She giggled, the sound so innocent I soaked it up like a lovesick fool.
Maybe that was what I was.
If so, I was grateful for it.
Having her here with me, it was everything.
“Let’s rectify that now.”
The sound that fell from my girl’s mouth as she bit into the roast beef and cheese sandwich she ordered made me hard instantly.
She was going to ruin the careful control I was trying to keep around her if she kept making those damn sounds.
Her eyes came up to watch me and she smiled shyly, her cheeks lifting as she chewed, those honey eyes sparkling as the sunlight hit them through the window next to our booth.
“Good?”
Nodding, she wiped her mouth with a napkin and a strand of her hair fell in front of her face in the process. Lifting my hand from the table by the instinct that simmered underneath my skin to touch her, I swept her hair behind her ear with what I hoped was a gentle touch. Being in her presence like this was causing my craving for her to build, to heat, to become what I knew would be the inferno that she had always caused in me. I wasn’t there yet, but with those honey brown eyes watching me, I knew it was only a matter of time.
“How did you find this place? I’ve been in Fredericksburg for years but never came upon this place.”
My hand continued to cherish her blushing cheek as she spoke, with none of the hesitancy she had back at her café.
“My father drove past it on one of his late night rides. Ever since then, we’ve been coming out here for lunch and sometimes dinner on the off nights Elsa won’t cook for us.”
The light laughter that bubbled between us caused my heart to twist in painful remembrance and my mind to clear with a promise to her, even if she didn’t know I was making one.
I’ll make you laugh like that daily, Sweetheart.
“He still rides? I remember he sold his bike, before.”
The last word is low, like a whisper and I know she is remembering us. I hate that those memories are now tainted by the worst mistake of my life.
It didn’t matter that I had thought I was protecting her.
I hurt her, scarred that heart of hers so deeply that she couldn’t open it up to me and that is what rocked me to the core.
I didn’t only want her back.
I wanted her forgiveness.
I wanted her to trust me.
Completely.
Wholly.
Irrevocably.
And when she fell back to me, I would be there to catch her.
Just like I should have been all this time.
Smiling wider, Kaelyn leaned into my touch just enough for me to cup her cheek, my fingertips loving the softness of her skin. The gravity of our connection surrounded us.
I barely noticed the change of ambiance as the music was changed above us and then a melody filtered through the space.
The song that began to play was a familiar one, the shift in my girl’s eyes telling me she heard it, too.
Brushing my thumb over her chin and the adorable dimple that creased her otherwise flawless skin, I took her hand in mine over the tabletop.
“Dance with me.”
The narrowing of her gaze was almost comical as she pushed out of my grasp and looked at me with wide eyes, disbelieving.
“It’s our song, Kaelyn. Come on, dance with me.”
She barely nodded, and I gently tugged her to my side as we moved to the center of the lobby, surrounded by tables and curious onlookers. All I saw was her, though.
Her hands fell to my chest, fingers outstretched as if she just wanted to touch me. I was painfully familiar with the feeling. I pulled her body in close, my hands pressing on her hips to make sure she stayed right there, in my arms.
Time ceased to exist as I held her there, her hands gripping my shirt and her head pressed to my shoulder as my mouth fell to kiss the skin there.
“Lucas.”
“Yeah, baby” .
Wide, honey brown eyes met mine then, and I saw the emotion within them. My knees weak with the desperation I saw in her eyes, I held her tighter as we stared at one another.
I’m never letting her go. She’s mine.
Always had been, always would be.
“I missed you so much.”
Throat tight with emotion, my eyes softened and my mouth fell to hers, brushing lightly against her lips as if a promise of things to come. I was going to cherish this woman forever, I vowed it to her in that moment.
“My girl,” I whispered, something that felt a lot like hope rising within me as I swept her into my arms once more.
As the song came to an end, I took my hand from the small of Kaelyn’s back and met her warm gaze. Fuck, she was so beautiful it was almost painful to look at her. She had the kind of beauty that could stop your heart and make it beat faster at the same time. The kind of beauty that grew even more potent as the years went by. Looking at her now, I saw the shadows of doubt and hope cover her upturned face and I thanked God they seemed to be waning. My girl’s defenses were coming down gradually.
As I took her hand in mine and lifted it to my mouth, I knew I was a damn lucky man to be in her presence in this moment.
“Jesus, do you know what you do to me, Kaelyn?”
Her eyes drank me in as the deli pulsed around us, some couples dancing around us while others moved to the doors after their meals, but all I could see was her.
My Kaelyn.
“What?”
Moving my hand to her face, I simply needed to touch her.
“You ruin me with those gorgeous eyes of yours. You save me with the light you cascade around me every time you look at me, Sweetheart. I’m a fool of a man. I don’t deny that, but when I’m with you, I hope to be better. That’s what you do to me.”
I watched as she gasped, blinking before she looked down as yet another rosy blush covered her cheeks. Rubbing my thumb over her face, I feasted my eyes on her.
