“You need your sister right now, Kaelyn.”
“So you suggested Gavin.”
“Of course I did. He’s there, too, right?”
I heard the engine of her car in the background of our call. She must’ve been heading home.
“Yeah, they’re just settling in now. I still can’t believe she’s really here. In Texas.”
“Believe it, you’ve got some catching up to do.”
“I know. You should see how big Gage has gotten, he’s gonna be a heart breaker just like his daddy.”
The light sound of Aria’s giggles came from behind me and I turned to see her arm halfway inside my refrigerator.
“Meghan’s bringing home pizza,” I tell her.
“I am?”
“Well, yeah, it’s my favorite.”
She laughed and I could almost hear the smile in her voice.
After I hung up with her, I pulled myself onto the kitchen island and popped a few grapes in my mouth.
Ari sat beside me and I realized I hadn’t felt this much at ease in forever.
I just wish I could have her here for more than a few days.
“I miss you.”
I looked over to her and nodded, squeezing her hand in answer.
“How are you?” she asked, and though it was a simple question, it was a loaded one.
How am I?
I had my job, my best friends, my beautiful daughters, my health.
“I have everything I could want. I’m good.”
Raising a skeptical eyebrow, my sister looked at me silently.
“I love the café. I didn’t think I would like it, but the atmosphere, the people, the busy work even the coffee—I just love it all.”
Pride covered her face and she gave me a nod.
“I knew you would, Kel. You’ve always loved being around people.”
I nodded; she was right.
“But what about everything else? Life isn’t all about work, honey.”
I shifted my eyes down, avoiding her seeking gaze. Lucas’ face appeared beneath my eyelashes, the haunting eyes I wish I could forget watching me as if knowing every thought of him I have had.
The questions rolling through my head at the memory of him, of everything we had and everything we lost.
“I have to focus on it, Ari. I can’t even think about dating again. I have two girls counting on me . . .”
My eyes came up to hers when she grasped my hands in hers and looked deeply into my gaze so that I had to let her see the confusion and the pain that lingered within me.
“He’s back,” I said weakly, not wanting to tell her, yet knowing if I didn’t let her in now, she wouldn’t let go of the topic until she left, and I didn’t want even a moment of our time together to be haunted by secrets.
“Who?”
I inhaled a fortifying breath, then got up and started to pace the kitchen like some sort of mad woman. Maybe that’s what his return was doing to me. It was making me mad with anger and lust and confusion.
“Luke.”
The room went silent instantly, my sister’s jaw dropped in shock, my own locked in the effort not to let out every angry thought that was going through my mind after seeing him.
I shouldn’t care.
I shouldn’t, yet I did.
“After all this time, why?”
“I wish I knew.”
“Is he here for you?”
A cynical laugh slipped through my lips, my head shaking in denial without a thought to the possibility.
“It doesn’t take six years to figure out what you want. He has moved on.”
“Did he tell you that?”
I fell into the nearest chair and covered my face with my hands.
“Well, no.”
“Then maybe . . .”
“No.” The word came out harsh and resolute, my voice not to be argued with.
“If you say so, Kel.”
The look in my sister’s eyes told me she was far from letting this go.
“Even if I wanted to talk to him, to get some answers- I just can’t. I’m not ready for this. I’ve barely healed from his brand of destruction the first time around. I would be stupid to open my heart to him again.”
Aria came closer, her face awash in understanding and concern.
“Do you remember what Daddy used to tell us about when he met Mom?”
“Aria, this isn’t-”
She put her hand up, effectively shutting me up.
“The moment I saw her, I knew she was it for me. We fought and we pulled and we brawled. We were torn apart and pulled back together so many times I lost count. But one thing remained true, your mother was a part of me, always had been. Love isn’t clean, girls. It’s a fucking mess. If you hold on to it? It’ll weather any storm.”
I nodded, the memory bittersweet to my ears. I had always wanted to find a love like they had, the kind that would always persevere. The kind that some people never find.
My parents still had that love. My head fell low on my shoulders as the thought came to my mind.
I had that sort of love.
Crazy.
Irrevocable.
Limitless.
Beautiful.
And then I lost it.
I looked up to my sister’s emerald eyes and gave a slight smile.
“I remember. I had that, Ari.”
She grabbed my hand, gentleness covering her features. My sister was a lot of things, but her kindness was the best part of her. No matter what had happened in our lives, I’d always known I could count on Aria to open her arms and listen.
“Don’t give up on him just yet, honey. If he is the man you loved all of those years, there has to be a reason he is back now. Giving him a chance may be worth the risk, don’t you think?”
I blinked away the sting under my eyelashes.
It may be worth the risk . . .
“He’s trouble, Ari. Maybe not today, but one day he’ll get tired of our simple life, of us and then he’ll be gone.”
The words that came from me caused my body to tense with a renewed pain that seized my chest in knots.
I saw the mixture of sadness and worry in my sister’s eyes and looked away.
