Her knee came up fast. I almost didn’t have time to twist out of her way. My temper was teetering on the edge. A haze of red ringed my vision, giving me a final warning. Violet struggled, but she was no match for me when I tossed her back out the door and slammed the bolt home.
I fought the urge to vomit. Fought the uncontrollable shakes that followed. And I waited, knowing she wouldn’t give up. The whole time I hoped she would because I didn’t want to hurt her, because if I did, than then it meant I’d given up my humanity. Given up my better parts in trade for something I never wanted to be.
The night I called Charlotte had spun me out of control. It was something I’d never thought would happen to me. I couldn’t live in my own skin without wanting to peel it off just to take away the memory of her touch.
The walls of my flat closed in on me, pressing so hard I felt I’d shatter. I couldn’t deal—didn’t want to either.
I had no idea where I set out to. I only knew I couldn’t take a moment longer of watching Violet sob over me as she cleaned up the mess I’d made. She let me walk out the door, probably thinking I needed some fresh air to get my thoughts together.
But the air I found was stale. Dank. It whispered of fear and regret. It cloaked the hurt and gave me anger in return. The lad I’d stepped up the line to was a cocky young punk with blond hair. When I was done with him, he had to be carried out. His blood had pooled in spots, splattered in others, I noticed as I stepped back up to the line… and to my next fight.
It had been everything I remembered. The high of winning. The busted knuckles and loose teeth. The sore ribs and swollen eyes. Pain was good. Pain kept me focused on myself enough to not give a shit about anyone else.
The images of the night I let go and reverted back to the old me vanished like a puff of smoke. Sight and sound returned, along with a sense of weariness. I was so damn tired. Tired of trying. Tired of dodging. Tired of the sad looks on people’s faces when they thought I wasn’t looking.
I might have thrown her out, but Violet wasn’t one to give up. I’d honestly thought she’d pound my door to splinters instead of leaving me in peace.
I could hear her on the other side. The deep breaths of someone fighting not to lose control. Not to cry. Something bumped against the wood. It sent a slight vibration into my chest as she said, “I’m not giving up on you, Charlie. Friends don’t do that. I love you enough to fight your demons with you, but I can’t do it alone. Come back to us. Please.”
I shoved away from the door, reached my stereo, and blasted it.
My head throbbed in time to the music. I dug my fingers into my hair, twisting them. The pain couldn’t take the hurt in her voice away. It didn’t make the images of my uncle, begging me to stop fighting and come help him with the bar, go away either. He was dying then. I had no idea at the time.
He’d dogged me at every turn. Showed up at my fights. Stood in the corner like a gargoyle. He waited and talked, and waited and talked, and then, one day, he got caught in the middle of a sucker punch intended for me. He’d landed like a rock on the floor. I’d grabbed him up, thinking him dead. When I realized he wasn’t, and that him stepping into my life had put him in danger, I knew the only way to keep him out of it was to step out of the shadows myself.
We were a pair, the two of us. I protected him, and he gave me back a piece of my soul. No one dared mess with either of us after Tony, the man I’d ‘worked’ for, had popped in at the bar, threatening that if I didn’t come back to fight for him, he’d torch the place. My uncle had walked out from the back, cocky as ye please, with a wooden bat over his shoulder. Not to be out in the rain, Tony refused to leave until I gave my word I’d come back. My uncle didn’t give him time to prepare himself as he brought the bat down on his head with a sickening crack. He’d survived the hit and thought to take his revenge. Only it backfired on him, and the thug he’d sent to deal with me died by that very same bat. I’d killed a man in cold blood to protect my uncle. And, in return, my uncle hired the best barrister money could buy, and I was given a second chance. He died a week after my name was cleared.
He died telling me to keep fighting the monster inside of me, and that, no matter where he was, heaven or hell, he’d be fighting it right alongside of me.
And Violet brought every damn bit of it back to memory as she stood on the other side of my door.
Damn her to hell. Damn her to fucking hell.
TIME SEEMED TO MOVE MORE rapidly when I stopped paying attention.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
“You may now remove your seatbelts,” the flight attendant said when the plane touched down in England. My hands shook as I undid the clasp around my waist, and then reached for my bottle of water.
I glanced out my tiny window toward the terminal where I knew Hannah would be waiting for me once I cleared customs, wondering why in the hell I’d agreed to come. She swore I wouldn’t have to see him. Told me a million times how big England was and that the odds were as likely as spotting Emma Watson or Kit Harrington, especially since we’d be avoiding him like the plague.
But there was this stupid, little voice in the back of my head that hoped maybe I would bump into him.
After exiting, I found Hannah jumping up and down, waving her hands in the air like a madwoman. Even though my nerves were wound tight, the pressure dissolved as soon as our eyes met.
There was nothing like reuniting with my best friend after being separated for far too long.
“How the hell are you?” she asked as she threw her arms around me and squeezed.
“Dead if you don’t let me take a breath,” I forced out.
She let up, laughing. “You look great, Char!”
“Thanks. You do too,” I said, flipping her hair that she had cut short. “New do?”
“Yeah. You like?”
“It suits your face. Shows off all the modelish angles you have.”
