When Two Hearts Collide (Game of Hearts Novels Book 3)

by Sonya Loveday

  I HATED HER.

  But I hated myself more.

  IT HAD BEEN ALMOST FOUR months since Charlie left.

  I’d like to say every day got easier for me, but I’d only be lying. Life had a way of moving around people even when they weren’t ready for it to—oblivious to the pain someone was in. People still went to work. Groceries were still bought. Births and new loves and breakups still happened. It didn’t stop just because my world did. It kept moving forward. Kept pressing on in an endless cycle I could only keep up with or sink.

  I did my best to keep busy. To fill my every waking minute with as many things as possible so there was never an idle moment where I could think about him.

  And, for the most part, it worked.

  Cherry thought I was growing reckless. And maybe I had. I threw a party at my place two to three times a week. Drowned my nights with alcohol and loud music and as many stolen kisses as I could take.

  It kept the memories of him squashed below.

  “You’re really going to have him over?” Cherry asked as I finished applying lipstick in the mirror. I hated that I noticed the hollow circles under my eyes. The way my hair was duller than normal.

  “I am, and you need to go. He’ll be here soon,” I said, not bothering to look in her direction.

  I didn’t like who I had become. I wanted to wash the mirror until the image I once knew returned.

  Cherry sighed. “Fine. Whatever.”

  The front door slammed, but I didn’t jump. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t want to feel anything.

  I headed for the kitchen and took a shot of tequila. I knew inviting Stuart over was probably the dumbest idea I’d ever had. I also knew a small part of me was only doing it because of him. Because I knew damn well he was sleeping with other people. It was what he did. It was who he was.

  And I could be just as cold and reserved.

  The knock came hard and fast to the door, like demons banging to get in.

  You can do this, I told myself, forcing my feet forward even though they wanted to stay put.

  He was wearing a grin with enough ego in it to inflate a raft. “Hey, baby,” he said, already grabbing at me, pulling me against him.

  I let him.

  “You look sexy as hell.”

  “Thanks,” I replied, turning to make him follow me. I didn’t want to talk. Talking would only put a quick end to it, because nothing he had to say was worth my time.

  I just wanted sex.

  I just wanted to feel something… anything.

  “Geez, you’re already ready for me,” he said, licking his lips as he looked me up and down outside my bedroom.

  “You know it,” I said, and then headed for the bed, trying not to think about him as I crawled across it, taunting Stuart with my ass.

  “The things I’ve been wanting to do to you, Charlotte.” I heard his buckle coming undone, and then the swift drop of his pants hitting the floor. He wasn’t wasting any time.

  Good.

  The sooner it was over, the better.

  I slid my shorts down my thighs and backed all the way up against the headboard, staring at him across the room. He could be sexy if I had never heard him speak before. If I had never known how his mind worked, as small as it was.

  He had abs for days and biceps that could probably squeeze a watermelon. A nice ass and a package that couldn’t be mistaken.

  But his smile… it was lacking. It wasn’t sincere. It wasn’t gentle.

  It wasn’t his.

  Stuart was between my legs faster than I could blink, already planting sloppy kisses down my neck and over my breasts, not even giving me a chance to figure out what I should do in return or if I still even wanted to.

  After sliding a condom on, he pulled my underwear down fast and hard, and pressed himself against me, already trying to enter before we’d even really kissed.

  “Stuart,” I said, trying to push at his shoulders so he’d look at me. “You’re in a rush, aren’t you?”

  “No, baby. I just want to fuck the shit out of you.” He slammed into me without warning. Without finesse. I screamed out as white-hot pain slid against the back of my eyelids.

  I knew in that minute I had fucked up. Royally.

  “Oh, yeah. You like that?” he said against my ear as he pounded into me again and again. Barely a few seconds later, he was spent… and I was trying to decide whether I wanted to stab him with a knife or kick myself for being such an idiot and letting him in my house.

  I wanted to feel something, didn’t I?

