I thought I had blocked out any source of hope after the years that I was away from her, but looking at her now, feeling her hand in mine again?
There was nothing that could have prepared me for the feeling of love and hope and a quiet sense of bliss our reunion had awakened in my veins.
“Can Daddy read me a story tonight, Mama?”
Her sweet voice fell over my ears as she looked up at her mother, walking on the opposing side of her, hands joined just as mine.
“If you ask nicely, baby.”
When my little girl blinked up at me, her pretty eyes watching me quietly yet adoringly, I felt my heart twist with warmth and pain at the moment I would have never hoped for before today.
“It would be my honor, Lily bear.”
We stopped at the curb of what had to be the street they lived on, since Lily had led us towards it. Cars flew by us on the street facing me, but all I could focus on was the thoughtful look in Lily’s olive green eyes.
“You used to call me that when I was a baby.”
I nodded, happily surprised that she remembered the endearment.
“Yes. Your favorite story for me to read you was Goldilocks and The Three Bears. Ever since then, I would call you little bear.”
Her face filled with joy causing the lightest sense of hope in my chest.
I was a bastard for ever leaving her side, even for a moment.
As we reached the front porch of the ranch styled house that Kaelyn now called home, I knelt down to my haunches so that I was eye level with Lily as she pulled at the pant of my leg.
“I love you, Lily bear.”
As she placed her small arms around my neck, I lifted her into my arms. Following the blonde headed beauty that had made her way into my heart so many years ago, I felt Lily’s fingers tighten around my neck.
“I knew you’d come back, Daddy. I just knew it.”
Pressing a kiss to her head, I smoothed her hair out of those brilliant green eyes that she had gotten from me and set her down gently in the kitchen.
“How did you know, Sweetheart?”
Lily looked up at me with wide eyes, open heart and a smile that threatened to break many more, but all I could see was the light of hesitant hope pouring from her.
My little girl.
My miracle.
My Lily bear.
“You promised to always protect me and Mama. You remember, Daddy?”
I nodded, the memory of the promise I had made to her every night since the day she was born playing like a movie behind my eyes.
“I will protect you and your Mama from anything that threatens to harm you, I promise. My love for you will go on forever.”
The brilliant smile that spread across her beautiful face filled my entire body with warmth, accompanied by the calm that Kaelyn’s voice brought me.
“Come on, baby girl. Bath time.”
Frowning, our little girl looks up at me to object, those warm eyes begging with me.
How the hell does someone say no to those eyes?
“But-”
“Your Dad will be here for your story, Lily. I promise.”
Taking her hand, I tilted my head to the side in a silent gesture to go.
A big smacking kiss on my cheek sounded next to my ear as she ran off to her mother’s side, that smile across her cheeks never faltering.
Briefly closing my eyes, I knew I hadn’t been this happy and filled with light since the moment I left them.
If only this could last.
But no matter how much I wanted them with me yet again, the reasons I’d stayed away were still there.
I stayed away to protect them.
Barreling back into their lives could only cause them more hurt.
The funny thing was that I knew no matter how hard I tried, my reasons would never stop my heart’s need for them.
The gentle sound of water splashing on the sides of the tub as Kaelyn bathed our daughter was a source of calm as I tried to get my head around what had transpired during the last three hours.
Kaelyn.
Lily.
Avery.
My family.
I knew life wasn’t going to be perfect. I knew I’d hurt them, but especially the beautiful woman in just the next room. She is the strongest woman I’ve ever known.
While I had been fighting for my life, she’d been changing diapers and rocking two children to sleep each night.
While I had been wallowing in the bottom of a bottle of bourbon, she’d been working night and day to pay for two children I had left her to raise alone.
While I had thought of her, every day, every night, every minute of the past six years, had she been thinking about me?
Christ. My head hit my hands as a realization smacked me upside of the head.
Had she found someone else while I’d been gone?
Had another man tucked my girls in?
Had he . . .
Shaking my head almost violently, I berated myself.
I had no right to her anymore, not after how I left her, hurt her, hurt them.
But that didn’t mean I was ready to let them go after finally finding them again.
Hell would freeze over before Kaelyn Anne Morgan would belong to anyone but me.
Moving from the spacious living room and past the darkened kitchen, I paused at the slightly open door to the bathroom, where I heard joyous laughter and the soft voices of my girls.
Resting my shoulders against the door frame, I watched them.
As Kaelyn wrapped Avery in a towel and helped her stand, her honey brown eyes swept over me.
“Would you mind taking her?”
Nodding, I stepped forward. Taking the giggling girl into my arms, her warmth immediately washed over me.
Her long eyelashes fell open and when her brown and gold eyes met mine, she smiled a wide, no holds barred smile.
She has her Mama’s smile. Christ.
She molded herself into my side and wrapped her arms around me just as Lily did, her eyes watching me quietly.
The open curiosity within her eyes held me captive.
“Are y-you my daddy?”
It seemed like the world stood still as those words fell between us.