“Ed says I look like a soccer mom. He keeps saying he’s going to put a baby in me.”
My eyes went wide as we started walking toward the baggage claim. “Really? You ready for that?”
“Nah,” she said with a wave of her hand. “Maybe in a couple of years.”
I cleared my throat, trying not to sort through the faces in the crowd in search of his. I knew he wouldn’t be there. He didn’t even know I was coming, but still… it didn’t stop me from looking.
“How’s Cherry?” Hannah asked as we waited for my bag.
“She’s good. She’s going to be taking over managing the team while also managing my business. She’s a one-woman empire.”
Hannah laughed. “Yeah. Hopefully one day soon, I’ll be able to get my ass on a plane to go see the team.”
“They miss you,” I said as I reached for my bag.
She pointed to where we needed to walk. “Everything is so different now. A few years ago, I would have never in a million years thought I’d be living over here and actually happy. Like, really happy.”
I smiled at her, my heart warming. “I can see it in you. You deserve nothing less.”
She put her arm over my shoulder. “The same goes for you, you know.”
My whole body tensed up. If she noticed, she didn’t bring light to it. She just removed her arm, and then unlocked the car.
We talked about little things here and there on the ride to the hotel. I’d be staying for the next two days to attend Hannah’s charity event that my business offered a donation to. It was something I couldn’t get out of, even though I tried a million different ways.
Hannah wouldn’t have it.
And maybe a small part of me wouldn’t either. It had been almost ten months since I last saw Charlie.
“Did you find a dress for the gala?” Hannah asked as we pulled up to the hotel.
“Yeah,” I said, feeling a bit nervous.
“I’m kind of excited about it. I mean, I never really cared for dresses, but this is sort of like the prom I never went to,” she s
aid as she pulled up to the curb.
“I never went to my prom either,” I admitted, thinking back to those days. Rebellion was the latest trend and I was all over it.
“Well, consider this our prom then,” she said with a giggle.
“Only I don’t have a date,” I pointed out.
She went quiet. Shifted in her seat. “You’re my date,” she said.
I looked down at the center consol. “He’s not going to be there, right?”
Her hand covered mine. “No. I told you. He donates every year, but he never attends. It’s not his thing. You know that.”
It stung, hearing it. I did know that. I knew so many things, yet nothing at all. It was almost like he was a dream. Something lucid that never really happened, but still felt so real.
“I’m tired. Is it cool if I take a cab to your place later to hang out?” I asked, coughing to hide the breakage in my voice.
“Sure,” she said, and I knew in her tone that she understood. “You want help carrying your stuff in?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “I packed light. I-I’ll call you in a bit.”
I got out, grabbed my suitcase from the trunk, and then headed for the hotel. I shouldn’t be acting the way I was. I shouldn’t be coming undone already, when I hadn’t even seen him. So what if I was in the same country?
I checked in and headed straight for the mini bar as soon as I dropped my bags. After downing a tiny bottle of tequila, and then one of rum, I opened a can of soda and chugged it, waiting for the burning sensation to settle my nerves.
A few moments later, I was on my back sprawled out across the mattress, staring up at the ceiling.
Why was every cell in my body craving him as if we had never been separated? Why, after all this time, was it all rushing back up to the surface? I’d said my goodbyes. I’d squashed any hope of us getting together.
He wasn’t going to chase me, and I wasn’t going to chase him.
I groaned and rolled over, covering my head with a pillow. “What is wrong with you?” I shouted into the mattress. I flipped back over. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You love him. Still. And there isn’t a thing you can do to change it because you fucked everything up when you let him leave and then screwed Stuart.”
I threw the pillow across the room, grabbing another and silently screaming into it. Why did I come here? I knew I’d do this to myself. It was like pouring alcohol over an open wound. Like picking a scab, watching the bright red blood bubble as if the wound had never healed.
I closed my eyes and prayed I could get through the trip without bumping into him. I had to, for my sanity, because I didn’t think I could survive another round with Charlie. Not without him breaking me completely in two.
THE NEXT MORNING, I WOKE to the sound of the phone ringing.
Shit.
“Hello?” I said as I put it to my ear.
“Hey, sleepy head. I called you last night but you didn’t answer, so I figured you were zonked. I’m downstairs.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Hannah. Come up.”
The phone clicked off, so I hung up and forced my stiff body up. Bones popped and cracked as I tried to align myself. Little bottles of alcohol littered the floor along with tissues and candy wrappers.
I can’t let her see my room like this.
I jumped up and started shoving the garbage out of eyesight wherever I could, just as a knock came to my door. Running over to it, I smoothed out my hair before opening it, smiling as soon as I saw her face.
“Yep. You look like a walking hangover,” she said as she moved past me into the room.
“I do not,” I said, popping my head around the corner of the bathroom to take a peek in the mirror.
Oh, hell. I did too.
“It’s called jet lag,” I said, realizing I looked like the crypt keeper.
She opened the empty mini fridge and pursed her lips at me. “Don’t bullshit a bull shitter,” she said. She plopped down on the bed. “So, since we are continuing to avoid the subject of…”
I glared a warning at her.
