“She has to be, Aulora. She just has to,” Clara said as she made sure Hope’s little head and chest were elevated as she lay her on a pillow in front of her. “I’m sure it has to do with that damn heart murmur and the fact she has so much gas. It’s causing her distress.”
“This is just an idea. I have no experience at all with babies but do you think you should start breastfeeding her and getting rid of the formula? Perhaps she’d have less gas if you did that,” Aulora offered.
“You may be right. The truth is, I didn’t want my breasts to hurt and get all stretched out and become saggy once she was done breastfeeding. That seems pretty selfish right now.” Clara picked up the baby who was still making the odd sound. “You stay with my, baby girl. Your momma will do what she needs to.”
Aulora ran her hand over the baby’s tiny head. “It must be so hard for you to see her this way. I can’t imagine. If I feel this worried, what you and Dad feel must be excruciating.”
Clara could only nod as her heart was in her throat. Charles came back into the bedroom, dressed and ready to go to the hospital. “You get up and get dressed now, Clara. The paramedics should be here in ten minutes.”
Aulora kept a watch on the baby as Clara went to get dressed. “Dad, how do people do this all the time? My heart is breaking for her.”
Her father wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. “Baby, it’s just life. It’s full of ups and downs. When you’re a parent, so many things are out of your control. No one knows how to actually deal with stuff like this. But you have kids anyway.”
Aulora nodded and then heard Weston shouting in the hallway, “Why is an ambulance pulling up?”
Charles let his daughter go and went to open the bedroom door. “Hope’s making an odd sound. I wanted to get her some help.”
Weston came into the room with the little bag from the pharmacy. “I picked up the medicine.” He walked over and looked at the baby. Her eyes were nearly closed as she struggled to take in air. “Oh, my.”
Aulora ran her arm around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. The Butler led the paramedics up to the bedroom, and they took the baby over with speed Aulora found mind numbing. She and Weston stepped back as they used a small ball-like thing to help her breath.
Clara came out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go. “Can I ride in the ambulance with her?”
The two female paramedics nodded, and they all took off, leaving Aulora and Weston in the room, alone.
“This is terrible, Weston. I don’t know if I can ever do this to myself.”
Weston put his arm around her, giving her shoulders a squeeze. “You think this is hard, to have to bury your child.”
Aulora looked up at him and found his golden eyes glossy with unshed tears. “Come on. Let’s go up to the hospital too.”
The couple left the home Aulora grew up in and made their way to the hospital. The ride was eerily quiet. Aulora had no idea what to say to Weston. She wondered how he could want to have another child. How could anyone put themselves in the place where you might watch your child die someday?
Once at the hospital, the day progressed far too slowly for any of the adults to handle well. Hope was in the NICU, lying in a clear box with a respirator helping her get the oxygen she needed. Aulora found it nearly devastating to see her tiny sister in such a state. She seemed so far away, lying in that box.
Weston and Aulora stood by as Clara and Charles watched the nurse check the baby’s vital signs. “She’s improving,” the nurse let them know. “Is she on formula or are you breastfeeding?”
“She’s on formula, but I want to try breastfeeding,” Clara said.
The nurse nodded then pulled the baby out of the confines of the incubator. “Then you should try to feed her. Even though she isn’t crying yet, you still need to get her to eat some. It’s important to feed her every four hours, whether she’s crying or not.”
Clara nodded and took a seat in a large rocking chair. The nurse draped a blanket over her shoulder and helped her get the baby situated to eat. Aulora took Weston’s hand and whispered, “We should leave them alone to do this.”
“You should watch and learn,” he whispered back.
She shook her head and tugged at him to go with her. He followed along but wasn’t happy with how Aulora was acting. She was shutting down.
They went to the cafeteria and picked up a couple of coffees then took a seat in a booth. Aulora finally spoke, “Weston, would it be a deal breaker if I never had kids?”
He leveled his eyes on her. Would it?
“Aulora, this is the wrong time to be thinking about having kids. I can see how this is affecting you. Let’s not talk about things like that right now.” He sipped his steaming hot coffee as he looked away.
She could see it written all over his face. It would be a deal breaker if she didn’t want to have kids. And she was more than sure, she didn’t want to ever be put in the position her father and stepmother were in. She really didn’t want to put herself in the position Weston had been in when his baby was killed in that car wreck.
She knew what she had to do. Weston deserved someone who would give him children. He wanted them badly, and Aulora wasn’t about to do that to herself.
“I should go to the bathroom,” she found herself saying.
“I’ll walk with you,” Weston said as he got up too.
She sighed then got up. “You stay here. I’ll be right back. It might take a while.”
He nodded and sat back down. “I’ll be right here, peach. Take your time.”
She nodded and left. At the door, she turned back and looked at him for what she thought might be the last time. Aulora couldn’t take it anymore. She was done pretending she could be what he needed.
Her feet were heavy, but she made them move. Aulora had to keep it in her head, she was doing what was best for Weston. As she walked out the sliding glass door of the hospital, she felt a chilly breeze hit her face.
A few taxicabs were parked near the exit, and she got into one of them. “Fifth Avenue in New York, please.”
