But Vic was whistling some vague country song, which meant his brother was happy about seeing his fiancée again. Which meant Dean would have to watch Lauren and Vic give each other those stupid, secret smiles. And the occasional kiss.
He was happy for his brother. Truly.
But ever since his girlfriend Tiffany broke up with him, less than twenty minutes before the ride he’d injured himself on, Dean had struggled with a combination of anger and betrayal.
Being dumped just before a ride that could have put him on the road to a major title was bad enough. Finding out that she was leaving him for his brother, whom she’d had a secret crush on the whole time they were dating only added insult to the actual injury he’d been dealt.
The fact that Vic and Tiffany hadn’t gotten together after the accident helped, but knowing his girlfriend preferred his brother over him still stung.
And now Erin was in back town. Erin who seemed to prefer anyone to him.
Every summer since their parents’ divorce, Erin had come from Knoxville to Saddlebank to stay with her father. And every summer, from the time they were both fifteen, he’d asked her out. And every time she’d turned him down. Thankfully his ego was more intact then. He kept thinking that his dogged persistence would do the trick, but when she told him the last time he asked her that she didn’t approve of his lifestyle and didn’t approve of him, he got the message.
He knew sweet Erin McCauley was above his pay-grade and that she frowned upon his ever-increasing rowdiness, but at that time in his life obstacles had just seemed like challenges he could overcome. And Erin, with her gentle smile and kind nature, was exactly that kind of challenge. One that he’d lost.
He’d had girlfriends since then but deep down he always compared them to her.
His gold standard.
And now?
Pain twinged through his leg and he shifted it, grimacing as he did. Now he had even less to offer her or any other woman. A crippled ex-bronc rider trying to figure out what he was going to do with his life.
“So what does Jan have you working on these days?” Vic asked, pulling him from the melancholy memories.
“We’re finishing up a hay shed for the Bannisters and there’s a big job coming up in Mercy I’m hoping to get in on.”
“You still enjoy the work?”
“It’s work,” Dean said carefully knowing that his brother was fishing. Again. Feeling him out about coming in as a partner on the ranch. That had always been the plan when Vic made a deal with Keith McCauley to lease his ranch. Then came the accident that changed so much for Dean. Now he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore or where he fit. Rodeo was off the table and he didn’t know how much of an asset he could be to Vic.
If he couldn’t ride a horse.
“Once Erin comes back Lauren and Jodie can make a final decision about the Circle M. And I was hoping you would make one, too,” Vic returned.
“I thought their dad said in his will that only two of them had to stay two months.” When Keith McCauley died his will stipulated that two of the girls had to stay two months on the ranch in order for all three to inherit.
“Lauren and Jodie both fulfilled the conditions of their dad’s will, that’s true, but I think they just want to talk it over with Erin. Out of courtesy.” Vic waited a beat, then shot him a glance. “And once that’s done, we need to make a decision about you coming in with me as a partner.”
“I know. I need some time.” Dean shifted in his seat again, stifling his frustration as he watched the fields flowing past.
“You’ve had time. This was the plan,” Vic continued, his voice holding an edge of anger. “We talked about it before I approached Keith McCauley to lease the ranch from him, and now that it’s pretty much a go I want to expand the herd. But I can’t do that if I can’t get a commitment from you.”
Dean knew he was stalling and understood his brother’s exasperation. Ranching together had been their plan for the past ten years. When he’d dated Tiffany he’d imagined his life with her in the little house on one corner of the Circle M Ranch, tucked up against the river.
He had been working for Jan Peter for a couple of years as a carpenter and had already planned the renos he was going to do on the house after he and Tiffany got married.
But those dreams had been busted in two decisive moments. When Tiffany broke up with him and when he smashed his leg half an hour later.
“Lauren and I are getting married soon,” Vic continued. “I need to know where we’re at. If I need to bring in another partner or if you’re still part of this.”
“I know and I appreciate that you’ve been willing to wait,” Dean said, staring ahead at the road flowing past rolling fields toward the mountains cradling the valley. “But I’m not sure where I belong anymore.”
“What do you mean? You belong here. You’re a rancher. It’s your legacy and it’s in your blood.”
Dean released a humorless laugh. “And what kind of rancher can’t ride a horse?”
Vic looked back at the road, his one hand tapping his thigh as if restraining his impatience. “You just need to try again.”
Dean’s mind ticked back to the last time he tried to get on a horse. Vic had come upon him trying to mount up. He wanted to help and they’d had a fight. Dean had wanted to try on his own and his brother didn’t think he could. Trouble was, Vic was right. And though he had come across all tough and independent, truth was he was scared spitless and secretly thankful for the chance to walk away.
“And lots of ranchers don’t ride horses,” Vic continued. “They use their trucks or quads—”
“You can’t take a quad up into the high pasture or the back country. We both know that,” he said, his voice hard. “Ranchers in this country ride horses. Simple as that.”
And Vic’s silence told Dean that his brother knew he was right.
“You’ll ride again” was all Vic said.
