by Penny Jordan
His mouth left her breasts to stroke delicate kisses across her stomach, quivering with shock at the unaccustomed sensuality of his touch, but it seemed it wasn't enough simply for him to kiss her, she had to kiss him, and the feel of the tautly male flesh against her lips seemed only to increase the deep ache she could feel inside her. Then, as though he sensed her need and shared it, Sebastian parted her thighs, the heated masculinity of him unbearably arousing, as his tongue brushed softly over her lips, making her moan and cling desperately to his shoulders, mutely imploring him to cease tantalising her.
His mouth suddenly hardened on hers, his body taut with a need that communicated itself to every part of her. He moved, and suddenly, starkly, all her fear returned. There was pain and anger in his eyes, an anger which she had to blot out by closing hers, and weak tears seeped through as the sharp pain ended, taking with it her earlier euphoric pleasure.
'A virgin! You were a virgin,' Sebastian accused her. He was standing beside the bed wearing a dark silk robe, his hair tousled, and his expression bitter. 'Why didn't you tell me?'
'How could I?' Jessica muttered. 'I was going to when you started telling me how glad you were that I was a woman of experience… Anyway, I don't see why you should complain,' she added acidly. 'It isn't many men who get to have two virgin brides… Although, of course, in Manuela's case…'
His jaw tightened in fury, all the muscles in his face tensing, and Jessica had the overwhelming suspicion that if she hadn't been a woman he would have hit her.
'You should be pleased,' she threw bitterly at him, refusing to give in to the tiny voice warning her not to go any further. 'I thought that was what all the Calvadores men expected in their brides—innocence, purity!'
'You should have told me,' he repeated icily.
'Why?' Tears weren't very far away, everything had gone disastrously wrong. In a corner of her heart Jessica had been hoping that somehow the discovery that she was a virgin might soften him towards her, but instead… 'So that you could have been less… excessive? Would it have made any difference? You would still have hurt me.'
It was a childish accusation, and her emotions were more bruised than her body, but his face closed up immediately, his expression grimly unreadable as he assured her curtly, 'In that case you may be sure that I will never… hurt you again. I want no unwilling sacrifice in my bed,' he added cruelly.
'And there is always Pilar, isn't there?' Jessica flung at him. 'She's no shrinking virgin, to be shocked and distressed by your…your demands!'
He laughed mirthlessly. 'My demands as you call them, are no more than any sensual aroused male experiences. My mistake was in hoping to share them with you. Plainly you prefer to remain frigidly prudish.Then you may do so!'
* * *
CHAPTER EIGHT
It had all gone disastrously wrong, Jessica thought numbly, listening to Tia Sofia while Lisa perched on her knee. The three of them were in the sola that Sofia had claimed as her own, drinking coffee and eating the cook's delicious almond biscuits.
Tia Sofia had been explaining to Jessica that they were expecting a visit from Sebastian's godfather and his daughter.
'Querida, are you not feeling well?' she broke off to ask Jessica with concern. 'You look pale— you have been indoors too much working on Sebastian's wretched designs, you must go out more.'
'Yes, you promised you would go for a walk with me,' Lisa reminded her reproachfully.
Assuring them both that she was fine, Jessica forced a smile to lips that felt as though they would crack from the constant effort of having to smile when it was the last thing she wanted to do.How could two people live as intimately as she and Sebastian did and yet remain so far apart?Initially she had expected him to suggest that they have separate bedrooms—he could hardly want to share his with her now, but to her dismay he did no such thing. Perhaps the terrible pride of the Calvadores would not allow him to admit that he did not desire his wife. Whatever the reason, she was forced to endure the humiliation, night after night, of knowing that he was lying merely inches away from her, but his attitude towards her was so cold and dismissive that they could have been separated by the Sierras.
And the strain was beginning to tell. More than once she thought she had glimpsed sympathy in Sofia's eyes, and she wondered if the older woman suspected the truth. She roused herself when Lisa repeated insistently that she had promised to go out with her.
The little girl was wearing another of her dainty dresses, and while they looked enchanting, Jessica wished she could see her in shorts and tee-shirts, getting grubby; living a more natural life.
