by Sally Henson
I reach back and rub my neck. Even though I love her, and I’d do anything for her, I actually want to wait. Lots of guys take what they can get. I know Regan better than anyone. She will regret breaking her purity promise, but I’d rather her break it with me than anyone else.
I stop in front of my stand and look around. New greenery dots the ground under the canopy of trees. Squirrels chase each other along the limbs and trunks. I need this to work.
I test the ladder and start my climb.
Maybe in a twisted sort of way, this accident will be a good thing. Maybe Mr. Stone will be so grateful to be alive, he’ll stop being a jerk to Regan and forget about the stupid stipulation he put on seeing his daughter.
When I reach the top, I take a seat and check the time. Thirty minutes before my parents will be ready to leave. I let out a groan. Not much time. I lean my head back against the trunk and listen to the birds and movements of the animals.
While I was in Florida, I would sit on the beach in the mornings and listen like this. Different sounds, but still nature.
I close my eyes and breathe in the greenery and dew. A few more deep breaths, and I let my mind wander and pray clarity comes.
What should I do about Tim’s threats?
Should I tell Regan about the agreement with her dad?
Should I give her what she wants?
Only moments into it and my phone rings. I consider not answering, but since Regan’s dad is in the hospital, I tap the green button.
“Hello?”
“Lane Cary?” a rough voice asks.
I pull the phone away for a moment to look at the number, but I don’t recognize it. “Yeah.”
“Lane, this is Braden West. I scheduled your band to play over Spring Break.”
Mr. West is calling me? I straighten, sitting tall and at attention. “Yes, sir. I know who you are.”
“Do you have a minute?” he asks.
The shock of talking to him has me holding on to this stand so I don’t fall out. “Yes, sir. Absolutely.”
“Listen, I’ll cut straight to it. I like your voice. Your style. You’ve got a great presence on stage.” He pauses and I can hear someone talk in the background. “Hold on a minute, Lane.”
I run my hand through my hair. Guys like Mr. West don’t call to give compliments. Why is he calling?
He clears his voice. “Yeah, sorry. Business.”
“Sure. Uh, thanks, Mr. West. That means a lot that you like my voice. It was a great experience playing for you.”
“I want you to come down to Florida and work with me this summer. Do you think you could do that?”
I stand, look at my phone again, blink my eyes to make sure I’m not dreaming this up. “Seriously?”
He rushes out the words, “When can you get here?”
What? He is serious. “Uh, what does Ross say?”
“I do some demos in my studio. I want you for that. I might have enough slots to keep the band busy for a few weeks in June, but you are my priority.”
I take my cap off and scratch the back of my head. No band for the demos? “What do you mean?”
“I have my own studio. I do demos and a few releases. I want you to be my voice. I’ll give your band some work at the clubs, but I only want you in the studio. It’ll be great exposure, and you’ll get paid. You have a future in music, but you need this experience. So if you’re interested, I’ll talk with Mr. Steiger and see if I can make some arrangements for the band.”
Mr. West has Nashville connections. He’s young but has discovered five current successful musicians and singers in country music alone. This is a big deal. A huge break for me and maybe even the band.
I must have waited too long to say anything because he jumps back in. “If you don’t want a shot, I’ll find someone else. Yes or no?”
If I thought Spring Break was a once in a lifetime deal, this tops it one thousand percent. “I’m interested.”
40
REGAN
Lane follows his parents from the hospital onto the interstate. We didn’t say much while he was driving in the heavy St. Louis traffic, but he held my hand, and I needed that.
“Thanks for driving Mom’s Jeep home with me. I would have been okay driving myself, but…” I need him. Since being at the hospital, I’ve craved being closer to him even more.
He squeezes my hand, offering me a smile. I love his smile.
Lane asks, “Do you think he’ll be able to talk when he wakes up?”
“Not with the ventilator. They’re supposed to take it out tomorrow or the next day.”