“But if you don’t give him a chance, you’ll never know.”
Moving to the tea kettle that began to scream just in the nick of time, I shrugged her out-pour of concern off.
I have moved on from the trouble that is Lucas Jones.
I am over him.
“I can’t take that chance, Ari.”
When she pulled me into yet another embrace, a sigh left my lips.
A part of me wondered if she was right about taking a chance on him again.
A part of me wished I could take that risk.
Maybe someday I will.
I looked around the space surrounding me and tried to imagine myself living here. I had lived in a hospital room, my life passing me by as my body weakened day by day with the disease that ravaged my body pulling me down further into an abyss I feared I could never surface from. The tumor began in my shoulder. I honestly thought it was a torn ligament from the MMA fighting I indulged in during my high school days. It hurt like a motherfucker and the pain got to the point where I found myself blacking out completely. When Ben and I checked in for some tests that weekend, I had no idea what would come next. Then I heard the fateful words from my then doctor, Dr. Evans.
I remember the graying hairs surrounding his chin and cheeks as he said them. I didn’t believe him at first, isn’t that rich? I actually thought he was playing some sort of practical joke on me.
I sunk my hands into the knitted fabric of one of the many beanie head coverings Elsa gave me, the fabric rubbing between my fingertips weirdly calming.
If I could live in a twelve by twelve room with nothing to accompany me but my own demons, I was sure I could make this work. My eyes slid over
the room again, this time with a sense of purpose. I could make this home.
Well, at least home for now.
The open layout of the condominium made the space look much larger than it was. It was only made up of close to twelve hundred feet, but what the designer had done with it was nothing but astonishing.
Cherry wood floors sat at my feet, the colors a stark contrast to the off white the kitchen and living rooms were painted. Exposed brick livened the entire room, beginning halfway through the kitchen and ending just before the staircase that led to a loft master bedroom and full bath that I was happy to see was complete with a curved toe bathtub. I couldn’t help thinking that Kaelyn, if she ever had the chance, would love bathing in there. It had been a huge selling point when Natalie brought me here. I slid my rough skinned hand over the sleek lines of black granite counters and matching cherry wood cabinets that lay underneath.
I heard light footsteps nearing from the dining area just adjacent to the kitchen and lifted my head to see my sister in law, Natalie Jennings Jones, coming through the entryway with a small bundle of papers in her slender hands. It had to be the final lease agreement. Upon viewing the place, she told me the lease included a rent to own option which I readily took advantage of.
I wasn’t sure why, but something told me I wanted to set some roots down, right here in Chelsea Springs only a matter of ten minutes’ drive away from Fredericksburg.
I had to stop telling myself it was for my gorgeous girl, my Kaelyn. Even if she wasn’t mine anymore. Even if I never got the chance to see her again. Even if I had no chance to make her see that I was still just as infatuated with her as I always had been.
But if there was even the smallest of chances, hell would freeze over to stop me from taking it with everything I fucking had.
A grin came to my face as I took the papers from Natalie, watched her assess the space just as I had.
“What do you think, Luke?”
Leaning her back against the counters beside me, she raised a sleek eyebrow.
“So?”
“Nat, it’s perfect.”
A brilliant smile spread her otherwise stoic face and she jumped up to hug me.
“Oh, I’m so thrilled! I think you’ll really love it!”
I hugged her back, smiling at her glee.
“Thank you, for everything,” I mumbled. She was a Realtor, yes, but she personally helped me find a place, find a home. I could definitely see why my brother loved this woman so much.
The bright smile stayed on her face as the doors to the condo opened and a low growl came from my cross looking brother.
“Better get your hands off my woman, brother.”
“Aw, we were just getting cozy. You worried she likes me better?”
I pulled away from Natalie then gave my brother a challenging look.
“As if, man. How’s my girl?”
When he pulled his wife toward him and kissed her on the mouth, I saw her melt right into him, her red hued hair covering them both in the intimacy of their embrace.
“Shit, guys. I haven’t even signed the lease yet and you’re making out in my kitchen.”
Another growling sound came from Ben, but he relinquished Natalie long enough for me to hand her the now signed leasing papers. A sense of pride settled over me when she initialed the bottom one last time.
“Congratulations, Luke! You’ve got a home.”
I exhaled, happiness running through me in that one moment.
“I’ve got a home.”
“Lift from the bottom, man.”
I hauled the lower end of the black leather couch I had delivered above the stairs and Ben did the same with his side as we carefully carried it up the steps toward my new home.
I hit the door, slightly ajar, and opened it with the toe of my boot and heaved a breath when the weight of the frame lowered to the hardwood floors.
“That’s it, right?”
My brother pulled two Heineken lights from the fridge and tossed me one as I nodded. The only thing I needed to do now was get a parking pass for the garage underneath my unit tomorrow. All the other moving tasks were done. My furniture had been delivered; Natalie and I had gone shopping this morning and I even went ahead and payed my rent in advance for the next six months. I wasn’t exactly working right now, and thankfully I’d had quite a lump sum saved up from the gigs I used to play at the local bars back home in Chicago. I would be okay for a bit.
