by Zoe York
“You think?” he asked.
“Absolutely.”
“Because even with all of that being said, I want to rip her heart out when I think about what she’s doing to Kayla, what they’re both missing out on.” Jackson sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I have to talk to Kayla, tell her that I saw Julie.”
“I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that will be.”
“It sucks. I’ve had to break her heart on Julie’s behalf before, and I’m scared to see how she’ll take it this time. But this is the last time I’m going to let her hurt our baby.”
My heart hurt for both Jackson and Kayla as I thought about what it felt like to be abandoned by one of the people who was supposed to love you most. I knew what it was like, and I’d never been able to forget, or forgive. I could only hope that things would be different for Kayla.
Jackson
After a rocky afternoon yesterday, then an absolutely wonderful night, I picked up Kayla and decided to keep things light on the drive back.
I didn’t want to have this discussion with her in the truck, but thought it would be best to be home, surrounded by our things, with easy access to her bed if she needed to lay down and cry it out.
Still, it was hard to be upbeat on the drive home, especially when the first thing Kayla asked when she got in the truck was, “Have fun with Millie?”
I decided to ignore her snide tone and answered, “Yes, I did.”
Kayla’d crossed her arms and pouted the whole way home.
Once we got her things inside, unpacked, and put her dirty clothes in the laundry, I turned to my daughter and said, “We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk about Millie. You can’t make me like her,” she said snidely, and I had to remind myself that she was a nine-year-old girl who missed her mother and was about to be heartbroken once again.
It was hard, but I managed to keep that at the forefront of my mind and to put the issues with Millie on the backburner for now.
“It’s not about Millie … for now,” I warned, but kept my tone gentle, because I knew what was about to come. “Sit.”
Kayla frowned and looked at me warily, but got up on her bed and sat against the pillows.
Once she was settled, I started, “I saw your mom yesterday.”
When her face lit up, my heart shattered.
“Is she coming home?” Kayla asked hopefully.
“No, baby, she’s not,” I replied heavily.
Kayla’s face dropped, then her eyes narrowed and she asked, “It’s because you’re seeing that Millie, isn’t it? My mom would come home if you weren’t going off on dates with someone else.”
Shocked, I reared back, then gathered myself and stated, “No, Kayla, none of this has anything to do with Millie, so stop trying to blame her where there’s no blame to be had. This has to do with your mother and me, and no one else.”
Kayla crossed her arms and asked, obviously not believing me, “Then why isn’t she coming home?”
On home, her tone wavered, and I knew she was trying not to cry.
I sighed, my heart heavy as I admitted, “Your mom is at a crossroads in her life. She’s trying to find who she is and what she wants to be.”
“But she’s my mom, doesn’t she know that?”
“Yeah, baby, she knows, but sometimes, maybe, not everyone is cut out to be a mom,” I stated gently.
“But, she is a mom, she can’t just quit.”
Kayla’s words echoed through my head, and oh, how I wished that were true, but the sad reality was that Julie had done exactly that. Quit.
“She’ll always be your mom, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to be a part of our lives. She has a new life now, one that she likes, and doesn’t want to come back to the one she left behind.”
“What about me?” Kayla asked, unable to control the tears from spilling over any longer. “Doesn’t she want me?”
“Oh, baby,” I muttered, my own eyes filling at the utter sorrow in my daughter’s voice. “She’s a fucking idiot if she doesn’t.”
Kayla blinked, her mouth forming an O as she said, shocked, “Daddy, you said the F word. You never say the F word.”
And I hadn’t, at least not around Kayla … not ever. But if ever a time called for it, it was now.
“I’m sorry, K, but it’s the truth. You’re the most amazing, smart, funny, beautiful girl in the entire world, and if your mom can’t see that, then she’s a fucking idiot.”
Kayla gasped and covered her mouth, then I heard the best sound ever, when she giggled.
“You just said it again.”
I gave her a small smile, then held out my hands, closing them when she hurdled herself in and held her tight.
“I love you more than anything, Kayla.”
“I know, Daddy, I love you, too.”
We sat there, holding each other for I don’t know how long, and although I was happy that she seemed to be doing okay, I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. Julie’s leaving had gutted her the first time, and I had no way of knowing what the realization that she wasn’t coming back, and didn’t want to, was going to do to Kayla. All I could do was be there, and hope that would be enough.
“What do you say we order in pizza, then stuff our faces with ice cream while we watch the new superhero movie?”
“Okay,” Kayla’s said, her voice muffled by my shirt.
“Great, let’s each get our pajamas on and I’ll order the pizza while you get the movie ready.”
Kayla nodded and let me go, but before I shut her door behind me, I turned and called, “K?”
“Yeah, Daddy?”
“We’re going to be okay,” I promised.
“I know,” she said, giving me her bravest smile.
Millie
I’d heard the strain in Jackson’s voice when he called after talking to Kayla, and as much as I wanted to rush over there and be a comfort to them both, I knew it would probably have the opposite effect, so instead, I stayed home with an aching heart.