Gently stroking the hair away from her eyes and dipping my head closer to hers, I nodded.
“Yes, Avery. I’m your daddy.”
Squinting her eyes just barely, doubt clouded her eyes, then.
“Where were you?”
My eyes closed against the wave of regret and rage that festered within me knowing how I’d hurt these two beautiful girls.
“I had to go away.”
“But Lily told me you’re supposed to protect us forever.”
I felt my eyes cloud with emotion at the innocence that dripped from her words.
I had thought I was protecting you, but all I did was hurt you.
I’m so fucking sorry.
“Sometimes, people make mistakes, ones they would do anything to take back. They believe they are doing the right thing.”
“Even you?”
“Yes, Avery, even me.”
Nodding, she took hold of my cheek and the smile she gave me caused my heart to twist in bittersweet joy.
“It’s okay, daddy.”
As her head pressed to my neck and her breathing slowed, I squeezed her just a bit closer to me as she slept.
The bedroom door opened down the hall and as my gaze swept to follow the sound, I saw Kaelyn emerge. I was struck once again by her graceful beauty, her warm essence, the sweet scent of lavender that she exuded just as she always had.
There was a spot of soap on her chin and it had to be the cutest thing I’d ever seen.
She couldn’t have aged more than a day, even if more time had spread between us than I would like to accept.
If it was up to me, I would take back the last six years.
But I was pretty sure that’s not how life worked.
“Wow, she must have been tired. Let me put her down.”
Begrudgingly, I let her pull the sleeping little girl from my arms. Instantly, I craved my daughter’s kind eyes, warm gaze, sweet voice whispering in my ear.
“They had a long day, I’m sorry you didn’t have more time with them,” Kaelyn softly said, closing the door behind her and blinking up at me with the brightest brown eyes I’d ever seen. Taking her hand, I led her to the kitchen and away from curious ears.
“Kel—I’m so sorry I missed so much, if I had any idea . . .”
The words falling from my mouth dripped with remorse and though I had much more to say, to apologize for, Kaelyn’s hand over my mouth stopped me.
Shaking her head at me, she implored me to stop with those gorgeous eyes of hers.
“I know, Lucas. I know.”
Pushing out a heavy breath, I dropped my head from her searching gaze, not knowing how to fix things from here.
I’d done so much damage, was there any way to fix it?
Fuck, I had no idea.
But I wanted, no needed to try.
“Can I have a moment?”
Her eyes swept to mine, every question I’d witnessed back at my parents estate present within them.
“Y-yes.”
My gaze was seared to Lucas’ haunting olive greens, our hands locked in an unbreakable hold, my heart twisting in something that felt a whole lot like hope.
Pressing forward, his body approached mine and effectively eliminated any space that remained between us.
“Can I have a moment?”
There was so much promise and regret pouring from those words, I knew I had no hope of saying no to his request. I had to know where we went from here, if anywhere at all.
“Y-yes.”
On a rough exhale of breath, his head dipped to meet mine and our foreheads touched so that only a few inches of space separated us.
“L-Lucas.” My voice, trembling in the wake of my overwhelming reaction to him, came out softer than I expected.
The tortuously attractive man standing before me had been the very man to break my heart all those years ago and here I was, hoping he would open those soul deep eyes of his and tell me everything that I had needed to hear from him since he left.
Lucas fucking Jones.
He was trouble.
Destructive.
Intoxicating.
Sex on legs.
A storm I was caught in once before and yet, I didn’t have even a sliver of hope of staying away from him now that he was back in my world.
“Kel . . .”
A sigh left my lips as our intimate stance grew closer and his heavenly arms wrapped around my hips, molding my body safely to his.
“Lucas . . .”
Slowly, he retreated from my personal space, only to wrap tender fingers around my neck and dip his mouth to the top of my head just a bit south of my hairline.
“If I wasn’t the man I am, I would push you into one of these bedrooms and hold you captive all night long.”
A gasp left my lips this time, my heart rate doubling in speed at the sexy promise he gave me.
“I would unwrap this delicious dress from your sexy as fuck body and spread you out onto the closest flat surface for a feast. And in every kiss upon this gorgeous skin I’d be showing you just how much I’ve missed that sweet smile of yours. These honey eyes. The warmth that you carry with you that cascades through my senses like a ray of light in the darkest of nights. I was so in love with everything about you, Kaelyn Anne Morgan. If I let myself, I would fall right now.”
My breaths were coming in short pants as I absorbed his words and the meaning behind them. The blur of questions and worries and doubts that had remained in my mind in the past week since he’d come back momentarily cleared and one thought flew behind my eyes, as clear as day.
He wanted me.
And shit, even with all the reasons I could find to deny it and if I was honest, I probably would—but I wanted him too.
All of him.
Completely.
Irrevocably.
Forever.
But that was yet another dream that he’d crush when he inevitably left again.
My eyes closed shut against the anguish of that memory smothering the light within my heart, and I forced a rough breath from my lips, my hands loosening within his as he held tight to mine.
