I knew, more than anything I had ever known, that this was the moment. The moment I would tell our daughters about for years to come, the one that would be a source of strength in whatever came next for us; this was the moment I let him in.
His hands, shaking from the meaning of my words, covered my cheeks and before I knew it his mouth was bruising mine. I gasped against his kiss, every muscle in my body going lax as the cinnamon rich taste of him covered my senses and it calmed my soul instantly. In his kiss, I found my home, the one I had been searching for so long.
“Are you sure, Sweetheart? Because this won’t be easy. I don’t know what will come next for us. I’m so fucking afraid of losing that light you’ve blinded me with, the light you continue to bless me with and so do our beautiful children. I don’t know how long I will have to cherish this gift you are giving me, Kaelyn, but I will. I will cherish it for as long as I possibly can.”
My skin tingled in potent fear of the future he described. The thought of losing him now that I had finally found him again too unbearable to even think of. I tried to blink away the tears that gathered in my eyes as I pressed my mouth to his jaw, trying to give him solace in even a small way.
How many nights had we wasted, both lost to the halves we had, not knowing how to be truly whole again?
Too many.
I wanted them back. All of the moments we had missed when we were lost and apart, but I knew thinking like that was pointless. All I could do now was love him, just as I knew he would love me.
My fingers pressed to the back of his head and I begged him with my eyes to give me what I needed. Solace. Hope. And most of all, his love.
That was the one thing that I knew would carry us through this.
“Come with me,” I whispered, an idea of how to show him how sure I was forming. His hand fell into mine as he nodded, giving in easily. He must have known how much I needed him in that moment, because he didn’t say a word, he just followed me as I led him upstairs to the guest bedroom I kept locked up tight.
Our footsteps were the only thing I could hear as I led him upstairs.
“Where are we going, Sweetheart?”
“Shh, I need to show you something.”
I held his eyes over my shoulder as I spoke and he nodded, though his eyes were filled with questions.
I made it to the last door on the right of the hallway and lifted my hand to the top of the door frame to retrieve the key I always left there.
One thing that I had insisted on when we moved here to Texas was ridding myself of the memories. I couldn’t take the reminders all around us as we lived in Chicago in the months after I read that letter he had left me in our bed, that night he left our home and never returned.
I had made my peace with the decision he had made that day, but the scar that was left only grew wider and deeper as I was reminded by everything around me. Our home, the park on the corner of our house that we’d brought Lily to as a baby, the Italian restaurant in the town over that housed so many amazing memories for us. Even seeing our families had caused the pain to rise and I just couldn’t live like that for one more day. So I did what I did best, I ran. As I unlocked the door, I told Lucas, every detail that had led me to the decision to leave my home and I also told him how I hadn’t been able to bear parting with our memories forever. For a while, yes, but not for a lifetime. I had kept them.
With a gentle tug of the lock, I kicked the door open with my foot.
I felt Lucas inhale a breath when I turned on the light and he saw the room. To anyone else visiting our home, it may just look like a cozy den. It had two couches, a desk in the corner, a small television mounted to the wall, and a stack of video games on the opposite wall. I watched Lucas’ eyes roam around the room as he took it all in, then smiled as he shook his head lightly, anger seeping into his gaze.
It wasn’t anger towards me, I knew that. It was anger toward himself.
Anger that he had done this to us.
Anger for the stupid illness that had taken a million more of the memories scattered around the room from happening. Anger for himself.
Gently, I tugged his head down to meet mine and I looked at him with an open heart and an open gaze.
We weren’t here to rehash our past, we were here to realize what was left was worth fighting for.
A love worth having will always be something worth a fight, Pumpkin.
My dad’s words shadowed in my mind as I looked into Lucas’ eyes, knowing he didn’t see it yet.
“I remember every moment, Lucas. But these aren’t the only ones we will make. There will be so many more.”
“But I-”
Shaking my head, I pulled him to the nearest love seat and went to the pine wooded closet door that was set behind it. I took the dusty, old guitar case from the closet and set it at his feet.
“You aren’t going to lose me, honey. I promise you.”
I locked my gaze to his and finally saw the hope explode within his eyes. He believed me.
Kaelyn sat in front of me and lowered her acoustic guitar into her lap. I cast my eyes to the instrument, my curiosity piquing. I had figured she would have thrown away the guitar I had given her on our first wedding anniversary, the reminder of it had to be hard on her.
A shy smile formed on her lips as she placed her fingers on the bridge, each finger lovingly strumming the chords. A deep ache resonated inside of me when I recognized what she was playing for me.
There was no way I would have been able to bear this song if it wasn’t her playing it, but here she was, telling me in another way that she was in this. My heart twisted in bittersweet agony as I let myself hope it was true.
“Kel,” I breathed, wanting to stop her just so I could get her back into my arms. We had been apart for six fucking years and every day I had wanted this, right here. I wanted her.
Now that I had her with me, I would do anything to keep her here.
As long as I was allowed to stay in this life with her, I would cherish her and the love she was giving back to me.