Luckily, we’d all exchanged numbers with Ty, Rob, Rebecca, and Jan, so I’d been able to get a hold of Ty to find out when would be the best time, if any, to drop in and bring a surprise for Jackson.
I’d made a pineapple upside down cake, which Ty and Rob had agreed was Jackson’s favorite, and was going to bring it by his classroom, along with a hug and maybe a quick kiss, to let him know I was thinking about him and was there if he needed anything.
Ty had assured me that there weren’t any rules against visitors, and Jackson wouldn’t get in trouble with the principal, or anyone else, if I stopped in.
I felt a little weird dropping in while he was at work, but our schedules were so busy, and I didn’t feel right dropping by his house yet, so I figured this was my best bet. And, I promised myself I wouldn’t get in the way or stay too long.
So, I told Ty, “Thanks,” when he let me in and led me down to Jackson’s class.
“No problem,” Ty was saying. “I have a free period right now, and have some time before I have to set up for volleyball in the gym.” We made a couple turns and I worried I wouldn’t be able to find my way back out. “That was a dope party the other night.”
“I’m glad you had fun,” I said with a smile, hoping I didn’t look too fussy in my blue floral dress with my hair pulled back in a tail. Dru had scoffed at me when I’d shown up to work wearing it, and had just rolled her eyes when I said I was dropping something off for Jackson really quick.
“Okay, so he’s right in here. You can hold off until the bell rings if you want, or sneak in the back, totally up to you.”
“Thanks, Ty.”
“Anytime,” he said with a grin, then jogged off down the hall.
I peered into the window of the door and saw Jackson standing at the front of the class. He looked adorable in his jeans and V-neck sweater, his glasses slightly askew and his hair messy like he’d been running his hands through it. He was currently lecturing
and using his hands, a lot.
I let my eyes wander around the room, taking in the books lining shelves, the posters of movies that had been adapted from books and plays, and the way all of the kids’ attention was rapt on their teacher.
These were teenaged kids. And, they weren’t talking or texting, they were actually listening as he spoke.
I placed my hand on the knob and turned it gently, quietly, then pushed the door open just enough for me to hear what Jackson was saying.
“I know this is different than the books and plays we’ve read so far, but I assure you, it’s not less romantic, angsty, or complicated than the others. Little Women is a classic for many reasons and people love it, and sometimes hate it, in profound and very personal ways. We’re going to do this one a few chapters at a time, then discuss. Well, sometimes discuss, other times, write…” This earned him a small groan, but the students were smiling when they did it. “We’ll read through Chapter Five, which will introduce us to most of the major characters in the book, and discuss initial thoughts, feelings, and maybe even start a little bracket on how you all think things will go. At the end of the book, the winner will win some Little Women fandom items.”
Some of the guys snorted at that, although, looking around the room, I realized the class was at least seventy-five percent girls. Which could be because of the subject matter, and not the handsome teacher at the head of the class.
I giggled at the thought, imagining how much I would have mooned over a teacher like Jackson Heeler as a young girl. Shoot, he made me swoon now, I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if I had raging hormones.
I looked back at Jackson, his dimples showing as his passion for his work shone through, and I knew that I’d officially fallen in the deep end.
Jackson was everything I’d ever wanted in a man, and more. He was the nuts on a sundae, the whipped cream on pecan pie, the salt on the salted caramel cupcake.
Jackson was the ingredient that turned a normal dish into something extraordinary, and I am in love with him.
The bell rang in the middle of my epiphany, startling me and causing my heart to jump.
I moved out of the way as kids starting barreling out of Jackson’s classroom, and when the coast was clear, I slipped inside.
His back was to me as he organized something on his desk, so I cleared my throat and smiled as he turned.
Jackson’s face lit with pleasure when he saw me.
“Hey, this is a nice surprise,” he said as he met me in the middle of the room.
“Good,” I said shyly, suddenly feeling just like one of those teenaged girls I’d just passed. “I wanted to check in on you and bring you this.”
I lifted the bag containing his cake, then put my arms around him and added, “And, this.”
“This is nice,” Jackson murmured, hugging me back. He gave really good hugs, and I found I’d happily stand like this forever.
Of course, maybe that’s my lovesick heart talking.
“What’s in the bag?” Jackson asked when he reluctantly pulled back.
“Pineapple upside down cake. I have it on good authority that it’s your favorite.”
“It is,” he said, his eyes lighting up. Then he looked at me mischievously and asked, “I don’t have to share, do I?”
I laughed. “Not if you don’t want to.”
I swayed toward him and tilted my head back, and Jackson answered my request by giving me a soft, sweet kiss.
“I know you have class, and I have to get back to work, but I needed to check in on you,” I admitted softly.
“I’m glad you did,” Jackson assured me as he brushed a wayward hair off my cheek. “Seeing you always makes me happy.”
“Good,” I said with a grin, then started walking backwards toward the door. “I’ll let you get back to it.”
Jackson nodded, and I floated out the door and down the halls of the school.
Jackson
It had been a rough week.
Dealing with Julie’s complete lack of desire to be a mom, and Kayla’s reaction to it, along with a packed work schedule and the normal, everyday issues that never failed to pop up, I was exhausted.
