by Nikki Chase
“Why not? You’re okay with pretending that your mom has cancer, and that we’re engaged. You’re lying to your own family, so why wouldn’t you lie to a nobody like me?”
“A nobody?” Raphael’s voice gets louder. “You think you’re a nobody to me? You’re crazy if you think that. You think I’ve been faking everything this whole time?”
“Yeah,” I say, deliberately challenging him.
I used to think everything was real between us, but now I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe he only said whatever he said and did whatever he did to get in my pants.
“For all I know, nothing between us has been real,” I say quietly.
Raphael clenches his jaw, and I can see the muscles in his neck tensing up. Through gritted teeth, he says, “If you think this is nothing and you’re a nobody to me, then I don’t know what else to say to you.”
“Is it even true that you got into prison on a drug charge? You could be an axe murderer for all I know. Or maybe you raped someone.”
“You think I’d do something like that? What the fuck, Piper?” Raphael is shouting now, and I think my neighbors might be able to hear us through the paper-thin walls.
But I don’t care. Maybe I’ll be moving out soon. Looks like the landlord isn’t too happy about having me live here anymore.
I shrug as I continue to stare at him defiantly.
“Was that the vibe that you got from me when we fucked? Did it feel rapey to you? Because from my perspective, it almost looked like you wanted it. I even heard you beg me for it. Or is something wrong with my hearing?” Raphael’s green eyes burn with anger now. He’s on a roll. “Tell me, Piper, because apparently you know everything there is to know about me now.”
“That’s the thing!” I cry out. “That’s the thing, Rafe. I don’t feel like I know you.” I fight down the lump in my throat with a swallow, but it doesn’t work. As my voice breaks, I say, “I can’t trust you.”
Raphael grows quiet. He looks at me with sad eyes.
He’s hurt. I’m hurt.
What have we just done?
Tears prick my eyes, and I know Raphael can see them grow red and fill with water. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.
Great, now I’m crying. I hate crying in front of someone else, and now I’m crying and Raphael is looking right at me.
“Princess,” Raphael says in a soft voice as he reaches out a hand toward me. “Hey.”
I jerk my hand away, scooting back further from him on the bed. “No, don’t touch me. And don’t call me ‘princess.’”
“I’m sorry. Can we talk about this?” He puts his hand down on the bed, giving me some space.
“I need to be alone right now.”
“I’ll come back tomorrow so we can talk then, okay?”
I stay quiet.
I think about what I’m about to say. Really think about what I’m about to say.
I’ve been thinking about this all day.
I made my decision long before Raphael walked through the door: if he has lied about the cancer, I’ll have to end this.
“No,” I say. I can tell by the way he flinches that he’s surprised. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I take the ring that has been lying on the bed by my side and hold it out toward him. I took it off my finger while I was at work.
“What are you doing?” Raphael asks. “I told you, you can keep the ring.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Don’t be silly, princess,” he says. “That was part of the original deal, remember? You earned that by going to my friend’s wedding and my parents’ anniversary party.”
“I don’t want it,” I repeat. “You lied to your family, and I was a part of that.”
“I’m sorry, princess, but I don’t understand. You were okay with the fake engagement before.”
“Yeah, exactly. Before. Before I knew your mom doesn’t really have cancer.”
“Why does it have to change anything between us?”
“Because it’s not something to joke about, Rafe. Not everything is a joke. Not all lies are harmless,” I say quietly. I take a deep breath.
Finally, after a few tense seconds, he says, “I’m sorry, princess. I didn’t know it was going to hurt you like this.”
“Yeah. You didn’t know. Because you don’t really know me, do you? And I don’t really know you.” I look straight at him as my heart shatters into a million sharp pieces in my chest. “I don’t see how this could work out if we don’t even know each other.”
“Hey, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. We’re only just beginning to see each other, right? It’s normal for us not to know everything there is to know about each other. We’ll learn, with time,” Raphael says, his eyes pleading.
It hurts to see him like that, but… “How am I supposed to be with you if I can’t trust you?” I ask. “Just leave me alone. You’ve done enough.”
Raphael looks at me like I’m a china doll that would crack into pieces if he touched me or spoke too loudly around me.
“Okay. I’ll be back tomorrow,” he says softly.
“Take the damn ring,” I demand.
“Okay. I’ll take it with me. For now,” he says with a gentle smile.
That smile makes me want to bury my face in his chest. But I stay strong as he takes the ring lying on the bed between us and walks away.
As the door closes behind him, it’s like a dam has broken. My tears stream down my face, unbidden.
McClaw, who has been napping on my pillow through the whole argument, wakes up and looks at me with concern. He walks toward me, his little orange paws sinking into the bed with every step. He climbs onto my lap and starts to lick my leg with his rough tongue.
“That feels like sandpaper, McClaw,” I say with a sad smile. I pet him. He’s an asshole, but he can be sweet sometimes.