  I shoved him off as a sated smile spread across his face.

  “How was that?” he asked, still holding his fading erection.

  I tried not to gag. “It was a mistake. I’m going to shower. Leave.”

  He sat up in a hurry. “A mistake? What do you mean ‘leave’? I just got here.”

  “And you came, so now you can go,” I said, already thinking about how hot I’d turn the shower on so I could scrub his scent off my skin. Wishing I wasn’t such an idiot.

  “But—”

  “You wanted sex and I wanted, well, not that, but whatever. It happened, but it will never happen again. Got it? There’s nothing to discuss. Get out.”

  He hopped off the bed, tossing his condom in the waste bin by my bed, and then slid his pants on. “You’re a real bitch, you know that?”

  “So I’ve heard,” I said as I slammed the bathroom door and locked it.

  I WAS A DICK.

  I should call her and apologize.

  Tell her I made a mistake. That I knew it was over, but I couldn’t keep going on without her being my friend. She was one of my only girl friends that I didn’t want to run screaming in the opposite direction to get away from.

  More than that, I owed her an apology for expecting her to just pick up and move with me. She’d been right to get angry about it. I would have too had she expected me to do it for her without thinking about what that meant for me.

  I held my cell phone in my hand, grasping it like a lifeline before I brought up her name and hit the call button.

  I didn’t know what I expected, but it damn sure wasn’t the sound of some arsehole answering her phone and saying, “Who the fuck is this?”

  I was instantly pissed. “What do you mean by answering Charlotte’s phone and asking who the fuck is this? Put her on the phone.”

  He laughed, brayed really, like the jackass he was. I remembered his voice, and a whole new level of anger washed through me.

  How fucking dare her!

  “Take your ass back out to the outback. She doesn’t need you anymore when she has me,” Stuart said, rubbing in the fact he was obviously with Charlotte since he’d answered her phone.

  “I live in England, ye bloody wanker. Put Charlotte on the phone,” I demanded.

  He chuckled. “No can do. She’s in the shower.”

  Maybe the term ‘seeing red’ wasn’t really figurative. It was bloody well a fact. Everything turned a lovely shade of blood in front of my eyes. If I could reach Stuart through the phone, I’d rip out his throat.

  “….balls deep. She likes it rough, did you know that?”

  I dropped the phone and shoved the heel of my Doc Martins through the screen.

  She’d turned to that fucking twat Stuart. Took him into her body and tainted it with his repulsiveness.

  Blind with rage, I grabbed the closest thing to me and threw it as hard as I could. Piece by piece, with each crash, each shatter, I lost a little more of myself.

  My arms burned, my fists bled, but none of it stopped me. The pain… the hurt, it raged inside of me, seeking release like some sort of caged beast that had been taunted and poked until it snapped and got free, killing the town in its path of destruction.

  I didn’t give a shit if there was single thing left in my flat. I didn’t care if the walls crumbled around me.

  “I fucking hate you… you stupid bitch.” I yelled it over and over until my throat, raw
from it, refused to make any noise.

  Violet found me on my knees, head in my hands as I rocked. The pain wouldn’t leave me.

  “She’s ripping my fucking heart out,” I said when Violet rushed over to me, tugging me into her arms, demanding to know what the hell was going on.

  She smoothed my hair back, making sounds of comfort while she held my pieces together.

  There would be no turning back for me. Not after the fallout.

  “DON’T SAY IT,” I SAID after locking the front door to The Raven’s Den.

  It had been a hellish day, which was unusual for me. Normally, nothing bothered me. Not even the bitchy customers.

  Not today though.

  Cherry bit her lip, like she was actually trying, for me, to not say what she was thinking.

  That was a first.

  I closed down the register, and then headed for my office. She was on my heels. Apparently, her attempt at remaining silent had expired.

  “He called you and that little fuckboy of yours answered,” she said, the words coming out in a flurried rush like a geyser that had been waiting to erupt.

  I kept my back to her, grabbing my things off my desk and shoving them forcefully into my messenger bag.

