“I have a question.” Caroline didn’t really want to ask. Especially when she had a feeling she already knew the answer. “Have you talked to Nolan Cook? Since you left Savannah?”
“No, Grandma.” Kinzie popped her blond head closer so Caroline couldn’t miss her.
Caroline put her arm around the girl’s shoulders and turned to her. “You know him?”
“Mommy and I watched him on TV when we had lunch at the zoo.” She smiled at Ellie. “He’s very nice. That’s what Mommy said.”
“He is, baby.” Ellie acknowledged Kinzie, sharing the moment with her before lifting her eyes to Caroline’s. “We haven’t talked.” She looked unsure whether she should say the next part. “I changed my name. After I moved out of Dad’s house.”
Caroline wondered when the parade of surprises would end. “What’d you change it to?”
“Ellie Anne.” She didn’t look sorry about the fact. “I dropped the Tucker.”
An understanding filled Caroline. “So he couldn’t have found you if he’d tried.”
“Right.” She glanced at Kinzie. “Everything’s different. He found his dream.” She paused, and this time she locked eyes with the child for several seconds. Her smile was as genuine as summer. “He found his, and I found mine.”
Caroline could feel Kinzie beaming beside her. “That’s my name, too, Grandma. Kinzie Anne.”
Who could blame Ellie for no longer wanting the name Tucker? After how Alan had treated her? She cringed on the inside, imagining what it must’ve been like for Ellie, coming home and telling her father that she was pregnant. After what had happened with Caroline and Peyton? He must have called her unthinkable names, accused her of the worst possible things.
Again, they could talk later. For now Caroline put her hand on Ellie’s knee and gave her a look that said how very sorry she was. Her other arm was still around Kinzie, and she leaned close and kissed the top of the girl’s head. “I think your name is beautiful, baby girl.”
“Baby girl!” Kinzie giggled. “That’s what my mommy sometimes calls me.”
Caroline looked at Ellie, drinking in the reality of her presence, trying to believe it. Her daughter was here, and she was home. “I used to call Ellie that when she was your age.”
Kinzie’s eyes grew wide, and she made a quick gasp. “That ’splains it then.”
“Yes, it does.” Caroline listened for the sound of the basketball across the street. She could hear it, but she needed to check on him. Every half hour or so she would catch a visual of him at the window or walk over to the park to watch him play. “I have an idea.” She tried to look excited, despite the gravity of Ellie’s story. “Let’s walk to the park. That way you can meet John.”
Caroline felt Ellie stiffen a little, felt a cooling that had not been there in this fresh new season. Kinzie blinked twice. “Your son?”
“Yes.” Caroline ran her fingers through Kinzie’s hair. “John’s my little boy. He’s ten. Going into the fourth grade.”
Kinzie looked around, slightly uneasy. “Is he hiding?”
“No.” Already Caroline felt a connection with her granddaughter. “He’s playing basketball at the park across the street. We’ll go watch, okay?”
“Okay.”
“But first . . . can we do something together?” Caroline looked from Ellie to Kinzie. “Yes! What do you wanna do, Grandma?”
Caroline was still grasping the idea that she was a grandmother and that her granddaughter had gone six years without her. Ellie looked slightly skeptical. Though they could read each other, time had placed a complicated distance between them. Distance they would have to work through, no matter how long it took.
Caroline took a breath and pushed ahead. “I was thinking maybe we could hold hands and pray.” She smiled at Kinzie and then lifted her eyes to Ellie’s. “Would you mind?”
Ellie hesitated. “It’s fine.” Her smile looked slightly forced. “Go ahead.”
A rush of emotion caught Caroline as she gently took Ellie’s and Kinzie’s hands. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, her heart too full to speak. God had already answered so many of her prayers. She ran her thumb along the hands of her daughter and granddaughter and finally found her voice. “Father, You have heard our cries, and You have brought us back together. It’s more than we can believe right now. But I have the sense You’re not finished. Please have Your way with us as the hours and days unfold. Whatever miracle You are working in our lives, help us not to stand in the way of it. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Amen!” Kinzie’s response was upbeat and certain as she grinned at Caroline. “That’s how the pastor prays at church.” She raised her eyebrows, as if a possibility had just hit her. “Do you and John go to church, Grandma?”