His eyebrows knit together as he passes a car. “I didn’t expect him to have all those tubes and things.”
“I know,” I say. “It freaked me out at first. But I just had to remember they’re helping him get better.”
“Yeah.” He presses my hand to his lips. “It’ll be okay.”
All the way home, we talk about people we know who died when they were young and famous people. Morbid, I know. It makes me wish I’d pushed harder to go to the summer program. There’s no way I could go now. Not with Dad unconscious in the hospital. I know it’s selfish, but I wish Mom would say she sent the money for the camp, and whether I like it or not, she’s making me go.
I look over at the sun-bleached highlights in Lane’s hair, the smooth sun-kissed skin on his face. How could I even think about missing out on a special summer with him?
He turns into his driveway and parks by his truck.
It just dawned on me that his parents may be home tonight, but mine aren’t. “You could tell your parents that you have to go back to school tonight but stay with me.” I lean over and give him a solid I love you, please stay kiss. “Or take me with you.”
I don’t really want to be alone tonight. It’s not that I’m scared to sleep at the house by myself, it’s just…I don’t want to be alone. Even though I’ve been with Mom in a hospital full of people, it’s lonely there. And the stress is about to crack me. I could use someone to hold me together.
Someone who truly loves me.
Who is always there for me?
Lane.
His phone lights up from the cup holder. Ross’ name flashes on the screen.
Instead of answering it, he angles toward me and takes my hand. “I will if you want me to, but first I have to tell you something.”
My hopeful smile widens and fills my heart with anticipation about how nice it will be to lay beside him all night long. “Thank you.” Even though I’m exhausted, filled with worry if Dad will make a full recovery, knowing he’s staying lightens the heaviness on my shoulders.
“Do you remember Braden West? The guy who booked the band over Spring Break?” He traces a figure eight on the back of my hand.
It causes my muscles to relax even more. “Yeah, I remember his name.”
“I got a call from him.” He clears his throat. “He wants me to work with him this summer. In Florida.”
My smile falters a little. The hospital isn’t like staying in a hotel. I feel like I haven’t slept for weeks. I just want to go home and snuggle in his arms. “I’m sure that’s supposed to be funny, but I’m too tired to laugh.”
“It’s not a joke.”
My stomach sinks. Is Lane going back to Florida? For the summer? “And?”
His lips press together. Whatever he’s about to say, he knows I’m not going to like it. “I’ll be leaving in a few of weeks.”
I stare at him, trying to kick my brain into gear. I just got him back. I don’t want to let him go again. The weight that had lifted returns, hanging over my shoulders, threatening to drop. “For how long?”
“I don’t know for sure.” He glances away for a second. “A month.”
Bits and pieces of the night he said he loved me, the night he asked me not to go to Florida for the summer, flash in my mind. “No. You’re not going.” If he wants to pull the summer card on me, I’ll pull it on him.
His fingers glide across my jaw as he c
ups my face in his hands. “Regan.” He says my name as if he’s begging. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I can’t say no. What if working with him leads to something in Nashville? He has connections there.”
“I have an opportunity in Florida this summer too. Remember? You didn’t want me to be gone. And I haven’t done anything about it even though my mom approved it. But it’s okay if you go?” I pull away. “No. You don’t get to go.”
“I shouldn’t have asked you not to go. I’m really sorry.” He reaches for my hand again. I let him take it. Maybe I shouldn’t.
“But you did. And you promised if I stayed, we would be closer than ever. Do you remember that?” My dad is lying there, in and out of consciousness, can’t say a word, and Lane does this? Doesn’t he want to be here for me?
“I know. We were planning for tonight too, but now your dad’s in the hospital and my parents are staying home. But if you really want this tonight, I’ll stay with you.”
I pull my hand from his and press my palms to my face, hoping to keep the burn of tears at bay. Can my life get any worse?
“And this summer…I…” he pauses, letting out a long breath. “I didn’t want you to go because I was afraid I’d lose you to Hook.”