Dean wished he had his sibling’s optimism. Because right about now, he felt as if both Vic and his boss, Jan, were merely helping him out. Giving the poor cripple a hand up.
He wasn’t used to that. He was used to being independent and doing things on his own. Like he had up until the accident.
And now they were going to see his brother’s fiancée and the girl he’d once cared for. And he was coming as half a man.
Chapter Two
This was it.
Erin slowed as she headed down the driveway and made the final turn. She saw the house situated on the hill, overlooking the fields and the mountains beyond, and felt the land wrap itself around her heart and stake its claim.
She wanted to stop and take it in.
But Caitlin had been fussing ever since her aborted stop in Saddlebank and Erin never had gotten that drink.
She headed toward the house, parking beside a couple of smaller cars. She didn’t recognize one but guessed it was Jodie’s from the stickers on the windows and the beads hanging from the rearview mirror. The other one she knew to be Lauren’s. Plus, in spite of the dust on the road, it gleamed in the afternoon sun. Lauren always liked things orderly and tidy.
Caitlin was screaming by the time she shut the engine off. Erin jumped out, quickly unclipping her car seat, grabbing the diaper bag.
The door of the house burst open as she headed up the walk and Jodie and Lauren spilled out, arms wide, calling out her name.
And then stopped dead in their tracks staring at the car seat she lugged up the walk, Caitlin now howling her protest from within.
“Hey, guys. Can you take her? I’m parched.” Erin unceremoniously thrust the car seat toward Lauren, gave Jodie a quick smile and rushed into the house, not even bothering to look behind her. She knew she was being a coward but she really was dying of thirst.
And she needed a
moment.
She ran to the bathroom, turned the tap on and gulped down a glass of water. Then another. As she lowered the cup she caught her reflection in the mirror. Hollow cheeks, sallow complexion and hair that looked like she had been attacked by an angry squirrel. Of course Dean would have to see her like that.
And why do you care?
She cared because even though Dean was eminently unsuitable and definitely not her type, he’d always held an undeniable appeal. He represented a part of her that sometimes yearned to be cool. Accepted. Independent.
Well, you’re not, she told herself, finger-combing her hair and with quick, practiced movements, tying it up in a loose topknot.
Sam liked it when she wore it down. And since she’d broken up with him, she’d deliberately started wearing it up.
Besides, that way Caitlin couldn’t grab it.
A faint wail resounded from the living room and then the sound of her sisters hushing her baby.
She held the edges of the counter, dizziness washing over her. She blamed it on a combination of not eating for the past twelve hours and the nerves holding her in a steady grip all the way home.
She splashed some water on her heated cheeks, patted them dry, sucked in a long breath and left to face her sisters.
As she walked around the corner she felt a sense of coming home. To her left was her father’s office, to her right the kitchen where she and her sisters had spent a lot of time cooking and baking and trying out recipes. Things they were never allowed to do at their grandmother’s house back in Knoxville where they lived ten months of the year.
The living room lay ahead with its soaring ceilings and large windows that let in so much light. The huge stone fireplace dominated the one wall but no fire burned in it now.
Jodie sat on the loveseat cradling Caitlin in her outstretched arms. Lauren sat beside her, Caitlin’s tiny fingers clutching hers.
“You are just the sweetest little thing,” Jodie continued, bending over to nuzzle her cheeks.
Erin’s heart softened at the sight of her sisters so obviously in love with her baby.
And the one thought threading through her mind was, We’re not alone anymore.
Lauren sensed her presence and looked behind her, her smile stiffening as Erin came nearer. But then she stood and walked around the couch, her arms open wide.
Erin stepped directly into her twin sister’s embrace, fighting down the surprising and unwelcome tears as Lauren hugged her. Hard. Tight.
“Oh, sweetie. What has been happening in your life?” Lauren murmured.
Erin simply clung to her sister unable to find the words.
She was the first to pull away scrubbing at her cheeks, thankful that she hadn’t bothered to put on any makeup.
“Sorry. I just...” She looked at her sister and gave her a watery smile. “I missed you.”
Lauren cupped her face in her hands and brushed a gentle kiss over her forehead. “Missed you, too, Rinny.”
The pet name was almost her undoing again.
But then Jodie stood, shifting Caitlin in her arms, grabbing Erin in a one-armed hug. “Hey, sis,” she said, pressing her cheek against hers. “Love this little girl.”
Erin pulled in a shaky breath and struggled to keep her composure. All the way up here she’d been nervous and afraid of what she would see in her sisters’ eyes. But now that she had arrived and her sisters had met Caitlin, she felt a loosening of the tension gripping her the past few months.
“I love her, too,” she whispered, stroking her daughter’s cheek.
They were all quiet for the space of a few heartbeats, each connected by this precious baby.
“So...” Lauren let the word drag out and Erin knew the moment of reckoning had arrived.
Then a door slammed and a male voice boomed into the quiet, “Grocery delivery,” and Erin felt a temporary reprieve.
She turned to see Vic walking into the room, half a dozen plastic bags slung from his hands. He was as tall as Dean, his hair lighter with a bit of curl, his features softer and a brightness to his eyes that Dean didn’t have.