'I wish Tio Sebastian was with us,' Lisa confided as they walked through the courtyard and past the swimming pool towards the outbuildings. 'When will he be back from Seville?'
'Tonight,' Jessica told her, trying not to admit to the sinking sensation she experienced whenever she thought of Sebastian. She had thought she had seen him angry before, but it was nothing compared with the icy hauteur with which she was now treated. How foolish she had been to think that her love was the key to his heart! He wanted neither her love nor her body.
'I'm going to show you my secret place,' Lisa told her importantly. 'No one knows about it but us… And Tio Sebastian.'
Lisa took her hand and led her towards the stable block. Her pony whinnied as they walked past, and they stopped to stroke his nose and feed him carrots from the bucket by the door.
'A long time ago this was where they made the wine,' Lisa told her importantly, opening a door into what Jessica had thought must be part of the converted garages, but which in fact she realised was a store place of some description. There was an old-fashioned wine press which she recognised from pictures, several large vats and some decaying barrels. 'It's down here, come on!'
Urged on by Lisa, she followed her to a cobwebby corner of the building, startled when Lisa motioned to another door. Jessica opened it, almost overbalancing on the steep flight of steps leading down from the door. As she glanced down the narrow, dark steps she felt a shuddering reluctance to descend them. She had always loathed the thought of being underground, but Lisa displayed no such qualms.
'It's fun, isn't it?' she demanded, leading the way with an agility that suggested she knew every step by heart. Jessica had to duck quickly to avoid the low roof as the steps suddenly turned and then levelled out.
They were in a rectangular room, illuminated by one single bare bulb suspended from a wire which ran the length of the ceiling. The ceiling itself was arched and composed of crumbling bricks. Moisture streamed off the walls, and the air felt cold and damp. Lisa, completely oblivious to Jessica's dislike of her treasured hidey-hole, beamed up at her with evident pleasure.
'No one ever comes down here now,' she told her. 'They used to store the barrels here a long time ago.'
She was going to have a word with Sebastian about allowing Lisa to wander so freely somewhere so potentially dangerous, Jessica decided when the top of the stairs was gained and they had switched off the light. It made her blood run cold just thinking what might happen to her alone down there. For one thing, the ceiling hadn't looked too safe; there had been deep fissures in some of the bricks.
They were on the way back to the house when Jorge suddenly caught up with them. He had been out riding and his hair was tousled from the exercise. He was an attractive boy, Jessica reflected, smiling warmly at him, but he was not Sebastian.
'Tio Jorge, Tio Jorge, put me down!' Lisa squealed, laughing as he swung her up in his arms and whirled her round and round.
'Not until you gave me a kiss,' he threatened teasingly.
Obligingly she did so, while Jessica laughed. 'So that's the secret of your great charm, is it?' she mocked. 'Kisses by threats!'
'Be careful I don't do the same thing to you,' Jorge told her mock-threateningly, while Lisa announced earnestly, 'You can't kiss Jessica, Jorge, because she's married to Tio Sebastian!'
'Out of the mouths of babes,' Jorge drawled,
sliding Jessica a sideways dancing glance. 'Not that I wouldn't like to try. My brother is a very lucky man.'
They were still laughing when they reached the courtyard, Lisa in the crook of one of Jorge's arms, while the other rested lightly on the back of Jessica's waist in a gesture more protective than provocative.
But the laughter drained out of Jessica's face when she saw Sebastian's grimly angry face. He was sitting on the terrace with his aunt and Pilar, and all at once Jessica felt acutely aware of her untidy appearance, cobwebs no doubt clinging to her dress and hair, Jorge's arm on her waist.
'Jessica, had you forgotten Pilar was coming to see you this afternoon?'
Jessica shot a surprised glance at the Spanish woman's perfectly made up and bland face. As far as she knew they had made no such arrangements, nor was there any reason why they should do so. She didn't like Pilar and she knew the feeling was reciprocated. For one thing, she disliked the way Pilar treated Lisa, who was, after all, her sister's child.
