by Zoe York
“This is what it feels like? Because I don’t like it. I’m out of control. Like spinning.”
“Just take a deep breath,” Zane said. “You’ll get used to the spinning. Pretty soon it slows down to a nice, slow churn and you’ll see that everything is brighter, sweeter, softer.”
“I don’t have one quality that can make this work,” Kyle said. “Not one.”
“Kyle, we’ve been kicked around and fought for everything we have,” Honor said. “With that comes a lot of layers of Teflon. We’re hard to love. We fight loving someone like it’s the plague instead of a miracle. If someone can see through all that to the real you, then she’s the one for you. Letting someone in, who has earned the right to be there, will set you free. You’ll amaze yourself at your capacity to love. Take it from me.”
He looked at her, dazed. “I don’t get it. Why would Violet want me?”
“The question is not why, but how,” Honor said. “You’re going to have to teach her how to love a formerly abused dog.”
“I don’t get it,” Kyle said.
One corner of Honor’s mouth lifted in a sad smile. “You have this look in your eyes sometimes that reminds me of an abused dog—wary and sure you’re about to be kicked. You’re always ready to fight. I was like that my whole life. I get it. But you survived. Whatever or whoever it was that gave you that look in your eyes, you beat them. This is the prize at the end.”
“They called me Pig.” Kyle swiped at the tears that leaked from his eyes.
“Who did?” Honor asked softly.
“The kids,” he whispered. “Because I smelled bad. We were so poor and dirty. I got beat up almost every day. No one would sit by me at lunch.”
“Oh, Kyle,” Honor said, her voice breaking. She wiped her eyes with the bottom of her apron.
“For years I had these episodes. I don’t know how to explain them or even what triggers them, but I scrubbed my skin as hard as I could. Just trying to get clean. I never told anyone about how bad it was.”
Kyle sagged against his friend. Zane wrapped his arm around his shoulders and held him close, like a man comforting a small child.
Honor stood beside them, her hand on the back of his neck. “You lived. You made this life for yourself. You won. Not the bullies. Not the poverty. Not the past. You.”
“You can let it all go,” Zane said. “It’s all over now.”
Sobs rose from Kyle’s chest. He no longer cared. Letting go was a relief.
“You’re a Dog, not a pig,” Zane said. “I love you, buddy. We all do.”
“Kale?”
He lifted his head from Zane’s shoulder to see Dakota standing there. “Hey little man.” He wiped his eyes and held out his arms.
Dakota climbed onto his lap and pressed his fat hands against both Kyle’s cheeks. “I love you, Kale.”
“I love you too, buddy.” He looked up at Honor and managed a weak smile.
Honor blew him a kiss. “You won.”
Kyle stared at the television. An old western played, but he wasn’t really watching. Everything was off tonight.
Violet had gone out with Honor for something wedding related. Dakota was staying the night at Zane’s.
Honor had promised him she wouldn’t say anything to Violet about his feelings. He wanted to tell her himself, but he had to tell her the rest of his story first. Tonight was the night. If she would ever get home.
He glanced at his watch. Again. It was nearing ten and Violet wasn’t home. How long did this wedding errand take? She’d said something about grabbing dinner at The Oar later. The dress she had on when she left was black and tight, showing every inch of her sexy body. Men would be all over her. A Friday night always brought in the crowds. Who knew how many men were hitting on her?
A few minutes after ten, Mel came in, looking flushed and disheveled. “I’m sorry I’m late.” She unbuttoned her coat and tossed in over the back of the couch. “My car wouldn’t start. I had to beg a ride from a friend.” She fixed her cat eyes on him. “Where’s Violet?”
“She went out.”
“Good for her. She needs to do that more often.”
“Why do you say that?” he asked.
“She needs to get laid.”
He flinched and stared at her, speechless.
“It appears you’re not going to do it, so she needs to find someone who will.”
This girl was outrageous.