“We do.” Caroline hesitated, not sure she should have this conversation with Kinzie before she had it alone with Ellie. Her daughter had agreed to the prayer, but again Caroline had felt her hesitation.
Ellie released Caroline’s hand and stood. “I’ll get our bags.” She didn’t look angry or upset. Just uncomfortable. She smiled at the two of them and then patted Kinzie’s arm. “You go ahead and talk to Grandma, baby.”
“Okay.” When Ellie was out of the room, Kinzie lifted her eyes to Caroline’s. “I go to church with Tina and Tiara. Mommy stays home and cleans the apartment.”
“Tina and Tiara?”
“Tina’s my mommy’s friend from work, and Tiara is her little girl. They’re like our family, kind of.”
“I see.” The picture was clearer all the time. The lonely life with Alan, his controlling ways, her own affair . . . everything that had happened since the move to San Diego. No wonder Ellie didn’t go to church. Caroline silently grieved her part in harming her daughter and in the losses that had stockpiled since.
“Are you sad about that, Grandma?” Kinzie took her hand again. “About Mommy not going to church?”
“I am sad.” She smiled for Kinzie’s benefit. Ellie would be back any second, so the conversation couldn’t get too involved. Not now, anyway.
“I pray for her. Every night.” Kinzie pointed to the floor. “On my knees by my bed.”
“Thatta girl, Kinzie.” Once more Caroline felt an uncanny connection to the precious child. “Keep praying. God hears you, baby girl.”
“I know. And Pastor says that some people take longer to find their happy-ever-after in Jesus.”
“That’s right.” A new layer of tears formed in Caroline’s eyes. “Some people take a little longer.”
Kinzie leaned closer and rested her head on Caroline’s arm. “I’m glad we found you, Grandma. My mommy’s really happy about that.”
“Well.” She struggled to find her voice, her emotions too many and too great. “I’m really happy, too.”
Ellie returned with their things, and the three of them walked across the street to the park. Caroline called to John, and he grabbed his basketball and joined them. They all seemed to connect well, but Caroline had to keep forcing herself to listen to the conversation. She was too busy surveying the scene, taking it in. Amazed by it. Ellie was home! Seeing her and Kinzie and John talking together was like a scene from her dreams. The greatest answer to prayer she could imagine.
Now she would have to change her prayer. That the broken things would get fixed, and that one day soon Ellie would find among the ashes of the past what Caroline had already found.
Her happy-ever-after in Jesus.
Caroline had only just sat down at her desk at work that Monday morning when Nolan Cook walked in. Again she wondered if she were dreaming. The basketball player had been on her mind since Ellie arrived yesterday. She and Ellie talked about him late last night, and only then did Caroline understand the gravity of his absence in her life.
“I’ll never see him again; I already know that.” Ellie sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, her shoes off. Despite the years they’d lost, she looked like a teenager again. “He’s famous now. The guy every
one wants.” She laughed, but only to hide her obvious sadness. “There’s no way back. Even here in Savannah.”
Then Ellie had told her about the buried tackle box beneath the oak tree in Gordonston Park. About the letters inside. The date they had set to meet was tomorrow. Ellie was convinced that Nolan had forgotten the meeting and the chance it represented for the two of them to find each other.
Which was why as Nolan walked into her office, Caroline had to discreetly brace herself to keep from falling out of her chair. He wore dark blue jeans and a white V-neck T-shirt. She was the only one at the front desk that early, and the waiting room held just one older couple. She was trying to figure out what to say as he walked up and stuck his hands in his jeans pockets.
“Mrs. Tucker.” He nodded, humble and polite. Much like he’d been as a kid. “It’s been a long time.”
