by Sally Henson
My phone vibrates again.
Lane: Where’s my kiss emoji?
Regan: You sure you want one?
Lane: Duh.
I send him a bunch of different kiss emojis.
Lane: That’s better.
He fills the screen with kisses.
Okay, this is more like the Lane that’s been missing.
Cam sends me a message. I tap his name to read it.
Cam: Meet me in the parking lot when you get to school.
Regan: Why?
Cam: Meet me.
Regan: Fine…
My phone vibrates with a new message from Tobi.
Tobi: Guess what?
I could use some fun craziness from Tobi about right now.
Me: You dyed your hair purple?
Tobi: Better.
Me: Pink?
Tobi: Ha-ha. Better than that.
Me: I give up.
Tobi: Mom is taking me to Florida for Spring Break!
Tobi: Can you believe it? I get my beach vacation after all.
Me: That’s awesome! You have room for one more?
Tobi: Really? I’m sorry, but I asked Haylee to go. I didn’t think you’d be able to since you will be gone at Eckerd all summer. I can ask…
Eckerd won’t happen since I didn’t send in an application. Not that Dad would let me go.
My body crumples a little more in the seat. Who am I going to hang out with over Spring Break? I can’t be stuck at my house all week.
Me: It’s okay. Is Rex going? How about your cabana boy?
Tobi: Rex…YES!!! Cabana boy? LOL No. He’s farming.
Another message comes in.
Lane: I’m leaving a day early, so I won’t be able to come home. Not sure if you’ll hear from me anymore today, but I’ll call you tomorrow. ILY
He’s not coming home? Ugh, this day just keeps getting better.
I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the seat. My phone buzzes, but I keep my eyes shut, waiting for the pinball game my heart is in to end. The bus slows and turns into the school’s drive.
I know I should be excited Lane gets to play over Spring Break. It is a big deal, and I’m being selfish. Instead of sending him a message, begging him to ditch the trip, I send “I love you.” But seriously, I can’t take being at home with Mom and Dad for seven days straight.
Cam: Really?
I plant my palm against my forehead. Crap! Cam just got an, I love you message with a drooling face from me. I send a quick response.
Regan: Sorry. Sent to the wrong person.
I cover my face and peek at my screen through my fingers. Great, now Cam knows I love Lane. He’ll never let me live it down. Another message comes in.
Cam: That wasn’t meant for me? Disappointed.
Regan: The bus is pulling in school now.
I look out the window and see his truck in its usual spot.
Cam: I’m in my truck.
Regan: Okay.
I send Lane the message intended for him, and he replies right away.
Lane: I’m sorry. If I can make it home, I will. Promise.
I know Lane would come home if he could, but the bad news just keeps piling up. This is going to be the worst Spring Break ever.
The bus brakes screech as we stop, and the driver opens the door. I file out and down the steps but veer off to the parking lot instead of going inside. It’s a little chilly out, so I pick up the pace to a jog.
When I see Cam through the windshield of his cab, he has a giant grin plastered on his face. I mouth the word, “What?”
He waves for me to get in. So I cross in front of his pickup and climb in.
“Whoa,” I say, smoothing my hair down from the wind blowing it in every direction. “You’re here early.”
“What are you doing next week?” he asks.
I let out a groan. “Apparently my best friends are ditching me and going to Florida. Looks like I’ll be in purgatory for the week.”
He grins that grin that says he’s about to get me in trouble. “Come work for me. Dad can’t help me much, and I need someone to be there whenever I call. You wanna be my call girl?”
“Are you being serious?” I can’t tell because of his “call girl” comment and that stupid grin of his. Despite the crappy morning and my now grouchy mood, he makes me crack a smile.
“Yep. You can drive my truck all week. And I’ll even pay you.” His grin widens. “It’s a sweet deal.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “It’ll get you out of your house from dawn ’til dusk.”
The heaviness from Lane and Tobi being gone lessens. Cam might drive me crazy, but I’ll take him over staying home any day. “Deal!”
“This is going to be so awesome! Start Saturday morning. Six am.” He shoves a folded paper in my face. “Read this.”
I breathe in the leathery, new-car smell of his truck as I snatch it from his fingers and unfold it. Eckerd’s logo is at the top.
Instead of reading it, I drop my hands to my lap. I should’ve never asked to use his address. “Cam, I told you to drop it.” I stare out the windshield, definitely not at Cam.
“Just read it.”
I shake my head. “No. It’s not going to happen for me. And every time you bring it up, it stirs that dream, and…” I glance at his hopeful face. “It hurts all over again. Please, just stop. Okay? You’re making it harder.”
“What about the promise you made to your brother?” He takes the letter back.
I open the door to get out of the truck, but Cam grabs my arm.
“Wait!” he calls. “Just…shut the door for a minute.”
I shut the door, fold my arms across my chest, and wait for him to finish whatever he’s going to say.
“It’s about the summer program.” The paper swishes as he unfolds it. “Regan,” he says, waiting for me to look at him.