“Ah, shit, Sweetheart look at me.”
The grind within his voice lured them open and the moment my gaze collided with his, I saw the worry and need in his eyes.
I can’t do this.
But can I stop myself?
“What kind of man are you?” I whispered, my hands covering his face in mirrored need.
“A fool, Kaelyn.”
The roar of my Harley revved between my legs as I drove fast and loud, rough hands on the handlebars and effectively leaving sweet Kaelyn and my beautiful girls safely tucked into their beds. If I closed my eyes I could still see the look of need and love and hope in her eyes when I told her I could fall in love with her.
Clenching my knuckles tighter on the handlebars, I still can’t believe I let those words out.
Was I trying to scare her off now that I finally found her again?
But she didn’t run. I didn’t give her enough credit. Just as I knew she would know my confession even before I told her, I knew she saw the lie within my eyes when I’d said them.
I couldn’t fall for her.
I already had.
And fuck, I’d never stopped.
I stopped at a red light and the convertible beside me blared music that was achingly familiar to me. Lifehouse’s “You and Me” began playing and immediately took me back to a memory that was bittersweet as I rode through the side streets of the town much different than the one I’d grown up in, with none other than my blonde beauty alongside me.
Past
My feet hit the ground the moment my Ford was parked and the keys were pulled from the ignition.
“Hey! How am I supposed to get home, man?”
Charlie, my ride to the hospital and one of the band members I played with on the weekends called to me, arms raised into the air as if his dilemma was close to the one I was facing.
My fucking wife was in labor right now and he was worried about how he’d get home?
Asshole. I muttered under my breath then tossed him the keys to my brand new pick up.
“If there is so much as a nick on my baby when you return it, I’ll have your head. You understand me?”
Like an idiot, he nodded, eyes wide as saucers.
“Take her. I have to get my girl.”
At that, I broke into a run and headed straight toward the double doors leading to the maternity wing of Chicago Medical. My heart was pounding a disjointed rhythm, my hands clammy and wet, my body tensed for a fight by the time I made it to the nurses desk at the end of the wing leading to the NICU.
“Wow, Sir, you need to slow down. Take a breath.”
Inhaling through my nostrils, every nerve ending inside of me was capped with adrenaline and the need to see my girl, safe and healthy.
I couldn’t believe I was playing at The Tavern when Kaelyn’s water broke.
Some husband I am.
I should have been by her side, holding her hand and telling her how much I love her.
God, do I love that woman.
“I . . . Need . . . To . . . See . . . My . . . Wife . . . Please.”
I barely got the words out before my brother Ben’s voice boomed across the entire hallway, effectively earning my attention.
“Man! Where the fuck were you? Your woman is about to have a baby!”
“I know! Where is she?!”
Shaking his head at me, he grinned.
“Room 212, it’s right next to you.”
Turning, I w
anted to hit myself at my idiot ways.
She’s right here.
Not even bothering to knock, I burst into the room, panicked eyes searching every inch of the space before the most beautiful honey brown eyes met mine.
My gorgeous girl.
Her hair was wet against her head, her face covered in tears, causing my chest to feel like it had just gotten hit.
God, I hate it when she cries. My girl is so strong.
Her eyes blinked once then twice before a brilliant, warm, lovely smile covered her face and one hand reached for me from where she was bracing it on the bar on the side of the hospital bed.
“Y-you’re here. I knew you’d be here.”
Rushing to her side, I dropped to my knees and gently took her face within my shaking hands just to touch her.
A few tears trickled from her wide eyes and I wiped them away tenderly, never taking my eyes from hers.
“What can I do, sweetheart?”
Smiling wider, Kaelyn pulled my head down to her mouth and brushed her lips against mine in the lightest of kisses.
“You love me?”
Angry that she would wonder that, I pushed back from her a few inches and seared my gaze to hers so that she didn’t have a hope of escaping them.
“With my every breath, Kel.”
“Then that’s all I need,” she whispered.
Exhaling a relieved breath, we pressed our foreheads to one another and as the doctor told her to push, I told her to breathe. When she begged me to never make her go through this again, I agreed. And when she slapped me for making her pregnant in the first place, I dipped my mouth to hers and said sorry the only way I knew how.
It wasn’t until well into the morning that we heard the heavenly, loud cries of our daughter fall over the room.
“She’s here,” Kaelyn blinked up at me, eyes still wet with emotion and I nodded, kissing her through my own tears. I hadn’t cried in years, but the moment I heard our baby girl’s cries, the waterworks began.
“My gorgeous, brave girl. I love you so, so much.”
Nodding, she feathers her touch over my cheeks and kisses each one away.
“To the moon, honey.”
“Are you ready, lovebirds?” the nurse asked, kind eyes watching us from only a few steps away. I nodded, reaching my arms out to her as I listened to her explain how to cradle our daughter’s head in order to support her little body.
Breaking Lucas (Trinity series Book 2) Page 11