I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. That’s just how much she affected me.
“You ready to get out of here?”
She nodded and I expected her to move away from me then, but she didn’t. She took my hand and as I led her to the door, I cast my gaze back to the inside of the deli I brought her to, a slight smile tipping my mouth.
Feeling her gaze on me, I placed my hand on her back and we climbed back onto my bike.
The overwhelming calm that cascaded through me when she looked at me from over my shoulder caused a twist in my heart that only she could give me.
“Ready?”
I felt her nod against me and then we were off.
The press of her lush body against me, her knees cradling mine, her breasts pressing to my back as she gripped onto me was impossible for me to ignore. I found myself hard as a fucking rock and I knew it sure as hell wasn’t the first time.
This woman was everything that I could ever want, if only she would let me be that man for her.
I have to make her see I am still the man she fell for all those years ago. If only she can open up that kind heart of hers to me, I would do nothing but love and protect her for the rest of my days.
All too soon I was pulling my Harley up to the curb next to the café and Kaelyn sat back from our embrace. Roughly pulling a hand over the cloth at my head, I dropped my head as I dismounted and helped her off as well. I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off her as she busied herself with smoothing her dress free of the wrinkles our little ride surely caused. I knew she was avoiding meeting my eyes, but I let her. I didn’t want to say goodbye either.
“Hey, I have to go Wait for me.”
She met my gaze then, deep brown to my olive and her head nodded subtly.
“I-I’ll be working until closing time.”
“I’ll be here.”
“But-” She tried to protest, but as I neared her, my steps sure and determined, I saw the fight leave
her. I had always been a protective man. That fact hadn’t changed and she knew that.
“Okay.”
Dropping my mouth to the side of hers, I spoke against her heated skin.
“Thank you.”
The rush of adrenaline was still humming underneath my skin as I neared the entrance of the hospital, my steps more sure than my mind was. I was a mess.
I had avoided this meeting with Dr. Rhodes for a week now. I knew the meeting looming ahead for me would either be good or terribly bad. Thinking about the idea that the cancer could be gone was something I wouldn’t allow. The worst thing I could do was hope.
This disease was going to end me.
I was more sure of that than anything I ever could be. But if there was a chance, I had to find out for myself. I couldn’t avoid the inevitable any longer.
As I entered the waiting room, I claimed the nearest seat to the door and sat back, taking a deep, much needed breath. Nearly an hour went by as I sat there, waiting on the doctor. Hearing loud footsteps coming from the hallway beside me, my head rose to see my father standing in front of me.
Standing, I reached a hand out to his.
“Hey, Dad. I didn’t know you were coming today.”
He tugged me into him and we hugged, my father’s steady hold calming me a bit. I could feel the worry coming off him. I wished I could lessen it somehow, but he was my father. If he didn’t worry, he wouldn’t be the man he was.
“I know how rough this might be. I wouldn’t have missed it, son.”
I nodded and we sat, both of us anxious in our waiting.
I hated fucking waiting.
Always had, even as a kid.
I sat back, readying myself for the news that was most likely going to come my way.
I wasn’t ready for more bad news.
I sucked in a breath as what felt like a punch landed in the center of my chest.
I wanted to beat this.
For her.
A deep voice sounded in the lobby we sat in, one I was familiar with.
“Mr. Jones?”
Forcing myself to get up from my seat, I nodded.
Dr. Rhodes gripped my hand in a shake, then my father’s. His eyes were hopeful, the sight of something other than worry in the doctor taking me back for a moment.
Could this be something good? Could God possibly have heard my prayers to find my way back to my girl, to love again?
Hope bloomed light and full inside of me as I followed him into his office where two other doctors sat, in white coats and the same hopeful smile Doctor Rhodes had given me.
Chancing a glance to my father, I saw his mouth tip up and I nodded, hoping this was good news just as I knew he was.
The doctor gestured to the chairs in the middle of the office as he spoke.
“Take a seat, Lucas, Mr. Jones. I have your latest test results to go over with you.”
Nerves formed into a tight knot in my stomach as we sat, my hands clenched tightly as I had to force myself not to bolt away from this conversation.
Every worst case scenario possible flitted through my mind, behind my ears, bounced around my head like a bunch of golf balls and I couldn’t take the waiting.
I hated this.
I needed to know, if not for myself, then for them.
My sweet Kaelyn.
My beautiful Lily.
My little angel, Avery.
“Not to sound rude, Doc, but you’re killing me here. Out with it.”
He looked up from his papers, nodding.
“Okay, well it’s good news, son.”
I froze at his words, needing more, needing an explanation.
“Elaborate,” I all but growled, my fists against my neck as I looked at the three doctors sitting in front of me.
“Easy, son,” my father said from beside me as he gripped my shoulder, giving me a bit of his strength.
I forced a deep breath from my mouth and nodded.
God, please don’t take me from my family, my life, my everything.