“You were never going to lose me, Lane. I love you.” I wave my hands in the air. “I kind of need you here, if you haven’t noticed.”
He combs a strand of hair from my face. He can’t seem to not touch me, and I’d rather he didn’t at the moment. “You said you planned to work all summer and save up for a car.”
Cam was right. He’s been right this whole time. Tears burn at my eyes again, and I’m so tired. I don’t think I can take this much longer.
“I can’t believe you. I could have earned a scholarship for my first year at Eckerd through that camp. And you made your decision without even bothering with me. Again.” Saltwater trickles down my cheek, and I quickly swipe it away.
“I’m sorry.” His throat bobs before he continues. “I had to. These guys, they don’t give you any time to think about it. It’s either yes or they move on the next guy.” He cups my cheek. “Please understand.”
I grit my teeth and push his hand away. It feels like he’s been playing me since I brought up getting closer. Maybe since he said he loved me. Would he do something like that? I rub my palm across my forehead. Something snaps in me. The tears stop, and I somehow gain control of my panic. It’s on the edge, ready to combust with so many emotions zipping through me. “You need to get out.”
“Regan,” he pleads in that smooth voice of his, but I can’t deal with this right now. “Come on. You’re tired. Let’s go to your house and you can sleep. I’ll stay with you.”
I fling open my door, make sure to slam it shut, and march around to the driver’s side. Mad, sad, tired, hurt, all of it, but in control for a few more moments. He opens the door and reaches for me, but I push him away and slide onto the seat.
As soon as I close the door, I press the lock button and start the engine.
He bangs on the window a few times, calling my name, dropping the words please, sorry, and stay with you. He can keep his empty words.
I back out and roll my window halfway down, shouting, “So this is what your love feels like?”
I start down the blurry road to my empty house, but make a detour to Tobi’s instead.
41
REGAN
“I’m not going to say I told you so. Or harp about how I’m right ninety-seven point nine percent of the time,” Cam clucks from his desk. He sorts through the stack of Eckerd papers he kept on my behalf.
Tobi smacks him on the back of the head. “Not now, Cam.”
Not sure why Cam bothers with the papers. With Dad in the hospital for who knows how long, I’m sure Mom won’t want me to be gone. Without him working, there won’t be extra money. Not that I had enough to go in the first place. And Lane’s…ugh. I’m so ticked off at him. And hurt. I lay on Cam’s bed and drape an arm across my forehead. How could Lane do this to me?
“Found it.” Cam holds up the paper for a second and then flattens it on top of this desk. I pull myself up and look over his shoulder. Cam’s finger points to the payment due date about halfway down the letter. It was last week.
I crawl back on the bed and lay there like a slug. “It’s not like I could go now anyway. If Dad doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid. I doubt Mom would want me gone either.”
Cam eyes me and says, “You should have listened to me and just done it.”
Tobi crawls next to me and combs her fingers through my hair. She sees the tears filling my eyes, and hers do the same thing. I don’t want her to be sad because of me.
The bed dips behind me. His big hand gently rubs my arm, and the tears are too much to hold in.
At least I have two good friends left. Since Haylee and Joey have been an item, she doesn’t include herself with us much these days.
“I’m sorry, Rey,” Tobi says.
A tears slides across my nose and down my cheek. “Me too.” It comes out as a whisper. If I say it any louder, it would be a sob. I choke it back. “Thanks for letting me stay at your house last night. He’s probably already gone, but one more to be safe.”
She gives me a teary-eyed smile. “Any time. Day or night.”
I didn’t want to risk Lane coming over to my house or seeing him at church. Though he was probably glad to get rid of me. I didn’t want to be alone either.
I sniff and wipe my face. “Cam?” I roll over to face him. A scent of leather and pine stirs in the air. “You’re a guy. If music is what Lane wants, I want him to go where it takes him. But is it too much to ask that he want the same for me? I don’t understand.” The tears flow again, but I don’t care. I let them fall. “I thought he loved me.”
