“You always thought you were better than me.”
The officer pulls on Mason’s arm to force him to continue walking. Mason glares at me as though he wants to pounce, but relents and walks away.
Knowing what I know now, I wish I had turned him in a long time ago. As I leave the dark dreariness of the police station and step out into the bright daylight, I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. The weight of keeping copies of that evidence locked away in a safe deposit box was hefty. The police now have a road map of Mason’s activities and connections, and I no longer have to contemplate what to do with those files. Mason’s out of my life, and Kylie…
Kylie was never who I assumed she was. She was a liar. Everything about us made sense. She was the one I’d waited so many years for, but her lies were so beautiful. They were built to make me happy, to calm my suspicions until I accepted their beauty as the truth. Because once the truth came out, the ugliness of it all shattered me. I fell in love with a lie and still can’t begin to accept the ugly truth.
********
Footsteps crunch on the gravel next to my house as I sit on the deck looking out onto the lake. I wish whoever is here would just leave me alone.
My dad comes up the stairs, and I refuse to look at him as he pulls a chair up next to mine. He quietly sits looking out at the lake. “We’ve been worried about you.”
“I’m fine” It’s been a week since I turned Mason in and I’ve basically stayed secluded in my home. I’ve canceled meetings and handle all urgent work from my home office. I thought I’d feel better after I stop protecting Mason, but I don’t. I’ve avoided everyone from my family because I don’t want to explain how I could do something like this to my brother.
“I don’t think you are. You look horrible, you haven’t been to work, and you’re ignoring everyone who loves you. How much longer are you going to seclude yourself out here?”
I shrug my shoulders.
He sighs then falls silent for quite awhile. When he finally speaks up he asks, “Why’d you keep quiet about Mason so long?”
And there it is. The reason I’ve kept my distance from my family. I don’t want to rehash everything Mason did; I want to forget.
“This is my entire fault,” he says when I don’t reply.
“What? Dad, you know Mason’s always been in a different realm then the rest of us. He could never see how wrong the things he did were, and he’s always hated me.”
“I know, and I should’ve stepped in and done more, but I thought it was simple sibling rivalry.”
“You couldn’t have done anything to change Mason. I see that now. I tried to fix our relationship years ago, and Mason put my business in jeopardy.”
“I know, but if I-”
“He killed a man, Dad!” I don’t need my father blaming himself for a man that was incapable of changing. I’ve accepted who and what Mason is, and it’s time the rest of the family did as well.
He stares at me speechless.
“Now you know. Mason was not savable, and I let him carry on about his business because he was my brother. He killed a man and made Kylie watch. He’s had a hold over her for years, and maybe it’s my fault. I was the one who could’ve put him away, but I let him continue to terrorize people.”
He rests his elbows on his knees and covers his face with his hand. He takes a deep breath, then looks at me. “I don’t know what to say. That’s…”
“It’s fucked up, Dad. That’s what it is. I fucked up, and people paid with their lives. Then I fall in love with the girl Mason sends to con me.”
“She was probably terrified of Mason. It sounds like she didn’t have much of a choice.”
“She had a choice. If she would’ve come to me, I could’ve turned Mason in.”
“And you don’t think she might not have wanted to be the reason you turned your brother in? You had the evidence for years, and you didn’t do it all that time. It’s obvious to everyone, including Kylie, that you didn’t want to be the one to turn your brother in.”
He’s right. The last thing I wanted was to Have Mason’s shit on my shoulders, but now it’s there.
“Maybe it would be good if you talked to her.”
“No. We already tried that. It won’t work.” I don’t need my dad pushing me in a direction that I’m tempted to follow every single day. I get up and walk toward the sliding doors.
“None of us are blameless, Jude. We all looked the other way when it came to Mason. You can’t put all the fault on yourself.”
I nod my head, but don’t look back as I enter the house and shut the door behind me. At some point I’ll have to talk with everyone in my family, but I’m not ready.
Kylie
Five weeks, three days, and seven hours. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve laid eyes on Jude. I convinced myself I’ve moved on, that my life is great now, but I realize I’ve been lying to myself in order to survive. Jude is sitting less than five feet away from me, and my heart is thudding so hard, I’m sure he can hear its rhythm.
Last month when Mason was arrested it was a huge shock to Stacia and me. Stacia was the one who rushed home to tell me. Apparently she’d been leaving Mason’s office when the cops arrived. She watched from her car as the cops hauled him off, but we had no idea what was going on. Later that night the news report revealed the police had Mason for money laundering and drug charges after they received evidence from an undisclosed source.
Mason’s plan backfired. If he never sent me in after Jude, Jude would have never handed in that evidence. I know Jude was holding on to the hope that Mason would change, but it was never going to happen. Mason has no moral compass. He will never redeem himself, because he has no compassion. I wish I could’ve been as brave as Jude was. After Shane died I contemplated going to the police for weeks, but I was too terrified. The moment they brought Mason in for questioning, he would know I turned him in. And if they couldn’t find the body or enough evidence to link Mason to the murder of some unknown man no one was looking for, then Mason would be free to come after me. I was a coward then, and I was a coward now for not telling Jude the truth once I started having real feelings for him.