“Yeah.”
Ben landed a hand on my shoulder, looking at me assertively.
“You feeling alright?”
I nodded. I was tired, but lugging furniture all day would do that to you. I learned a while ago that not every fatigue of my body was directly caused by my sickness. By now I knew I could tell the difference between the two.
“I’m good, Ben. Where did your beautiful wife disappear to?”
Ben smirked, his mouth tilting up instantly at the mention of his redhead.
“She had a call with a client. She’ll be back for the barbecue tonight.”
I nodded, sat my ass down on the nearest chair and took a long pull from my beer. The cool liquid slid down my throat, the taste refreshing as it met my taste buds.
“You know I heard from the grape vine that Ke-”
Knowing exactly where this line of questioning was going, I stood and grabbed my gym bag that sat on one of the island counter tops in the kitchen.
“I’m gonna head to the gym man. Dredging up all of this isn’t going to change anything. You coming or not?” My voice held a hard edge, as I was fucking close to losing my carefully guarded control when it came to Kaelyn Anne Jones. Seeing her again had been devastating and soul wrenching. I couldn’t take the idea that I had caused the mask that covered her to fall into place. My betrayal had done that, and no matter how much I wanted to change the choice I had made, I knew I couldn’t.
I had no idea what to do.
We were inevitable, I knew that without a doubt. But causing her even an ounce more of pain was not an option. I would not do that to her or to my daughter.
They were better off without me.
“Right behind you.”
My brother nodded, his eyes still holding that concern from before, but this time I could see he would let it go. I would tell him whatever I needed to, in my own time.
That was the thing about our relationship. We knew each other better than we knew ourselves which meant that there was no secret between us.
Right about now, I was grateful for it.
My muscles ached to the bone as I pulled on my leathers and walked back out into the warm Texas day after my workout. My brother revved the engine of his Chevy SUV and gave me a once over.
“You alright?”
I nodded. A bottle of water and a good home made meal would fix me in no time.
“Yeah, it felt damn good to work out again. Been forever, man.”
My brother nodded, lifting an eyebrow just enough for me to know he knew the feeling all too well.
“Meet you back at home, Dad just texted asking for us.”
I grinned. My father worried way too much, that was part of the man that he was.
Pulling on my helmet and tying it in place, I put my bike into gear and flicked the kickstand up as it revved loudly beneath me.
Fuck, I loved this bike.
The warm, salted air calmed me as I turned the corner two blocks from my parents’ house and my gaze slid along the strip of local businesses. From quaint diners that served up the best chicken and waffles, grits, and eggs upside to the row of clothing, apparel, and shoe stores that lined the square within the center of Fredericksburg held the best the locals could offer.
The sun begun to set lower in the brilliant blue sky as I pulled my Harley alongside my brother’s Chevy in the driveway of my parents ranch styled estate. I set my feet down on the cement and hung my head for a moment, reaching up to grasp the three dog
tags that sat just above my collarbone under my collar.
I’ve got this.
I’ll make it through this.
As the mantra repeated in my head I knew without a doubt my reason to keep on fighting, keep on going, keep on believing I was worth a damn.
It was all for her.
A strong hand met my shoulder and squeezed assuredly.
“Come on. You smell that barbecue, man?”
I grinned. The alluring scent of steak on the grill hit my nose, wafting through the air thickly.
We came through the back gate behind the house and saw my father, as always on the grill with Elsa setting the row of tables placed on the grass with paper plates and silverware. Asher and his newest girlfriend, Sarah, were talking by the fish pond at the back of the porch and I could see the top of my younger sister’s head as she read on her kindle while sitting on the swinging porch swing. She was engrossed in whichever book she was reading as if the party around her wasn’t there at all.
Elsa saw us first and came over with a big, warm smile across her face.
“Oh, my boys are here! How are you feeling? I know Ben likes to work out at all hours of the morning but, Lucas you need to save your strength!”
The worry was evident in her face and I pulled her into me for what I hoped was a sign of reassurance.
“It was my idea to go, Elsa. I needed to get some of this frustration out. I know my limits, please don’t worry your pretty head about me.”
She pulled back a few inches, the grays of her eyes assessing me. She could tell when I was snowing her, just as she always had. The woman was the perfect match to care for the bunch of us. She didn’t take our shit.
“But you’ll tell me if you feel tired at all, yes?”
I nodded, then smacked a kiss on her cheek causing her to blush and pat my cheek playfully.
“My strong son, so brave. Now go get a martini from the kitchen before Natalie gets her hands on the mix. I’ll make you a plate!”
I nodded, then glared in Ben’s direction as he was laughing his ass off at my expense. .
Breaking Lucas (Trinity series Book 2) Page 9
