by Willow Rose
“Why?”
“I wasn’t paying attention when Mrs. Ohayashi asked me a question and then she threw me out. Threatening to talk to Salathiel about me.”
Mick nodded.
“I can understand why that would make you sad,” he said.
I looked at him. I’m not sad, I thought. Actually I had butterflies in my stomach, but I was worried. Not about myself, but about Jason. Something inside of me told me he was heading for trouble.
“Do you think it is possible for spirits to fall in love?” I asked.
Mick looked at me a little confused but then he smiled.
“Sure. It happens all the time. Life really isn’t that different in the Afterlife than it was before you died. Some things are very different, but we still move on in our lives, caring about each others, making new friends, falling in love. Spirits are perfectly capable of feeling the same emotions as humans.”
I smiled.
“Now tell me, Meghan, have you fallen in love?” He asked me in a kind of weird way as if he was hoping I would say no. Or was it that he was hoping I would say I was in love with him?
“I don’t know,” I said. And that was really the truth. I felt something for Jason but was it love?
“You will know,” he said. “Eventually. Just take it slowly.”
“Do you think it is possible for a spirit to fall in love with a human?” I asked. I regretted the question as soon as it had left my lips.
Mick’s expression changed completely. He got up from the bed and walked to the window. It was pouring rain outside. He looked out the window for awhile before he spoke. It made me really uncomfortable. Then he looked at me with serious eyes.
“I knew it! You have to stop seeing him,” he said. “If you don’t I will have to report you.”
I got up from the bed feeling a huge anger rise inside of me.
“You can’t do that! I thought you were my friend.”
He sighed. “I am. I am saying this because I want to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?”
He took a step toward me. “From hurting yourself. From hurting that human you are visiting through the mirror in the cellar!”
I froze. How did he know that? “What?” I said. ”Have you been following me?”
“Of course I have. What do you want me to do when you tell me you have made a human friend? I know how dangerous it can be to have feelings for humans. I have been here for nearly a hundred years, remember?”
“And I have only been here six months, got that, thank you. But I am not a child, I am perfectly capable of making my own choices and decisions.”
Mick walked toward me and grabbed my arm.
“Are you? Do you have any idea what you are doing?”
“Let go of me,” I yelled, and tried to pull my arm out of his grip. I stared at him intensely until he let me go.
“I can’t deal with this,” he said and started backing up.
“Then leave.”
He stared at me and I felt a pinch in my heart. Then he turned around and a second later he was gone. I threw myself on the bed. I was so angry at him for acting like this. Who did he think he was acting jealous all of a sudden?
Later that same day I went to the hall to get some dinner, but I was not going to eat it with the rest of the school. Not tonight. I just wanted to grab something and bring it to the room. I couldn’t handle seeing Mick again. Not now. And I definitely didn’t care much about seeing Portia or the other girls. I was way too devastated by Mick’s attack on me to handle them right now. All I wanted was for time to pass so I could go and visit Jason again. I wanted to get away from everything and it could only go too slow. I even considered skipping dinner, but even though Mick had told me we didn’t really need food, I felt incredibly hungry. I wasn’t even sure I believed any of what he had told me anymore. Maybe I just wanted food because I was mad, I don’t know.
When I stepped into to Hornam Hall I immediately regretted going there. All those people made me uncomfortable. All that chatting and talking and laughing. I really didn’t need that right now. So I bowed my head trying to shut the world out and go through the hall unnoticed. I had my eyes fixed on my seat and my plate at the table where the food would emerge in a few seconds.
Abhik waved and approached me.
“Oh no,” I mumbled. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Why do people keep asking me that?” I said a little too harshly.
“Sorry. I was only trying to be nice.” Abhik turned around and walked away.
“I didn’t mean to …” I tried to say, but he didn’t hear me. What was happening to me? Was I going to lose all of my friends in one day?
I sighed and sat at my chair, waiting for the food. As I did, my eyes caught those of an elderly lady sitting at the table in the middle of the hall. She sat next to Salathiel and Rahmiel. I couldn’t get my eyes of her. I felt my heart beating fast. I knew her from somewhere. But where?
Now Salathiel rose from his chair and everybody was quiet.
“Let us welcome our new students here at the Academy,” he said.
New students? That meant that the people sitting at that table had just recently died. That old woman had just died.
It was as if everything inside of me froze at once. I suddenly remembered where I had seen that lady before. And I suddenly remembered where I had seen Jason before. I started to breathe heavily, trying to calm down my racing heart.
“The book,” I mumbled.
Nigel who was sitting next to me stared at me like I had gone mad.
“What?” he said.
I looked at him and shook my head.
“Nothing. I … I have to go,” I said and got up from my chair. As I did the food arrived at my plate. Luckily it was sandwiches, wrapped to go. It was true that whatever emerged would be what I wanted the most right at this moment. So I grabbed them both in one hand and stormed out of the hall. I flew as fast as I could down the hallway and followed a ladder leading up, but it ended in a blind alley. I floated downwards again and found a new hallway, leading to a smaller one filled with mirrors in which I had no reflection. Then I looked around me and realized I was lost. I cursed myself for not yet being able to walk through thick brick walls.