“Nolan.” Caroline stood and looked over her shoulder toward the business office. “Hold on.” She found a coworker to cover for her at the front desk, then she joined Nolan in the waiting room. “Can we talk outside?”
“Yes. Please.”
The older couple didn’t seem to recognize Nolan, so they could have these few minutes to themselves. Nolan motioned to a metal bench just down from the office door, and the two of them sat facing each other.
“I won’t take your time.” The morning was warm and cloudy. Neither of them needed sunglasses to look at each other. “I’m here because of Ellie.”
Caroline wasn’t sure what to say first. “How did you find me?”
“The short answer?” His eyes held an unmistakable kindness. “The Lord answered my prayers.” He managed a slight smile. “Ryan Kelly? The guitarist for Peyton Anders?”
Hearing the name changed her expression. Caroline could feel it. There was no way to stop the shame she felt whenever the country singer’s name came up in conversation. She nodded, fighting her way back to the moment. “Ryan stopped by here not long ago.”
“He and his wife came to one of my games. I was talking about my childhood. How I lost my best friend when she moved to San Diego the summer we were fifteen.”
Caroline felt her heart skip a beat. “That’s crazy.”
“Exactly.” He ran his hand through his still-blond hair. “He asked me if I knew a Caroline Tucker. We figured out the rest pretty fast.” The look in his eyes grew deeper. “I came as soon as I had a day off.” He folded his hands, and for a long time, he stared at the ground. When he looked up, his eyes were damp. “Ma’am, I’ve looked for Ellie since the day she left.”
Caroline’s mind began to spin. Nolan had been looking for Ellie all this time? Was this really happening? She wanted to interrupt him, to tell him that she’d found Ellie, but Nolan was talking, and the shock was too great.
Frustration and intensity darkened his expression. “It’s like she fell off the face of the earth.” He leaned his forearms on his knees, as if he believed he was out of options. “Ryan said you haven’t seen her. But if you have any hints, anything that would point me in the right direction, please . . . I have to know.”
The wind felt like it had been knocked from Caroline’s lungs. The young man sitting beside her didn’t only remember Ellie. He was consumed with her.
Her silent prayer came with her next breath. Dear God . . . thank you. “Nolan . . .” She smiled, trying to figure out where to start. “You won’t believe this.”
“Yes?”
Caroline didn’t know what to say first. For a few seconds she could only bask in the reality that God was here. His Spirit hovered over the place where they sat. There was no question that God was working out a miracle.
Any other explanation was impossible.
Chapter Twenty-five
She knew something. Nolan could tell. Long before she began to speak, he felt the blood drain from his face, felt his heart kick into a rhythm harder and faster than anything he was used to on the basketball court. “Mrs. Tucker?”
“I’m sorry.” She laughed, but tears filled her eyes at the same time. “Ellie . . . she came home last night.”
The news grabbed Nolan’s whole world and literally crashed it to a halt. All of life from that moment on would be defined as before this conversation with Ellie’s mother and after it. No matter what came next, he had the main thing he needed to know, the thing that had troubled him every day as long as he could remember.
Ellie was alive.
He closed his eyes and exhaled. She was alive. As the revelation became reality, he had more questions than he could ask at one time. “Did she call? I mean, what . . .” His thoughts ran together. Ellie was alive! He forced himself to concentrate. “What made her come home?”
Caroline sighed. “Another long story.” She put her hand on Nolan’s shoulder for a few seconds. “God’s working a miracle. For all of us.”
Nolan learned the other details in a matter of minutes. The letters from Caroline to Ellie, the change of heart in Caroline’s husband. How the letters had triggered Ellie’s road trip. Her mom didn’t mention the meeting at Gordonston Park tomorrow, so Nolan didn’t, either. But whether Ellie remembered or not didn’t matter. If she was here in Savannah, he was going to find her.
His heart felt lighter than it had since his dad died.
“Can I see her?” Nolan pulled out his phone. “Please, give me your address and I’ll go right now.”
Something changed in her eyes. She sat a little more stiffly and shook her head. “How about this evening? Around five?”