I turn just enough to see him holding the paper up between us.
“This is an acceptance letter. You’re going to Eckerd for the summer!”
My eyebrows squish together. Acceptance letter? But how? I slip it out of his fingers and read it over. Short and sweet, and it specifically names me as “one of their select students.”
I look at Cam. His face is bright and excited and waiting for me to be excited too. “I don’t understand. I didn’t apply. How could I have been accepted?”
He holds his hands out and shrugs. “Who knows? Who cares? All that matters is you’re in. You can go live your dream this summer.”
A smile plays on my lips and quickly takes over my face. I focus back on the letter, reading it over again and again. “Do you think they meant to send this to me though? What if it’s not supposed to be me? They made a mistake. This has to be a mistake.”
“No way. It has your name on it. First and last.” He points to my name on the letter. “Twice. Maybe Miss Braun or Bobby submitted it for you.”
My head swivels Cam’s way so fast, it almost makes me dizzy. “You think they could do that?”
“Why not? This isn’t a mistake. Besides, you deserve to go. It’s not like you’re not smart enough to get in.” Cam pulls the wave necklace out from under his shirt and jiggles it. “I told you, it’s a good luck charm.” He kisses it.
I roll my eyes and scan the letter again. “I’m supposed to sign a paper and send it back. Is this the only paper that came in the envelope?”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Uh, I’m not sure. I’ll look at home.”
I nod and lean back against the seat. My heart and brain swirl with possibilities and doubts.
“Does this mean you’ll go?” he asks. He acts like he wants this as badly as I used to. I can see it in his blue jean-colored eyes.
My smile falls as I press my lips together. I just don’t see how it’s possible. Lane, my parents, dad, especially…none of them want me to go. I already told Lane we’d spend the summer together. Even the mention of Eckerd College may land me grounded again.
“I don’t kn
ow, Cam.” The prickle of tears come, but I blink them away. I laugh, because if I don’t, I know the tears will start falling. “I think you, my brother, and Miss Braun are the only ones who want me to go. Sorry to tell you this, but none of you have the authority to make it happen.”
“Regan…” Cam takes my hand and squeezes it. “Don’t give up, okay? At least try. Maybe your mom?”
“I don’t know.” I pull my hand from his and fold the paper. “Thanks…for everything though.”
Cam pinches the paper between his fingers. “What are you going to do with this?”
“I’m not throwing it away if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Pinky promise?” he asks with his raised eyebrows and challenging grin. He holds his hand over the console, pinky extended, waiting for me to agree.
I roll my eyes and hook pinkies with him. “You’re so dumb.”
A deep belly I-enjoy-life laugh spills out of him. “But you love me. You even said so this morning.”
His comment gets another eye roll. But this letter…I want to remember this, even if I never get to go.
26
LANE
The Music Mutts practice our first set for Spring Break, and it’s not great. A couple of the new songs are terrible. Luke and Joe battle it out. Our timing is off on this one. I play the chord for two beats, change to a C for two beats.
Ross strums his guitar one last time and gives up on the song. He bugs his eyes out at me, pressing his mouth into a tight line before he turns around and waves his arm.
I stop playing and the others follow.
“Everyone but Luke and Joe, take five.” Ross scratches the back of his neck with his pick as he steps toward Joe.
I felt my phone buzz a few times in my back pocket earlier. This might take more than five minutes, so I set my guitar on its stand and check my screen.
Regan: Are you busy?
Ten minutes later she sent another one.
Regan: I’m with Tobi at the sale barn, so I’ll have signal for a while.
Ten minutes after that she sent another message.
Regan: You know that summer program at Eckerd? I don’t know how it happened, but they sent me an acceptance letter.
Her words practically knock the breath out of me. I read it again to make sure.
She doesn’t know how it happened but Eckerd sent her an acceptance letter?
An exclusive program doesn’t just send random acceptance letters. Regan promised we’d spend the summer together, promised she wouldn’t apply, but how else would she get accepted?
I run my hand through my hair and take a deep breath. Think. I cross the large room, lift a chair off of the tall stack in a corner, and sit down. I’ll see what’s going on.
Me: Hey. Sorry. We’ve been practicing some new songs.
It takes her a minute, but she responds.
Regan: Hey.
Hey? That’s it?
Me: So…how did you get accepted? Did you apply or talk to someone from the school?
Regan: No. I don’t know how it happened. I didn’t apply or talk to anyone. Miss Braun says it’s real.
Miss Braun’s involved? That’s just freaking great.
Me: Your dad know?
Regan: Miss Braun’s having a meeting last hour tomorrow with my parents. So, he probably knows by now.
Good. Mr. Stone can do his own dirty work. Every time I tried to tell Regan about what I had to do to keep seeing her, something came up or it didn’t feel right. I should have just told her from the beginning, but it’s too late for that. Now I’m stuck with this secret.
Me: You didn’t apply?
