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Cocoa and Chanel is now available for sale as an eBook and in paperback on Amazon.com.
The Seven Steps To Closure
Winner of the 2012 elit Publishing Award Humor Category.
Finalist in the 2012 Shirley You Jest Book Awards.
Finalist in the 2013 Indie Excellence Awards Chicklit Category.
Tara Babcock awakens the morning after her 30th birthday with a hangover that could kill an elephant – and the knowledge she is still no closer to achieving closure on her marriage breakup. Things go from bad to worse when she discovers that, not only is her ex-husband engaged to her cousin – Tash, the woman he left her for – but that Jake is also running for Lord Mayor of Sydney.
Desperate to leave the destructive relationship behind and with nothing to lose, she decides – with encouragement from her three best friends – to follow the dubious advice from a magazine article, Closure in Seven Easy Steps.
The Seven Steps to Closure follows Tara on her sometimes disastrous- always hilarious – path to achieve the seemingly impossible.
A credible and amazingly touching debut novel from Donna Joy Usher, this is a solid, light-hearted and honest read with plenty of laughs.
“The Seven Steps to Closure’s heroine Tara is an endearing character and her entertaining journey to closure is packed with laughs and plenty of heart.”Tonya Plank, Shirley You Jest! Book Awards judge and author of Swallow.
Excerpt from The Seven Steps to Closure
Chapter One
The Hangover
‘Polly want a crackhead. Polly want a crackhead.’
The voice, more piercing than any alarm, dragged me from my slumber.
‘Who’s a pretty boy?’
I peered blurrily at my bedside table. What time was it? What day was it? Snapshots of the night before flashed before my eyes. Dancing on a table? Surely not.
‘Mary had a little lesbian.’
Harrumphing in annoyance I lifted my head and pummelled my pillow into a more comfortable shape. My efforts were rewarded with a spinning head and an urge to throw up.
Ahhh crap. I had a killer hangover. What did I get up to last night? I concentrated hard and finally more flashes of memory assaulted me – bad karaoke, skolling wine out of a bottle, falling over in a bar, telling complete strangers how my husband had left me, and finally being taken home in a taxi while I sobbed uncontrollably.
I groaned in shame.
‘The money’s on the dresser.’
Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention to the problem at hand. It was really no surprise Cocky had ended up at the animal shelter where my mother volunteered, but I was still perplexed as to why she’d given him to me.
‘He talks,’ she’d advised when she’d dropped him off. ‘It’ll do you good to have some proper company.’
‘Show us your knockers.’
It begged the question: just how sad did she think I’d become if this was proper company?
Gingerly, I swung my legs out of bed and sat with my head between my knees as I made my plan. A quick dash across the lounge to the toilet, ten or so minutes of puking my heart out, and then I could deal with the bird.
He waited until I was almost at the bathroom. ‘You’ve got a fat ass.’
I spun menacingly towards the cage.
‘Nice tits though.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, automatically looking down. I stopped and sighed, realising there was a chance that the cockatiel’s compliment was the nicest thing that would happen to me that day. I had obviously reached a low point in my life.
I looked at Cocky bobbing up and down on his perch, obviously very pleased with himself. ‘What am I going to do with you?’ I asked. I was glaring into his beady eyes – determined to outstare him, when all of a sudden a hot sweat and waves of nausea washed over me. Breaking eye contact I rushed to the toilet just in time to relieve the contents of my stomach in a terribly undignified manner. I heard his cackles echoing around the lounge room and into the bathroom where I lay panting on the floor, tears rolling down my face.
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If you would like to have a better look at The Seven Steps to Closure click HERE.
Self-Publishing: How to Publish Like a Pro for a Fraction of the Cost
ANYBODY CAN SELF-PUBLISH – BUT NOT EVERYBODY DOES IT WELL.
Want to self-publish your book but concerned about the cost involved? Frustrated with ‘how to’ books, that tell you what to do, but not how to do it? Bamboozled by the number of self-publishing options available?
Self-Publishing: How to Publish Like a Pro for a Fraction of the Cost contains everything a DIY author needs:
The crucial self-publishing options available.
Things you need to do before you self-publish.
How to self-publish for $35 and have your book available for sale on Amazon, Smashwords, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, Sony, and iBookstore amongst others.
How to format your 2007 or 2010 Word Document to look like a professionally-printed book.
How to format your eBook.
How to format for Smashwords’ Meatgrinder.
How to load your files into Amazon, CreateSpace and Smashwords.
This book is ideal for all authors, especially those with limited computer skills, who want to produce a professional product and reap the rewards.
DONNA JOY USHER is the award-winning, Amazon best-selling author of The Seven Steps to Closure and Cocoa and Chanel. She is a self-taught, self-publishing author, who is passionate about helping others achieve success.
Available now in eBook format from Amazon.
Donna Joy Usher - Chanel 02 - Goons 'n' Roses Page 19
