“She gets it,” George interrupted, putting his hand on Brooke’s shoulder. He angled Erin a questioning look. “Right?”
“I knew what you meant,” she assured Brooke with a smile.
“Let’s sit down,” George added.
But before he left he paused to look down at Caitlin, who still slept. “Cute kid,” he said tersely.
Then he took Brooke’s arm and together they walked down the aisle to an empty seat.
Erin grinned as she watched George step aside to let Brooke sit down. As soon as he was settled he draped his arm over Brooke’s shoulder. Guess it’s official, she thought. Sitting in church together showed as much of a commitment as an engagement ring.
When her phone buzzed, Erin jumped, feeling guilty for not turning it off. She finagled it one-handed out of her purse and thumbed the screen to life, frowning as she saw Lauren’s name. “Hello,” she said walking toward the door, speaking quietly as she sat down on an empty chair just near the door.
“It’s Lauren,” Erin heard her sister say in a tone of disgust. “And big surprise, we’ll be late. Finn’s working so we took Jodie’s car and it broke down, another big surprise.” She heard a laughing comment in the background. Jodie probably. Then Lauren was talking, her own voice muffled. “I don’t care. I told you we should have let Vic pick us up.”
Erin heard a sassy rejoinder and smiled as her sisters lobbed snide comments back and forth.
“So you’re saying I should just go in by myself?” she asked, hoping to catch Lauren’s attention.
“I know you wanted us there for you and I’m sorry that we can’t be.” She sounded so contrite, but edged with that was frustration with their flighty younger sister.
“I’m a big girl.”
“I know you are,” Lauren said, “But I also know you were hoping we could be there to support you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
They made plans for after church. They were going to have lunch and then work on decorations for Jodie and Finn’s wedding, which was coming up in a couple of months. Erin said goodbye, then turned her phone off and dropped it in her oversize purse-slash-diaper bag. She shrugged her purse over her shoulder, adjusting the blanket around her baby.
People walked past her, smiling in greeting. She didn’t recognize any of them and she wondered if she should go in.
But it would look silly if she left now.
She smoothed one hand over her skirt, checking it again. She hadn’t worn it since she got pregnant. In fact, she was pleased it still fit. The skirt had been an impulse buy when Sam had canceled one of their dates. Again.
Erin looked down at her daughter, feeling a twinge of sorrow at the life she was giving her. Erin had always hoped to have a husband who loved her and respected her. A man she would be faithful to, unlike her own mother. They were going to have three, maybe four kids. Live in a house out in the country so she could have the chickens she always wanted. The outdoor clothesline. Maybe a horse or two for her children.
She pushed down the thoughts, relegating them to the same place she had put other dreams that had died. Her mom and dad back together again and all of them on the ranch that she loved so much.
Caitlin yawned, her tiny mouth opening so wide Erin thought it had to hurt. Then she shifted around and opened her eyes zeroing in on Erin.
I’ll take care of you, little bug, she thought, smiling down at her precious daughter. I promise.
She was about to walk back to the entrance to the sanctuary when the door behind her opened, bringing with it the cooling air of the approaching fall.
She turned and there was Dean.
He wore a plain white shirt and dark jeans that rode low on his hips, cinched with a leather belt holding a simple buckle. His hair was still damp and his cheeks shone from being freshly shaved. And when he saw her his smile lit up his face.
“Hey, there, you came.” He walked over to her in his now-familiar hitching step. He stopped beside her, towering over her, smiling down. “And how’s the babe?” Without waiting to hear an update he laid the back of his hand on Caitlin’s tiny forehead, dwarfing it. “She feels good, though it’s hard to say without a fever bug on her forehead.”
He sounded so serious, but when Erin met his gaze she caught a twitch of his lips and a wrinkling at the corner of his eyes.
“That fancy thermometer you bought works great.” she retorted. “I don’t need to slap sticky bugs on her head.”
“I think a little frog would go perfectly with that blanket,” he said, curling it around Caitlin’s arm.
His gentle touches, light adjustments of Caitlin’s blanket and the way he looked down at her dove almost as deeply into her soul as his kisses had.
Her cheeks warmed at the memory of that gently smiling mouth on hers. She knew she was falling for him. That he was becoming more and more important every day.
She just wished she knew how to proceed.
“By the way, Vic called,” Dean continued, looking back at her. “He’s on his way to rescue your sisters. So if you want to wait for them we can.”
Erin knew the service would start in less than five minutes. She didn’t want to disrupt it by coming in late.
“No. Let’s go in.”
As soon as she spoke the words she felt silly. As if she assumed that Dean would be with her.
But he just nodded and together they found a seat close to the back.
And as they did, Erin felt a surprising peace.
That peace had nothing to do with sitting beside Dean, she tried to tell herself. Or his arm brushing hers. Or that she felt, for the first time in over a year, that her life was falling into a good place.
The words of the songs Aunt Laura was playing were projected on the large screen at the front of the church and a sense of homecoming washed over her.