Regan: No. I said I wouldn’t.
I had to ask. I didn’t think she would lie or break her promise. Plenty of people say whatever they think you want to hear. Regan’s not like that. She’s better in all sorts of ways. That’s why I love her.
Me: Who put your name in?
Hook hasn’t sent her anything since last semester—that I know of. Her brother was on her case about her going. I wouldn’t put it past him.
Regan: I have no idea.
“Let’s try it again,” Ross calls. “The whole band.”
Part of me wants her to give marine science up because I want her to go to Eastern with me. It would be almost perfect. We’d see each other every day. I could play all weekend and she’d be at every gig.
Me: My break is over. How long will you be with Tobi?
Regan: I don’t know. Thirty minutes or so.
Me: Wish you were coming with me tomorrow. Call or send me a message and let me know how things go with your parents.
Regan: I hope Dad doesn’t ground me. I’m supposed to work next week. I think I forgot to tell you about that. I’m working for Cam during break. You know how badly I want my own car. Besides, the more time away from home, the better.
“Lane!” Joe shouts. I glance up and see all the guys staring at me. Joe makes a stupid comment. A growl rumbles through my chest. Joe gets on my nerves, but it’s the thought of Cam paying Regan to hang out with him while I’m gone that ticks me off.
Ever since he threatened to step in when Regan broke up with me last semester, I’ve been wary of him. And then I had to back him off when he stayed the weekend at Eastern in my dorm. He acts like he knows her better than I do.
I stand and slowly make my way to my guitar while I reply to Regan.
Me: I gotta go.
Regan: At least I should have signal most of the time next week.
I stare at the screen. This day has taken a sudden trip down the toilet. Joe makes another comment. I clench my teeth, shove my phone in my pocket, and lift the strap of my guitar over my head. Can I take a whole week with this jerk? Eighteen hours driving in a confined SUV?
“Count it off,” Ross says.
Joe racks his drumsticks together and I do my best to get lost in the music for the rest of the night.
LANE
Ross climbs into the passenger seat and twists to look between the seats of his dad’s Lincoln Navigator. He lets out a whoop. “Let’s rock-n-roll, boys!”
Mr. Steiger jumps in, waving his fist in the air. The rest of us join the celebration as we pull out of the parking lot for the interstate.
Luke and I try to get comfortable in the third row seat. The first hour of the trip is full of chatter, but I sink down in my seat with my cap pulled down far enough to cover my eyes, and try to sleep.
I don’t sleep much though. For three hundred some miles I fake it, wishing I’d come clean to Regan the night I confessed I was in love with her.
The vehicle comes to a halt.
Luke flicks my arm. “Wake up. Piss stop.” The doors open and six guys crawl out. We end up grabbing some fast food.
Ross and his dad swap seats. Joe and Jace swap with me and Luke. And we’re back on the road again. I plug my earbuds in and try to zone out until our next break and hope it’s during Regan’s lunch.
By the time we make it to the next gas station to fill up, I’ve realized one out of three songs burns an image of Regan in my thoughts. She’s riding shotgun in my truck with the windows down, hair tangling in the wind, sun blazing through the windshield, with the music cranked. And her smile that turns me into putty is on her lips. I’m starting to hate country music.
After taking my turn in the bathroom, I find some privacy and message her.
Lane: Hey. Not sure if you’re home or at Tobi’s…just…I wish you were taking this trip with me. I miss you.
Ugh, that sounds desperate. I delete that and start over.
Lane: You’re probably sleeping but thought I’d say hi. We’ve stopped for gas and stuff in Tennessee. Not even halfway there yet. Wish we could’ve flown. Especially with Joe going on about all his hookups. (eye roll) I’ll let you know when we finally get there.
I press send and head back to the SUV. Luke’s in the back already, typing on his phone.
I take my spot and sort through my music subscription
for an alternative rock playlist.
We get back on the road and I fall asleep listening to the new music.
Two more stops for gas and the sun’s peeking up from the horizon. I step out of the vehicle and inhale the fumes that usually linger around fuel pumps. The temperature’s warmer than I expected for so early in the morning. I make my way to the bathroom and check my messages. Nothing from Regan, but it’s super early.
The guys decide we should eat at a sit-down restaurant with a good breakfast. I’m up for that.
Ross’ dad is cool. Even pays for our breakfast. Luke and Joe fall back to sleep. Jace, Ross, and his dad have a conversation going about the music scene in Chicago. I can’t hear much from the back and try to go back to sleep. With the sun shining, the uneasiness of playing on an unfamiliar stage, and the thought of how I left things with Regan, take turns keeping me awake.
She has no idea what kind of strength it took to not give her what she wanted. A part of me wishes I would have. But I would hate myself. More than I do for hiding the stupid agreement with her dad. When we get that physical, I don’t want anything to ruin it.
27
REGAN
“Hey,” Tobi says, leaning against the locker next to mine. “Good luck with your parents today.”
