by Zoe York
Bitch.
After Ryan left the room, I lay awake and took stock. My body hummed with memories of his touch, and my muscles were soft and languid, the result of the very best orgasm I’d ever had. And while my body purred as I lay in my bed alone, my brain whizzed and jerked, trying to find some way that all of this would be okay.
But it wouldn’t.
Because I was an idiot. I’d let myself become completely absorbed in the dream of Ryan McDonnell. In the few days I’d actually known him, I’d gotten much too close, and I knew when he left I was going to be broken. I’d entertained a fantasy, let it wind itself around my heart, and now it was going to be very hard to release.
How could the boring standstill world of my everyday life ever compare to the dream of having a movie star sweep me off my feet?
But that was what this was. Just a dream. Even if Ryan was not really with Juliet, there was no chance he was going to be with me. I knew myself too well for that.
I was Tess Manchester, largely invisible to men.
On the plus side, that gave me a lot of time to pursue activities, and had allowed me to build a successful business and construct my life pretty much the way I wanted it.
The down side was … well, it was pretty obvious as I looked around my room. My life often felt empty.
When the sky outside began to lighten in infinitesimal amounts, I slipped out of bed, feeling as if I hadn’t slept at all. I couldn’t remember every single one of the dark minutes that had ticked by, but it felt like I’d been awake to mark each one’s slow passage. And I stood beside my bed now with a weight in my chest and fog in my mind. And more than one hundred guests coming tonight for Granny’s party, not to mention the press for Juliet’s article.
Perfect.
I slogged downstairs in my pajamas, looking for coffee, and nearly had a heart attack when I bumped into Juliet in the living room.
“Oh, Tess!” she said, looking every bit as surprised to see me at o’dark-thirty as I felt to see her.
“Hi,” I said. I wondered why she was wandering around the house this early in her pajamas, but then realized I was doing the same thing. Maybe she couldn’t sleep either. “Getting coffee,” I told her, my best effort at conversation still making me sound like fuzzy and dense at this hour.
“Good, yes,” she said, following me to the kitchen. Her quick answer and the glance behind her made me think my sister was hiding something. For a split second, my suspicion rose again and I peered around in the darkness for Ryan—could they really be together as Gran had insinuated? Was she sneaking around down here with him? But that didn’t make a lot of sense, and it was far too early for me to worry much about it.
While the coffee brewed, we sat across from each other at the small round table in the kitchen, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Once the pot was done, and we each had a mug between our hands, Juliet looked up at me. “You doing okay?”
Shame crept over me, a wet rag that smothered other feelings and pushed my shoulders down into a slump. “Jules, I’m sorry about what I said last night.” I said the words, mostly because I loved my sister and wanted to mend things between us, less because I was actually sorry.
“No, you were right.” She sipped her coffee, put the mug back down and traced the rim with her finger. “I know it isn’t easy being my sister, Tess. I know I make it hard.”
“It’s not always you … it’s just all the things that come with you now,” I said, wishing things could go back to how they were when we were kids. Just sisters. Just life.
“Things like Ryan?”
I sighed. I had no idea how to sort through the feelings I had for Ryan.
“He’s a good guy, Tess. And we’re not together, so …”
“So now it’s okay with you?” I raised an eyebrow at her over my mug. It had been very not okay last night.
She shrugged. “You were right. It’s not about me, and it’s not up to me. I want you to be happy, and lord knows you need to meet someone. Your life has revolved around salt water and Granny and other peoples’ adventures for way too long. You’re verging on spinsterhood.”
“I’m twenty-five.”
“Well.”
I shook my head. Facts had never gotten in the way of a good story for Juliet.
We were both silent for a while, drinking our coffee as the sun lifted to the horizon and spread rays of pink and orange across the sky, every color reflected in the surface of the water at the edge of the lawn. Juliet watched me, and finally put her mug down.
“You should give him a chance,” she said.
Even if geography wasn’t a problem, we were worlds apart. How could a man like Ryan ever really be happy with a simple woman like me? He might be charmed by Maryland now, be having fun entertaining the fantasy of leaving his glamorous life, but he’d never really do that. And I’d be a fool to think he could.
“It would never work out.” How could it? We lived on opposite coasts and our lives couldn’t be more opposite. “There’s no way I’d ever move to California,” I said. “And last I checked, they aren’t making any big movies out here. We don’t even get to see half the movies down here—I had to drive up to DC to see that one you did that won Sundance.”
“Well, they don’t always distribute the smaller films as widely …” Juliet began, but then she shook her head. “This isn’t about film distribution. If Ryan wanted to make it work, he could. And so could you.”
I didn’t have an answer for that. I might be willing to put in the effort, but Ryan had too much going for him in California. Why would he go to the trouble?
“Just don’t close the door on it,” Juliet said. “I want to see you happy.”
“Because it’s about you?” My feelings were still raw, sensitive. My words might have come out a little sharp.
Sadness filled her eyes then, and she dropped her head low, staring into her mug. “It’s not,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel that way.”
