by A. K. Evans
Charley.
It was Charley.
He wasn’t here.
It wasn’t real.
Then she whispered, “I’ve got you, Emme. It was just a nightmare.”
I’m not sure how long it took, but I finally began to realize that I was ok and that I was safe for the moment.
Then, I heard Charley ask Wes to give us a few minutes. This was embarrassing. Wes had witnessed one of my nightmares.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
On the bright side, he must have been content to give us that time because I heard the door to my bedroom close. After a few minutes, I finally spoke and apologized to Charley for ruining her time with Wes. She didn’t seem even remotely concerned about that. In fact, she knew that my nightmares stopped shortly after we moved to Wyoming, so she was curious as to why I had one. I didn’t want to lie to her so I told her that I started having them the night after her birthday.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. It was too soon. Why didn’t you say anything to me?” she asked.
“You’re getting your life back, Charley. You are finally smiling and happy. I figured this would pass, but clearly, it’s getting worse.”
“I’m here for you, Em. We’ve been through a lot. Just because I’m doing better now than I have in months doesn’t mean you go at it alone. When you need me, you need to tell me. And, get it out of your head that whatever you are going through is going to put a damper on any happiness I’m feeling. If I find out again that you are keeping this shit from me I’m going to be seriously pissed off. You got me?”
I nodded, but began to worry. “What are you going to tell Wes?” I asked.
“I’m not betraying your confidence, honey. Don’t worry. I’ll give him enough so he doesn’t worry, but he won’t get the details.”
I loved her. I don’t know what I did in life to deserve her, but I knew I was one lucky girl to have her in my life. “Thank you, Charley.”
She smiled and asked, “You good? Do you need anything?”
I wanted to tell her about the nightmare. I wanted her opinion, especially now that I saw Zane in it. Unfortunately, I didn’t want to face what any of it meant, so I lied when I said, “I’m good.”
Charley walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. I sat there for a long time trying to process the nightmare on my own. Of course, I completely understood the running to get away from Seth part. What I was more concerned with was why I saw Zane’s face.
Zane’s beautiful face. The thought of him being hurt because of me filled me with dread. At the same time, seeing his face made me warm inside. I allowed that feeling to run through me for a bit when I heard his gravelly voice in my head. The sound of his voice surrounded me like a warm blanket. I took the next twenty minutes to soak up that sound and was surprised at the peace I suddenly felt, despite the horrific way my morning started.
I finally rolled out of bed so that I could have some breakfast before I needed to get ready for the long day ahead of me. I walked out to the kitchen to find Wes and Charley were already in the midst of making breakfast. They asked me to join them. Even though I thought it would be awkward considering what Wes witnessed that morning, he made sure that it never grew uncomfortable. In fact, he took the time to explain to Charley and me that Lou hosts a huge Christmas Eve party every year at his restaurant and saloon. Since Charley and I were spending our first Christmas in Wyoming he wanted to see if we were interested in going.
I refused to take that opportunity away from Charley so I immediately told them I’d go. Charley questioned it, concerned about me. I told her I was sure about it and she didn’t push it any further. Wes then invited Nikki and Monroe if they could make it. We told him we’d ask them, but I honestly didn’t think they’d be able to make it out for the holiday.
We finished breakfast and cleaned up the dishes.
“Ok, I’ve got to get ready for my mini sessions today. I’ll see you later, Charley. Wes — thanks again for the Christmas Eve invite. It’ll be nice not to be alone.”
“No problem, Emme. Take it easy today,” he said with a wink.
“I will. Thank you.”
I looked to Charley. Her eyes began to get wet. Wes told me to take it easy because of the morning I had had. I knew deep down in my bones that Wes was a good guy, and in that moment, I think Charley knew it, too. I couldn’t be happier for her knowing that she found one of the good ones.
Chapter 3
Emme
I have always had a special place in my heart for the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. From the music and cheerful people to the presents and especially the baked goods, it was my most favorite time of the year. I hated that it always seemed to pass so quickly.
This year, though, I wasn’t feeling the Christmas spirit in such a way that was typical for me. I was no longer living in the place that I had called home for the last twenty-four plus years of my life. This meant that I was also no longer around my family and friends I had become accustomed to spending the holidays with every year. Of course, my parents had begged me to come home, but there was no way I could go. As much as I missed them and wanted to see them, California had become a place of such pain for me. And since I was an only child, I felt extraordinarily guilty about not going to see them, too.
I was beginning to wonder if the sadness I was feeling over the holiday season was the result of the last two weeks of nightmares. Nearly every night I was waking from the intense nightmares I was having. To top it off, they were so bad that I was also waking Charley. I was grateful she was there to help calm and settle me afterward, but it only added to the guilt I was already feeling. Last night, I was given a much-needed reprieve from the nightmares, for which I was extremely thankful.
It was now Christmas Eve morning and I was looking forward to a long day of baking with Charley before we went to the Christmas Eve party at Lou’s tonight with Wes. I walked down the hall toward the main living space and found Charley on the couch working on her art.
“Hey, sweets,” I said as I sat down on the opposite end of the couch.
