by Jude Watson
life and humor.
Obi-Wan approached with quiet steps. Garen didn't stir. Obi-Wan could
see the delicate blue veins in his eyelids, the dark circles of shadow
under his eyes. His cheeks were hollow, his hair sparse. His once muscular
chest looked as though it had caved in.
Garen's eyes opened as though it was the hardest thing he ever had to
do. He focused on Obi-Wan.
"Can I get you anything?" Obi-Wan asked.
Garen's voice was a whisper. "Just don't bring me a mirror. I can see
on your face how bad it is."
"You're alive," Obi-Wan said. "For that I'm thankful."
"I'm not so sure about that, myself. But thanks for finding me."
Each word seemed to cost Garen an effort. What could Obi-Wan do now?
How could he care for him? He couldn't bring him back with him to Mos
Eisley. It would attract too much attention, and besides, there was hardly
good care on Tatooine. He needed rest and constant monitoring.
Garen was already slipping back into unconsciousness.
"We can talk later," Obi-Wan said. He rested a hand on his friend's
shoulder, feeling mostly bone. All his feeling welled up in him, the love
for his friend, the helplessness he felt, the memory of what Garen had
been. The loss of what they'd had.
He collected himself and went back to the cockpit. He slipped into the
chair next to Ferus. Trever had given in to exhaustion and had fallen
asleep curled up in the galley seating area.
"Thank you for rescuing Garen," Obi-Wan said.
"This is only the beginning," Ferus said. "D'harhan said there was
another Jedi prisoner on Coruscant. Garen said he met another Jedi at the
cave and she went on to Coruscant. It could be the same Jedi. She could
still be alive and a prisoner."
"Coruscant is a big place. She could be anywhere."
"They can't hide a Jedi. We can find her. We can find them all."
"And then what?"
"We take them to a secret base."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "You would only be bringing more danger to
them, Ferus. Our best hope for survival is to stay scattered for now. Too
much concentrated Force energy in one place might alert the Sith."
"I hardly think a handful of Jedi would trigger a response," Ferus
said. "Besides, we'll be well hidden."
"How are you going to find this place?"
"I've already found it. So have you."
Obi-Wan thought for a moment. "The asteroid."
"It's not mapped, it travels constantly."
"It's a hunk of rock with no shelter in the middle of an atmospheric
storm."
"See what I mean? Perfect." Ferus's voice was strong, determined.
"I've already contacted Roan, my friend from home. I know it was dangerous
to risk a transmission, but he's the only person I can trust who isn't
already on this ship or on that asteroid. We have a coded system we set up
years ago, a series of places to meet. He's bringing supplies and then
returning to Ussa. I gave him a detailed list of riled supplies that we'll
need for Garen and some other things. We'll have to be self-sustaining."
Obi-Wan could hear the excitement in Ferus's voice, but he could not
join in. It was not a time to argue. It was a time to rest and plan.
"Wake me when we get to the spaceport," he said.
Trever peered out through the cockpit window at the Nixor spaceport.
It was a small port that orbited around the Nixor system. It was a crowded,
disorganized mess. The Nixors, feuding with the rest of the system, refused
to update the port or even do regular repairs. Pilots went out of their way
to avoid it if they could, but it was always crowded due to its central
location in the Mid-Rim. It was an easy place to hide.
"You sure pick some nasty holes in the galaxy to meet in," Trever
observed.
"That's the whole point. Sometimes the best place to hide is in a
crowd." Ferus activated the ramp and hurried down. He searched the scruffy
crowd and saw him almost immediately. Roan was thinner, and looked as
though he still hadn't fully recovered from his injuries during a stay in
an Imperial prison. But his smile was the same.
They walked toward each other slowly.
"You look like a durko on a bad day," Roan said.
Ferus knew it was true. He'd administered bacta on the ship, but the
combination of the blaster wound and the battering from the gorgodon had
drained him. And given him quite a lovely greenish bruise on his temple,
near the silver streak in his hair.
"Thanks. You're not exactly a prize," he answered.
Roan moved forward and grasped Ferus's upper arms. It was their own
special greeting to each other after a long absence. When Roan touched
Ferus, he saw him grimace.
"What is it?"
"Just a blaster wound. Nothing to worry about."
"Can't you just escape and hide, like everybody else? Do you have to
go looking for trouble?" Roan teased, but his eyes were worried.
"Well, you know those Imperials, they're such a bundle of fun. I just
can't stay away."
