I did as she asked, facing the door the whole time. I could hear her use the toilet and then flush. A few seconds later, presumably after she arranged her clothes, I heard her wash her hands.
She said, “Thanks. Um, sorry. Um, do you need to go?’
I said, “Yeah, I kind of do.”
She stammered, “OK. Um, look, I’m really freaked out about this. Oh, not about being in here with you. I mean by…I don’t know, about being alone. So, it’s so weird, but um, could you let me stay while you pee? That’s weird, but I’ll close my eyes,” and she turned to face the door as I had a minute before.
I didn’t really care. We’d just been chased and had seen a horrendous car accident. I didn’t feel like I needed a lot of modesty right now. I did my business and washed my hands. When I was done, Courtney turned, and with a wild look in her eye, she grabbed my head and kissed me hard on the mouth. It didn’t last long, but there was an intensity and passion about it. Apparently, she was feeling the emotions of having escaped death or worse together, the same way I was.
She said, “I don’t want you to dump me here.”
I said, “Courtney, I’m not going to dump you. It’s OK.”
She looked at me hopefully and unlocked the door and took me by the hand again. I followed her to a picnic table as far from the parking lot as she could find and she sat on the table with her feet on the bench. I sat beside her, mostly because she hadn’t let go of my hand.
Courtney said, “Dave, this is weird, right?”
I said, “I guess so.”
She said, “But you’re OK with it?”
I said, “So far.”
She said, “Dave, I’m a porn star.”
I didn’t really react.
She said, “You’re OK with that?”
I said, “Courtney, I don’t know what kind of a reaction you are expecting, but you seem like a nice girl and you jumped into my car, and now we’re at a picnic table. So far, I’m perfectly OK with that. What you do for a living is up to you. I’ve never met a porn star before, but I assume that you’re a person, same as me, and I don’t have a lot of expectations right now.”
She said sternly, “I’m not planning to have sex with you.”
I noticed that she didn’t let go of my hand as she said it. I really got the impression that what she was saying was that I shouldn’t expect to have sex with her because of what she was. Something about the way that she had kissed me and the way that she was clinging to me now told me that she was at least temporarily attracted to me though.
I said, “Of course not. Courtney, I told you, if I can help you, I will. And you won’t ever owe me anything.”
She said quietly, “I sort of believe you, I guess. I’m lying. I’m not really a star. There are pictures of me nude on the Internet. I did it for the money. And for the thrill, I suppose. It was kind of cool. I kind of got off on it. After my divorce, I needed some cash and a friend said they knew someone who could get me a modeling gig. It was fun. Um, I kind of like being naked. I did the whole thing. You know, a blog and chat camera and all that. You’ve seen that, right? I’m not famous, but I did make enough to pay my bills as long as I had a day job. Then, I started dancing in this strip club. It was OK. I really liked the dancing. It was really sexy and sensual and it made me feel really good. I didn’t do lap dances though. Not at first. You OK?”
I said, “Yeah. Courtney, I’m not judging you. You seem like a really nice girl. I don’t want anything from you. And I’m not disgusted or anything like that. And I don’t know much about porn, except that you know, I’ve seen it, like everybody, but hey, what you’ve told me isn’t a big deal to me.”
She said, “Really? Good. Like I said, for a while, I enjoyed it. The pictures and the nudity and the dancing.”
I thought that I could understand that. There is an excitement in any kind of playing. The truly “erotic” transcends sexuality. That’s why people get excited and even horny at music concerts. The energy goes into you and has to come out somewhere and that expresses itself as sexual arousal in some people. I could understand that Courtney could be into the nudity and the dancing apart from the sexuality, but that maybe it led to sexual feelings. If that was what she was saying.
