“All right, princess. Do what you need to do. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
I nod and attempt to swallow the lump in my throat as he gets in his car and pulls away. I wave then walk back toward the house. I’m on my own for the evening just as I planned. But why do I not feel as though I have won here? The victory is hollow. Just like when I evaded our connection when he left Charleston, Aidan didn’t fight me on my need for space. It’s as if he understands me, and knows I need time to process my thoughts and actions. How can that be possible? He was supposed to be a fling. A sexy, multiple-week fling that stayed in Charleston.
He loved Cassie for nearly twenty years. Probably still does. He’s not fickle.
He stuck by Lucian throughout the awful times of his life. He’s incredibly kind. And incredibly strong. He’s loyal.
I could practically feel his pain tonight when Mom mentioned his mom’s death. He loves so deeply.
Yet he’d patiently accepted my parents’ condolences. Seemed genuinely thankful for my dad’s offer of extended family. He’s respectful.
He’s passionate both in and out of the bedroom. Despite his dominant hand and assertive lovemaking, he’s selfless.
I realize in a moment of blinding clarity that I’ve fallen in love with Aidan Spencer. No matter how many times I tell myself it’s too soon, there’s no escaping the fact.
What in the hell am I going to do about it?
12
Aidan
A client held me up this afternoon, and now, I’m running late to meet Kara. Tonight is our two-month anniversary, and we’re having dinner at Leo’s to celebrate. Fuck, I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be celebrating an anniversary, period, much less one measured in months. But what wouldn’t I do for the woman who has taken everything in my life and made it better? She’s a dirty-talking, sassy-mouthed handful who keeps me on my toes. Hell, I never know what’s going to come out of that mouth next, and it turns me on like you wouldn’t believe.
I spend an absurd amount of time fucking her, and when I’m not inside her, I’m thinking of ways to get there again in the least amount of time. It’s not only the sex that keeps me hooked, though. I’ve never enjoyed just spending time with a woman the way I do her. I love to do lame shit like read the Sunday paper together in Starbucks while she sips one of those frou-frou drinks she likes. I paint her fucking toenails. If that doesn’t say whipped, I don’t know what does. We’re even talking about getting a dog together. That’s about as close to a commitment with a woman as I’ve ever been.
Just thinking about my time with her makes me remember my mother telling me that I was never truly happy around Cassie, and when I found a woman I truly loved, the difference would be obvious. My mom. How I miss her. Her wisdom. Her love. Her strength and kindness. I can’t believe it’s been two months since she died. When my dad met Kara at dinner that first time, I thought I saw tears in his eyes at moments. And then when Kara went to the bathroom, he grabbed my hand and said, “Aidan, your mother would have loved Kara so much.” We both had tears in our eyes then, and as he spends more time with her, I can see the wistfulness in his expression. He misses his soul mate. I thought Cassie was my soul mate, but I can appreciate my mom’s words so much more now. I didn’t really believe it at the time, but now, the moments I spend with Kara are so vastly different and better than my happiest moments with Cassie. Sometimes, it makes me bitter that I spent so much time loving an imaginary version of Cassie. I see now that I wanted her to be someone she wasn’t. I grew up thinking that if she’d only give me a chance I could make her happy. I realize now that nothing could have helped her. She wasn’t capable of being happy. I’ll have to forever live with the guilt of not being able to save her, but I don’t have to throw the rest of my life away wishing for something that was never meant to be.
Kara has helped me see there can be more to life than I ever realized. A one-night stand never felt as good as coming home to a woman I care about. I take the good-natured ribbing from my friends with a smile because I’m fucking happy for the first time in my adult life. I used to marvel at how different Lucian was after meeting Lia. Now, I completely understand it. The right woman is a game changer. I’m not even freaked out about the fact that I’m in love with her. I haven’t said the words to her yet, but I feel them. I just don’t want to come on too strong, too soon. She’s still a bit skittish because she’s never been involved in a serious relationship either. At times, I think there might be something more to it than that, but she hasn’t been forthcoming, so perhaps I’m imagining things. I can’t really blame her. I’ve no desire to be one of those couples who feel they have to know every bit of the other’s past. It does nothing but breed insecurities and doubts. There’s no way in hell that I want to make a list of every woman I’ve had sex with. Shit, I couldn’t if I tried. And I certainly don’t want to know every man who’s fucked my girl. That would drive me insane. Therefore, I accept she may not be ready to share some things. I trust in her character. I don’t feel wary around her like I did Cassie. Cassie was . . . darkness. Kara is light.