Her honey brown eyes raised to mine and I saw the warmth reflected in them, knowing it was all for me. Every ounce of it. Her teeth came down to her bottom lip and her eyes fell from mine, her concentration now solely focused on mastering the rhythm of her next chord. Playing guitar had always been hard for her, but she had learned it for me. She had always wanted to support me. Gritting my teeth, I wanted to punch myself for being so blind. If only I had trusted in our love, I would never have hurt this beautiful, strong woman. She was sweet and true, genuine and kind, sassy and sexy, and she was mine.
Always had been. Always would be.
Kaelyn Anne Jones would always belong to me.
Heart. Body. Soul. Mind.
I would cherish her for the rest of my days.
That was my vow to myself.
I saw the hardening of her brow as it drew together in frustration, her mouth forming a frown across her still flushed face. She was so goddamn sexy in that moment; I just had to go to her.
I walked toward her and as her eyes lifted, her mouth parted and the hum of attraction that surrounded us thickened. Curling my body behind her on the floor, I pulled her onto my lap and placed my hands over hers on her guitar, my body instantly coming alive at her touch.
Fuck, the things this girl did to me should be illegal.
“Like this, Sweetheart.”
I urged her fingers to spread over the chord, to relax around the chip that she held between her thumb and forefinger. Playing an instrument was like breathing. You had to just let it happen.
I felt her entire body melt into mine as I eased each note through our fingers and soon enough we were playing the harmony.
“Ready?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.
I nodded against her hair, pressing kisses there as the blood in my veins raced and the anticipation of hearing her sing to me causing her effect on me to heighten
even more.
I heard her exhale, her eyes blinking up to mine and then she began to sing.
Her voice wrapped around me and I felt the hope burst within me. I couldn’t tell myself I was alone anymore. This beautiful girl was here with me and she wasn’t going anywhere.
I dipped my nose to her neck and inhaled her strawberries and cream scent, the essence of her giving me the strength I had been needing for so long.
I hadn’t been able to face the uncertain future on my own.
But now that I had her, I knew I could.
She’s my saving grace.
Kaelyn’s hand came up to my cheek as I clung to her, my resistance to her blinding light completely gone.
“Together,” she whispered. I moved my head from her heated skin and nodded, pressing my mouth to the side of her head once more before I lowered it to her ear to sing to her.
Her voice fell away then and I continued to sing to her, my voice ragged and disjointed with the love I had for her, the love I would never hide from again. It was saving me. I think it always had been saving me, even when I hadn’t been able to admit it.
My saving grace.
The moment I stopped singing, Kaelyn crawled from my lap, taking the instrument with her and the warmth of her body against mine.
What the hell?
“Kaelyn.”
I heard her sigh as she maneuvered the guitar back into its case, heard the opening of the closet door from across the room.
“Kaelyn”
“I need a minute, Lucas,” she breathed, though there was no ice in the words. I was about to go and get her when she turned and rushed back toward me, her pace knocking me clear to my back as she fell on top of me, her lush body covering mine. A low growl left me at the contact of her enticing heat against my cock. Even through the wranglers I wore, I still felt it.
Her pussy was inches from my grasp and if I didn’t get away from her, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from claiming her.
“Sweetheart, you need to get off me.”
Her head popped up from my neck and I saw the hunger in her eyes.
“My control is about to fucking snap, Sweetheart. I just got you back and I want you so goddamn much I could explode with it. If you don’t want that, you need to get off me.”
She nodded, her mouth parting on another sigh as she moved off me and I couldn’t lie to myself to say that it wasn’t a blow. But I had just gotten her back with me. We had time.
Even if my days were numbered, I still had time with her.
Time to love her how she deserved to be loved.
Wholly, completely, unconditionally.
If she would let me.
As Kaelyn stood, her brilliant eyes looked at me over her shoulder, the look of hunger I had seen still so clear. I sat up and feasted my eyes on my gorgeous girl. Her slender body was covered in the navy blue night robe she wore, her blonde hair a sexy as hell mess around her face and her eyes wide and open to me. I gripped my fists at my sides and forced myself to keep from ravaging her. She was so goddamn beautiful it took my breath away.
“Lucas,” she whispered. “I’m yours. Don’t control yourself anymore. I am yours. I always have been and always will be.”
As the words left her mouth she turned and hit me with that bright smile of hers and I was done for. I stood and rushed her. The moment I reached her I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go slow.
I was going to ravage her.
Claim her.
And then, and only then, would I take my time with her.
If I could summon the control to do so.
“Take me.”
Fucking hell. This woman was going to be the death of me.
“Kaelyn.”
She curled her arms around my neck and pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss on my jaw before unleashing her tongue to smooth over my overheated skin. My cock stood to attention instantly.
“Honey,” she murmured. The endearment breaking the last of my resistance. On a sharp tug I had the sash of her robe on the floor and my hands swept in to feel her naked waist as I hoisted her into my arms. A sharp gasp left her, her eyes wide as she watched me and then my mouth was on her. This kiss wasn’t like all of our others. It wasn’t sweet and it wasn’t soft. It was bruising, rough, and out of control.
