by Sally Henson
The roaring waves slowly fade. Lincoln chuckles. “I’m your birthday present. Your favorite brother.”
“You’re my only brother. Unless you know something I don’t.” Maybe I’m adopted? Or I’m Mom’s love child from an affair?
“Nope. Sorry, you’re stuck with me. Actually, I might be having second thoughts about my gift.” He blows out a breath.
I draw my eyebrows together. “I was just kidding. You calling is great. I’ll take that present every day of the week.”
“Yeah?” he asks. “I was thinking about giving you something else. What if I come home for Christmas?”
I gasp. “Yes!” I turn toward Lane, a huge grin covering my face, and let him know, “Linc’s coming home for Christmas!” Time with Lincoln and Lane together? Like when it was before life got sucky? “When will you be here?”
I comb my fingers through my hair. Lane catches them on the second round and laces his with mine, resting our hands together on the console.
“I’m still working on it, but I’ll let you know. It’ll be a lot easier now that you have your own cell though. Won’t have to worry about Dad answering,” he trails off in a faint voice.
“Does he know?” If Dad and Lincoln make up, maybe things would be like they used to be in our family. Good, happy.
“Uh, no.” Lincoln clears his throat. “Unless Mom told him. I talked to her this morning.”
When Linc and Dad quit talking, I was only thirteen. I thought maybe Lincoln did something wrong. Now that I’ve seen Dad act the same way with me, I know it’s more complicated than that.
2
REGAN
Lane’s phone lights up the darkness surrounding us. He lets go of my hand, reaching for it, and taps the screen twice.
This Christmas could be exactly what I need. I recline my seat and look out the moon roof at the sparkles in the sky.
The engine of the car comes to life along with the dash lights. He tosses the blanket my way and fastens his seatbelt. The digital clock shows it’s too early to go home.
“Regan, you still there?” Lincoln asks.
“Uh, yeah. Sorry. Lane’s pulling out from the cliffs.” I whisper to Lane, “Where are we going?”
He grins and says, “Tobi’s having an after party.”
Before I can respond, Linc starts shooting me questions. “Why are you at the cliffs? Is anyone else there? Have you been parking?”
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me and snap the buckle in place. “We do this all the time. It’s no big deal. He surprised me with birthday cupcakes. Seventeen candles.” I let out a sigh.
“Right,” Lincoln grumbles. “I thought you went out to dinner? How long have you been there?” Linc’s voice is so loud, I can’t hear the gravel pop under the tires as we drive through the old rock quarry.
“Yes, we went to dinner. And none of your business. Geesh.” I miss Lincoln, but after being mostly MIA from my life the past three years, he doesn’t get to pull the bossy big brother card on me.
“What have you two been doing? Ugh, never mind. Let me talk to Lane,” he demands with a terse tone.
I dish it right back at him. “No. He’s driving.”
Linc growls. “You tell him we’re having a conversation when I see him at Christmas.”
“Well, I’d hope so. It would be awkward for you to ignore him when he’ll be spending so much time with us.” I glance at Lane. His lips purse and twist to the side, shaking his head. It’s kind of cute.
I hear a knock on Linc’s end of the line. “Funny,” he grumbles. A squeak sounds in the background from a door opening. A low voice greets him. Linc clears his throat. “Mom said things haven’t been great at home. You still have a family.”
My brother thinks he knows—he has no idea. I keep shaking my head even though he can’t see me.
“I know what it’s like to feel you have no control over your life. Made some bad decisions because of it too.”
A muffled voice on Lincoln’s end calls him. “Yo, Stone, let’s go!”
Lincoln continues, “Daddy issues make you do dumb things. Wait until you’re older when you’re really in love.”
“What?” I ask, the shock of what my brother is implying apparent.
“Look,” he says. “Just, be careful with Lane, okay? Once you lose your virginity, you never get it back.”
My brother has been MIA from my life for years, and because he dropped by for one late-night, summer visit doesn’t mean he has the right to say things like that.
Blood rushes to my head, and the words tumble out of my mouth before I can filter them. “I’m seventeen. My virginity status is none of your business.”
“What are you doing?” Lane whisper shouts, releasing my fingers and gripping the steering wheel with both hands.
At the same time Linc’s volume kicks up a notch. “I hope you’re just being a smart-ass. Otherwise, Lane dies when I come home.”
I shrug at Lane. “My brother is being an idiot.”
The death grip Lane has on the steering wheel causes his knuckles to protrude. He growls.
Forget all this arguing. I need to smooth things over. Lincoln’s coming home and I’ll have my two favorite guys in one place for the first time since I was in junior high. “Look, Lane is a nice boy. A perfect gentleman. Okay?”
Linc blows out a breath and it fills the airwaves of the phone. “I’m just trying to say, getting physical with some guy isn’t the answer to your problems.”
My eyebrows squish together. “Some guy?” Lane isn’t some stranger. He’s my best friend.
I hear the pounding on a door through Lincoln’s end of the line. “Listen, I have to go. We’ll talk about this later.”
I let out a sound that tells Linc I’m not happy about him hanging up. “Already?”
