by Zoe York
“It will matter. It does matter. Let’s just…read together. Watch a movie. We’ve got tonight, anyway.”
And he wanted to spend it watching a movie together. Not talking. Not slowly peeling off the new lingerie she’d bought for the weekend—online, with express shipping, because that was her only option for anything other than Wal-Mart. Forty-five minutes of half-assed cuddles before he’d inevitably fall asleep and she’d lie next to him for hours wondering what had happened to her marriage.
“Fine.” She didn’t mean it, but she didn’t want to sleep on the couch, either. She curled up next to him, fully expecting to be fuming again in short order. He pulled her close and played with her hair, twisting it this way and that, then burrowing his fingers closer to her scalp. His movements slowed but never stopped. And before she could remember she wanted to be mad, she was the one drifting off to sleep.
* * *
— —
* * *
Rafe had sent Liv no fewer than six loving text messages while he was gone for the weekend. She’d responded to two of them. He didn’t like that response ratio.
But when he got home, she’d made chili for dinner, one of his favourites and something that kept nicely. If she was truly pissed, she’d have made salmon or something that didn’t survive re-heating.
He heated up a bowl and ate it on the couch while they watched a singing competition reality show.
They didn’t talk.
They didn’t fight, but that might have been better, more of a warning of what was to come.
Bedtime that night was quiet. They didn’t make love, but when he pulled Liv into his arms, she folded agreeably into his side. He’d had a long weekend, the course had involved overnight training and it had rained all day, one of those cold late autumn dumps that seeped under the skin and turned him to a prune from the inside out.
“Love you, Liv…” he mumbled as he drifted off, and he wanted to believe she said it back, but it might have been sleepy wishful thinking.
* * *
— —
* * *
He took a seat at the diner counter and waited for Liv to have a break. He could have sent her a text message, but after the last month of what felt like non-stop fighting since the weekend that wasn’t, he knew that wouldn’t go over well. But doing this at her work didn’t feel great either.
She stopped in front of him and wordlessly held up the glass carafe. He nodded and she poured him a cup. “What is it this time?”
“We’re short-staffed.” He braced himself for the bitching. “I need to go in for a night shift tonight.”
“It’s fine.”
“Maybe you could go with someone else.”
“Nah, I’ll just give the tickets to Deena.”
“Go with her.”
“We work together, Rafe, but we’re not friends. I don’t want to go to a play with her.” She glared at him, her eyes yelling the unspoken next sentence. I wanted to go with you. My husband.
“Isn’t there someone else you could go with?” Why did her social life live or die on his work schedule?
She pursed her lips, then crooked her finger in a follow me gesture. In the office, she smoothed her hand down his arm and gave him a sad smile. “Why’d you come here, Rafe?”
Why did they have to dissect everything? His throat tightened and he struggled against the knee-jerk reaction of a smart-ass remark. “Because you deserve to look me in the eye when I let you down.”
She closed her eyes, brows pinched together, and he drifted his fingers over her forehead. She had a tiny mole just above her left eyebrow. He’d always loved it. She had the sweetest, prettiest face he’d ever seen. And behind it lay such a complicated girl brain that made his head explode.
“Liv…”
She fluttered her eyes open and the sadness there gutted him, but it also pissed him off. “Take someone else to the show.”
She shook her head slowly. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t have anyone to take. Dani’s at school, Lynn had a baby a few weeks ago. That’s it, the sum total of my friends here. And it’s not like I’m not friendly, Rafe. It’s that there aren’t any other women my age here.”
“Maybe Tom—“
“Your brother isn’t a substitute for you! And don’t suggest Dean or Jake, either. I don’t want to go anymore.”
“But you wanted to see this play.”
Her eyes flared, and too late he realized her not having anyone to go with wasn’t really the problem. “I wanted to go on a date with you, you idiot! Jeez, get a clue.”
She thought he was an idiot? Maybe she shouldn’t be so fucking complicated. He saw red and knew he should walk away, but he just couldn’t. “Maybe you should give me more clues then, Olivia.” She blanched at the use of her full name but he pushed on. Maybe they kept fighting because he let her bitch at him. “Look, I want to go on dates with you, okay? I want to make you happy. But I have a fucking job to do, got it? Two jobs. And I can’t just blow them off because you’re feeling a little needy.”
Her lips pinched together and her face went from pale to stark white. “I’m not needy.”
He let out a hard, ruthless laugh. “Are you kidding me? Rafe, spend time with me. Rafe, I’m lonely. This is life with me, Liv. I’m busy.”
“It’s not always like this—“
“No, but when it is, it just is. And I can’t change that for you.”
“I’m not asking you—“
He exploded, the words spilling out of him before he could pull them back in. Before he could stop himself from tearing a strip off his wife who most definitely didn’t deserve his anger. “Yes, you fucking are. With your silence and your whining and your fucking neediness, Liv. Jesus. Give me some space.”
She stared at him for a minute. Regret cut him in half, but before he could pull her close and apologize, she took a deep breath and nodded. “Space. Got it.”