The song was an old favorite of hers and she wondered if Aunt Laura had chosen it or if it was simply a coincidence.
“My comfort is in You, Lord. As long as life goes on, in life and death, with every breath, I call You the risen Son.”
She felt a prickling in her throat as she sang the words in a church she had attended as a young girl and then as a teenager. And now she was here, many years later, holding her child in her arms. The prodigal daughter.
Her voice broke on the second verse that spoke of God’s yearning faithfulness and how He calls and waits to “...wipe away tears and calm deepest fears and erase our every stain.” She thought of how far she had strayed, of promises she had broken and caused to be broken. The stains on her own life.
But this old song with its promises of a faithful, loving God whom she had known in a different time of her life and who, she knew deep in her soul, still loved her as she was at this moment, permeated her lonely, parched soul.
* * *
Dean knew he was supposed to keep his attention on the pastor, but it was difficult with Erin sitting right beside him. He knew he took a chance asking her to come sit with him especially with her holding her baby. He knew people would wonder and talk just as they had when he first started attending church. Not just about Erin coming back to Saddlebank as a single mother, but about Erin and Dean sitting together in church.
That was usually reserved for the postengagement part of any relationship. Like Brooke and George.
Always was a rebel, he thought, adjusting his hips to compensate for a growing cramp in his leg.
Tomorrow he was calling Mike to set up a schedule of appointments. He had hesitated, balking at the time it would take him away from work, but he also felt a renewed sense of purpose. And it was all thanks to the beautiful woman sitting beside him.
He glanced over at Erin, who was looking down at Caitlin. Her features possessed a serenity that tugged at his heart. She reminded him of his ow
n mother who was so caring, so loving. Who, he knew, had prayed daily that he would come back to faith.
He smiled just as Erin looked up at him, their eyes holding again. Then she looked away to the pastor.
“Grace is a word that, unlike many other church words like charity or love or faithfulness, has stood the test of time,” Pastor Dykstra was saying. “Grace still lingers in our vocabulary as a touchstone for the undeserved. For something received, given freely. The only catch is we have to reach out and take it.” Pastor Dykstra paused there as if to give his congregation time to ponder this thought.
Dean knew this as well, but hearing the pastor speak of grace while sitting beside the girl who was, at one time, someone so unreachable made the notion of that same grace all the more real and true.
He didn’t deserve Erin. But somehow, in some weird and strange way, they had found each other at this point in their lives.
He knew he didn’t deserve her any more than he deserved God’s grace. Both were a gift and he knew he was foolish not to take it.
Chapter Thirteen
“She’s so adorable. Look at her tiny hands.” Ellen Bannister let Caitlin’s finger curl around hers as she smiled down at the baby, the light reflecting off her glasses as she sat down beside Erin in the pew.
The service was over and Ellen, who had been sitting across the aisle from her and Dean, had come over as soon as the last song was done, shooing Dean away so she could sit beside Erin.
The wrinkles near her friendly eyes deepened as Ellen smiled at Caitlin. From her memories of the older woman, Erin knew the lines around her mouth came from laughter. “She is such a gift, you know.” Erin heard the sincerity in her voice and, slowly, as other women came to them, she felt as if she was cocooned in caring and acceptance and, for lack of a better word, grace.
The minister’s words settled in her soul as she looked around the gathered women, all of various ages. All smiling at her. All accepting her.
Why had she been so hesitant to come?
Then she felt a hug from behind and a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see her sisters standing there.
“Sorry we were late. We sat farther back,” Jodie said, bending over Erin to look at her niece. “Hey, baby girl, were you good for your mommy?”
“Thank goodness Vic was able to pick us up or we’d never have gotten here,” Lauren complained.
“We could have hitchhiked,” Jodie murmured, unperturbed by Lauren’s annoyance.
“Right. On a Sunday. Like we’d get picked up.”
Erin had to smile at her sisters’ exchange, remembering other times when their bickering would be irritating. Now it was familiar. It was home.
“Loved your playing this morning,” one of the ladies gathered around was saying as Aunt Laura came to join them. Laura just smiled, her attention focused on Caitlin as she sat down on the other side of her niece and gave her a quick hug.
“So good to see you here,” she said, her hands lingering on Erin’s face as she held her gaze.
“I loved the one song you played.”
Aunt Laura just smiled and gave her another hug. “I know you liked it.”
So she had chosen it for her.
“And I’m looking forward to you girls joining me for lunch,” she said, looking at Jodie and Lauren, as well. “And your young men.”
“Finn is working,” Jodie said with an exaggerated pout.
“Well, how about Vic and his younger brother, Dean?” She looked back at Erin with a conspiratorial smile and Erin knew that Aunt Laura had seen her sitting with Dean.
“Great idea,” Jodie said. “I mean, he’s going to practically be family once Lauren and Vic get married.”
“Hardly,” Lauren put in, still sounding confused. “He’s going to be my brother-in-law.”
“And you’re our sister,” Jodie said in a tone that seemed to say that was the end of that.