I felt immediately guilty. I was confused and hurt, and I was taking it out on her. “I’m sorry too,” I said. “It’s not your fault, Jules. What did Mom used to say? The only person who could make you feel something was you?”
She tilted her head and shot me a half-grin then. “But I bet Ryan could make you feel something if you gave him a chance.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
God, she was right about that. He made me feel all kinds of things, and just thinking about it set off little signal fires in my bloodstream. “Who says I haven’t let him already?” My body still warmed when I thought about his touch, and something inside my chest had changed, too. He’d gotten inside me in more ways than I wanted to admit.
Juliet gasped. “Good girl,” she laughed. “More of that!”
I shook my head. If only things were that simple. “Not today. Today’s Granny’s party. And your friends from the magazine will be back. Today Ryan’s your boyfriend, remember?”
She actually looked upset for a second before recovering herself. “Right.” She shook her head and pushed her hands into her hair on either side, “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I brought my mess out here and made it your mess.”
“It’s okay, Jules,” I said, and I meant it. My sister really had been through a lot lately, and I vowed to remember that today as I watched her pretend to love the man I thought I might actually be falling for. “It’s okay.” I stood and walked around the table to kiss the top of her head before heading back upstairs. It was going to be a long day, and I needed to get ready.
Chapter 17
Ryan
When I got downstairs, Tess was nowhere in sight. Juliet stood near the kitchen sink, and I stepped up beside her, hoping not to startle her.
“Hey,” I said, my voice soft. I wasn’t sure where I stood with Juliet at this point—I kind of felt like my time with Tess had invalidated our agreement, but then again, that was the entire reason I was here in the first place. And the contract did not hav
e any clauses I remembered about hot younger sisters.
Juliet jumped at the sound of my voice, her hands jolting upward and sloshing coffee into the air and down the front of her shirt. “Oh!”
“Sorry,” I said, reaching for a paper towel and handing it to her. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not your fault. I was … I was just a million miles away.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, the trademark smile failing to light her green eyes. “Yeah, it’s fine.”
I didn’t quite believe her, but she didn’t seem eager to share, so I let it go. “What time is the crew getting here today?”
“Not sure,” she said, sounding as unenthusiastic as I felt. “Sometime this afternoon, I think.”
“So if I were to disappear for a few hours, that would be okay?” I asked.
“With Tess?” Juliet asked, and I was surprised at the little jolt of pleasure I got at just having her name mentioned around me. Plus, hearing the suggestion so easily from Juliet that Tess and I might be spending time together was a nice change from being yelled at over the dining room table.
“No,” I said, maybe too quickly. “I have a couple things I need to take care of.”
“In Maryland?” Her tone was skeptical.
“Um,” my brain spun, looking for some kind of appropriate cover. “Just need to get out for a bit,” I said finally. “Look around. See some of the country.”
“Sure,” she said, a half smile making it clear she didn’t think I was going out to sightsee. It didn’t really matter, though. Juliet didn’t need to know my plans. I wasn’t even sure about my plans. “Just be back by two or three, okay? I think the crew is due by five for sure.”
“Definitely.” I hoped I’d be able to get things handled by then. I slurped down some coffee, grabbed a muffin from the basket on the counter, and headed for the front porch, watching a car pull up just as I stepped out.
I’d set this all up the night before, so I went down the wide front steps and right up to the dark hulking car, popping the passenger side door open.
“Hey,” I said, greeting the woman at the wheel. She was pretty in an overdone kind of way. Big sunglasses, dark hair slicked into a knot on the back of her head. She smiled at me, and then something in her face shifted as she realized she might know who I was. I hadn’t given her the name I usually went by, so when I climbed into the passenger seat of her big SUV, I allowed her a few minutes to recover from the recognition and surprise I saw on her face.
“Are you …?”
“I am.”
“And you want to buy a house in Maryland?”
“Maybe,” I said, smiling. I’d come up with this idea as Tess had talked about the drastic differences between our worlds. I didn’t want to live in a different world from Tess. And maybe if I could find a little piece of home for myself in this world… well, maybe things could work.
“But …” she trailed off, her mind finally clicking into place as she shook her head lightly. “I’m sorry, I just. .. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I’m not used to showing houses to movie stars.”
I didn’t bother to tell her that Juliet Manchester was just a few feet away from where we sat, drinking coffee distractedly inside in front of a window. Tess had said most of the folks who’d lived here a while knew Juliet was from this area, that most knew exactly which house had been hers.
I gave the realtor my trademark grin. “It’s fine, but I am on a bit of a schedule today. Can we look at those waterfront houses we emailed about?”
“So you were serious about the … the big ones?” She pulled the car out of the driveway and back down the long lane as she eyed me sideways.
“I was.” I was as serious as I’d been about anything since running away. I might not have a plan for after I bought the house, but I knew that I wanted a piece of this world, this serenity and beauty. I was pretty sure I wanted it even if Tess wasn’t in it.
“It’s just,” she waved a hand. “People sometimes want to see them. You know, look but not really because they want to buy.” She blushed and giggled then. “I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” I confirmed.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Well, okay then.” She seemed to finally settle into the situation. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. McDonnell, and I sure hope we can find something you’ll like today.”