“It’s not a guy thing.” He tucks my head to his chest in a hug. “Lane’s being selfish.” He strokes my hair. “Right, Tobi?”
“I don’t know what’s going on with him. Seems like he’s holding on so tight because he’s afraid to lose you. But it’s not right.” Her hand glides across my back in a soothing motion.
“You know what would really piss Lane off?” Cam asks.
I look up at him and see that grin of his that always gets me into trouble. I watch his blue eyes sparkle with mischief. “I’m not sure I want to know the answer to that question.”
Tobi snickers. “Oh, this ought to be good.”
“Me staying at Regan’s until Lincoln comes home.” He holds his expression as if he’s serious and is waiting for me to say yes.
I shake my head. “Not that I think it would make him mad, but I don’t want to hurt him on purpose.”
Cam’s voice vibrates in his chest as he speaks. “He kept you from this summer program on purpose. He’s been holding you back all this time.”
“Cam,” Tobi warns in a soft voice.
Cam snorts like a bull as he slides off the bed and paces away.
“Lane doesn’t have some crazy plan to keep me from Eckerd or marine science. That would be my dad.” I rub my eyes. My dad who is lying in the hospital with tubes and wires coming out of his body. I choke down a sob.
The bed dips again, but I can’t look at him, so I keep my eyes closed.
Cam asks in a soft voice, “Are you going to let him keep hurting you?”
“I love him.” The floodgates open and my chest shudders. My friends wrap their arms around me, trying to hold me together. But I fall apart anyway.
Cam grumbles, “I’m going to kick his ass.”
42
REGAN
The sound of car tires rolling up my driveway floats through the screen door. Lane’s parents asked me to ride with them to the hospital today. I wanted to say no. But it’s been almost two weeks since I’d seen Dad.
Mrs. Cary stopped by Tuesday to see if I needed anything. She asked if I wanted to go to the hospital with her the following day. I used school as an excuse. Mostly, I didn’t want to chance seeing
Lane. There’s no risk of seeing him today since he plays in his precious band on Fridays.
He finally stopped calling and texting. I know that’s supposed to be a good thing, but ugh. Why does his silence echo in my heart?
I miss him. Miss knowing he’s still there. Miss knowing he loves me. And it’s hard being home by myself, alone, every night wondering if Dad will ever come home. I’m not as strong as Tobi and Cam think I am.
I put my glass in the sink and stuff the house keys in my jeans pocket. With a quick glance around to check if all the lights are off, I push outside and pull the heavy door closed, making sure it’s locked.
The red car stops in front of the shed as I cross the yard. One of the best nights of my life was in that car. Birthday cupcakes, kissing Lane, birthday presents, more kissing, more surprises, more kissing…My heart aches at the memories.
What was I thinking, riding in this car? This is going to be a miserable drive. Maybe the twins will distract me. I can’t see through the tinted windows to see if they’re in the back seat.
When I open the rear passenger door, Lane peers up at me with a hopeful smile there. I narrow my eyes and growl, “What are you doing here?”
He grins, “I wanted to see you. And your dad.” He shifts across the seat so I can get in.
I clench my jaw. It takes several seconds before I can speak again. “I thought you were playing tonight.”
He leans over with a pleading expression, looks me in the eyes, and says, “This is more important.”
I almost laugh out loud. As if anything is more important than pleasing Mr. West, Florida’s Nashville, or whatever. And what’s worse, just seeing him softens my heart because I love him—need him. Being without the boy I’ve been so close with my whole life right now is not easy.
I slide in the car and hope I can keep it together in front of his parents.
“Everything okay?” his mom asks.
Lane has sent me messages I haven’t returned. Made calls I haven’t answered. Left messages I don’t know how to respond to yet. Him showing up like this is not fair at all. I’m not prepared to see him, and it’s throwing my heart and mind into a tennis match. I shoot Lane a look that I hope is threatening and maybe even frightening.