I lie down on the bed, and McClaw climbs up. Standing on my chest, he licks the tears on my cheeks. It’s adorable, but I have to swat him away because it kind of hurts, and I’m already hurting too much.
I push down on McClaw’s spine so he lies flat on my chest. I hug the little ball of ginger fur. “It’s over, McClaw. He’s gone.”
Tears flow from my eyes down over my temples. They soak my bed sheets. My nose starts to get blocked. I sob as I pull McClaw close against me.
It doesn’t matter if Raphael’s coming tomorrow.
I won’t be here.
Chapter 24
Raphael
What the fuck?
My jaw drops as I stare at the apartment.
I can’t believe it. Only last night, this place was Piper’s home. She had a dining set, a bed, a cat, and everything.
Now it’s empty. There’s nothing on the carpeted floor, and even the kitchen looks stark, even though last night I noticed an electric kettle on the counter and empty glasses in the sink.
It looks deserted, like it has been uninhabited for months, at least.
Where has she gone?
How could she disappear in the blink of an eye?
I came here as soon as I got off work, as usual, driving a little too fast because I missed her and wanted to resolve last night’s argument. I prepared an apology speech and everything.
Why would she just run away like this?
Sure, we had an argument. But every couple has some disagreements, right?
Ah, fuck. What do I know about relationships?
I knew getting involved with someone so much younger than me could be a problem, but I didn’t see this coming.
Looking back at my college relationships, they were so turbulent. The girls loved drama, and they were willing to stir shit up and ruin a good time just to get a rise out of me.
Piper has never been like that, though. She’s no drama queen, and she doesn’t play games. I thought it would be different with her. But what is this disappearing act, if it’s not drama?
It wasn’t even a particularly bad fight. We didn’t say anything
particularly hurtful to each other. So…why?
I close the apartment door behind me and step inside. I can still smell the scent of her coconut shampoo in the air. It reminds me of holding Piper in my arms and breathing her in.
Sitting cross-legged on the empty carpeted floor, I try to jog my memory.
I haven’t been able to think about anything but the fight.
I couldn’t even sleep last night because I’ve become accustomed to having Piper beside me. It felt so lonely without her. I was holding my pillow before I fell asleep, pretending it was her.
Pathetic.
Throughout the day, I’ve been replaying the fight in my head, thinking about what I should do to fix things.
Sure, I told her a couple of things that may not be true, but they were pretty harmless.
I don’t see why she should be so angry over the cancer thing. She wouldn’t have agreed to the fake engagement without that sob story, and see where we are—or were, rather. It got us together, didn’t it? And that’s a good thing.
Unless she doesn’t see us as a good thing.
I wonder if she’s upset about the credit card debt, but that couldn’t be it. How is running away from me going to help solve her credit problem? No, that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
Besides, I gave her a way out. It’s easy as shit. Just report the identity fraud and get her credit cleared. It takes a few phone calls. I can get it done in one afternoon.
I can’t believe she’d just take off without telling me.
It’s not like she’s innocent. She went to see her ex-boyfriend without letting me know.
I wouldn’t have told her not to go. Maybe I’d have been completely okay with it, after getting some details about why they were meeting up. Or maybe I’d have gone with her. I’m not completely unreasonable.
Shit.
What if she went back to her ex-boyfriend?
What if it wasn’t just a five-minute thing to get her jacket back? What if that was just an excuse so they could see each other?
He must’ve known her far longer than I have. Sure, I’ve gone further with her physically, but what if she has stronger feelings for him? What if she caved when he asked her to take him back?
I almost jump when my phone rings. Immediately, I dig into my pocket. Could it be Piper?
My heart sinks when I see Diana’s name on the screen, along with a picture of her grinning. I never bother adding pictures to the names in my contact list, but she took the selfie and linked it to her name herself.
I let out a big sigh. I don’t feel like talking to her, or anyone else, for that matter. But this could be important—Dad’s still pissed off at me, after all, even though I think I came up with good answers to all his questions.
“Hi, cuz,” Diana greets cheerfully as soon as I pick up.
“What’s up?”
“Ooh, you sound grumpy tonight. I wouldn’t blame you, though, after what Miranda did.”
“You heard?”
“Of course I heard. Uncle Bill tells me everything, especially when it comes to you. I’m like his personal Raphael consultant.”
“Traitor,” I say, not completely in jest.
“Oh, come on. I use my power for good, not for evil. You should be thanking me.” Diana laughs.
I love her, but it annoys me that she’s so cheerful, when everything is going wrong for me.
“Okay,” I say brusquely.
She pauses. “Rafe? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I don’t know why I’m lying to her.
I’ve never told anybody about the real nature of my relationship with Piper.
But even if I wanted to discuss it with Diana, I wouldn’t know where to begin. I don’t usually talk about girl problems with anyone. Hell, I don’t usually have girl problems.
“Everything’s not really okay, is it?” Diana asks cautiously.