Mel kicked off her shoes and sat opposite him, dangling her feet over the arm of the chair. “How was your day?”
He wanted to wait up for Violet but not if Mel was in his living room. This girl annoyed him, like a pesky mosquito, always buzzing around looking for blood.
“I had a good day,” he said. “You?”
“I slept most of it.”
Right, another bout of stomach sickness. This time she’d called in sick with the flu instead of food poisoning. Zane had mentioned that he’d seen her at The Oar last night when she was supposedly sick. Violet had been right. She was always right. Just for fun he baited Mel. Would she confess? “You’ve recovered quickly.”
“I may as well tell you the truth. There are no secrets in this town. I was invited out with some of my new friends and I just couldn’t say no. We were at The Oar. Zane was working, so I figured he’d tell you.”
“It’s best not to lie in this town,” he said.
She crossed her ankles, legs still slung over the arm of the couch. “You won’t hold it against me forever, will you?”
“We probably won’t need you much longer,” he said. “So, no.”
Her face fell. “Really?”
“A couple more weeks, I’d say.” He was totally making this up. A sudden urge to have her out of their lives had seized his better judgment.
“Mollie’s still waking up twice a night.” She unfolded from the chair and crossed over to the couch. “But if I’m no longer working for you, does that mean we can be friends?”
“Friends?” He swallowed. This girl was about to make a pass at him. One night without Violet and she pounced.
Mel sat on the arm of the couch. He remained where he was on the other end, unsure what to do.
“This may come as a surprise to you, but I’m into you. I’d like to know where you stand. I mean, I know you stare at me, so I’m pretty sure we’re on the same page.”
“The same page? I don’t think so.”
Like a cat, she leapt from her position on one end of the couch to land between his legs. She teased the cuff of his shirt with her fingertips. “You want me. Admit it.”
The old Kyle would have. He would already have her in the bedroom. Not anymore. There was nothing for him here but trouble. For weeks he hadn’t even looked at another woman other than Violet. Certainly not this one with her feline ways. Lettie, come home. Save me.
“I’m not interested, Mel. I’ve never been, and I won’t be.”
She jumped onto his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, and pressed her mouth to his. He shot to his feet and her tossed her aside. Like a limp ragdoll, she fell backward onto the couch. “What in the hell are you doing?” he asked.
“Playing hard to get is so hot,” she said.
Her lipstick had smeared all over his face. He rubbed it from his mouth. He was about to tell her to get out when he heard the front door open and Violet appeared. She froze when she saw them. Mel slid from the couch, straightening her blouse like they’d been fooling around. Mel had missed her calling. She should be on the stage.
“Hey, Lettie. Did you have fun?” Not sure why that question had come out of his mouth.
“I did, yes.”
“Where did you go?” Mel asked. “Any hot guys?”
Violet turned to look at her, her eyes like hard candies. “I left a new container of formula under Mollie’s crib. You’ll need it for tonight.”
Mel smiled like she’d won a prize. “You’re always so on top of it, Violet. The perfect nanny.”
Violet�
��s gaze slid to him with an expression he’d never seen before. Did she think they’d been fooling around? Was she angry? Sad? He could practically hear her mind churning. After coming to some conclusion, she crossed the room, high heels clicking on the cold floor. She linked her arm in his and flashed him a flirtatious smile. His stomach fluttered like the leaves of a birch tree in a spring breeze.
She straightened the collar of his shirt. Subtext, he belongs to me. “You ready for that drink I promised you earlier?”
“Sure. Yes,” he said, almost stammering.
Violet turned to Mel. “Dakota’s staying the night with friends, so we’re taking the opportunity to go out. We’ll be quiet when we come in so we don’t wake you.”
Mel tossed her hair behind her shoulders and subtly, but not enough to go unnoticed, wiped the smeared lipstick from under her bottom lip. “Just so you know, you didn’t interrupt anything just now.”