To save any argument she apologised lightly, and was about to excuse herself to run upstairs and tidy up, when Pilar astounded her by saying, 'That is perfectly all right, Jessica. I quite understand. When one has an attractive man as an escort one tends to overlook engagements with one's woman friends.'
Sebastian looked thunderously angry, and Jessica bit her lip. Surely he didn't think she had deliberately ignored an engagement with Pilar? And Jorge—why was he looking at his brother in that evasive fashion, not explaining that they had simply met at the stables and walked back together?
Lisa, sensing the tension in the atmosphere, reached imploring for Sebastian's hand, her voice uncertain, her small face anxiously puckered. She was stretching on tiptoe and suddenly she over balanced, clutching the nearest thing to her for support, which happened to be Pilar's arm. The glass of fino Pilar was holding in her hand spilled down on to the cream silk dress she was wearing, and with a cry of rage she rounded on Lisa, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her furiously.
'This is too much, querido!' she complained to Sebastian. 'The child is uncontrollable and clumsy. I have told you before, she should be sent to a convent and taught how to conduct herself… What may be suitable behaviour in an English household does not commend itself to our people. Perhaps you should explain that to your wife, for it is obvious that she has been encouraging Lisa to run wild. Clumsy girl!' she told Lisa, now pale and trembling, her dark brown eyes huge in her small face. 'When I was a child, I would have been whipped and sent to my room for the rest of the day for such unmannerly behaviour!'
Jessica longed to intervene. Her blood boiled in answering fury. How could Pilar terrorise Lisa so? It had been an accident; admittedly it was unfortunate that the sherry should have been spilled, but Jessica doubted that the cream silk was the only dress in Pilar's wardrobe, or that she couldn't replace it quite easily.
'Perhaps you are right, querida,' she heard Sebastian saying evenly. 'Lisa, you will apologise to your aunt, and then I think you will go to your room…'
'It is probably more Jessica's fault than Lisa's,' Pilar added maliciously. 'Have you seen how grubby the child is? She is probably overexcited.'
'My wife does seem to have that effect on some people,' Sebastian agreed coldly. 'Lisa,' he commanded, looking at the little girl, 'I have told you once to go to your room, I will not do so again!'
Jessica saw his aunt check a response, her expression unhappy, and all her own indignation boiled over.
'It was an accident,' she interrupted hotly. 'Poor Lisa is no more to blame than… anyone else. Sebastian, I…'
'Be careful, Jessica,' Pilar mocked. 'Sebastian does not like to have his decisions queried, do you, querido?'
Jessica ignored her. 'Come, Lisa, I'll take you upstairs,' she said softly, hating the hurt pain in the little girl's eyes. She had just seen her god topple from his plinth, Jessica suspected, still unable to understand why Sebastian had spoken so harshly.
Dinner was always a formal occasion in the Calvadores household, but it had never been as silently tense as it was tonight, Jessica thought to herself as she refused any caramel pudding in favour of a cup of coffee.
'Senor Alvarez and Luisa arrive tomorrow, will you collect them from the airport?'
'I have some work to complete on the designs,' Sebastian said curtly. He had hardly spoken to any of them during the meal, and Jessica thought she might be wrong, but there was a controlled tension about him she had never noticed before. Was it because of their marriage? Was he, like her, wishing it had never taken place?
'I could go,' Jorge offered. 'I could take Jessica and Lisa with me.'
'I think not,' Sebastian cut in coldly. 'The car will be cramped with five of you, and besides, it is time that Lisa learned that good manners are something that cannot be discarded simply at whim. She will remain indoors tomorrow as a reminder.'
'Does that apply to me too?' Jessica demanded, temper flags flying in her cheeks. 'Am I to be "sent to my room", for forgetting Pilar's invitation?'
Sebastian's mouth compressed into a thin hard line. 'Lisa is at an age where her nature can still be moulded and formed. Regrettably, you are not. Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do.'
'Phew!' Jorge grimaced when he had gone. 'He has a black monkey riding on his back tonight, hasn't he? Have you two had a quarrel?'