The driver took off with her, taking her to her penthouse where she had things to do. Her heart was heavy. Things were getting desperate, and much like her father had, years ago, Aulora was leaving the tough times behind her.
Chapter 3
When half an hour had passed, Weston went to find Aulora but couldn’t. He called her cell but got no answer. He didn’t want to burden her father and stepmother with anything else, so he went up to see them and made up a story about taking Aulora home to freshen up.
He was happy to find out, Hope was doing much better. They wanted to keep her overnight just to be safe, though. Weston headed out to find Aulora, pretty sure she was freaking out and doing something stupid.
Once he’d slipped into a taxi, he texted her
-Call me. I know you’re thinking about doing something that will hurt us all.-
He had the cab take him back to her father’s mansion first. The staff told him she hadn’t gone there, so he got back into the cab and took it to New York. To her penthouse.
The ride was long, and he still couldn’t believe she hadn’t answered him. Then he got a bright idea and called her mother. “Hi, this is Weston, Evelyn. Have you seen Aulora, by chance?”
“No,” she said. “But I haven’t been out of the house today. I’m feeling a bit under the weather.”
“Sorry to hear that. I know this is asking a lot but can you go down to her penthouse and see if she’s there? She took off from the hospital earlier, and I’m afraid she might be trying to run off.”
“Why would she do that?” Evelyn asked in confusion. “And why were you at the hospital?”
“The new baby had to be taken to it. She was having trouble breathing. I think Aulora’s freaking out about the things that go along with being a parent and is planning on booking it out of here.”
“Oh no! Is the baby okay now?” she asked.
&nbs
p; “She seems to be. They’re keeping her overnight just to be safe. So, can you run over and see if your daughter’s home? If she is, do you think you could let me know and keep her there until I get there?”
“I will. Did she say anything to make you think she’d try to run away?” she asked him.
“It’s more how she acted. She shut down. Her sign for what’s to come. Her running away. If it was only me she was running from, I’d let her go for a while. But she’d be running from her father and stepmother and baby sister too. I can’t let her make such a huge mistake.”
“You are good for her. I’ll go check and let you know soon, Weston. Thank you for being so good to my daughter. She’s lucky to have you and I’m going to make sure she knows that.”
“Thank you. I’m fortunate to have her too.” He ended the call and rubbed his temples. A headache had sprung up, and he had no idea if it would go away if he couldn’t stop her from making the mistake she was surely thinking about making.
Chapter 4
Aulora made it into her penthouse and headed to her bedroom to pack a bag. She wasn’t planning on taking much. Just enough to get her by until she could go shopping.
“What’re you doing home, Aulora?” her head chef, Laura asked her as she headed down the hallway.
Aulora froze in her tracks. She didn’t know what she should say. “Um, just getting some things. I need some more clothes to take to my Dad’s.”
“Oh, how’s the new baby?” Laura asked as she stepped up to walk with her.
Aulora stopped and turned to face the older woman. “She’s not doing very well. She’s had some gas issues, and now she has some breathing problems. To be honest, it’s hard to watch.”
Laura stepped past her and opened the door to Aulora’s bedroom. “How sad. I bet it is hard to watch. Let me help you.” She walked into the bedroom and went to the closet. “How are the new parents doing with her?”
“Good, I guess,” Aulora said then went to grab a suitcase out of another closet off the bathroom. “I don’t know how they’re handling it all. I don’t think I could.”
“Sure you could,” Laura said as she pulled out a couple of T-shirts. “I suppose you want some casual clothes you don’t mind getting spit up on.”
Aulora shook her head. “I need some nice things.” She was planning on going to Italy. She’d been wanting to go see the sights that hopefully would help her with her painting that was getting derailed by all the other activity that had sprung up in her life.
Things were taking over. Filling her time with baby things and Weston things. Clara and her father things. She felt like she was losing who she was and what she was about.
She was an artist. Not a wife. Not a mother.
Laura’s expression changed to one of confusion as she asked, “Why do you need nice things?”
Aulora jumped when her cell rang in her jeans pocket. She pulled it out and saw it was her friend, Brittany. “I’ll call her back later.” She swiped the screen, sending the call to voicemail. “And about the nice things, can you keep a secret?”
Laura nodded and stopped looking through the closet and went to her, taking her hand and pulling her to sit on the bed with her. “I can. Tell me what’s up, Aulora.”
“Promise not to judge me?” she asked her cook.
Laura nodded. “I promise. I’m not here to judge anyone.”
“Well, I need to leave for a while. You see, I’m not going to be able to marry Weston. He deserves better than me. I don’t want to have kids. I’ve seen the heartache and fear and want no part of it.” She bit her lower lip as she ran her hand through her hair in a nervous fashion. “Does that make me a bad person, Laura?”
Laura shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. You’re truthful. Have you told Weston?” When Aulora shook her head, Laura sighed. “You’re engaged, Aulora. You need to talk to him. It’s not fair to him for you to run off without telling him why you’re doing it.”