I flew down the hallway of mirrors and ended up in a small chamber that looked like a giant library. Books lined the shelves from top to bottom. Nice leather chairs invited one to sit read the books. It was all very calm and quiet and I was amazed that I hadn’t been in this chamber before. But again the castle was extremely big.
In the chamber I found one of the moving bells, and I thought about ringing it for a second but then changed my mind. What if someone would ask me where I was going? I wouldn’t know how to answer that.
Suddenly I felt a motion from behind me.
“Who is there?” I said as I turned around.
I looked down. The thinking chair stood in front of me. It moved a bit sideways from one side to the other as if it was shy and wanted to play with me. Then I remembered what Rahmiel had told me. I petted it on the seat and tickled it underneath. It seemed to be almost dancing as I did that. When I thought it was enough, I gently sat down on it. I tried hard to think of the room with the book and hoped the chair was getting where I wanted to go. I really needed to look at that book again.
The chair must have gotten the message because all of a sudden it started moving. It crabbed sideways down a hallway so fast that I had to hold on to its arms in order to not fly off. It took a sharp turn and my body slipped out of the seat, but I still managed to hold on to it and it dragged me further down into a dark passage. It ran though a door and, as it stopped, I flew off and landed in the room with the big book.
I smiled and petted the chair.
“Thank you,” I said.
I sighed and looked at the book with the “meant-to-be” pictures. I really wanted this to not be the truth.
“Tell me I am wrong,” I mumbled as I approached it. It was already open on a page. I had seen that picture before. It was that woman in the hospital, dying on the operating table. Now her picture was the first one in the book.
Does that mean she is next to die? I asked myself.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled before I flipped a couple of pages. I closed my eyes, wishing this was not going to be true. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach.
I turned another page and found the one with the young man. He was still lying on the floor in a pool of blood. A man was bent over him and was repeatedly beating him with a baseball bat. I felt tears in my eyes and my hands were shaking.
It was Jason.
I immediately recognized his shirt. It was the same gray one that he had worn when we had been flying … and kissing. And even though he was curled up on the floor and I couldn’t see his face, I just knew in my heart that it was him. And the man with the baseball bat was his step-dad.
Chapter 12
I flew to my room and threw myself on my bed crying. I just couldn’t bear it. Knowing he was about to die and that it was going to be in that cruel way was horrible. How was I supposed to keep a secret like that? How was I supposed to face him without telling him what I knew? Of course I could stop visiting him, I thought. But I really loved seeing him and spending time with him. I wasn’t sure I would be able to just let him go. And was I supposed to just let him be beaten to death like that without interfering? How could I? Some tiny part of me was happy that he would soon come to the Academy and then we could be together all the time, but that was a very selfish part of me. And would he even be able to remember me, if he did?
The part of me that really loved Jason wanted me to stop it—to interfere and save him from the beating, save him from his step-dad.
But how could I do that? It was in the book, in the “meant-to-be” pictures. I couldn’t change his destiny. Not without anyone noticing it, that was for sure. They would surely figure it out when he didn’t die and didn’t get on the boat.
So what was I supposed to do? Just lie on my bed and wait for him to come here? Just pretend I didn’t know?
I looked at the date when he was supposed to die. It was only three months from now.
Abhik came to me after dinner and sat on my bed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and I think he sensed that, because he didn’t say a word. He just sat there quietly for a long time. It was kind of nice. Most of the time I just stared at the ceiling. Pictures of me and Jason kept appearing before my eyes.
The emotional pain was horrible. My heart felt like it had been torn to pieces. And I had no idea how to fix it.
“So do you want to go for a fly?” Abhik finally asked. He knew that I loved that and it would always cheer me up. But not today. I shook my head and saw the disappointment on his face.
“I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood for anything right now,” I said.
Abhik smiled and got up from the bed.
“It’s all right. Just let me know, when you’re in the mood again,” he said and left the dormitory.
“Three months!” I kept mumbling to myself. That was three months of our time, and much more of his. Three whole months of knowing and doing nothing. I couldn’t go and visit him, not without telling him what I knew. So I was looking at three months without getting to see Jason and when I finally would see him, he would be dead and probably never remember me. What before had seemed like a great place to be, the Academy had suddenly become the worst place in the world. The worst part was that Mick had been right. I hated to admit it, but he had warned me. I shouldn’t have peeked in that book and I shouldn’t have broken the rules by leaving the Academy. If I hadn’t done any of all that I wouldn’t be in this situation, I thought to myself.