“Morning, Em. No nightmares last night?”
I shook my head.
She looked at me a beat before saying, “Worried about you Emme. It’s been a rough two weeks for you with them. Want to tell me about them?”
I decided she deserved to know.
“It’s always the same nightmare. Well, it always starts the same anyway. I am running in a dark, narrow alley. I’m trying to get away from Seth. I keep chanting to myself to keep going — that if I can just keep running he won’t catch me.”
“Emme…” she whispered.
“I see a light in the distance and when I finally get to the light I trip and fall. My hands burn because I’ve used them to break my fall and my ankle screams out in pain because I’ve twisted it. I want to get up, but can’t because seconds after I’ve fallen I hear him. He shouts at me and tells me I’ll never get away from him no matter how far I run.”
I pause a moment trying not to break down into tears. It didn’t matter because they spilled down my cheeks anyway. Charley set her stuff down on the coffee table, scooted closer to me on the couch, and took my hand in hers.
“Then he beats me, Charley. I swear, when I finally wake up I can feel the pain in every part of my body that he has kicked and punched. It takes quite a bit of time for the pain to subside, too.”
“I’m so sorry, Emme. I hate this for you.”
“That’s not all, Charley. As awful as that part of it is, the worst of it is what actually wakes me every time.”
“Oh no. What is it, honey?”
“After brutally beating me for what feels like hours he tells me that if I ever think of finding someone else to move on with he’ll put a bullet in them, too. Charley…all I can see at that point is Zane’s beautiful face. That’s when I scream and wake up.”
I felt Charley’s hand squeeze mine and was sure she was shocked by this turn of events.
/> “What do you think, Charley? Why am I seeing him?” I asked.
“I don’t know, Em. I really don’t know. These nightmares didn’t start until you met him, though. Maybe that’s part of it.”
“I hate this.”
“I’m sorry, Emme. I wish I could take this from you. I don’t know what to do, though. Do you think it would help to talk to a professional? I’ll always be here to listen to you, but honey, I’m not equipped to really help you heal from this.”
“Nikki said the same thing to me when she and Monroe were here for your birthday,” I answered.
“Maybe it’s worth it to consider?” she suggested.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”
“You know we will all support you no matter what you decide, Em.”
“I know.”
We sat in silence a moment before Charley asked, “You ready to start the cookie baking marathon?”
I loved baking and could get completely lost in that if given the opportunity. So, I looked to Charley, smiled, and answered, “Absolutely.”
Many hours and a deliciously smelling house later, we had finally finished. We made seven different kinds of cookies and at least two batches of each. Needless to say, we were going to need to share because there was no way we’d be eating all of them.
We cleaned up our mess from baking, left our cookies covered on the counters, and took to getting ready for our night out at Lou’s. I’m not sure if it was all the cookies, but I was feeling slightly more festive than I had in the last few weeks and was a bit excited for the night ahead.
Last night, Charley and I went shopping for outfits for tonight’s festivities. We had just put them on and I was feeling better about my purchase. Charley told me I made the dress, but last night I was a bit skeptical. Now that I had it on and was getting all dolled up, I was happy she pushed me to get this one. It was a black sequined mini dress that boasted a high neckline, three quarter length sleeves, and a form fitting silhouette. The best part of the dress was the non-existent back. The skin of my back was exposed all the way down to just above my ample booty. The girls, especially Nikki and Charley, always commented on how jealous they were of my ass. Monroe always complimented me on it, but never gave me grief about it. She was just as blessed in that department as I was.
It was a few minutes before six o’clock and I was in Charley’s bathroom finishing my makeup when we heard the doorbell ring.
“That’s Wes. I’ll be right back,” she said.
She wasn’t gone more than two minutes when she walked back in a little frantic. As it turns out, Wes had arrived; however, he was not alone. Zane was with him. I was initially a little uneasy and Charley immediately offered for us to go alone or even stay home, but I didn’t want to ruin the night for myself or Charley so I told her it wasn’t a problem.
We walked to the kitchen and I said hello to the guys.
“Hey, Em,” Wes said.
“You guys planning a party?” Zane asked.
And I nearly melted on the floor at that moment. His fucking voice was so damned sexy. I must have been too distracted by that because I then heard Charley say, “No. Why?”
“This is a lot of fucking cookies for the two of you, don’t you think?” Zane asked.
I didn’t want to come across as a complete and total fool so I spoke up.
“It’s Christmas. You can never have too many cookies.”
“They’re really good,” Wes said, taking my attention away from Zane.
“Thanks,” Charley and I said in unison.
“You ladies ready to go?” Wes asked.
We both nodded. As we turned to walk out of the kitchen I heard that voice mumble, “Fuck me.”
“Is something wrong?” I asked, my eyes pinned to his.
“It’s pretty cold out. You planning to wear something over that?” Zane asked.
“No. I figured it might be too warm in Lou’s and then I’d take the jacket off and have to worry about keeping track of it all night. And then, if I misplace it I’ll be out a jacket.”
“Sweetheart, the high today was just barely thirty degrees. It’s a hell of a lot colder than that outside right now. Get a jacket. If you lose it, I’ll buy you a new one.”