I pull up to the valet stand and see her leaning against the building in a form-fitting black pencil skirt and a white silk blouse. She’s wearing a chain belt that emphasizes her tiny waist and curvy hips. Fuck, I love her body. She’s mentioned changing her hair back to her natural blond, but I don’t know if either Luc or I are ready for that yet. I still think it would be too weird to sleep with a woman who looked so much like Lia. She glances down at her watch when I approach and then rolls her eyes. I lean in and kiss her neck, whispering, “I’ll spank that ass when we get home for that.”
She puts her arm around my waist and murmurs, “I’m counting on it.”
My cock is rock hard, and she giggles as I arrange my slacks. “You’re pure evil, princess.” I sigh. I open the door to the restaurant, put my hand on the small of her back, and lead her inside. I’ve reserved a private table in the corner, one that Luc normally requests as well. I shudder to think of what’s gone on under the cover of the tablecloth between those two. She slides into the booth next to me, and I smile as I realize I’m like all those other people I used to mock for leaving half the table empty and sitting side by side instead.
We order the lasagna for two and then settle back in our chairs with a glass of wine. She touches my arm. “How was your day, babe?”
She has no idea how much I love that she always cares enough to ask about the little stuff like that. My dinner interactions with women have mostly consisted of verbal foreplay before a round of hard fucking. I had never bothered to inquire about their lives because frankly, I hadn’t cared. It was sex, pure and simple. “Hectic but good. How about you? How did Jen go taking on the Blackwell account today?”
She smiles. “Really well. She’s picking up things so quickly. I swear Liza was a machine. Jen is great, but Liza made everything seem so easy. She must have worked herself into the ground every day. I had no idea she handled so much. And why is Uncle Lee being such a stubborn ass?” she grumbles. “It’s been nearly three months since Liza resigned, and it’s obvious to everyone he’s lost without her. Yet he won’t admit it.”
“Are you sure those two haven’t been mixing business with pleasure? This sounds more like a lover’s tiff than an office disagreement.”
“I don’t know, but I’ve been thinking the same thing,” she admits. “I mean it’s pretty obvious that Liza liked him, and Lee was different with her than other employees. I have no idea if they’ve ever officially crossed that line, but if not, I bet they’ve both certainly thought about it.”
Our bread and salads arrive, and I take a bite before saying, “Have you thought about trying to contact Liza again? Perhaps she’s ready to talk to someone by now and would talk to another woman more easily.”
“She hasn’t returned my calls, Aidan. She'll talk when she wants to."
She sounds frustrated, and I put my arm around her shoulders and kiss her fo
rehead. “She has to come home eventually. You should tell Lee that maybe Liza is waiting for him to show up. Talk is cheap when it’s all you’ve ever received. It may be time for him to piss or get off the pot.”
“That’s lovely.” She giggles. “I’m such a lucky woman.”
I puff out my chest and wink. “Damn straight you are, princess. It’s all first class with me, and you know it.” We tease each other throughout our meal. Our plates are cleared away, and we’re enjoying a piece of chocolate pie when I slide my hand into my pocket and pull out a jeweler’s box. Her eyes go wide, and I see her nervously swallow. “Calm down, princess, I promise there’s no ring in here. But it’s such an ego boost to know how terrifying you find that prospect,” I add wryly.
She gives me an apologetic smile before holding her hand out impatiently. “Well, give it here then. Or do you have some flowery words you’d like to deliver first?”
