by Unknown
“We all have sacrificed things to be with you,” he said and I instantly stopped crying to stare at him in horror. “Now it's your turn to sacrifice for us. You're needed elsewhere right now and our children will never even know that you've gone. Even if they did sense your absence, I am here and I promise you that nothing will hurt our sons while I still draw breath.”
“Okay,” I sniffed and rubbed at my face. “Okay. I'm sorry.”
“You don't have to apologize,” Trevor came up beside us and took over. “Maybe we could stay here with you a little longer.”
“No,” I shook my head. “Arach's right. I've made all of you a promise that you'd have the wedding you wanted after the babies were born. It's time to see that promise through. I'll be okay.”
“You can come back everyday, A Thaisce,” Arach said gently as he put his hands on my shoulders. “Just come home for a few minutes and then you can return to the God Realm. Will that help?”
“I hadn't even thought of that,” I brightened and the tension in the room eased considerably. “Thank you, Arach. That's a wonderful idea.”
“Brilliant,” Trevor agreed. “I was worried about you missing them.”
“They'll barely have moved by the time you return,” Arach kissed me goodbye. “And neither will I.”
“Thank you,” I sighed and then turned to the others. “I'm going to leave from here so I return to this moment, if that's okay?”
“Why don't you see us out first?” Odin offered. “I don't think it's wise for us to be here when you immediately return. Things could get strange.”
“Good point,” I agreed. “I'll see you out then.”
I walked the men down to the castle entrance, where a carriage was waiting for them. I hadn't known the exact day they'd arrive but I'd had an idea. So we'd posted guards near the Great Tree, which is the only tracing point in Faerie, to wait for them. I didn't want them to have to walk all the way to the Fire Kingdom alone.
The same carriage that had brought them to Castle Aithinne took them back to the tracing tree. There were four phookas pulling the coach and one in human form to drive it, so I knew they'd get there safely. Not that my men were easy to kill but still, it was nice to know they had some fire fey guarding them through Faerie. The Faerie Realm could be dangerous, even for gods.
I went back up to the nursery to give Arach a more thorough goodbye kiss before I took another long look at my sons. Both of them were sleeping soundly now. Rian was back to murbling happily while Brevyn was completely silent as usual. I slid an arm around Arach's waist as we gazed down at Rian.
“That was his first complete shift,” I said softly.
“And it was in defense of Brevyn,” Arach added. “That says a lot. Honestly, I'm proud of him. Two months old and already a fighter.”
“I figured you'd be proud of that,” I gave a quiet chuckle. “But I already knew he was like his father, so that didn't surprise me. I was just pleased by how beautiful he is in dragon form. Bright ivy eyes with dark emerald scales.”
“The perfect camouflage for a forest beast,” Arach grinned.
“That's the first time I've seen such a small dragon,” I mused.
“He's magnificent,” Arach's voice faltered and I looked up at him in surprise.
“Are you crying?” I gaped at him.
“I never thought this day would come,” he swiped at his eyes and took a deep breath as he turned to me. “Thank you, Vervain. He's perfect, everything I wanted and everything our kingdom needed. Beautiful and strong; an heir for the fire throne and a bringer of hope for our people. But you didn't stop there. You gave me a second miracle child. A son who even destiny didn't expect. He's bound for glorious things and I feel so honored to be his father.”
“What do you mean; destiny didn't expect him?” I turned to look at Brevyn.
“Vervain, you've been to the future,” Arach said gently. “Granted, it was one which was never meant to happen but you, Faerie, and Alaric all believed that your children were meant to be born. That they were destined to be. But now, Rian has changed all of that. His act of heroism has created a new life outside of the lines of Fate.”
He's right, Faerie added gently. Well done, King Arach. I was wondering who would figure that out first.
“Well, you did mention that the future was now uncertain,” Arach shrugged. “It didn't take extreme intelligence to figure out that Brevyn has no fate.”
“Outside of Fate?” I started to smile. “That means that Ull is truly free in this life, doesn't it?”
Brevyn, Faerie corrected. But yes, he's free of any ties to the future. Whether that will be good or bad, I simply don't know. I can see nothing for him. It was all Rian's path but now, that too has gone hazy.
“Explain that,” Arach growled.
By splitting himself, Rian has not only added a new life which was never meant to be, he has altered his, Faerie said gently. He is not the child he was supposed to be. Complete, yet divided. I don't know what consequences this will have upon his life. I still see a path for him, a future for the dragon-sidhe, but now there are variables building. Threads are forming that were never there before.
“But that's not a bad thing,” I rubbed Arach's arm soothingly. “I don't know how many times I've lamented having a future planned out for me. I'm thrilled that my sons can choose their own way. This is a good. This is how life should be.”
And most life is, Faerie agreed. But those with great gifts require attention. If I'd left you to your own devices, you could have destroyed realms.