She continued, “I don’t want to make too long of a story out it. I was in Los Angeles, and this guy that was kind of my agent said that we could go to Portland and he knew some people who could get me into a movie. It sounded cool. A couple of months ago, we came up here and they had this really beautiful woman that I was supposed to work with. I hadn’t really thought it through very well. Anyway, they started filming and I was supposed to make out with her, and we got naked and stuff. I wasn’t really into her, because I’m not into girls, but the money was really good, so I sucked her boobs and let her lick my pussy and stuff. I guess it turned out OK, but afterward, the guy said that I’d have to do better if I wanted to stay in the game. A week later, they called me to do some more. This time there was a different girl, but I did my best to be more open and do more, and I didn’t get off on the girl, but I did get off on the filming and had a few orgasms thinking about that. Being naked in front of the film crew and stuff. But then this dude comes in and starts joining us. The girl was OK with it and she sucks him off for a while and then they want me to. But I don’t want to. I don’t know, like I said, I didn’t think it through and sex with a stranger didn’t appeal to me at all. I knew I was kind of screwed then. The guy kind of grabbed me and forced me to blow him. The crew said that it was hot the way I acted like he had to make me do it. The thing was, he really did make me. I left feeling like crap.”
She paused for a minute before she began her story again.
She said, “So, I was conflicted, but I went back to dancing for a few weeks in Portland. The so-called agent says he has a new movie for me because the last one was already getting a good audience online. He said it was a lot like the last two, but I wouldn’t have to blow any guys this time. I hesitated but finally went for it. It started out the same. But after a while, all of a sudden, I feel somebody grab my hips from behind and shove their dick inside me! I yelled for them to stop, but the crew started to laugh and the girl pulled me against her breasts and held me where I was while somebody raped me. Can I call it rape if it was during a porn shoot? It sure felt like it. They held me down, the two of them, and at the end, the guy ejaculated on my ass. And later I got dressed, and the agent guy smiled and said that we’d be doing a lot more of that and that we were going to make a lot of money. Especially if I acted like I was being forced like that. I told him that I was forced and that I quit and never wanted to see him again.”
She took a breath and said, “Dave, he hit me. Hard. Then he let me know that as far as he was concerned, the company owned me until they were done with me. From then on, they never let me out of their sight. For the past few weeks, it has been one horror after another. They didn’t beat me, because they needed me to look good. Two days ago, I got the chance to run away.”
I wanted to ask her why she didn’t go to the police, but I decided against it. It couldn’t be helpful to accuse her of making another bad decision right now. The rest of her story included running away in the middle of the night, taking a taxi until her money ran out, and staying at the rest stop where I found her for almost two days without food and nowhere to go.
She said, “Just before I jumped in your car, I saw them pull in to the rest stop. I knew they were looking for me. I watched you for a while when you first got there and you seemed like a good guy. I don’t know why I thought that. I just did. So, I ran to your car and jumped in. And here we are.”
I said, “Yep, here we are. Courtney, take some time to settle down. I think you’re safe now. For a while, anyway.”
She said, “So, can I still come with you?”
I said, “Yeah, of course you can. Or like I said, I can take you somewhere. Even Los Angeles, if that’s what you want.”
Chapter 2 - Food a
nd Shopping
Courtney said, “Dave, I can’t go back. I don’t want to. But I don’t want to take advantage of you. But I have nowhere to go.”
I squeezed her hand and said, “That’s OK. Come with me. We’ll figure it out. Hey, you haven’t eaten!”
She said, “Not for a few days.”
I started to stand up and said, “The next town isn’t far. Let’s go get something to eat.”
I was surprised as we pulled into the small town up the highway, that Courtney wanted fast-food instead of a restaurant. I was concerned about her eating something that wouldn’t be good for her after not having anything for two days, but decided to let her do what she wanted. Two days wasn’t that long. If it had been five days, I would have insisted that she take it slow and go easy on her digestion at first. I did suggest that she stay away from ground beef and stick with a chicken sandwich. We ended up at a sandwich shop, not a burger place, and she seemed to be fine.