I shake my head at her teasing and put the box in her hand. Suddenly, I’m a bit embarrassed. “I wanted to get you something to mark our two months together. I know that’s kind of a pussified thing to do, but I saw this in the window at Heller’s when I was walking by the other day, and it seemed like something you’d like.” Dear God, I made an absolute mess out of that. Since when have I been anything other than smooth? Certainly not just then as I’d stumbled through my carefully prepared speech. Yeah, I’d butchered the thing. I’m surprised she isn’t laughing her ass off now instead of looking just a tad bit teary eyed. Maybe she’s crying because it was that damn bad. “I swear if you start crying I’m returning it,” I threaten and am relieved to see her turn to glare at me.
“Can you stop talking for five minutes, please? I’m trying to enjoy this moment, and you’re ruining it for me,” she huffs. She pops open the lid, and I hear her inhale deeply as she stares down at the platinum heart pendant encrusted with small diamonds. It winks brightly even in the dim light of the restaurant and looks almost as expensive against the velvet as it was. “Oh Aidan,” she whispers as once again she appears near tears. “It’s beautiful, babe, I love it.”
I move her hands aside and gently remove the delicate chain from the box before motioning for her to turn so I can fasten it around her neck. Her fingers immediately reach to outline the heart as it settles against her skin. Then something happens that leaves me speechless. She throws her arms around me and says, “I love you, Aidan.” I can barely make out the rest of her words against my neck. But what I do hear has me biting my lip to keep from laughing. “Know it’s probably too soon. There’s no set time that you wait because I googled it. Hope it doesn’t freak you out. I should have let you say it first, right? It just came out, but we can pretend I didn’t say it first. Not that I expect for you to say it now or anything. Don’t feel as if I’m pressuring you. It’s not because of the necklace either. Thank you. I do love it by the way. I’ll never take it off. Well, only when it needs to be cleaned. Or If I break the clasp. I’ll be careful, though. Did you get the insurance? I’m really hard on jewelry, and it looks expensive. Wow, you smell really good.” She then stops talking for a blessed moment to sniff my neck.
I take advantage of the distraction to pull her away. I laugh because her eyes are closed, and her nose is twitching. Apparently, she loves the cologne I’m wearing. Either that or she’s gone to sleep. “Princess,” I say softly. Her eyes drift open slowly as if she’s in a daze. I rub my thumb across her bottom lip to hopefully keep her silent. “I love you too, and I’m fine that you were the first to say it. I have for a while, but like you, I felt the time was right tonight to let you know.”
Her lip trembles against my finger and tears track down her cheeks. “You do?” she mumbles as she pushes my hand away.
“Absolutely, beautiful.” I kiss her nose then her lips. “Now, let’s get out of here and I’ll show you exactly how much.”
We’re waiting for the check when a woman walks up to the table grinning as if she knows us. She doesn’t look at all familiar to me, but I see the exact moment Kara recognizes her. She looks almost panicked, and I instinctively lay a hand on her leg. I’m ready to bodily remove the stranger from the restaurant for upsetting her. “Kara. I thought that was you. My husband and I were having dinner, and I saw you when we stood to leave. It’s been so long. How are you doing?”
“Er—hi, Jody. It’s good to see you. I’m doing very well.” Kara still looks extremely uncomfortable and almost nervous. Who is this woman?
I get to my feet and extend a hand. “I’m Aidan Spencer, Kara’s boyfriend, and you are?”
The other woman slaps a hand against her head and giggles. “Oh, where are my manners? I’m Jody Townsend.” We shake hands. She seems harmless enough, which is why I can’t figure out the strange vibe coming from Kara. Maybe Jody is actually a raving bitch but keeping it under wraps around me. Whatever, I’m ready for her to move along and not ruin our evening.
“And how do you know Kara?” I ask politely. I really don’t care, but she’s still standing there, and Kara hasn’t attempted to add anything.
“Jody,” Kara blurts out in a voice laced with warning.