The next couple of days I went to class as usual but I didn’t pay much attention to what any of the teachers said. I tried, I really did, but I felt horrible inside. Mick stopped coming to my table when I was eating and I stopped visiting him in the kitchen. I felt badly; I really missed hanging out with him. I missed having him as a friend and asking him for advice. Especially now when I really needed a friend to talk to. But Mick had made his point of view very clear to me and there was no way I could ever talk to him about Jason again.
As the days passed, I became isolated and lonely. People would come up and talk to me but I wouldn’t even hear what they were saying. It all became so distant to me. Everything became so indifferent.
When the first week had gone by I was a total mess. I couldn’t fall asleep at night, I stopped eating and I didn’t talk to anyone, not even Abhik. I think he just wanted to leave me alone. Some days he came to me with my plate of food and put it on the floor next to my bed without a word. Other days he just smiled at me if our eyes accidentally met. I sensed he hoped I would snap out of this eventually, but I didn’t. Every day I felt worse. I would picture Jason in bed waiting for me, or staring at the bathroom mirror, not understanding why I hadn’t come back to visit him yet. Maybe he would even blame himself. He would think it was the kiss, that he had overstepped a boundary, and I didn’t want to see him again. Maybe he would even think I didn’t like the kiss. But I did. He must have felt that. I liked it a lot.
I tried to keep busy, but nothing seemed to make me feel better. I went to the stables next to the school and volunteered to feed the Pegasuses that we were supposed to learn how to ride in the second year of school. It took my mind off Jason for a couple of days, but didn’t make me feel any better.
Not even a walk in the magnificent butterfly garden seemed to cheer me up.
Finally one day, I decided I couldn’t keep this up any longer. I was miserable, worried, and depressed beyond what was good for anyone. I had come to know the marble ceiling above my bed better than I knew anything and I was sick and tired of feeling this way. So I made a decision. I decided to tell Jason. I had to warn him. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try to do something.
So when the lights were out one evening and everybody was sound asleep I got out of bed. I tiptoed down to the cellar and found my way to the mirror again. I felt such a relief when I saw it. In a few moments I was about to see Jason again, I thought to myself. I couldn’t wait. I stood for a few seconds in front of the beautiful mirror and took in a couple of deep breaths. I had to think this through. How was I going to tell him? What would happen after I told him?
I sighed deeply at the task I had in front of me and put my palm on the mirror. That was when I heard a voice behind me.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
I turned around and saw Mick standing right behind me. His blue eyes stared at me like they were agitated with anger. Even when it was angry there was something very handsome about his face. He was so attractive it was unbearable to look at him. He took a step toward me.
“What …? What are you even doing here?” I asked. “How did you know I would be here?”
“Meghan …” His expression became softer as he shook his head. “Don’t do this. Don’t go to him.”
“I have to,” I insisted. “I have seen his death.”
Mick froze and stared at me.
“In that book,” I continued. “I saw him die. I can’t go on knowing this about him and not warning him in time. I can’t live with myself if I don’t. I am very sorry but I have to go,” I said and turned away from him.
Mick grabbed my arm. “You can’t do that. You can’t mess with this kind of stuff.”
“That is not something you get to decide,” I said smoothly sliding my arm out of his hand.
In a moment of vulnerability his eyes suddenly showed both warmth and love for me. It surprised him as well, I think, and it made my heart start pounding in my chest. I hadn’t seen that kind of affection in his eyes for a long time. And I had missed it.
“I can’t let you do this to yourself,” he said. “I care too much for you to let you do it.”
“I think y
ou should go now,” I said looking straight at him. I felt tears stinging in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry but this situation was hurting me. I hated having to be like that toward Mick. The truth was I really cared for him as well, and I knew he was only trying to protect me. But at the same time, I had made up my mind, and there was nothing he could say or do to make me change it. I was going to visit Jason, and I was going right now.
A tear slipped down my cheek. Unfortunately Mick saw it. At that second I hated my own vulnerability. I turned my back to him and I felt him touching my shoulder. I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t move his hand.
“Meghan, I know you care for the boy, but you can’t mess with his destiny. This is how it is supposed to be. This is the way his life is supposed to end. Horrible things happen all the time all around the world, and you can’t help everybody.”
“But I can help Jason. I can make a difference in one person’s life. Doesn’t that count for anything? It has to count for something.”
“It is very noble of you, but it is not your battle to fight.”
I turned around again. Now more tears were running down my cheeks, but I didn’t care anymore.
“Then whose battle is it then?” I yelled. “Who is going to do something to help Jason? No one. That is who. His step-dad is going to beat all life out of him, and no one is going to stop him. Why? Can you tell me the logic in that? Why don’t the Angels or even God do something? If they all know this is the way he is going to die, why don’t they help him? Why don’t they stop it?”
Mick shook his head. “I don’t know. But there are a lot of things you and I don’t understand about this world and about the human world.”
“I thought I would get all the answers when I died. That there would be some kind of explanation. But not even then, huh?”
Mick sighed. “It is a process. They cannot tell you everything the day you come here. You need to learn, and sometimes it means you have to experience things before you learn from them.”