I ravaged the sweet taste of her lips before nipping at them impatiently, causing her to gasp. I pushed my tongue deep inside the depths of her silken mouth. I drew a deep moan from her as I ate at her, flexing my grasp on her as I moved up the stairs to our bedroom.
Yes, ours.
I wasn’t about to tell myself that this was anything but what it was.
I was claiming her again.
Everything she had to give, she was going to give me tonight.
I wasn’t going to wait one more second to take her.
Her breaths came out in pants as she moved her mouth under mine, nipping at my lips as I tried to move them away. A husky laugh left me and I shook my head at her antics.
Her sass was still there.
My gorgeous girl was still there, just waiting for me to claim her as mine once more.
Except this time?
It would be forever.
My boot hit the door with a kick and it gave.
I wrapped her silken hair around my fist and crushed my mouth to hers once again.
“L-Lucas.”
“I know.”
Her feet fell to the ground and I lowered my eyes to meet hers, the browns I found there bursting with love and need for me. I ran the pad of my thumb over her flushed cheek and watched her mouth part as her desire for me rose.
“Turn for me.”
As she did, I summoned the last shred of control I had in me and lowered my mouth to the back of her neck, summoning yet another soul gratifying moan from her lips.
My mouth ventured down the slope of her neck, biting, licking, teasing, torturing her hot flesh, my straining cock, waning my control around her completely.
I swept her hair from the path my mouth took and tugged on her robe sharply until it fell away from her body.
I took in a breath, but nothing came.
I tried to say something in the face of the delicate beauty that my eyes feasted on, but I had no words.
“So.” I pressed my mouth to her shoulder and bit it lightly. She groaned in what I thought must be frustration.
“Fucking.”
My hands covered her breasts, the feel of her nipples lush and taut with need for my touch underneath my fingers and I growled into her hair.
“Bed,” she breathed, clenching her eyes shut against the sensation of my torturous touches.
I nodded, moving her to the bed and laying her against the pillows, my eyes roaming over every decadent inch of her. Her cheeks were flushed scarlet and her eyes held so much promise I could stay within her gaze for hours, searching every fleck for the emotion that lay within her.
My gaze moved down to her neck where a single chain lay over her throat, bare.
My knees hit the mattress with a light thud and I whispered her name.
She was a goddess.
The moment my mouth fell to the tightened peak of her breast, a ragged sound left her and her hands came up to my head to hold me there.
“God, Lucas,” she moaned, her pants goading the storm of desire within me to rage.
Licking over her flesh, I groaned at her warmth, her scent, her feel.
“Beautiful.”
Her head fell lax on her pillow as I moved to love on her other breast, my hands torturing her mounds with smooth strokes of my fingers.
“Need you so much. Please.”
At her plea, I nodded and moved off the bed to stand at the end, my eyes never leaving the feast that lay before me.
“I have to tell you, Sweetheart, I can’t be gentle with you tonight. I just don’t have it in me. I want you too much.”
Her
breath fell away and her raspy voice fell over my ears.
“I want you so much, honey. I’m yours.”
My jeans dropped to the floor with a thud and I ripped my tee over my head, wasting no time at getting back to her. Had to have her that moment, that was all that mattered.
Just her.
Climbing over her, I dipped my mouth to hers and swept our lips together lightly and as her hands pressed to my chest above my heart, I was sure she could feel my heart beating like a fucking train.
“I’m going to claim you, Kaelyn. Body and heart. There is no going back.”
She gasped as she heard my words, her hands covering my face. Her gaze was desperate as she looked deep inside of me, to the very heart of me.
“I don’t ever want you to let me go again, Lucas. You got that?”
Anger hummed underneath her voice and I nodded, sealing my mouth over hers as I spoke against her lush lips.
“Never.”
On a breathy sigh, she nodded, her body going lax beneath me and her thighs falling open to me.
I gritted my teeth as I cast a look to the bare lips of her pussy and swept two fingers into her opening, a deep growl coming from me when I felt how much she needed this.
“Fuck, you’re drenched for me.”
Kaelyn threw her head back and moaned, the sound long and disjointed. I kissed down her neck as I pushed my fingers inside of her wet depths, summoning each sound from her I could before taking her to her peak and then I slipped my drenched fingers from her completely.
Her eyes, wide and angry, swept to mine and I gave her that smile I knew melted her heart, knowing she may be angry at me now but knowing there was no way I was going to allow the first time she let go for me to be because of my fingers.
I needed to feel her.
“You bastard.”
As I pushed onto my knees and lowered my elbows to each side of her head, her anger fell away and her entire body came alive as she wrapped those long, slender legs around me and guided my thick shaft to her opening. I clenched my teeth at the feel of her warm fingers stroking me, guiding me into the sweet heaven that awaited me. My mouth covered her lax lips and I whispered against them.
Breaking Lucas (Trinity series Book 2) Page 19