“Excuse me?” Violet linked her arm into his and glared at Mel.
“We were just talking.” How was it possible to sound the exact opposite of the words coming out of your mouth? We were about to have hot sex on the carpet.
“I have no idea what you mean,” Violet said.
“When you came in, you know, it might’ve looked like we were, how shall I say, having a moment,” Mel said.
“I saw Kyle leap up like you’d scorched him with a hot poker. Is that the moment you’re referring to?”
Mel flushed as red as the aforementioned hot poker. The large vein that ran across her forehead pulsed. “It’s not what it looked like.” This time it was more of a mumble than the sexy purr of earlier.
“I know, sweetie. Don’t you worry for a second. I’m quite confident that this man here has no interest in you. Because he belongs to me.” With that, she turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He pulled her closer and kissed her back. The world shifted.
Mollie had reopened every unsuppressed memory of his past. Her presence was like jagged shards of glass, beautiful but full of sharp edges that slid down his skin, threatening to cut him wide open. She made him see how inadequate he was, how one wrong move could ruin her like he’d ruined his sister. But this. This woman. Her kiss. She stitched him back together so that he was no longer adrift and afraid.
When they parted, Violet flashed a smile that held the essence of that kiss. We are a team. “Come on, baby. Mama needs a drink.”
They held their laughter in until they got in the elevator. “Mama needs a drink? Where did that come from?” he asked.
She buried her face in her hands, shoulders shaking. “I don’t know. She just looked so evil and self-confident; I couldn’t help it.”
“Your laugh’s like chamomile tea with two teaspoons of honey,” he said.
“You don’t drink tea.”
“I might. If you made it for me,” he said.
She rewarded him with one of her eye rolls. “Unlikely. Anyway, what happened before I got there?”
He shuddered. “She jumped me. I told her I wasn’t interested, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She pounced on me like a cat on a giant bird.”
“I jumped you just now,” Violet said. “Do you feel used?”
“You can use me anytime if it involves a kiss like that. Honestly, I almost fell over. I did not see that coming.”
“I’m so sorry. I’ve never done anything like that in my life. Mel brings out the worst in me.”
“No need to apologize,” he said. “Unless you never plan on ever doing it again.”
She blinked. “Oh.”
He drew close to her and traced the outline of her lips with his fingertip. “I’ve never been kissed like that in my whole life. And now I want another.”
“Just one?”
The elevator doors opened before he could either kiss her or answer the question. They stepped out into a nearly empty lobby. Several front desk staff talked quietly behind their computers. The fountain babbled, like notes of encouragement. You can do it, you can do it.
Upstairs the lights of the bar beckoned him. “Should we have that drink for real?” he asked.
“We can’t go back upstairs. Not now anyway.”
The bartender greeted them when they walked into the bar. “Evening Mr. Hicks. Miss Ellis.”
“Hey Rufus,” Kyle said. “How are your college courses going?”
“Good, sir, thank you.”
They ordered their usual, scotch and white wine, and sat in the booth in the back. The atmosphere soothed his nerves somewhat. Trey, his interior designer, had suggested they give this bar an aura of an exclusive club. Walnut wainscoting, dim lights, and deep green cushions on the booths and chairs gave the bar a feeling of an old boy’s club from times past. Now, after everything that had happened, he could see that the idea for the décor had appealed to him on a level not entirely emotionally healthy. Yet another example of his neurotic need to purge Pig. See here, suckers? I made this bar. Me. Kyle Hicks, formerly known as Pig.
There were several other couples scattered around the room, as well as a large group that looked like a birthday celebration.
“We’re going to have to let Mel go.” Kyle chose the easy subject first. “She scares me. I’m afraid she’s going to say I forced myself on her or some other lie. You know how a scandal like that can ruin a career.”
Violet frowned and brought her fingers to her mouth. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“She obviously has issues,” he said.