We didn’t talk much during the meal. It wasn’t busy in the shop, and the employees didn’t pay any attention to us. We had the place mostly to ourselves.
As Courtney finished her sandwich and wiped her mouth with a paper napkin, she smiled at me and said, “Dave, you didn’t even notice, did you?”
I asked, “Notice what?”
She grinned and said, “The fact that I look like a street person. Dave, my hair’s a mess. And I clearly haven’t changed clothes in a few days. And the truth is, I need a shower. I couldn’t go to a restaurant like this.”
I said, “Um, it’s not that bad. You look pretty much fine.”
She laughed and said, “I’m glad you think so. I’ll clean up nice, I promise. But right now, it looks like we’ve been out camping for a few days and are just stopping for a bite on our way home after sleeping on the ground in a tent or something.”
I said, “I guess so. I didn’t really think about it.”
She said, “So, what’s the plan? From here?”
I didn’t really have a plan yet. I hadn’t expected her to want me to have a plan. I had assumed that she was…I don’t know, afraid of me. I was a strange man who had given a vulnerable woman a ride. She looked like she wanted me to have a plan though.
I said, “Courtney, I want to help you. Your situation is um, tricky. Um, sort of delicate, I guess. I don’t want to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with. Like I have said several times, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
She looked at me and squinted with one eye and said, “Nope. That won’t work. I don’t know where to go. I don’t have anywhere to go. And you aren’t going to drop me off at a police station or a hospital. And you said that you aren’t planning to dump me at the side of the road. So, I figure that as long as I’m good company, you let me stay with you. Hang on, don’t freak out. I get it. You don’t want anything from me. I believe that. When I say, ‘good company’, I just mean cool enough to be around. I get it, I’m a porn model. You don’t know how to act. Dave, you’re a good guy. I can tell. I’ll tell you how I can tell later. But Dave, I’m not a prostitute. Or a slut, for that matter. My husband left me five years ago. I didn’t know what my life was after that. That’s when I took on the Amber persona. Dave, I want you to do something for me. You need to deal with Courtney, not Amber. I know that you don’t know me, but well, it’s complicated, right?”
I said, “Yeah. But that’s fine. Courtney, I just want to do what’s right. I want to help you.”
Courtney looked at me strangely and said, “Tell me the truth. What do you want?”
I paused to think and said, “You want me to be honest? Honesty doesn’t always get us what we want. And I don’t want anything.”
She said, “You don’t want anything from me. But you do want something. You have a better chance of getting it in the long run if you are honest about it. First with yourself, and then with others. I wasn’t always a porn star. And, as of the moment I jumped into your life, I not one now. Um, except that…no, let’s leave it there. Dave, I’m feeling like being honest with you. And myself. So, to be honest, I realize that I didn’t jump into your car, I jumped into your life. As long as I’m with you, your life is different. What’s the plan? But first, what do you really want?”
I hesitated and then decided to do what she asked. I would be honest. With myself and with her.
I said, “Courtney, I want to take care or you.”
She beamed and exclaimed, “There! Honest! Brilliant! I don’t know how I really feel about that, but bravo! Shit. I feel…I feel free suddenly. Why? I guess because I know exactly what your true motivation is. Well, not your motivation, but your intent. Why you would want to take care of me is still an unknown for both of us, but your intent, what you really want, is to take care of me. Not to help me, but to take care of me. There’s a difference, isn’t there? A big difference. Dave, this is exciting! I can’t describe it. Let’s do something. From now on, let’s tell each other exactly what we are thinking. Truthfully. No games. Our game will be to be as honest as we can. What do you say?”
Courtney really was clearly excited. I wondered about something suddenly. Was honesty like nudity? She said she got off on being naked. Or at least Amber did. Was she getting a kick out of emotional nudity? If so, I could go along with that.
I smiled and said, “OK. I’ll try.”
She grinned and reached across the table and took my hand.