He dropped the bags on the counter, then looked over the girls. He did a double take as he saw Erin, then released a huge grin.
“So you finally made it,” Vic said, walking over to her. “Your coming was all Lauren and Jodie have been talking about the past week.”
Then Vic surprised her by pulling Erin close in a quick embrace. “Welcome back to the ranch,” he said, resting his hands on her shoulder. Then he turned to Lauren and brushed a quick kiss over her cheek. “And good to see you, my dear.”
“And you brought the groceries.” Lauren gave him a quick hug. “Well done.”
Vic placed a hand over his chest. “You know me. I have a servant heart.”
Erin watched their casual give-and-take, thankfulness welling up at the sight. Lauren had had her own struggles, as well. Being left at the altar by a man she’d given so much of her life to had soured her on men. To see her so relaxed with Vic gave Erin a glimmer of hope for happy endings.
At least for her sisters. Herself, not so much.
Then Vic noticed Caitlin in Jodie’s arms. “Well, well. Is there something I missed?” Vic joked, grinning at Jodie. “Something you want to tell me?”
His comment was meant in fun but shame flickered through Erin.
“Don’t tell Finn.” Jodie gave Vic a wink and then shot Erin a meaningful glance.
“She’s my daughter,” Erin said, the words echoing in the house. The same house that often held the condemning voice of their father, reminding the girls to behave. Be good.
And I was. I was always good, Erin told herself, clenching her hands, fighting down the disgrace she’d struggled with ever since she saw that plus sign on the home pregnancy kit.
Vic’s puzzled stare just underlined her own shame. Then the porch door closed again, echoing in the silence that followed and Dean came into the room.
Don’t see the man for twelve years and then twice in one day. Just her luck.
Dean’s shadowed gaze ticked from her to her sisters as he set a couple of grocery bags on the counter, then the baby Jodie still held, then finally back to Erin. He gave her a quick nod. “Hey, again,” he said, taking off his hat and dropping it beside the bags. “Didn’t think you’d beat us here.”
“I changed my mind about going to the Grill and Chill,” she said.
His smile tightened and she wondered if he had hoped to arrive and leave before she came.
“So. You have a baby,” Vic said, stating the obvious.
Erin took her from her sister, cradling her close. “I do. She’s six weeks old and her name is Caitlin.”
She didn’t have to look at her sisters to read the questions that hovered ever since she’d thrust her daughter into their arms. She had been in and out of touch for the past half year and hadn’t even come to their father’s funeral. She had been on bed rest and couldn’t travel.
But every time she picked up her phone to tell Jodie and Lauren, every time she wrote up a text to explain why, she’d gone with inane details instead. The truth would take hours and pages.
Plus she just couldn’t deal with the inevitable questions about the circumstances and the baby’s father.
“Do you guys want some coffee?” Jodie asked, her voice artificially bright.
“I’m good.”
“Sure. That’d be nice.”
Dean and Vic spoke at the same time then looked at each other. “We can stay for a while,” Vic said, tilting his brother a questioning look.
Dean shook his head and Erin guessed he was about as comfortable around her as she was around him.
You’d think all those years would have eased the awkwardness, Erin thought, rocking Caitlin. It was
as if she and Dean were back in those unwieldy high school years when emotions were heightened and judgments abounded.
But now, it felt as if the roles were reversed. She didn’t know where Dean was at in his life, but she wasn’t the girl she once was. The girl who thought herself too good for Dean Moore.
“I think we should let the sisters spend some time together,” Dean said. “We should go.”
Vic looked like he didn’t want to agree.
“And I’m sure Lauren and Jodie want to get to know their niece,” Dean added.
His voice held an odd tone and she shot a quick glance his way to figure out what he meant. But he wasn’t looking at her.
She didn’t know why that bothered her. It was like she wasn’t there.
“Okay. We’ll push off then,” Vic said, giving Lauren another brief kiss. “I’ll call you tonight.”
Lauren’s soft smile for Vic gave Erin a tinge of jealousy. She was happy for her sister. Happy her life had come to this good place. But it was hard not to wonder what her own future looked like.
Just before Dean left, his eyes drifted to Erin once more and for a heartbeat their gazes held.
She wasn’t sure what to read into his enigmatic expression.
Didn’t matter, she thought, cradling her head over Caitlin. She had other priorities and another focus.
Dean Moore’s opinion of her wouldn’t affect her at all.
* * *
“I should change Caitlin,” Erin muttered, looking around for the diaper bag, as the guys left.
“Here’s what you want,” Lauren said, bending over and picking up the bag from where it lay beside Caitlin’s car seat.
“I’ll be right back,” Erin said, once again retreating to the washroom. She didn’t linger, however, and made quick work of changing her daughter’s wet diaper. Caitlin’s eyes were drawn to the lights above the sink and as she kicked her bare legs Erin felt again that wave of love. This tiny baby was so amazing.
“Love you so much,” she whispered as she picked her fragile body up and held her close.
The Cowboy's Christmas Baby Page 2