Nolan studied her. She was hiding something; at least it looked that way. Details about Ellie, maybe. Something she didn’t want to talk about. “I have all day.”
Her pained smile begged him to understand. “She might be asleep. She drove four straight days.”
Disappointment tried to crowd in, but Nolan refused it. He’d waited eleven years to see her. He could wait another eight hours. “Okay.” He clenched his jaw. She was here. He still couldn’t believe it. “I’ll find something to do. Head down to the river, maybe.” He stood, and she did the same. They hugged, the way he might hug his own mom. “Five o’clock?”
“Yes.” She paused. “While you’re at the river today . . . pray, Nolan. Just pray.”
Again he sensed something cryptic in her tone. Whatever it was, he would find out that evening. When he would see Ellie for the first time since they were fifteen. Something he never dreamed would come from this conversation. He nodded as they parted ways. “I’ll pray. Definitely.”
“See you, Nolan.”
“Five o’clock.” They both waved. She returned to the office as he headed for his SUV. Was Ellie sick? Or had she grown to despise him somehow? Was that why she’d never contacted him? Why she hadn’t wanted to be found? Fear tried to consume him, but he took even the thought of it captive.
The trick was something he’d learned a long time ago in the battle of living a Christian life. The start of sin and destruction, discouragement and darkness, always happened with a single thought. He couldn’t stop that. Wrong thoughts were like billboard signs on the highway of life. They were bound to come. Victory or defeat depended on how he handled the thought. “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” The Scripture from 2 Corinthians 10:5 came back to him now, the way it had countless other times.
He grabbed the wayward thought and pushed it from his heart and mind. He wouldn’t be afraid. Whatever had happened with Ellie, whatever her mother wanted him to pray about, God was in control. He had nothing to fear. The Lord had worked a miracle to this point. He wasn’t finished yet.
Nolan was convinced.
Ellie had to leave in a hurry.
Her heart raced in time with her thoughts as she paced across her mother’s kitchen. Kinzie and John were in the other room, watching a VeggieTales movie about Jonah, but all Ellie could think was the obvious. She needed to run.
“Honey, I don’t get it.” Her mom spoke in little more than a whisper. She sounded practically desperat
e. “You told me how much you’ve missed him, how you wish the two of you never would’ve lost touch.”
“Yes.” Ellie worked to keep her voice down. “Because I’d be a different person if Nolan and I had stayed close. But now . . .” She held out her hands. Why couldn’t her mother understand? “Look at me. I’m not the same girl. He’ll be . . . he’ll be disappointed, Mom. Nolan Cook wouldn’t want me.” She didn’t want to spell it out, how she was a single mom with few accomplishments, but the facts remained. “I don’t want to see him.”
Ellie hadn’t realized how true that was until her mother came home from work early and told her what had happened. That Nolan had come looking for her was shocking enough. But now that he was only a few miles away and headed for her mother’s apartment, Ellie couldn’t get around the panic.
It was one thing to be curious, to want to dig up the tackle box and read what Nolan had said about her all those years ago. But facing him here in her mom’s living room? Introducing him to Kinzie and trying to explain away the last decade? The thought was more than she could take. Better to remember Nolan the way she knew him when they were fifteen than to see him pity her.
“Honey.” Her mother tried again. “I told him you’d be here.” She leaned on the kitchen island that separated them. Her tone was a mix of frustration and fear. “He’s looked for you since you moved.”
“I’m sorry.” Ellie walked around the counter and gently put her hands on her mother’s shoulders. “I need to go. I’ll explain later.” She grabbed her keys from the counter and hurried into the living room. Kinzie couldn’t know her frantic resolve. The child was too perceptive, too able to tell that something was wrong. It was already a quarter to five. No time for explanations. She came up behind her daughter and touched her blond hair. “Kinz, we need to go shopping. Mommy has to get something at the store, okay?”
Kinzie looked at her mom and back at the TV. “But the movie’s almost over.”
The Chance: A Novel Page 22