She said, “I’ll help you. So, the plan. OK, you don’t know what to do, but you do know what you want. And I want to help you achieve your goals. This is fun! OK, um, OK, here! First, I need to get cleaned up. I need some clothes and a bath. And I need to go to the bathroom before we leave. I need some makeup and a toothbrush and stuff. And some lotion. So, get me those things. Does that sound good? Is that what you want?”
I said, “Wow. Um, yeah. I guess so.”
She said excitedly, “Quit guessing. Know what you know.”
I smiled and said, “OK. Courtney, I want to get you some new clothes and whatever you need for now. Hey, there’s a department store across the street. Let’s hop over there and get you what you need and then we’ll find a place to stay for the night…”
I suddenly went quiet and felt embarrassed that I had mentioned staying somewhere overnight. I think she noticed. Of course she did.
She said brightly, “Great. I don’t need much for now. Just some toiletries and some undies, and two outfits. That store isn’t expensive. They’ll have everything I need. And Dave, before you worry about it too much, we only need one room. I can sleep on the floor if necessary. Maybe there will be a sofa. I want you to be comfortable. I can be very low maintenance when the situation calls for it. So, one room, OK? Dave, tell me, and be honest: do you have a girlfriend? Or someone you hope would be? And what’s your romantic history? It will help me help you do what you really want.”
I said, “Well, no. I don’t have a girlfriend. I have had a few. One was serious and I thought that we were going to get married, but it didn’t work out. She was kind of using me to get married. I mean, she needed to be married, and I was her best bet. I figured out that it wasn’t really me that she was in love with, she just needed someone to marry her.”
Courtney gave me that one-eyed squint again and said, “And so, she used sexuality as a hook. She lured you in with a physical relationship and emotionally fished you until you felt things had gone so far that you didn’t have a choice left. But you always have a choice. And when she pushed you too far, you broke free. Is that it?”
I gasped, “Exactly!”
She said, “I may be blond, but I’m no dummy. Dave, How old are you?”
I said, “28.”
She said, “Cool. I’m 31. Hey, I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back. Wait here.”
She stepped away about ten feet and then froze again. I watched as she stared straight ahead, down the hallway that led to the restrooms. Turning back, she gave me a desperate, mortified look and m
otioned for me to come to her. I rushed to her side and she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the women’s restroom. It was a single toilet and had a lock on the door. Acting like I had the first time, I turned my back and stared at the door while she peed and then washed her hands. When she was done, we switched places and I did the same. When it was time to leave, she unlocked the door and didn’t bother to see if anyone was looking or would notice as we exited together.
Walking across the parking lot, I held her door for her as she got into the car and handed her her seatbelt. Closing the door, I went to my side and got in and we headed across the street to the department store.
Courtney said, “Dave, you probably need an explanation about that. About why I can’t go to the bathroom by myself. And let me tell you, I am so thankful for how cool you’ve been about it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Well, no, I do know, but I don’t want to talk about it yet. Can you give me that space? I know I said we’d be honest, but that’s not the same as having to say things that we aren’t ready to say, OK?”
We left it at that. The store was one of those big places where you could buy groceries, hardware, clothes, and patio furniture all in one place. There were a lot of cars in the parking lot. This was probably where the entire town did most of its shopping.
Walking through the automatic doors, I reached into my pants and found three 20 dollar bills.
I held them out to Courtney and said, “Here, um, I found this at the rest stop where you got in. You can take this and buy what you need. If you need more, I can um, probably find some more.”
Courtney faced me and frowned.
She said, “Now I have one more decision that I have to make. Am I going to let you lie to me? Maybe I will. You mean well. You are lying for my benefit, so maybe it’s OK. Or is it? Do I want to let you do that? No, I don’t think I do. And I’m not going to make it easy on you. I could tell you why you just did that, but I won’t. I will say that it was very sweet, and in a way, it kind of thrilled me. But no, you aren’t allowed to lie to me. Tell the truth.”
Desert Trading Post Page 2