“She’s the type who will turn on us if we fire her. She’ll tell lies to anyone who’ll listen.”
Rufus brought their drinks and a bowl of pretzels and nuts, then scurried off to help another customer.
“I thought you might have gotten the wrong impression when you walked in tonight,” he said.
“Wiping your mouth in obvious disgust told me everything I needed to know.” Her eyes reflected the soft lights that hung above the table.
“I would never touch her.”
“I’m surprised but pleased.”
“I would’ve maybe. In another lifetime. Before Mollie.”
She moved a cocktail napkin from one end of the table to the other. “Is Mollie the only reason?”
“No, she’s not the only reason.” He hesitated, unsure of what to say next. This was his opportunity. Tell her how you feel. Don’t be a coward. He stayed quiet a second too long. The moment was lost. She spoke, breaking the silence.
“I saw my parents again tonight,” she said. “Through the window at The Oar. They were having dinner.”
“Did you go in anyway?”
“Yes. Honor made me. She said they were not allowed to ruin our night. We sat in the bar. If they saw me, they didn’t acknowledge me.”
Laughter from the large table interrupted whatever she was going to say next. She sipped from her glass, seemingly lost in thought.
“Where’d you go?” he asked.
She looked up and blinked. “Nowhere really. I was just thinking it’s weird to see your own parents and not have them acknowledge your presence. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Kyle said. “It’s them.”
“The night I told them I was pregnant, he called me a whore.”
Kyle stomach turned. What kind of man said that to his daughter? “It’s only a word.”
“A very hurtful word,” she said.
“But so far from the truth.”
“No kidding.” She smiled. “Very far.”
“Has it really been since Lund?” he asked.
She lifted her chin. “It’s been my choice.”
He straightened slightly and whistled under his breath. “God, girl, you’re depriving mankind.”
“It has to be right this time. I won’t compromise again.” She bit her bottom lip. He called on every ounce of self-control to keep himself from dragging her across the table and kissing her until she begged him to take her upst
airs.
I will not be a compromise. I will be everything you need.
A great pressure pushed against his chest. Now. Tell her now.
“Lettie, I have something I want to tell you.”
She went perfectly still.
“It’s the thing I’ve tried to forget. The memory I’ve been running from.” He ran his thumb around the rim of his glass. “I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Don’t be. You can tell me anything.”
“My real name isn’t Kyle Hicks. It’s Daniel Kyle Hickman. I have a brother and a sister. Stone and Autumn who are two and four years younger than I am. After our mom left, I took care of them. By the time I was in junior high, my dad was either out of it or off on some binge with one of his skanky friends. He’d lost so many jobs we lost count. Money was tighter than ever. When I was thirteen, I got a job at the local diner after school, so we could eat and have hot water. We functioned like a team. I helped them with homework. Stone did most of the outside work, cutting trees for firewood and making sure the roof was repaired. Autumn kept the house clean and cooked all our meals.
“By the time Stone entered ninth grade, he was six feet tall and weighed a hundred and eighty-five pounds. All muscle. I was still scrawny Pig. Stone was determined to beat the crap out of anyone who bullied me. The news quickly spread. Mess with Daniel Hickman and Stone Hickman would beat you to within an inch of your life.”
His mouth seemed full of cotton. He drank from his water glass.
“There were these brothers. The Millers. They’re the ones who gave me the nickname.” He told her the details of their torture that started when he was six. “They were the instigators of most of the bullying. But Stone put a stop to that.”
She nodded, watching him.
“One day Stone saw them corner me under the bleachers. He went crazy. They left with split lips, black eyes, and a few less teeth. After that, they left me alone. But they were just biding their time, waiting for revenge. One day, they got it.”
He shut his eyes, seeing the events unfold in his mind. “It was late spring. I was eighteen. Autumn was fourteen. In a few months I planned to head to USC but until then it was life as usual. It was my payday, so I took Autumn into town to shop for groceries.”