“Yeah,” I admit.
“I think Uncle Bill will come around. He thought you were messing with him like you usually do, treating everything like a joke. But I’m sure he’ll change his tune when he sees that you and Piper are the real thing.”
I stay quiet.
“So just keep being the awesome couple that you are, and that will solve everything. Easy, right?” She’s doing her best to cheer me up, but her words stab me right in the gut.
I can’t.
I can’t show Dad anything.
I can’t show him that we’re “the real thing,” or that we’re an “awesome couple.”
We’re not even together anymore. Which has always been the original plan—two events and we go back to being landlord and tenant.
But now, that’s not enough. That’s nowhere near enough.
And we’re not even landlord and tenant anymore.
We’re nothing.
Just strangers.
“Rafe? Did something happen?” Diana asks with concern. “It’s something other than the thing with Uncle Bill, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I let out a big, heavy sigh. But the weight in the pit of my stomach remains.
“Okay. I’m not thrilled about the one-word answers, but I can work with that,” Diana jokes.
I have to admit, it makes me snort a little.
“Does it have something to do with Piper?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Rafe.” She smiles—I can hear it. “I never thought I’d see the day when I can bestow my relationship wisdom unto you. So, what did you do?”
“Me?” I ask indignantly. “Why would you assume it’s me, right away?”
“I don’t know. Piper seems like such a sweet girl, and you’re…well, you.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“Right. I’m glad we’re back to longer sentences, but you need to think,” Diana says. “Your problem, cuz, is that you never take anything too seriously. And you’re a compulsive liar.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, I know, words hurt. That’s why I say them. Because you need to know what that does to people around you,” Diana says. “To be honest, after seeing the PI report, I doubted your relationship, too. And even after Uncle Bill told me what you said during your talk, I still wasn’t completely convinced.”
I flinch. Damn. These are harsh words.
“Are you listening?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, good,” Diana says. “Actually, the reason why I called you is to dig a little deeper about Piper because I was still suspicious about your relationship.”
Maybe I’m not as smooth as I think, if I’m that transparent.
“I told Uncle Bill you probably don’t mean any harm, regardless of what the truth is. Maybe you think you’re just pulling an elaborate prank on everybody. Maybe you think it’s harmless.” Diana takes a deep breath and adds, “I love you, but it’s hard to trust you sometimes.”
Trust. There’s that word again.
“Am I really that…bad?”
“Not at all. I think you’re a great person. It’s just that I never know when you’re being serious or when you’re just pulling my leg. It’s not a big deal to me because I’ve known you since we were little, and I know you have a good heart. But you can’t blame us for not taking you seriously, when you never take anything seriously.”
“Hey, I do take some things seriously. I’m really good at my job, for one. My old one, before the arrest.”
“Yeah, we both know the reason you’re not included in some meetings is because the clients find it hard to take you seriously. Because you’re always joking, lying, or distracted by something else entirely. Like drugs.”
“That’s not fair, Di,” I protest. “The drug charge was years ago, and I’ve already paid for it with my time in prison.”
“Okay. But you know it will stick with you forever. We’re willing to give you another go at it, but we need to make sure you’re ready, you know?” Diana says. “You screw up once, you could climb back up. But you screw up twice, you�
�re done. We’re just looking out for you.”
“Oh, so it’s all for my own benefit, huh?” I ask, my voice growing louder. “Why don’t you just treat me like an adult and let me make my own decisions?”
“Because your actions affect other people, too, Rafe. Damn it, is that really so hard to understand?” Diana asks with frustration. “When you screw up, do you think I’m not affected? Your dad, my dad, me—hell, the whole company is affected. You may not mean to do any harm, but you can still cause great damage, while being completely oblivious. And it’s because you don’t think things through.”
“I need to go, Di,” I say through gritted teeth. I can’t have yet another argument right now. I already have too many things to deal with.
“Yeah, of course. That’s what you do when things get hard. You leave. Or you lie, so you can get out of it,” Diana says, her voice getting louder, too. “Why don’t you face the problem, admit what you’ve done wrong, and fix it? Is that really so hard?”
“I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.” I just want to end this conversation so I can enjoy what’s left of Piper in this apartment, even if it’s just her lingering scent.
“Everything. We’re talking about everything we should’ve been discussing this whole time,” Diana says. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad it sounds like your relationship with Piper is real. I have no idea what happened between the two of you, but you sound miserable. So maybe you care about her. Maybe you’re growing up, after all.”
“Okay. Thanks, I guess.”
“Alright. See you around, Rafe.”
“Yeah.” I hang up.
I rub both my palms over my face. What the fuck is going on with my life right now?
Chapter 25
Piper
“Dad, is there something you’re not telling me?” I ask over the phone.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?”
“No, sweetheart, I would never—”
“Credit cards.” I cut him off before he can finish his lie. I’ve heard enough lies lately to just listen to him tell me another one.