Stacia and I have been questioned several times about Mason’s dealings. The detectives have offered us immunity to testify against Mason. Shane’s case is now being investigated, but I don’t hold much hope they’ll find any evidence. I hope anything I have to say will put Mason away for a long time because I’m through letting him run my life.
My hand trembles as I pick up my martini. Stacia narrows her eyes and grabs the glass from me before I spill the drink all over my dress.
“Why are your hands trembling?” She turns her head to see what’s caught my attention. She gasps then looks back at me with wide eyes. “Let’s get out of here.”
She begins to slide off the bar stool, but I grab her wrist, shaking my head at her attempt to get me out of the bar. “No, I’ll be fine. Just sit down and we’ll pretend he isn’t here.”
She sits back on her stool with a dry laugh. She knows as well as I do that there’s no way I could ignore Jude’s presence in a room. He commands my attention without even looking my way, but he knows I’m here. I can tell by how stiffly he’s sitting, and the way he’s tapping his fingers on the bar top. He wants to come over and touch me as much as I want to walk past and brush up against him.
His back is to us, but Jax is making no attempt to pretend he doesn’t notice us. He nods at me then smiles when Stacia turns toward him. Jay is sitting to Jax’s left. He leans over and says something in his ear before he gets up and comes our way. I cross my fingers and hope he passes us, but that’s wishful thinking.
“Kylie, how are you?” he asks, standing with his arms crossed. We both look up at him, but he only has his eyes on Stacia.
“I’m fine. Uh…this is my roommate, Stacia.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he says, taking the free seat on the other side of Stacia. He
leans closer to her and begins a conversation I can’t hear over the music.
My attention returns to Jude, but I didn’t realize he’d spun around and is now staring directly my way. My arm hits my glass as I try to avert my eyes, spilling watermelon-flavored vodka all over the bar. Stacia gives me a look that clearly says, I told you we should leave.
The bartender appears and quickly cleans up my mess. Jay disappears, and Stacia eyes me like I’m about to have a meltdown. I know I shouldn’t look his way, but I glance up anyway.
Jude smiles the moment our eyes meet. God, I missed that smile. The bartender puts a new drink in front of me and points to Jude. My heart fills with excitement but quickly deflates when he gets up, downs his shot, then walks out of the bar.
I’ll never get over Jude Baxter, and I accept he’ll always hold a piece of my heart. There are some things you give to someone that you can take back when he walks away. Jude just walked out the door with a huge piece of my heart, and he has no idea.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kylie
“So school will be opening soon. What are you going to do with your last two weeks of summer?” I ask.
Tyler sits a step below me outside the door to my place. It’s become routine for Tyler to spend most of his Saturdays at my house. He’s become such a permanent fixture in my life that I can’t remember what it’s like not to see his smiling face every week. If I have to work when he’s around, he usually comes along and assists. Patricia has made sure we bond, and I love her for letting me be such a huge part of Tyler’s life.
“Well, Mom and I always go away the last week of summer. You know, it’s like my last chance to unwind.”
“That sounds like a lot of fun. I’ll miss you though.” I lean back and rest my elbows behind me.
He looks up at me. “Why don’t you come with us?”
“No, it’s a family vacation.”
“And you’re family.”
“I know, but I really want you to go and have this time with your mom.” He looks up at me like he’s going to continue trying to convince me, but a shadow falls over us and we both look up.
“Kylie.” Bradley Baxter’s accent is as perfect as I remember it to be. He just took the calmest day I’ve had since I saw Jude at the bar and flipped it upside down. I can’t handle a conversation with him. My brain is telling me to get up and run inside where I’ll be safe, but I can’t relay the message to the rest of my body.
“Do you have a minute?” he asks.
“I’ll go watch some TV,” Tyler says, running inside and leaving me to stand alone against another Baxter man. In his thin navy blue sweater and jeans, he looks too young to be Jude’s father. He climbs the stairs and sits next to me. His arm brushes against mine as he leans back. The silence makes me anxious.
Just say it. Say what you came to say, then let me move on.
“I just came from having lunch with Jude,” he finally says. “It’s the second time he’s spoken to me since everything happened with Mason.”
He’s only spoken to his dad twice in almost two months? I didn’t realize he was avoiding his family also.
“He blames himself. He feels responsible for how Mason turned out and what he’s done to the family and…what he’s done to you. If anything, I’m more to blame. He’s my son, and I should’ve stepped in a long time ago.”
“No,” I say, looking him in the eye. “You and Jude are not responsible for Mason. I’ve known him for years, and the things he does are his choice. The things I did were my choice.”
“But I understand why you did them. You’ve seen the ugliest side of Mason, and you acted in fear. I can understand that, and one day so will Jude.”
“I don’t think that will happen. He has a right to hate me. I just hope he knows I really did love him.”