She left him standing there, and he couldn’t follow her. Everyone probably heard him yelling, which embarrassed him greatly. Embarrassed Liv even more. Damnit. He took a deep breath, then several more, and headed back out front. He didn’t look at anyone else, just Liv. She was behind the counter, her face bright red, and he wanted to re-do the last five minutes in the worst way.
But what was done was done. He stalked around the counter and pulled her into a gentle hug. “I love you, Liv.”
She didn’t say it back, and after a few beats, he gave her another squeeze and let her go.
* * *
— —
* * *
She gave the tickets to Deena. And before she went to bed, she wrote Rafe a long letter, hoping that he might understand her perspective better if he saw the words on paper instead of having them hurled at him in anger.
He hadn’t returned yet when she woke up the next morning. Instead of waiting for him, she left the letter on his pillow and drove south to visit her sister. They weren’t close, but Mina was happy to meet up with her in Kitchener for some retail therapy. Olivia didn’t tell her what was going on. They didn’t have that type of relationship. If anyone would understand, it was Dani, but that felt too much like a betrayal of Rafe’s trust.
It was close to midnight when she finally parked in front of their little house in Pine Harbour again. Rafe’s truck was in the drive, but the lights were all off except the front foyer. She found him fast asleep in bed, and she curled up next to him. Had he missed her? Had he been grateful for some space, as he’d asked? Would he want to do something together the next day? Sadness filled her as she lay next to him, realizing she doubted the answer to the last question would be yes.
They’d inflicted enough damage on each other that her own husband was wary of her. Tears slipped down her cheeks, soaking her pillow and the back of his shirt where she pressed her face. He didn’t wake up.
* * *
— —
* * *
He seemed to like his space. It had been three weeks since their fight in the diner and
they’d managed to spend all their time apart. They slept beside each other, but she couldn’t remember the last time they went to bed together. There had been two half-assed attempts at middle-of-the-night sex, but neither had been satisfying for either of them. Olivia wasn’t even sure Rafe had been awake either time. He certainly didn’t act like he’d tried to fuck her. Her heart ached for her husband to hold her, but he wasn’t interested anymore.
She finally sent him a text on a Sunday afternoon. I’d rather have dinner at home tonight, just the two of us.
Fine. His response didn’t leave her much room for hope that it would go well.
It didn’t.
As they silently tidied up, she thought about suggesting counselling or a getaway. Both would require time, though, and Rafe legitimately didn’t have any of that. He was heading into four days on, and she wouldn’t see him again until the end of the week.
He put the plates away, then turned and stared at her. When he spoke, the question was the last thing she’d ever expected to hear from him. “Do you want a divorce?”
What? No! But as they stood there, a new thought took root. Rafe was a good Italian boy. He couldn’t leave her. His mother would flay him alive. Maybe he wanted her to leave him. He certainly didn’t want to work on their marriage. And she definitely wasn’t happy. She turned the word over and over in her head. Divorce. It felt like a meat cleaver type of word. She thought they needed something like a vegetable peeler or a paring knife, but maybe she didn’t know her husband as well as she thought she did.
Maybe he didn’t want to be her husband at all.
* * *
— —
* * *
She stared at him for a long time, so long he thought maybe she hadn’t heard him. When he opened his mouth to take it back, tell her it was a stupid question that should never be uttered in their marriage, she shattered his heart by nodding. “Yeah, I think I do.”
Chapter 11
Present day
“HERE’S our tea, girls.” Gloria set a tray between them on the wide coffee table and Lynn and Olivia both busied themselves making cups and ignoring their previous conversation.
“Gloria, would you mind if I took some pictures?” Olivia pulled out her phone and checked her email for the generic list of secondary sites they were still looking for. “The cottages and maybe some of the property?”
“Of course, dear. Maya and I will do some colouring while you two go exploring.”
Lynn cleared her throat. “Actually, it might be faster if Olivia goes by herself.” She caught a hard look her mother sent her way and twisted her lips. “But I can grab the keys and show you the cottages once you look around a bit?”
Olivia nodded. It was probably for the best, they’d talked as much as they probably were going to. Today. She’d try to make more time for Lynn soon. But wandering down to the dock by herself was nice. It gave her space to think about Rafe, and his notes, and how they fell apart.
How she’d somehow morphed him asking her if she wanted a divorce into him just asking for it. The realization made her slightly nauseous. It was a miracle he didn’t hate her.
But he really didn’t hate her.
Her pulse slowly picked up as she wandered back up the hill and Lynn let her into the first cottage, then the rest. Maybe it was time for her to do some relationship repair. Go back to the beginning and start over.
After she exchanged final pleasantries and headed back to her car, leaving Maya and Lynn at the lakeside house to finish their milk and tea, she forced herself to celebrate the fact that she’d found the perfect place for their stars to stay. The Blue Heron Lane cottages were perfect, and the Fenichs were on board.