He pauses for a long moment. Long enough that the distant laughter disappears after a door shuts. “Happy birthday, sis. I love you.”
I sigh. Do I wish I had more time? Yeah. But I’ll take what I can get. “Thanks, Linc. I love you too. Bye.”
I’m so glad to hear his voice, to talk to him, but I hope he doesn’t think I’m still the thirteen-year-old girl he left behind. Yeah, I’m a virgin, but Lane is more to me than Lincoln or anyone else will ever understand.
“I can’t believe you told Linc we were parking at the cliffs and you’re not a virgin,” Lane grumbles. His head thumps against the headrest.
“It’s not like we were doing anything wrong,” I say.
“You made it sound like we were.” He lets out another groan. “He’s going to kill me.”
I reach over and pull one hand off the wheel and lace our fingers together. “I’m sorry.” I lean over the console and kiss his cheek. “He knows I was just barking back at him.”
Lane pushes out a long breath through his nose.
I didn’t intend to put Lane in the hot seat with my brother. My lips press the spot where his dimple forms when he smiles. “Thank you for tonight. For everything.”
The corner of his mouth tugs up on one side, and his grumpy expression fades.
“You’re the best boyfriend ever.” I say it to keep his beautiful smile on display, but it’s true. And I think I’m more than falling for him.
3
LANE
Campus was dead when I got back last night. It’s still dead. Even the dining hall is closed. At least the coffeehouse is open this morning. It’s only two days, right?
I swing by Jacked Up Panther House on my way to work to get my usual. The aroma of roasting coffee beans seep through the cracks of the door as I reach the sidewalk. I glance through the big window as I go inside. The table Regan and I sat at when she was here last is empty. It was as cold that day as it is right now.
The barista takes my order, and I move to the end of the counter to wait. Right when my daydream about Regan was getting to our chocolatey kiss, they call my name.
I check the time and send Regan a message on my way
outside. She might be on the bus by now.
Me: On my way to work.
Regan: Have fun.
Me: I'm in trouble.
Regan: Why?
Me: Can't stop thinking of you.
It’s true. Last night when I got back to campus, I worked on the song I’ve been writing for her. It won’t be ready in time for Christmas. I was counting on it for her gift.
Regan: Lol.
Me: Serious. Firefly, the cliffs…
Saturday was awesome. Except the part where Lincoln kills me when he gets home.
Regan: Changing song back to Marvin Gaye.
I chuckle.
Me: THANK YOU!
Me: Respect.
Regan: Ha-ha.
I double check the empty street before I round my truck and unlock the door. Steam rolls out of the coffee cup. Still too hot, so I take the lid off and place it in on the dash as I crank the engine.
Me: See. Look at us texting in the morning before school. Sigh.
Regan: Goof. Boys don't sigh.
Me: You make me sigh.
Regan: Sigh
As much as I want to chat all morning, I have fifteen minutes to get to work.
Me: Got to go. Talk at lunch?
Regan: Yes!
Me: Good luck on your tests today.
A few seconds go by and I wonder if she lost signal, and then I see those three little dots pop up.
Regan: Thanks
I shove the phone in my coat pocket, grab my coffee, and sing her song all the way to the dry cleaners. What there is of it anyway.
REGAN
I pull the phone to my chest and literally sigh out loud. Even though I thought this phone was too much for Lane to give me, I love being able to talk to him like this. It may not even feel like he’s gone.
I close my eyes for a moment and go back to our star-gazing Saturday night. He smelled so good. I take a deep breath to remember and choke on the stale ozone of public school transportation.
The moment disappears, replaced with gray trees outside my window passing by in a blur. I send a message to Tobi.
Me: There's nothing like texting with your man in the morning to start your day off right.
Tobi: Rolling on the floor laughing.
Me: What?
Tobi: I can’t believe you just said that.
Me: Shut up.
Tobi: You’re so cute.
Tobi: I have big news about my man.
Me: Yeah?
The bus slows, and I glance out my window to see the old football field. Tobi hasn’t replied yet.
Me: What’s the big news?
The bus turns into the school drive too fast. We hit a giant pothole that tosses me and my stuff in the air. When I land, my head hits the seat in front of me while my phone tumbles onto the floor. Groans, including my own, fill the bus. Guess I’m not the only one losing their things. I scramble to grab my phone, hoping the screen is intact.
Whew, it’s fine. I hate riding this metal contraption.
Tobi: I’m going to Montana for Christmas! With Rex!! Eek!!!
Me: O. M. G.
The bus stops at the double doors between the Ag. building and the band room. The teens who ride my bus don’t have their driver’s license yet. All but me, but I hope to change that by next year. I grab my pack and file out with the other high-schoolers.
4
REGAN
This math test is harder than I expected. Cam finished forever ago, and I have several problems left.
“Time’s up,” Mr. Stein announces, and a lead weight sinks into my stomach. I still have four problems left. “Pencils down. Turn in your papers and proceed to lunch.” We have a different schedule this week because of final exams.
Cam heads out the door as I stand in line to hand in my test. Though I focused during our study time for math, it didn’t seem to do me a lot of good.
I walk out of the classroom and into the sea of students in the hallway. Cam falls in step beside me. “I can’t believe you didn’t finish.”