Half an hour later, the five of them were sitting around a large wooden table tucked in one corner of Aunt Laura’s apartment above the flower shop.
“It’s just soup and buns,” she said with an apologetic tone as she set a large, dented pot on the table.
“Smells good for just soup and buns,” Vic said, giving her a charming smile.
Was Aunt Laura simpering? Erin had to chuckle. Not that she blamed her. With his dark slashing brows, deep brown eyes and strong jaw, Vic was one appealing man.
Though Erin found her gaze drifting more to Dean than his brother. She was pleased he had accepted her aunt’s invitation to join them for lunch. But while it meant she could spend more time with him, she felt bad for him because it also meant that time was spent under the watchful eyes of her sisters and aunt.
“Did Caitlin settle down okay?” her aunt asked as Jodie set a plate of buns on the table, then sat down to join them.
“She did. And how could she not in such a pretty room.” Erin was touched that her aunt had a room set up for her baby. A crib complete with a mobile and a pink bedding set took up one corner and a change table was pushed along a wall. Both were a soft ivory and looked brand-new. One wall was papered in a green-and-white striped paper and pink-and-green balls of tissue hung from the ceiling in one corner of the room.
It gave her a peculiar feeling. The same feeling she’d experienced at church this morning and in Brooke’s hair salon. She’d thought she would have to come back to Saddlebank humiliated and ashamed, but it seemed that the people of the town were far more welcoming than she had given them credit for.
Aunt Laura just smiled and shrugged off the compliment, then she looked around the table. “This is so lovely,” she said, a hitch in her voice. “I surely didn’t think that all my girls would come back home. And settle down here.”
This engendered more smiles and a gentle murmuring of assent. Then just before Aunt Laura bowed her head to pray, Erin shot a quick glance across the table at Dean. She was disconcerted to see him looking intently at her.
Just as he had in church.
She couldn’t look away, nor did she want to. Feelings uncertain and new arced between them and with that came a sense of anticipation. Of waiting.
And more than ever Erin looked forward to tomorrow when Dean would be helping her in the house. And there wouldn’t be anyone else around.
* * *
“I’m so glad we took out that carpet on Tuesday,” Erin said as she handed Dean another board. “I still can’t believe how much gunk there was underneath it.”
“You’ll be happy once this is done, I’m sure,” Dean replied, slowly getting to his feet.
Jan had shown up on Monday with his crew and by the end of the day the new windows were in and the siding patched up. Erin felt as if she were closer to being ready for the winter that was slinking around the corner.
Tuesday they had ripped out the carpet and they started on the flooring on Wednesday. Today was Friday and they were still working on it. It could have been done quicker, but Dean had left every afternoon for physiotherapy.
She had to admit she’d been a touch flattered when Dean’s therapist had flirted with her at the hospital.
But he wasn’t her type.
She looked at the cowboy across the room, a man who at one time she hadn’t considered her type, either. As he laid the last bit of carpet on the pile she saw a grimace creep across his face and guessed that between all the work and the extra physio he was hurting. But she knew Dean wouldn’t appreciate it if she said anything.
Erin grabbed a broom and began sweeping up all the dirt that lay on the subfloor. “I’m so glad I never laid Caitlin down on the floor. Who knows what kind of germs and grossness she would have inhaled,” she said.
“It’s been here a few years,” Dean said with a wry look as he stretched. He glanced around the hou
se, his hand in the small of his back. “You put a few more pictures up since yesterday,” he said.
She nodded, glancing over at some of the artwork she had done when she took her graphics art course in Nashville. “Just some stuff I’ve dragged around in my travels.”
He walked over to a sketch, in which her father was kneeling down by a newborn calf, still holding the reins of his horse, who stood obediently and quietly behind him.
“That’s a great picture,” he said, his hands resting on his hips.
“One of the few tender moments I got to see in my dad,” she said.
“Keith was a tough guy.” Dean gave her a wry look. “I got to be on the receiving end of a few tongue lashings from him in my heyday. Every time he pulled me over I got the lecture.”
“I can imagine.”
“I’m sure he told you lots of stories about me.”
She heard the faintly defensive tone in his voice and shook her head, slanting him a smile that she hoped showed him it didn’t matter anymore. “Dad never said much about the people he dealt with. Though he was a demanding father, he was a principled man.”
The closest he ever got to bringing anything home from work was to warn her to be careful who she went out with, glaring at her over his reading glasses, his bushy eyebrows bristling.
“It mustn’t have been easy for you girls. Coming back here for a few months every summer and then going back to Knoxville.” Dean took the dustpan from her, caught her by the hand and helped her to her feet. Except he didn’t let go right away.
Erin looked down at their twined hands, smiling at the sight. It seemed so normal now. The past few days had been a slow movement together in the same direction. The delightful beginnings of a new relationship.
She considered his question as she tightened her grip on his hand. “My sisters didn’t enjoy it that much, but I liked it. I missed the ranch when my mother left my father.”
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