Roan's smile was forced. "I guess you have to do this."
"I do. I wish..."
",.. it were different, I know."
"There are Jedi alive out there," Ferus said. "I want to find them,
make them safe."
Roan nodded slowly. "I thought you left the Jedi Order."
"I did."
"Really'? Doesn't look that way from here."
"Now they need me. Some are still alive. Hiding. If they had a place
to come to, a place to be safe, that would give them a chance to fight
again. So I'm going to establish a secret base."
"Ah, that explains the greenhouse," Roan said.
"Were you able to bring it?"
"I have a pre-fab greenhouse, food supplies, seeds, plants, water
purifying system, and a complete med unit. Everything you asked for. Plus
extra fuel and some datapads, a few other things. Your vioflute, so you can
torture others in the evenings the way you used to torture me."
Ferus laughed, but sadness overtook him. His old life was truly gone.
Gone forever.
"You're putting yourself in great danger," Roan said. "But I guess you
know that. Well, don't worry, partner. We can see each other from time to
time. I have work to do on Ussa, too. The Empire has cracked down on the
resistance, but we're biding our time. You're doing the right thing."
"I don't know if that's true," Ferus said. "I only know I have to do
it."
"Sometimes," Roan said, "that's all you get to know."
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The homing beacon worked perfectly, but they still had to dive into
the atmospheric storm to make it back to the asteroid. Ferus was more used
to the space shears now as well as the sudden gravity vortexes that could
send the ship spinning out of control. Still, when the asteroid came into
view, they all breathed a sigh of relief.
Toma and Raina must have seen them approach, because they stood
waiting while Ferus landed the craft. Ferus lowered the ramp and the three
of them walked down.
"We're very glad to see you," Toma said.
"We were getting tired of each other's conversati
on," Raina said. She
was trying to joke, but there was strain on her face. No doubt she'd been
afraid they weren't going to return.
"We have supplies," Ferus said. "And a wounded comrade."
"Let me see to him," Raina said. "Before the Clone Wars, I was
completing my med training." She lightly ran up the ramp into the ship.
Ferus turned back to Toma. "We are going to establish a base here. We
hope to find more Jedi to come. I have enough supplies to keep us self-
sustaining. What I need is for beings to run it while I'm away. I was
hoping to talk you and Raina into it. I realize it's not exactly an
appealing job, but..."
"I can't speak for Raina," Toma said, "but I can imagine no better
cause."
They unloaded the supplies. Obi-Wan and Ferus and Toma set up the
prefabricated housing that was packed neatly into durasteel containers. The
plastoid structures were durable and built to withstand heat and cold.
When they were done, they paused to watch the dark sky overhead. Since
the asteroid traveled continuously and had no sun, it did not have a
division between night and day. Still, there was the feeling that a day had
passed, and it was time for sleep.
Obi-Wan looked in on Garen. Raina had set up a kind of clinic in one
of the structures. Garen was sleeping.
"It will take some time for him to recover," Raina said quietly.
"There is nothing we can't do for him here that he couldn't get in a first-
class facility. He needs rest and food and basic med care. I'll make him
better, Obi-Wan." She looked at Garen with sorrow in her face. "I remember
him from the Clone Wars. He's greatly changed."
He put his hand on her shoulder. "Thank you for caring for him."
Obi-Wan ducked out of the structure. Ferus was standing alone, looking
up at the sky.
"How's Garen?"
"Sleeping. Raina doesn't know how long his recovery will take. But
he'll be all right here."
"Now that he's settled, I think we should leave for Coruscant," Ferus
said. "We've no time to lose."
Here it was. Here was the moment he would disappoint him. "I'm not
coming with you, Ferus."
Ferus looked saddened, but not surprised. "I guess I knew that. I just
hoped you'd change your mind."
"I have given you as much help as I can give."
"What about Garen? He's your friend!"
"I'm leaving him in a place he can be cared for."
"Yes, he needs care. That's my point. We found Garen, and we know
there is another Jedi who needs our help." Ferus shook his head. "I don't
understand how you can walk away from that."
"And I can't explain." There are some things you just can't know.
Ferus snorted. "Your secret mission again."
"I'm sorry I can't tell you. If you need my help from time to time,
I'll help you. But I can't build this base for you. I can't travel the
galaxy with you. I have my place in this struggle already mapped out."
He could see the impatience on Ferus's face. "So you'll abandon the
ones who need you, like your best friend?"