“He’ll try to stop me,” she said. “Let’s face it, he will stop me. And I don’t want to be stopped. I want to get the hell away from it all. The worry, the fear, the not knowing what’ll happen.”
“That’s life, though. You can’t get through life without those things occurring. Sorry, that’s a fact,” Laura said.
“Not everyone has kids, Laura. Not everyone gets married. I don’t have to do those things. Not when I know that one day I’ll lose the people I love. It’ll hurt too much.” Aulora stood up and began to pace around her large room. “I just want to paint. I want to have those feelings. No sorrow, unless it lends itself to my work. I don’t expect you or anyone else to understand. I just can’t do it. I’m a loner. I always have been.”
Right on cue, Bruce ran out from under her bed and began to trip her up as he moved his fat body between her moving legs. Laura laughed as Aulora nearly fell. “He’s missed you. I’ve been wondering where he’d hidden. He’s managed to come out and eat his food and get some water when no one was around, but I haven’t seen him since you left to go to your father’s.”
Aulora stopped and sat on the floor. Bruce had slipped her mind. How could she go off and leave him?
“Kitty, what am I going to do about you?” she asked him.
Laura used the cat to try to get into Aulora’s head. “How long do you plan on being gone? Bruce does miss you, you know?”
“I’m not sure. Do you think the hotels in Italy are cat-friendly?” Aulora asked.
“It’s doubtful,” Laura said as she went to sit on the floor with her and petted to the cat. “And that plane ride is long. It would be brutal on him. Locked away in a pet carrier in the cargo area of the plane. He’d hate it. Don’t you think?”
Aulora looked at her cat and then her cell rang again. This time it was her mother. “I should answer this one,” she said as she swiped the screen. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hey, baby girl. Where are you?” her mother asked with a lilt to her voice.
“Home,” she said. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason. So, home in your penthouse?”
“Yes, that’s my home, Mom,” Aulora said then laughed. “You sound weird.”
“I don’t feel well. I’ve had a cold for a few days. How’s the new baby?”
Aulora looked off at nothing. She was tired of feeling pain over the baby. She was tired of feeling things, period. “She’ll be all right, I guess. She’s in the hospital. Call Dad if you want to know more. I really don’t want to know anything else.”
“Why in the world not?” her mother asked her as her voice went high and more than a bit agitated. “That sounds very selfish, Aulora!”
“I guess that’s what I am. All these people being in my life has me forgetting who I am and what I’m about. I’m an artist who prefers to be alone. When did it become everyone’s primary agenda to include me in something I was never looking to be a part of?”
“Aulora, I don’t like hearing you talk like this,” her mother reprimanded her. “Why so glum and anti-social?”
With a choked sob, Aulora found the sadness had overtaken her. She threw the phone down, then got up and ran to lock herself away in the bathroom. Laura picked the cell up.
“Hi, Miss Greene. You should stop by. Your daughter’s having a little bit of a breakdown.”
“For Heaven’s sake! I’ll be right over,” Evelyn said then ended the call.
Laura sat where she was, still stroking the cat’s soft fur. “What has your mommy got in her head?”
She got up and left the bedroom, Aulora needed some time, she guessed. But could she be talked out of running off? Laura wasn’t sure about that.
Artists could be closed off, she knew that from the one man she dated back in college. He could have been a true love, but he kept himself so guarded and aloof that she never got the chance to really love him. And she saw that in Aulora too. The only thing was, Laura wasn’t about to let Aulora do to herself what she watched the man she loved do to himself.
&n
bsp; Chapter 5
Tears flowed as Aulora looked at herself in the mirror. What the hell was wrong with her? And why the hell couldn’t people just leave her alone?
She was going to get trapped, she knew it. No one was going to let her go. No one was going to let her put them all behind her. When a light tap came to the bathroom door, she shook her head. “Go away!”
“I can’t do that, peach,” came Weston’s voice. “Let me in.”
“Go away! I want to be alone!” she screeched through the door at him.
“No,” he said with a stern voice. “Now, you can let me in, or I can break the door to get to you. You decide.”
She leaned up against the door and whined, “Weston, you have no idea how I feel. I’m so torn apart. Just let me go. I’m no good for you.” She slipped the engagement ring off her finger and slide it under the door. “Take that. Give it to a woman who can give you what you want.”
“You’re the only woman for me, peach,” he said. “You come out and let’s talk. I have to put this ring back on your finger. Everything’s going to be alright. The baby’s doing fine. Everything will be all right.”
Aulora opened the door and fell into his arms as she cried, “Weston, how can you take this? It’s all too hard! I’m so damn afraid for her. It’s not even making any sense to me how much I care about her. How can I handle this all?”
He shushed her and cradled her in his strong arms. His breath moved her hair as he said, “I do believe this is the first time you’ve ever had someone in the world that you feel a kinship to. And that’s a strong thing to have. Hope is the first fragile life you’ve been a part of. It does make you hurt and worry.”
She pulled her head off his chest to look at him.
“How did you live through it, Weston? How could you have lived through the death of your son? I don’t think I could live through it. I can’t handle Hope being in the hospital. What if you and I have a child and something happens to it?”
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