“He knows. He’s just stubborn. I tried to talk him into coming to see you, but he isn’t ready. I hope I knocked enough sense into him to stop wasting time.”
I’m extremely relieved Bradley can forgive me, but I’m not holding my breath Jude will do the same.
He gets up and walks down the stairs, his hands in his pockets, then looks back up at me. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry my son terrorized you.”
I nod at him even though I hope he’ll see he’s not to blame for his son’s actions. He smiles sadly before he turns and walks down the street.
The rest of my day is ruined. I can’t stop thinking about Jude and Bradley and how much Mason has fucked us all. By the time Patricia comes by to get Tyler, I’m sinking back into depression.
*******
One week later Patricia calls to tell me she isn’t dropping Tyler off as planned. “I have a photo shoot for you,” she says.
Something’s off in her tone, and she’s never had a problem with Tyler tagging along with me on my other photo shoots. “When?” I ask.
“It’s today at the Baxter Hotel.”
“What? No, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this one. Call someone else.”
“It has to be you,” she says.
“Why? Why does it have to be me?” I’m totally losing it and acting like a raving maniac. I tug at my hair with my free hand, and I pace around my living room.
“Look, Kylie, I know you’ve had a rough time dealing with your breakup, so I won’t force you to take this job. But we’ve been interested in featuring the hotel for a while now. When you broke up with Jude, I knew this spread would be out of the question for you, but this morning I get a call from Jude. He says he wants you or we call off the entire thing.”
“Why would he want me?” I whisper, baffled by his request.
“I don’t know, but if you can’t handle it, then I’ll let him know we’re no longer interested.”
“No…I’ll do it. It’s great exposure for the hotel and a good opportunity for the magazine also.”
“Are you sure? Because I won’t allow him to play games with you.” She sounds like a mom protecting her child, but I don’t need protection from Jude. If he wants to see me, then I’ll always be available. I just didn’t want to show up at his hotel after he told me to stay away.
“Whatever Jude wants from me, I’m sure it’s not a game.”
I hang up with Patricia and spend the next couple of hours anxiously pacing my apartment like a mad woman. By the time I get to the hotel, my nerves are frayed.
It’s just a photo shoot.
I’ve already scolded myself for agreeing to the job. Then I cursed myself for being such a coward, and now I’m convincing myself nothing is out of the ordinary. Jude has got me tied up in knots, and I haven’t even seen his face since I stepped into the hotel an hour ago.
I’m jumpy and constantly looking over my shoulder for him to pop up. I need to calm down or every photo I take will be unusable. Usually a photo shoot is my only escape. It’s the one thing I can get lost in without thoughts of Jude ruining the experience, but not today.
With sweaty hands, I slide the keycard I was given in the slot in the elevator. The magazine wants a two-page spread of Jude in the Grand Suite on the top floor. I grip the bar running along the back of the elevator, my head hanging low as I take calming breaths.
The elevator opens up to the suite, and I can’t convince myself to move. When I finally glance up, I can see clear through the sitting and living room area to the bedroom. The suite could be a palatial paradise, but I don’t notice it. I can only focus on is Jude in all his splendor, perched on the edge of the bed.
Our eyes meet, he tilts his head to the right, and he looks at me with a questioning gaze.
Am I coming in, or am I going to bail?
The doors begin to slide shut, and I jump forward and stop it with my hand. He smiles at me as I walk through the door and toward him. A smile is a good sign. Maybe he doesn’t hate me as much as he did a few months ago. Time heals wounds and all that crap people say.
As I walk, I find that I can’t keep watching him; it’s increasing my anxiety. I gla
nce around the suite, finally taking in its beauty. I can see why he chose this room for the shoot. It’s like taking a step back into the past. The space captures everything this hotel represents. It has high cathedral ceilings with intricate paintings, large classical chandeliers, and vibrant red furniture.
My feet sink into the Persian rugs as I stop at the archway of the bedroom. I cross my arms and finally look at him again. A rush of emotions sweeps through me. His hair is tousled, like he’d been nervously running his hands through it. The look in his eyes gives away nothing. I can’t tell if he wanted me here to say he loves me or to torture me for what I did to him. I don’t know what he wants from me, but he’s making me uneasy.
“So…um…” Fuck, I can’t even form one normal sentence.
“Where do you want me?” he asks, the sound of his voice causing me to shiver. I missed the deep timbre of his voice.
Where do I want him? I want him on the bed, on the table, in the shower. As long as it involves him between my legs, then it’s the perfect spot.
I really need to calm my raging libido. This is a photo shoot, and just because I love and lust after the model doesn’t mean I’m going to conduct myself in an inappropriate way. The last time I approached Jude about us, he gave me himself sexually, but it was empty. He was so lost in his rage he couldn’t connect with me the way I prayed for.
No. This time there will be no provoking him. My heart can’t handle having him master my body without looking at me like I’m the center of his world. I never realized how much that look meant to me until it was replaced with disgust.
Deceitfully Yours Page 17