“Me either.” I’ve never not finished an exam. Ever.
He drapes his arm across my shoulders, causing his fresh clean scent to wash over me. “I planned to offer a friendly wager on who got the best grade, but since you still had problems left, I guess it wouldn’t be fair.”
I slide my pencil in the front pocket of my jeans and fold my arms. “Thanks.” That’s all I need, Cam rubbing it in. I’m still trying to figure out how to get myself together. It wasn’t that long ago everyone turned their backs on me. School didn’t seem all that important then. Not sure I care if I can’t go to a place like Eckerd College.
“Don’t feel bad about it. The test had a lot of what we’ve been doing since Thanksgiving. You kind of checked out around that time for a while. I challenge you to kick my butt next semester,” he teases, bumping my shoulder with his arm.
Even though I fell behind while my life was upside down, the teachers let me make up my work. I didn’t get full credit, but it was better than a zero. “I don’t really care if you beat my grade. It’s not like I need straight A’s working with Dad at Stelmo Harness Factory. I just hate Stacey beating me.”
Cam stops at my locker while I flip through my combination. “What’s the deal with you?” he asks. “You won’t be working at that place.”
I shrug and fish out my phone from my backpack.
Cam grabs my shoulders and turns me around to face him. “You aren’t serious.”
I start to tell Cam to drop it, but Miss Braun shows up. “Regan, I’m glad I caught you. Walk with me to my office?” she asks, but I don’t think I have a choice.
Which is worse, Cam griping at me or Miss Braun griping at me? Lane and I are talking over lunch and I don’t want to miss that. Plus, I want to hear more about Tobi’s vacation with Rex since she didn’t show until first bell rang. “Um, I have lunch now, and I skipped breakfast this morning.”
Miss Braun motions for me to join her. “It won’t take long.”
I hold in my grumble and turn back to Cam. Tobi and Haylee walk up beside him. Tobi’s eyebrows raise as if she’s asking me, “What’s up?” I hitch a shoulder and say, “See you guys later, I guess.”
I walk beside Miss Braun as she rambles about how she loves it here during Christmas and hopes for snow and how different it was in Texas. She continues while she unlocks her door, “One Christmas, it was so warm, some of my friends went to the beach. It was so nice to enjoy the sun when it’s usually so chilly, but I still prefer the Midwest Christmas.”
The door swings open and we step in. Miss Braun hangs her coat and motions to the wooden chair, taking a seat behind her desk.
My stomach grumbles. I didn’t eat anything this morning because my alarm wasn’t enough to get me out of bed.
Miss Braun snickers, “Oh! You really are hungry.”
“Yeah,” I say, pressing a hand on my stomach.
“I’ll try to make this quick, then.” The clack of rapid key typing fills the space between us. “Are you ready for Christmas?”
“Yes, and no,” I say. “My brother’s coming home and I’m excited to see him.”
“That’s fantastic, Regan. Maybe I’ll get to meet him on Sunday?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure when he’ll be here or anything.” I secretly hope he spends all his time with me and Lane.
“Do you exchange gifts?” she asks.
I shift in my chair and cross my legs. “Yeah, but I haven’t been shopping yet. All the good stuff will be gone.”
“I do most of mine online.” She adjusts her monitor for me to join her side of the desk. “Okay, I’ve been doing some research on marine science. How a young person like you can get experience…check this out.”
I look up to the ceiling and let out a sigh. “Miss Braun, I’m not—”
“I think you’re being too hasty about this.” She tilts her head to look up at me with her Fiji ocean eyes.
I’ve never been to Fiji, but
I’ve seen plenty of photos online of their blue-green bays with Tiki huts. Or maybe it was Barbados?
“It’s okay to have big dreams, Regan. The follow-through is what counts.”
I know she said I could trust her and that she would help me, but she doesn’t know my dad. And I just got Lane and my friends back in my life. I can’t give that up. Not right now. My phone vibrates in my pocket. Lane’s probably trying to call me. “Thanks for checking, Miss Braun. Um, can I get some lunch before it’s too late? I’m starving.”
Miss Braun swivels her chair my way. She studies me. Judging by the way her eyebrows scrunch together and the set of her mouth, she’s not happy about me trying to get out of here.
“Sure, Regan. Go get some lunch. You don’t need any distractions during your next exam. I have a couple more ideas I want to look into for you. Sound good?”
My gaze drops to my black and gray sneakers. I’m not sure anything good will come out of keeping that dream alive. “Sure.” I take a step back and eye the door. “Thanks,” I say and bolt out of the room.
The hall is practically empty when I leave Miss Braun’s office and jet to the bathroom. After a quick check under the stalls to make sure no one else is here, I tap my screen to check my phone.
Ugh. Lane won’t be able to call or message me now. I lean back against the colorless tile and force out a breath through my teeth. Wish he’d stayed home this week. I send a quick message.
Me: That stinks. Math test was hard. Tobi’s going to MONTANA for Christmas. More breaking news later.
I giggle at my last comment, but my growly stomach gets my attention. The rumble echoes in the empty room, so I shove my phone in my pocket and obey my hunger pangs.