  “Violet called me. Told me he was a mess. Said she’s never seen him like this before, Charlotte. It… it killed him to find out about Stuart.”

  I spun on her so fast, with so much power, it made her jump back a step. “Since when were you on his side? And it’s not like we’re together. Not only once, but twice has he completely blocked me from his life. So what if he knows? I’m sure he hasn’t been a saint either.” I paused as a moment of clarity struck me like a hammer to the heart. “He hasn’t, has he?”

  Cherry’s eyes averted, and it was all that needed to be said.

  Just the thought of him with another woman made my insides crawl. Of course he’d have slept around as well. He was a womanizer. A sleazeball. The same man who put on the brakes when I was in London, and then didn’t even have the decency to call me like he said he would, would return to his old ways.

  Except, so many months later, he did call.

  And Stuart had stupidly answered.

  When I came out of the shower and heard him describing what didn’t really happen between us, I was instantly mortified. After I saw Charlie’s name, I kicked Stuart right in his ivy-league ball sack he’d been bragging about, and then shoved him out my front door.

  But Charlie had already hung up, and I didn’t have the courage to try to reach him again.

  Because, no matter what I tried to tell myself, I was ashamed.

  “You both fucked up,” Cherry said, taking a seat on my couch.

  “It doesn’t really matter. It’s over, Cherry. If it wasn’t before last night, than it definitely is now. There’s no way he’ll talk to me after Stuart, and I really don’t want to hear what he has to say anyway.”

  Cherry put her head in her hands, but then stood, stomping her foot. “Man, you know what? I haven’t talked to Violet for longer than either of you have gone without talking. It’s going on years. Our shit didn’t end well, you know. We really fell hard for each other, but we knew it wasn’t possible. I was broke. She was broke. And we both were so young.

  “It hurt like hell not calling her. And it hurt equally as much realizing she wasn’t going to call either. But last night, we talked for hours as if none of the pain had ever happened. Because what we had was real. Real enough that time and stupid mistakes can’t erase it.”

  I put my bag over my shoulder. “Good for you. Should I bake a cake?”

  She grabbed me by the shoulders, preventing me from leaving. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Like, seriously. This isn’t you, Charlotte.”

  I looked down at my hands and feet, and then back up at her. “It sure enough looks like it’s me.”

  “He loves you. And we both know damn well you love him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be acting like a loose cannon about to implode your whole fucking life the hell up.”

  Bitter tears stung at the back of my eyelids.

  “And Hannah—”

  “I don’t want to hear about Hannah. I told you. She didn’t even try to talk to me. Just went behind my back doing what she thought was best for me like she always does without even knowing who the fuck I am. It’s her fault I’m even like this! She’s the one who bailed on me… on us… and then dumped him on my lap knowing we didn’t end off on a good note the first time.”

  Cherry scowled at me. “You’re not even making sense anymore. You know this wasn’t Hannah’s fault. She meant well. You’re just pissed because of him, and if you two would pull your heads out of your self-pitying asses for two whole seconds, then maybe you could see reason and finally get over yourselves long enough to fix what you both want before you completely run it into the ground.”

  “Screw you.”

  She shoved me, hard, and then said, “I’m done here, boss. See you tomorrow.”

  I collapsed on the couch when I knew she was gone. The tears I’d held in from the night he let me walk away from him slid a hot, salty path down my cheeks. It was a long time coming, and as much as I wanted to put the blame on everyone around me, it was our problem to fix.

  But how could we fix it when so much damage had already happened? When so much space had been placed between us? It was like an ocean of pain before me, and I was drowning.

  Drowning before I could ever reach the surface.

  LATER THAT NIGHT, I GRABBED my laptop and crawled into bed, feeling as if the world had impressed itself upon me. Even my eyelids were almost too heavy to keep open, but I had to get it all out.

  I had to if I wanted to be able to breathe again.