Quarrel! Jessica suppressed hysterical laughter. To have a quarrel they would need to talk, to share an emotion. They weren't close enough to quarrel.
'Sebastian is tired,' Tia Sofia palliated. 'He has been working too hard. I have warned him before…'
'I didn't know Pilar intended to visit me,' Jessica explained to his aunt, not wanting her too to,think she had been remiss.
'Pilar tends to be a little possessive towards Sebastian,' Sofia said gently, 'and sometimes that prompts her into actions of impulse. I'm sure she did not mean to cause any friction between you.'
Jessica said nothing. She was pretty sure that was exactly what Pilar had wanted to do, but she had no intention to saying so to the others.
'Has Sebastian said anything to you about Barbara?' Jorge asked her half an hour later as they wandered through the courtyard.
'Nothing,' Jessica told him, without adding that it was hardly likely that he would do so.
'He is annoyed with me, I am afraid, but I cannot marry a girl I do not love.'
It was a sentiment Jessica wholly appreciated. 'Of course not,' she agreed sympathetically.
The courtyard was illuminated by a full moon, bathing everything in soft silver light. The air was warm, almost too warm, and curiously still.
'We could be in for a storm,' Jorge commented as they headed back to the house. 'We need rain badly. It has been a very dry spring.' His sleeve brushed against Jessica's bare arm and he stopped her suddenly, his hand on her shoulder as he turned her towards him.
'You are so very different from your cousin,' he said softly. 'She is a taker from others, while you are a giver, but be careful you don't give my brother too much. He has a devil riding him that cannot be exorcised. He has been this way since Manuela died.'
What was he trying to tell her? That Sebastian still loved Manuela? Tears stung her eyes and she lowered her head, taking momentary comfort from Jorge's presence before turning to return to the house.
As always, she felt a reluctance to go upstairs. Sebastian was never there. He always worked late—avoiding the awful moment when he must join her, Jessica thought bitterly. If she had hoped that somehow the fact of her virginity might incline him towards her she had been bitterly disappointed. And the mutual desire he had spoken of so freely before they were married might never have existed. Jessica didn't know what was responsible for the change in him—but she hated the long, empty nights when she lay sleepless at his side, knowing she had only to stretch out her hand to touch him, and knowing it was the one thing she must never do. And humiliatingly she still wanted to touch him; it was there like an alien growth inside her, t
his need to touch and know. She couldn't forget his final cruel words to her on the night of their wedding, and there was still an unappeased ache within her that throbbed like an exposed nerve whenever she thought about how it had felt to be in his arms.
She opened the bedroom door, stiffening with shock as she saw the moonlit figure by the patio door.
'So you have returned.' Sebastian's voice was flat and unemotional. 'I thought after what I just witnessed that you might have decided to spend the night with my brother.'
For a moment Jessica stared uncomprehendingly at him, and then enlightenment dawned.
'Jorge and I were simply talking,' she protested, silenced by the harsh sound of his laughter.
'The way you had been simply talking this afternoon, I suppose,' he said savagely.
It was useless to tell him that she had simply met Jorge on the way back from her outing with Lisa, but at the thought of the little girl, she remembered the tear-stained face and trembling mouth when she had gone in to say goodnight to her, and read her the story they were both enjoying.
'You were very unfair to Lisa this afternoon,' she told him angrily, able to defend his daughter if she couldn't defend herself. 'It was an unfortunate accident, but she was in no way to blame. Pilar always contrives to upset her. She adores you, Sebastian, and you were viciously cruel to her. I can't understand why you turned on her like that.'
'You can't? Perhaps it's because a wounded animal does claw at other things in its agony; perhaps it's because I'm going out of my mind with frustration,' he told her bluntly. 'When I married you it was not with the intention that our marriage should be platonic'
'I should have told you the truth,' Jessica admitted huskily. 'I wanted to, but…'
'But you preferred to let me find out the hard way—for us both—and then you turn to my brother for solace. Well, you may not find solace in my arms, Jessica,' he told her brutally, 'but I'm no saint to burn in the fires of hell when the means of quenching them is at hand. You were prepared to give yourself to my brother, now you can give yourself to me!'