“I hope so too, Jessica.” I settled back into the leather seat and watched the lush green trees fly by the sides of the car as we sped down one country lane after another. Thankfully, Jessica didn’t seem big on small talk once we’d settled the confusion over my identity, and she was happy enough to just take us to the first property on our list.
“This is seven-thousand square feet,” she said, opening the grand front doors into an expansive foyer that spread out into a wide open living room with high ceilings and exposed wood beams. From the floor-to-ceiling windows on the back side of the house, I could see the water sparkling just beyond a sloping green yard. A long wooden dock stretched out into the glassy dark water.
“Six bedrooms, six baths,” Jessica continued. “A chef’s kitchen, a first-floor master and mother-in-law suite in the basement downstairs. The rest of the bedrooms are upstairs.”
We wandered the house and the property, and then looked at four more that might have been built by the exact same builder for the exact same homeowner. The sun was high in the sky and I knew I’d need to get back to Juliet and the magazine folks soon as we left the last ridiculously big house. I wasn’t finding what I’d imagined. I’d fallen in love with Tess’s house—the history, the girl too. I knew I wouldn’t find a house with Tess Manchester waiting for me inside, but I didn’t want a cookie cutter builder home I could have gotten anywhere.
“These are all beautiful,” I said. “At the risk of being one of the people you were talking about … I don’t think I’m in the market for anything so …”
“Over the top?”
“Right. Maybe something a little different? A little less… new?” I watched Jessica scan through some more listings on her iPad before she turned to me.
“There is another I’ll show you if you have time. It’s less ostentatious. More unassuming.”
“Still on the water?” I didn’t know why that was so important to me, but maybe growing up poor had made me feel like you’d really made it in life when you could wake up every morning and see an endless expanse of water stretching out in front of you—something most people would never be able to afford in California, even movie stars. And there was plenty of water here in Maryland.
“Yes, still waterfront,” she confirmed. “More land than the others, actually. Just not as much house.”
“Let’s go!”
I arrived back at Tess and Juliet’s house later than I’d planned, and was disheartened to see several long black town cars and a van already pulled into the circular drive in front of the house. The magazine folks were already here. Would they already be interviewing Juliet, wondering where her new boyfriend had gone off to? Had I forced her into another bad situation?
“Here he is,” Juliet called, opening the front door just as I thanked Jessica and pushed closed the passenger door to her car. I heard her sharp intake of breath through the open window as she spotted Juliet, but she was gracious enough to pull away rather than linger.
“I’m so sorry I’m a little late,” I said, adopting my boyfriend persona even as my stomach turned at the falseness of it all.
“It’s fine, hon,” Juliet said, reaching a hand toward me. “Did you find what you needed?” She turned her movie-star smile on me and I forced a smile back.
“Yep, found exactly what I was looking for,” I told her, wishing I didn’t have to pretend for the rest of the day, that I could just fast forward to the future, to everything I’d dreamed of when I’d walked through the little waterfront cottage wi
th the sweeping back deck nestled beneath two-hundred year old oaks on the edge of the Patuxent River.
I wanted to find Tess and tell her that as soon as I’d seen the place, I’d seen us in it, seen us standing in front of that railing looking out at the water, seen us laughing in the expansive kitchen with toddlers running at our feet, seen us nestled in bed in the grand master bedroom, which also faced the water. I’d seen the future I wanted; now I just needed to show it to Tess. And make her believe in it.
I knew it was crazy. I knew it was all too fast.
But I didn’t care. Because I knew Tess was the only woman for me, and I just had to prove it to her.
As soon as I was done pretending to be in love with her sister.
“Hello, Ryan.” Alison Sands greeted me, and I took a deep breath, telling myself this was the end of the pretense. That soon, I’d be able to be exactly who I really was. That soon, I could tell Tess I was staying—or at least making a second home here; ask her to give me a chance.
“We’ll just do some more casual shots now that we’ve got the afternoon sun,” Alison said, waving a hand at the golden light draping the back lawn. “And then you lovebirds can go change for the party.”
“Perfect,” I said, wrapping my arm around Juliet’s waist and pulling her near. “That sounds perfect.”
This was going to be the hardest role I’d ever played.
Chapter 18
Tess
I watched from the top of the stairs as Ryan wrapped his arm around my sister’s waist, looking like the happiest guy in the whole world. He’d been gone the entire day, so there’d been no opportunity to talk about what had happened between us, to get myself straight. Clearly, he wasn’t worrying about it or obsessing over what could or couldn’t be between us.
Of course he wasn’t. He was a movie star—a spectacularly handsome Hollywood playboy, and a good actor. It was practically his job to make me feel like I was different, like I wasn’t just another girl on a long list of girls. And he was too good at his job. I had felt special. I had felt unique. But in the cool distant shadow of his absence, I found my rationality and logic. And there was no way Ryan McDonnell had an ounce of real interest in a water adventure instructor from the middle-of-nowhere, Maryland. It just didn’t make any sense.