I inwardly prayed, hearing the rustle of test results from across the room.
“Good news?” My father asked, voice gruff with what sounded like impatience.
“I believe so. The treatment we gave you, though rigorous, seems to have been successful. The tumor in your brain has been shrunk by a few centimeters. That isn’t a lot if we wanted to lessen it with chemo and radiation alone, but we have come up with an alternate way to treat you.”
All the breath left me in a rush, my eyes closing as stark relief covered me completely.
Your tumor has shrunk.
“And that is?” I gritted out, my body strung tight with anxiety, hope, and fear.
I was fucking terrified.
To lose them. To lose myself. To die.
Whatever I had to do, I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant being healthy and whole again.
And then I was going to get them back.
This time, it was going to be forever.
“Through the radiation and chemotherapy we have given you, I have seen great results. We can operate to remove your tumor, if successful you’ll be in remission within a few weeks, Lucas. Given your condition and the severity of the tumor in your brain, this is the best we can hope for.”
I stood then and began to pace the floor as the information he’d given me rattled around my brain.
“I would be in remission?” I asked, the words falling from my mouth all at once as I truly realized what he had said.
No more needles in my arm. No more poison in my veins. No more God awful headaches. No more nausea. I would be cured.
Healthy.
Strong.
This is my ticket to forever. To truly be what my girls needed from this day on. I have to take hold of it.
My head fell between my shoulders as I let go.
I let my fears go.
I let it all go and let that feeling that had bloomed in my chest take hold of me.
I felt hope.
Sitting back down, I looked the doctor in the eye and let my mouth tip up into a smile.
“Thank you.”
The shadows on his face made the joy in my chest still.
Was this too good to be true?
Was there a catch?
“What is it?”
“Lucas, given the placement of the mass in your brain, I have to inform you that this surgery won’t be an easy task for us. It is a very long, complicated operation and there are risks.”
The hell?
There are risks?
What could be more of a risk than letting this cancer take my life?
I folded my arms across my chest and waited for him to explain.
“What risks are there for my son if he has this surgery, Doctor? Be straight with us.”
“We can go in and perform a complete removal. It is a very risky surgery and we will need some time to prepare, a few days at the most.”
“What do you mean it’s risky? Don’t you do this sort of operation all of the time?”
“We do, but your case is different. The tumor inside your brain is located only two inches from the part of your brain that controls memory and speech. There are risks that you could suffer from brain damage, seizures, memory loss . . .”
My entire world stopped when I heard the possible outcomes of this surgery.
I had trouble breathing, pain pierced my head because of it and my eyes squeezed shut as if I could make the risks disintegrate just by closing them. Putting a hand up to quiet the doctors, I knew I couldn’t go on with this discussion, with even one more word about the risks I was now terrified of facing.
“Wait.”
I dropped my head, defeat claiming me.
I didn’t know what to, do but I couldn’t do this.
“I can’t do this.”
My father grabbed my hand as I left my seat, my steps moving me toward the door bef
ore I could think better of it. I just had to get out of there.
“Hear them out, son.”
My voice shook as I tried to speak, my chest squeezing with renewed pain.
“I could forget my life. All of my memories, the people I love, it would be all gone?”
Doctor Rhodes nodded, wasting no time as he came around his desk and took hold of my shaking frame.
“Lucas, listen to me. I understand this is hard. But what you are describing is highly unlikely.”
Forcing myself to breathe, I shook my head at his soft tone.
I couldn’t risk it.
Maybe that made me a selfish man, so be it.
I would not risk losing them all over again or even worse, forgetting them all together.
Not. Fucking. Happening.
“Wh-what are my chances?”
On a slight shake of his head, I watched the defeat cover his features.
“I can’t give you an exact number, Lucas, it’s not that easy . . .”
Anger and fear cause me to rip myself from his grasp and storm out of there.
Climbing onto my bike with shaking hands, I was gone.
The gust of wind was brutal as the oak tree in my front yard moved along with it, as if the tree bark became part of the storm that surrounded it. I shivered from the slight draft that came up from the window as I stood there. I curled the ends of my sweater tighter around my shoulders and leaned one against the window frame, my gaze planted firmly on the lone oak tree outside the house, its leaves falling from its branches as it struggled to stay upright. We hadn’t a storm like this in quite a while, or even rain for that matter. It had been dry heat and warm wind in the past weeks. I knew it was just a storm, a storm that would do its worst and then go, but I couldn’t help the worry that had sparked in my belly as I watched it ravage and destroy our surroundings.
I had gotten home a few hours before, made some dinner, and had some quiet time with the girls as I covered them in a blanket, one of Lily’s favorite movies playing on the television in the living room. I didn’t want to put them into bed just yet, even if it was past their bedtimes. Avery was afraid of loud noises, always had been, and my sweet Lily, she was spooked by thunder, something she had gotten from me.
I wanted them close.
Breaking Lucas (Trinity series Book 2) Page 16