  I pulled open my email and found his name with his address. Clicked on it. I watched with a sick stomach as a blank page appeared before me, waiting for me to purge my every painful thought onto it.

  “Here goes nothing.”

  Dear Charlie,

  We fucked up, didn’t we?

  Before I say anything more, I feel I should note this isn’t going to be an email pleading for forgiveness, or an attempt to mend what we’ve managed to break. What’s done is done… on that much, I think I speak for the both of us.

  But I can’t keep on like this. Not without closure. I do owe you that much.

  You broke me. As much as I broke you. I thought you were it. You had me going. Really. And I meant it when I said I love you. And I know you meant it too. But love is give and take. Love is deciding together. And, in one fell swoop, you managed to pummel over both of those things.

  *insert large sigh*

  I don’t point fingers.

  I could have had a better temper. I could have tried to talk you into seeing my side of it and offered another solution that better fit my needs.

  I guess I just didn’t want to ask that of you, since you made it clear it was your way or no way.

  I can’t live in ultimatums.

  And you can’t live without your bar.

  …Shit

  I’m… I’m sorry about Stuart, Charlie. Really. It didn’t mean anything. It was a stupid mistake, not that it matters to you. I know I don’t owe you an explanation, and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it, but to clear my conscience, he wasn’t even supposed to be there. I told him to leave, but he answered my phone without my knowing.

  I kicked him in the balls if that’s any consolation.

  I’m sure it would have been just as bad had one of the females you slept with answered had I attempted to call you. Which I thought of doing but am glad I didn’t because I now know you were indeed sleeping around as well.

  Jesus… here I am, already sounding like a jealous girlfriend. I’m going to stop typing now. My eyes are raw and I haven’t slept in, well, months. I’m not even thinking clearly. I just had a huge blowup with Cherry, and I knew I needed to get all this… this shit out in order to wake up with maybe a fresh start and a clear head.

&
nbsp; Even though you already have, I haven’t truly let you go. But I need to. This isn’t healthy. I don’t even read. Don’t collect. I haven’t even stocked my own business since you left.

  I need my world back. I need myself back.

  I just wanted to say goodbye, Charlie.

  So, goodbye.

  THE FRONT DOOR OF MY flat slammed hard enough to shudder the frame in the wall. The sound woke me in an instant and I shot up from the couch, hands fisted. Ready for whoever was stupid enough to come at me.

  “Holy feck! What the hell happened to you?” Violet asked, storming over and grabbing my face, twisting it as if to get a better look.

  I jerked back, putting a few feet in between us as she scowled at me, hoicking her fists onto her hips, mouth curled at the ready to give me a good piece of her mind.

  I turned my back on her, ignoring the hiss she spat at me, and said, “Leave off, Violet.”

  “Leave off? Leave bloody off? What the hell is wrong with ye? I didn’t believe it when that old numpty Joe Fythe came in talking all about seeing you take down some bloke he’d put money on,” she said, giving me the best ‘I’m so disappointed in you, Charlie’ tone.

  I crossed my arms and moved over to the window. Ignoring her was the best option. I didn’t owe anyone an explanation, and I damn sure wasn’t going to cower to some slip of a girl who couldn’t even decide what color her hair should be. Although the fire-engine red did seem to match the temper she was in.

  “Ye got nuthin’ te say? Fine. How about this? I’ve talked to Cherry and the both of us think—”

  I spun on her and roared, “Get the fuck out.”

  “Fine. Fuck you too,” she said, nostrils flaring as she backed away from me.

  When she got to the door, she gave me one last parting shot, a jab right into the part of my heart that just wouldn’t heal. “For two people who still love each other, you two have fucked up ways of showing it.”

  The monster I’d kept tucked inside of me, the one I’d walked away from as a teenager when a lot of shit went down, roared reared its ugly head. I caught her up in two strides, grabbed her, and shoved her against the wall. “Stay out of my business, and stay the fuck away from the underground clubs. They eat little girls like you for snacks and spit the bones out when they’re done.”