Of course, being a single dad meant I couldn’t give in to that exhaustion. Instead, it was Friday night and I was catching up on laundry, cleaning the floors, and putting away the dishes I’d been neglecting in the dishwasher.
To make matters worse, Kayla had gotten in trouble at school that day, and was currently sitting on her bed “thinking about what she did wrong.”
My phone rang just as I opened the dishwasher, and I thanked whoever was calling for the distraction. Seeing it was my mother-in-law, I leaned against the counter and pressed answer, then greeted, “Hey, Ruth.”
“Jackson, she called,” Ruth said breathlessly, not even bothering to say hello.
I’d told her about finding Julie and what went down when I met with her, and although I could tell she was disappointed, I also knew that no matter what, Julie was her child, and she’d been anxious for any news about her, even if it wasn’t what she’d hoped.
“That’s great, Ruth, I’d hoped she would,” I replied honestly.
“I’m going to see her next week, in Hampton.”
“That’s great, I’m happy for you. I know how much you’ve missed her.” Everything I said was true, still, I couldn’t help but feel bitter about the fact that Julie apparently had room for her parents in her new life, but not her daughter.
Refusing to dwell on it, I focused on what Ruth was saying.
“I tried to talk to her about Kayla, but she shut down, so I stopped. I’ll try again when I see her,” Ruth promised, and my heart ached for the older woman.
“Ruth, don’t worry about it. I already spoke with Julie, and told her what needs to happen if she ever wants to be in Kayla’s life. Just go and spend time with your daughter, without worrying about us.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, Jackson,” she replied, and of course she couldn’t. Ruth was a good woman. A great one, in fact.
“I know, I just mean, don’t let it ruin your reunion. Get to know her again and maybe you can bring it up at a later date.”
“All right, Jackson. And, thanks again for finding her, and for telling her to call us.”
I heard Ruth begin to sob on the other end.
“No problem, Ruth.”
“I love you, Jackson, and I’m so sorry for my daughter’s actions.”
“I love you too, Ruth, and like I’ve told you a million times, let Julie take ownership of her actions. You’re an amazing grandmother. Have a good night.”
“Good night,” she responded softly, and I disconnected the phone.
I stared at my phone for a minute, before putting it down and opening the dishwasher, then closing it again and picking my phone back up.
How’s your night? You done cooking for the baby shower?
Just texting Millie put a smile on my face and made me feel better. The woman really was good for me.
I put the phone back down and finally put off emptying the dishwasher. When I was done with the top rack, my phone dinged.
Yes, baby shower… check. Now I’m baking for tomorrow’s Fiftieth Wedding Anniversary. You should see the pictures their kids sent me. #inspiring.
I grinned at her use of the hashtag.
You have time for a break at dinner?
I’d just put the last fork away and closed the dishwasher when she replied.
What are you bringing me?
My heart leapt at the thought of seeing her tonight, when I hadn’t expected to.
Chinese or Sandwiches, your choice.
I wiped down the counters while I waited, snatching up my phone quickly when it chimed.
Chinese. Beef and Broccoli, please, with an egg roll.
You’ve got it, we’ll be there soon.
Shoving my phone in my back pocket, I went to Kayla’s room and knocked on her door once before opening it.
/>
“Get your shoes and jacket, we’re going to grab some dinner.”
Kayla’s face cleared, probably at the thought of being able to go out to eat, when she was supposed to be in trouble.
“Where are we going?” she asked, practically leaping off the bed.
“To pick up Chinese, then take it to Millie’s work to have dinner with her.”
Kayla landed with a thud and her face fell.
“Oh…”
“Yeah, oh, and you’re going to be on your best behavior. None of this bratty, tantrum stuff you’ve been doing whenever Millie is around. You’re a sweet, funny, kind girl, and I’d really appreciate it if you showed that side of you to my girlfriend.”
The thundercloud on Kayla’s face made me realize what I’d just said, and I groaned silently.
“Girlfriend?” she spat.
“That right there, that’s exactly how I don’t want you to act. Yes, she’s my girlfriend,” at least, I hoped she was … We hadn’t ever really talked about it. “And I really like her. I think she likes me too, and I know she’d love you, if you’d just give her a chance.”
When Kayla didn’t respond, I lowered into a crouch and looked my daughter in the eyes.
“Can you please make an effort, K? For me?”
When she sighed and shrugged, I figured beggars couldn’t be choosers, and took it.
Millie
He’d said we’ll be there soon, and I doubted he meant Rob or Ty, or even Jericho, although I would have been less nervous with any of them … yes, even Jericho … than I was about his nine-year-old daughter who obviously hated me.
“It’ll be fine, Millie,” I assured myself out loud as I worked on the flowers for the various cakes that would be served at the anniversary party. Not fifty of them, thank goodness, although that would be cool, but each table would have their own cake centerpiece that would be a miniature version of the actual anniversary cake.
That meant I had a lot of flowers to make. Calla Lilies, which were the flowers she’d had in her wedding bouquet.