Who did he think he was? The last thing I needed was someone telling me what to do. I’d never allow that to happen again, but didn’t want to ruin the night so I said, “A jacket will ruin this dress, though.”
“Not much you can do to ruin that dress. Looks pretty fucking perfect to me. Get a jacket, Emme.”
My body sizzled at the heat in his eyes. I needed to get out of this conversation fast, so I finally said, “Ok, I’ll get a jacket.”
We then all walked out and headed to Lou’s. Immediately upon entering the restaurant, we were greeted by the man himself, Big Lou. He instantly recognized all of us even though Charley and I had only ever met him once. He, of course, didn’t know how the four of us were acquainted. Wes informed him that he and Charley were officially a couple. Zane being Wes’ best friend and me being Charley’s just made us part of the package.
Lou did ask if Zane and I were an item. Even though we had just met, I told Lou that Zane and I were just friends. Surprisingly, the moment I said it I realized that I really wanted that to be true. A look of disappointment washed over Lou’s face before he told me that if Zane and I weren’t together then I should not be standing where I was. Shocked by his words I said, “Excuse me?”
Lou lifted his hand and pointed to the ceiling above our heads. I looked up and immediately swallowed hard at what I saw.
Mistletoe.
What the fuck was I going to do now? Before I had the chance to even come up with a plan I felt Zane’s lips pressed to my cheek to kiss me. Then, his sexy, gravelly voice filtered through my ears, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Give it some time. You’re not together now; you’re going to be soon,” Lou said teasingly.
Thankfully, Wes came to the rescue and said farewell to Lou for us. We made our way to a table and while the guys took off to get a couple of drinks Charley and I sat and chatted for a bit. She didn’t hesitate to ask if I was ok after the peck on the cheek from Zane. I was honest with her and told her that my cheek felt like it was still on fire. I told her that had circumstances been different I felt like he would be a great guy with whom to pursue something. In typical Charley fashion, she was super positive and tried to convince me to find a little happiness with Zane.
I couldn't and was honest with her about that. I was not in search of a happily ever after. I knew it didn’t exist, at least not for me. Happiness for me would be knowing that neither myself nor anyone I cared about would ever be hurt again. That said, I was incredibly lonely. From an emotional standpoint, I had been very lonely since long before we moved to Wyoming…long before Taj was killed. Now though, while I was still very lonely emotionally, I was extremely lonely physically. I was almost always by myself and I hated it.
I’m not sure if it was because I could still feel the burn of Zane’s lips on my cheek, the fact that it was the holiday, or if it was something else entirely, but I told Charley how I was feeling and asked her if she thought it’d be wrong for me to ask for some companionship. I didn’t have to say Zane’s name for her to know that I was considering him. She told me that she didn’t think he’d have the slightest issue with giving me what I was craving, but that I needed to be fair to him and be up front about it.
“Ugh. Why does he have to be so fucking hot?” I asked as I dropped my head to the table.
Minutes later, the guys were back at the table with drinks. Charley and I spent the rest of the evening eating, drinking, and talking with Wes and Zane. We did ditch the guys for a brief time only because we wanted to dance and they were not interested in it. We rejoined the guys when karaoke started. After several hours of fun, we decided to call it a night.
The entire ride
back to the condo all I could think about was the fact that I didn’t want the night to end. I wasn’t ready for anything serious, but I definitely did not want to spend Christmas Eve alone. Somehow, as the guys walked us to the door, I mustered up the courage to ask them if they wanted to come in for a while. I even tempted them with the promise of cookies.
With an intensity in his eyes Zane took the bait and said, “I’d fucking love more cookies.”
Wes turned down the cookies, but was more than happy to stay a while. As soon as we got into the house, Charley excused us and took me down the hall to her room. She was concerned because it was obviously not typical for me to invite someone to spend the night, which is clearly what would be happening.
The truth of the matter is I’ve only ever been with Seth and except for him I’ve never dated anyone. Considering we were so young when we got together, I wasn’t quite sure how all of this would work. All I knew was that I had been feeling terribly lonely for a very long time and I wanted to not feel like that for just one night. In this particular scenario, I weighed my options and I believed Zane was a safe choice. If nothing else, I knew that Charley and Wes were both right down the hall and I think that made me a little more courageous. I explained this all to Charley and she gave me her blessing. We walked back out to the kitchen and Charley not-so-discreetly convinced Wes to go with her to her room.
Once they left the kitchen, I turned to Zane who was sitting on one of the stools at the opposite side of the island. Before I could chicken out I immediately announced, “Before anything happens here tonight, I need to talk to you.”
“Ok,” he said.
I started to fidget, willing myself to muster up the strength to be honest with him. I didn’t quite know how to ask him for what I wanted and I was beyond nervous that even if I could figure that part out I certainly didn’t know what I’d do if he said he wanted no part of it. Shit. Why did I choose to be fearless with the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid my eyes on?
I was so inside my head completely freaking out that I hadn’t noticed Zane get up from the stool and walk over to me. He put his hands on each of my arms just below my shoulders and I went solid.