“I’m not going to say his name. Sheesh. I’m just going to say we have to run by his bar on the way to the event.”
My mouth was already opened, ready to give her hell, when she beat me to the chase.
“But!” she said loudly enough to shut me up. “He won’t be there. It’s closed this early. Besides, he hasn’t been around much. It’s a quick run in, grab the cases of liquor, and then head to the event to finish setting up for tonight. Okay?”
I gritted my teeth. “Sure. But I swear to you, Hannah. If we see him, I will never forgive you. This better not be some kind of attempt.”
She threw her hands up in surrender. “As much as I’d love to know just what happened to have you both acting like crazies. I get it. You don’t want anyone meddling. I was there at one point too, remember? I’m not trying to underhand you. Scout’s honor.”
I glared at her a minute more, and then headed for the bathroom. After a quick shower and some makeup, I felt refreshed and ready to face the day. After grabbing my garment bag and shoe box for the event later, I followed her down to the car.
Charlie’s bar wasn’t far from where I was staying, which unsettled my nerves. I hadn’t realized I’d chosen a hotel so close.
Had I?
“All right. I just need help carrying out the cases. We can fit four in the backseat and another two in the trunk,” Hannah said as she pulled around to the back of the bar. “They were supposed to deliver this to the event, but I must have put in the address to here. I was helping Ed put in the order for the bar at the same time.”
My stomach was in knots as she fiddled with the lock. I knew I had to be imagining it, but I swear the place smelled like him. It made my heart constrict. I didn’t realize how much I had come to know his scent, or how much I missed it.
“It’s just through here,” she said, pointing to a doorway at the end of the hall.
I kept my eyes forward, not wanting to risk seeing him if he were in one of the offices in the back. After carrying the cases out, my stomach had settled a little, realizing he truly wasn’t there. I knew then I wasn’t ready to see him. There was too much riding on it. Too many feelings left unresolved.
“You want a water real quick?” Hannah asked as she shut the trunk. “I haven’t worked out in like forever. That shit was heavy.”
“Sure,” I said, following her back into the pub.
It was dark inside. The curtains were drawn, so there were only slivers of light cutting through. She flipped on a light behind the bar, and then flipped it right back off. Both of us screaming when a man shot up from a barstool.
My stomach dropped to the floor the moment I realized it was Charlie.
“Bloody hell. What in the… What are ye doing here?” he asked, the glass he’d been clutching had knocked over, pouring onto the floor.
“Me? What are you doing here?” Hannah asked, looking just as confused.
I started backing up, heading for the exit, feeling like I was a mouse caught in a trap.
Hannah followed Charlie’s gaze when he looked over at me, and the look on his face was enough to burn me on the spot. He didn’t look good. His beard was unruly. His hair looked matted to one side. There were shadows under his eyes, reminding me of the very same under mine.
He slapped himself upside the head, cringing as he spoke sharp and fast. “Why won’t she leave me alone? Why do I keep seeing her?”
Hannah bolted to the other side of the bar and reached across for his hand, stopping him from hitting himself as she screamed his name. “You’re not imaging it, Charlie. She’s here. Stop hurting yourself.”
His eyes cut to mine. Reality crashed into him as he staggered off the barstool. “Ye dare show yer face after what ye put me through! Wasn’t it enough sleeping with that… that… twat?”
I felt like I was going to explode in rage. “Me!” I shouted back at him. “What about you? W
hose bed have you been in, because we both know you’re about as much of a saint as I am a nun!”
He stumbled back, finger jabbing the air in my direction as he hurtled words like knives toward me. “Ye took my heart and stomped on it. And then ye spread yer legs just to get back at me.”
I looked to Hannah, feeling like I was one step away from screaming at the top of my lungs. “You promised.” I ran for the door, not wanting to spend another moment in humiliation. He had driven an axe clean through my heart.
And what was worse, I had clearly driven one right through him too.
IT WAS THE SOUND OF her voice that snapped me out of it. Or as out of it as I could be after pillaging the bar. And what the sweet bleeding Jesus had made me come to sit alone in the dark anyway?
It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. She’d clapped eyes on me at my lowest of lows, and, by the look of it, she didn’t like what she saw one bit. There hadn’t been one sympathetic bone in her body. Then again, I hadn’t had one either, since the first words out of my mouth had been to attack her about spreading her legs like a whore.
The room spun around me. Strobe lights flickered on and off somewhere at the back of my eyes. I couldn’t have gone after her even if I’d wanted to.
“What the hell was that about?” Hannah yelled as she stormed up to me.
I staggered back a step. “Get the hell out of here.” Bellowing at her didn’t seem to make any difference at all. She stood, legs braced, arms crossed and glared at me.
I made my way back to my barstool and sat, hoping I’d somehow have the strength to stay on it.
If Charlotte was pissed, then Hannah was belligerently going to represent her. “You’ve chased her off. Happy now? She’s here alone. Has no idea where the hell she is, and, to top it off, she left her purse in the car.”
“Ye should o’never brought her here,” I snapped back at her.
When Two Hearts Collide (Game of Hearts Novels Book 3) Page 15
