and she’s angry.
I decide to give them some privacy and take my tea into my room.
Just as I open my computer, Julie slams the door open and flies in. Her eyes are wide and bloodshot, her hair is a mess, and her face has remnants of last night’s makeup.
“We broke up.”
I immediately get up and wrap my arms around her. She collapses on top of me and we both land on the bed.
“What happened?” I ask, propping her up.
Her body is limp and shaking with tears running down her face.
I move some of her hair out of the way, but it just drops back in.
“I dumped his cheating ass,” she announces through her sobs.
“That was the right thing to do.”
She takes a deep breath and then sobs, “No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was. It was the right thing to do.”
“I miss him.”
“I know you do, honey. But that will pass.”
“When?”
“It will take some time.”
I continue to hold her as we talk.
She tells me about his secret texts and the other girls she saw him in pictures with on social media.
He always insisted that she had nothing to worry about and she trusted him.
Though the texts should’ve been a red flag, it really feels like this whole thing took her completely by surprise.
Julie wasn’t like some of the other girls in our suite in college.
Tangled up in Pain Page 8