This was a big to-do list item for the locations team, and she was about to check it off. Little ol’ Olivia, who was supposed to just run around and take pictures. She couldn’t wait the five minute drive home to call Greg. Her car was too old to have built-in Bluetooth, but Rafe had bought her an add-on kit that served the same purpose. She used the fancy Siri voice commands on her work iPhone to place the long distance call to her boss.
“What’s the good word, Liv?” His warm, rich voice boomed throughout her small car.
“Uhm…the cottages were perfect. I’m going to email you pictures as soon as I get home.”
“Great stuff. Hang on.” He muffled his end of the line for a minute, then came back. “Sorry, John was just leaving my office.”
“No problem.”
“Was there anything else?”
She bit her lip. Why was she nervous? She corrected people who called her honey at the diner. Why did this feel like the stakes were higher? “About my name…I’d prefer to go by Olivia, professionally.”
“Ah.” A phone call was an awful medium to know how a request had landed. “Thanks for letting me know, I tend to shorten names without thinking.”
“It’s not a big deal.” She took a deep breath. “But thank you. Anyway, I’ll send you the contact information for the owners, the Fenichs. Ashley will want to add them to your itinerary for the contracts trip.”
“We’re going to have to split it over two days, I think at this point. Would you recommend I stay in Owen Sound or Port Elgin?”
She laughed. “Are you looking at a hotel map on Expedia or something?”
He snorted. “Maybe.”
“They’re both kind of far. Why don’t you stay at one of the cottages? They’re all winterized. And normally they do week-long rentals, but I’m sure the Fenichs would make an exception for you.”
“And bring my own linens and food? No thanks.”
“You’re forgetting that hospitality and service is my business,” she teased. “I’ll coordinate with Gloria Fenich. It’ll be just like a hotel, I promise. And right where you need to be.”
“Sounds good. Two rooms. Ashley is coming with me this time.”
“No Trey?”
“Not for this. He’ll probably have a couple of trips of his own between now and the start of filming, though. These poor people have no idea what they’re signing up for.”
Olivia was pretty sure the entire town would bend over backwards to accommodate a film shoot. “Speaking of that…I have another idea.” She pulled up in front of her house. “I’m home now, I’m going to head inside, upload these pictures, and when you’ve got some time later today or tomorrow, can we have a video conference? Maybe bring Ashley in on it as well.”
“We’ve got time in an hour, sound good?”
“Great. See you then.”
As the photos downloaded, heavier thoughts started to land in Olivia’s head. She was worried about Lynn, but they weren’t close enough for her to push any harder than she already had. Maybe she should foster more of a relationship with the other woman. But wouldn’t that have happened organically if they were meant to be close?
Is that why she walked away from her marriage? Because it didn’t just work out on its own?
Relationships took work. Olivia had always prided herself on being a good wife to Rafe—supportive, understanding, ready with a back rub or dinner whenever needed. But what if he’d needed something else entirely? He’d called her needy. Maybe she hadn’t been as giving as she thought. Superficially in it for him, but underneath that…had she undermined the foundation of their marriage?
She puffed out her cheeks and turned back to work. This was something that made her happy, that she could be selfish about.
A few clicks of the mouse and the photos were copied into the shared folder. She fired off an email to Greg letting him know they were there, and then she started sketching out her ideas for a town meeting.
A half hour later, she had a poster design, an agenda, and a list of benefits for Dancelight. She pushed away from her computer. There was time to make a cup of tea and practice what she wanted to say a few times before they called her.
A knock at the door surprised her. It was a Thursday afternoon, and Rafe was working. She blushed to herself that she�
�d ferreted out that information from Dean the day before—although it made the note that much more of a mystery, because he would have been at work while she was at the diner. Maybe he was in the cruiser today, patrolling the north end of the peninsula.
On the other side of the door stood her second favourite Minelli. Genuine pleasure filled her chest. She hadn’t had enough time for any of her friends lately. “Dani, this is a surprise!”
“Is it okay that I popped by? It’s been a while.” Her friend offered a hopeful smile. The last few times they’d tried to meet up for coffee, one of them had been working. “I’ve missed you.”
Olivia waved her friend inside. “I actually have a video call in a few minutes, but it shouldn’t take long. I put a pot of tea on, come have a cup. And no heckling when I embarrass myself, okay?”
Dani asked a few questions about how the location scouting was going and Olivia told her about her visit to the Fenich properties. After hesitating a beat, she also told her about Lynn’s strange behaviour.
“That’s rough. Do you think she might be suicidal?” Dani’s voice shifted to medical professional mode. Olivia remembered that Dani had volunteered at a distress centre throughout college, but that was a serious over-reaction—wasn’t it?
“God, I hope not.” She thought back over their conversations. “No. I think she wants…to start over, maybe. Be young and fancy-free again.”
Dani rolled her eyes. “As someone who is still young and very much single, I’m happy to tell her how awful it is.”
Olivia held her hand up as her laptop lit up and started ringing and she scooted over to the desk. “Hold that thought, my call’s about to begin.”
“Twice in one day, Olivia, you’re earning your keep for us.” Greg’s face popped into view.