"They have you. This is your mission, Ferus. You chose it."
Ferus looked away, furious.
Obi-Wan's own feelings were a tangle inside him. He couldn't say that
he didn't think Ferus had a point. Part of him wondered if he was
abandoning Garen, and he worried about this fragile group. Toma and Raina
were courageous and resourceful, but they could only do so much. Trever was
sharp and inventive, but he was still a boy. Garen was ill and frail. And
Ferus was just putting his feet back on the path. He took on too much,
thinking he was still as powerful a Jedi as he used to be.
And he was leaving all of them to fend for themselves.
He was doing the right thing. He knew that. But to go on, to do that
thing, to not have regrets... that was something he wasn't capable of.
Acceptance doesn't guard you from regret.
It was a memory this time, and it rang clear as a bell in Obi-Wan's
mind. He and Qui-Gon having one of their many talks after a mission. He
couldn't remember now what it was that he regretted, or what he had been
asking. But he remembered a blazing sunset and the beginnings of the night
sky above it, and he clearly remembered Qui-Gon's answer
To be a living being is to live with regret. Those who say they regret
nothing are liars or fools. Accept your regret the way you accept your
mistakes. Then move on.
Obi-Wan looked at Ferus, and he felt pain in his heart. Ferus was so
brave, and there was so much ahead of him. Yet he must leave him. The fact
that his heart could break, the fact that he could be filled with this
confusion... that was something he hadn't felt in a long while. It was
something he'd hoped never to feel again. Yet here he was his heart full of
feeling.
And then he knew, as surely as he knew his mission, why Qui-Gon had
told him he wasn't ready for training with the Whills.
When you know why you are not ready, you will be ready, Qui-Gon had
told him.
Now he knew. Now he was ready to return.
"I have two things to ask of you," Obi-Wan said. "One is Garen."
"I will see that he's cared for," Ferus said stiffly. "You don't have
to ask. I'll never abandon him."
"Thank you. Now I must ask you something else. I'm afraid that Malorum
is looking into Polis Massa. It's best if you don't know why. I managed to
deflect the inquiry for a time, but I don't know what Malorum knows or what
he's planning to do next. The answers to those questions can endanger every
Jedi - and the fledgling resistance."
"I'll track him for you," Ferus said. "It may take some time."
"Do your best," Obi-Wan said. "If he continues to investigate, I'll
need to know. On your way to Coruscant, I need you to drop me on Tatooine.
It's time for me to get back."
"You're treating me like an apprentice," Ferus said. "You won't tell
me what you're doing, and you're giving me orders."
"It seems that way," Obi-Wan said. "But I don't think of you as an
apprentice."
"What do you think of me as, then?" Ferus asked irritably.
"A Jedi," Obi-Wan said. "One of the last." Ferus's troubled gaze
cleared. He took a deep breath that seemed to calm him.
"It's been so long since I was a Jedi," he said. "The old ways are
ingrained in me, but I have to struggle to rediscover them. Acceptance,
right? Acceptance without judgment. That's what I need."
"It's something to strive for, anyway."
Ferus turned to face him. Obi-Wan saw that Ferus didn't understand
him. Hadn't forgiven him. But he had taken a step on the path. "Then I will
try."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
They landed Toma's ship outside the settlement of Mos Eisley. Obi-Wan
wrapped his cloak around him. The wind was up, and the sand outside was
blowing crazily. Good. Everyone tended to stay in their shelters during
sandstorms. He would have a solitary walk to his dwelling.
"Good-bye, Trever," Obi-Wan said. "We've had an interesting journey
together. May the Force be with you."
"Back at you, 'Wan
."
Trever went back into the ship, and Obi-Wan stood at the top of the
ramp with Ferus. Particles of sand stung their cheeks and exposed skin.
"Charming place," Ferus remarked. "I can see why you want to stay."
"And your asteroid is a garden?"
"Ah, but it will be."
Obi-Wan paused. There was a part of him that wanted to stay with
Ferus, to hold on to this one human link to the past. But he knew what he
had to do, and that he had to do it alone.
"I'm glad our paths crossed again," he said now.
"You were kind to me as an apprentice," Ferus replied. "I admired you
more than any Jedi... you and Siri. Now I guess I have to trust you, too.
That's not as easy."
"Qui-Gon would say that when it comes to the Living Force, trust is
the only currency," Obi-Wan said.
Ferus nodded. "You said you would help me if I needed it. I pledge the