I turn to stare at her questioningly as Jody says, “Kara and I met while we were having radiation therapy. We bonded during our breast cancer treatment.” I turn in shock to stare at the other woman, but she seems oblivious. “After the first week, we made all of our appointments at the same time so we had someone to talk to. I just hate we lost touch afterward.” She looks around me to Kara as she adds, “I tried to call you a few times but never heard back. I was really worried, so I’m happy to see you looking so well. You’re still in remission, right?”
Kara’s eyes are locked on mine as she nods to Jody. My mind is reeling, and I can hardly make sense of what I’m hearing. Breast cancer? Remission? What the fuck? I think it’s all a mistake at first, but the look on Kara’s face says it’s not. She’s terrified. “Aidan,” she whispers, holding her hand out toward me. Jody, thank God, appears to have finally figured out that something is off and has made herself scarce. But the damage is already done.
I’m on autopilot now as I take my wallet from my slacks and peel off some bills to toss on the table. Then I turn and make my way to the front door. I don’t draw a breath until I’m on the sidewalk. What the fuck just happened? The door bursts open and Kara stands there. Her eyes are huge on her pale face. I want to walk away so badly, but I can’t make myself leave her on the sidewalk. Regardless of how she neglected to tell me about her cancer, I’d never recover if something happened to her. Can’t. Do. That. Again. I hand the valet my ticket and wait. She looks as if she’s going to bolt at any moment. When the car is idling at the curb, I open the passenger door and wave my hand for her to get in. For a moment, I think she’ll refuse, but she slowly moves toward me and into the vehicle. I slam the door harder than necessary and then get in the driver’s side. “I’ll drop you at home,” I say woodenly.
“Aidan—I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want to get close to you because I knew you wouldn’t want me if you knew. Then you lost your mother to cancer and I—what could I say to you? I fell in love with you almost from the beginning. But you’d already lost so much.” She’s crying now. The sound of her sobs fill the car. I’m barely breathing.
I feel nothing. I can’t—won’t—allow myself to. Stoically, I say, “You lied to me this whole time. You just admitted that you knew how I’d feel yet you continued to deceive me. Granted, I don’t have much experience with love, but that’s not what I’d classify as loving.”
“I couldn’t help it if I had cancer, Aidan,” she cries out. “What—I’m not allowed to have someone in my life now because I was sick at one time? Don’t you think I’ve suffered enough? Because if you don’t think I have, I’ll be more than happy to tell you about everything I’ve gone through.”
“Really?” I snap. “Where was this honesty a few months ago? If you’re so happy to tell me now, why not then?”<
br />
The air in the car vibrates with energy as we both toss out angry words. “I wasn’t aware I owed you the details of my entire medical records to date you. I mean, should I confess to anyone I date that I had cancer at one time?”
“I’m not just any man, Kara. And I would think that you would tell me of all people. I’ll give you a pass on not telling me in Charleston, but what about later on? You knew I lost my mother to the disease. Wouldn’t anyone in that circumstance at the very least feel compelled to admit they’d battled the same thing? The fact you didn’t . . . Did you set out to deceive me? You probably thought this poor sap lost the love of his life a year ago and now his mother. Hey, I bet he’s ripe for the picking. I won’t bother to tell him that I’ve also had my own brush with death and not to get too attached.”
“You fucking bastard,” she screams. “Do you not hear the things you’re saying to me? Have you any idea how hard it’s been for me since the diagnosis? I had a breast cut off, Aidan. Do you know what that does to a woman? I had to go around for months with one side of my fucking bra empty! But lucky me—they fixed me right up with a new one. And I hate it. I know it doesn’t belong on my body. Again, though, I’m so fortunate at how well things went for me. They chopped my tit off. I had my radiation, and then I was in remission. Plus, I get to sit around every single day for the rest of my life wondering when or if it’s going to come back again. My parents enjoy it as well. We all love walking on eggshells waiting for one of them to crack the fuck open and bring the whole nightmare back once again. So yeah, in my spare time, I look for a guy to fall in love with and trick into thinking I’m a normal woman. Gotta get those kicks somehow, right?” she adds bitterly before falling silent.
Aidan Page 14