“Now that's a little extreme, isn't it?” I scoffed but neither Faerie nor Arach said anything. “Isn't it?” I asked again.
“Well, look at what almost happened here in Faerie,” Arach cleared his throat. “Granted, that was more my fault than yours.”
It wasn't about fault, Faerie said before I could add anything. It was the wrong path and it's a perfect example of why I watch over you, Vervain. These babies have split a single path and now they forge ahead, along that fork, into unknown territory. I can't help them. I can't guide them. I have no idea what to do.
“Then I'll just have to raise them to not need your help,” I said determinedly. “They'll be fine.”
Oh, they will, will they? Faerie's voice lost its sympathy. Well think about this, Miss Smug Mother; your sons have either split their magic and halved its power or they've forced it into becoming stronger.
“Like setting iron into the flames,” Arach whispered.
Exactly, Faerie made an approving sound. Trauma forces healing and in the case of magic, it sometimes forces change. Your sons may be more powerful than any realm is ready for.
“I know my children,” I said resolutely. “Pregnancy for me was more than just feeling life growing inside me. I connected with them, with all they felt and wanted. My sons are heroes, born with the instinct to protect, and I don't believe they will ever willingly endanger innocent lives.”
All we can do is hope, Faerie sighed. And I do. I hope these babies grow to become guardians and not conquerors.
“I'd be happy with either,” Arach smiled wickedly and I smacked him in the chest.
Chapter Forty
I used my ring to take me home to Pride Palace and reformed in the middle of my bedroom. My stomach immediately clenched as I thought about how far away my sons were. I had a moment of extreme panic and had to breathe deeply to get it under control. I'd go back and see them in the morning and no time will have passed for them at all. It was going to be fine. I wouldn't miss a minute of my sons' childhoods.
Then I heard the voices that were carrying up to me from downstairs. Some kind of argument was going on, heated enough to echo up five floors. I sighed and trudged to the closet. I wanted to put on something more appropriate to this realm before I went down to face whatever drama was happening now.
I slid off the heavy velvet dress I'd been wearing and slid on a much lighter, blue, silk dress that only came to my knees. I sig
hed happily as I slid my hands over my slim waist. Goddess healing plus fey regeneration had brought my pre-baby body back within a week. Don't hate me, I also have to deal with a baby that can shift into a little dragon, remember?
I slipped my feet into some comfy but cute Croc wedges and shifted them into a version of the gold Versaces I'd lost. They had the look I wanted but with the comfort of Crocs. I kinda liked them better than the originals. I smiled in satisfaction as I headed off to face the music. I had a feeling it was going to be more of a musical than just one song. A whole Broadway show full of dramatic performances. Why was I so sure? Because one of the voices I heard was Re's.
I'd thought a lot about him during the two months I'd spent in Faerie. Him and the future he'd shown me. Well, it wasn't the future anymore but you know what I mean. The thing was; Re wasn't the only problem I'd returned with. There was that whole thing with the Rainbow Gods and their Bottled Water Goddess.
In the memories, Rian had been around three. Had the future changed so much that Disani and her Rainbow Brites wouldn't go stirring up trouble in Afghanistan? Somehow, I didn't think altering my future would affect their intentions. Which meant that I'd have three years before I'd be facing them.
Now the question became; should I make a preemptive strike? Should I pull a Minority Report; hunt down these gods and kill them now, thereby saving the lives of all their victims? Or do I give them the benefit of the doubt like I was doing for Zariel? Maybe they wouldn't cause any trouble, in which case, they'd be innocent. Executing three gods on the chance that they might wreck havoc one day seemed a bit unfair to me. But if this was my chance to save the lives of all those humans who would die because of them and I did nothing, I would never forgive myself.
“He forced his way into her heart!” I heard Odin shout and I cringed as I stepped into the dining hall.
“I was in torment,” Re defended himself. “I merely showed her why. You would have done the same.”
“You, out of everyone here, should be more understanding,” I said to Odin as I stepped into the room. Everyone went quiet and stared at me. Everyone being; Odin, Re, Trevor, Azrael, and Kirill. All my men and the one god who wanted to be added to their number.
“Vervain,” Re stood and stared at me like he was mired in quicksand and I was the only one with a rope.
“Minn Elska,” Trevor sighed and came over to give me a kiss on the cheek. “This is going badly,” he whispered in my ear.
“What do you mean by that?” Odin scowled at me.
“We had a past that I didn't fully remember and you manipulated things so that I would,” I held up my hand when Odin started to protest. “Don't insult my intelligence by saying you needed me to help you. You hoped that being around you would bring back my memories, Odin. That's why you asked me to help you with your traitor issue. I'm not condemning you for it but I want you to see how hypocritical you sound now.”
“She makes good point,” Kirill nodded.
“Damn it, you're supposed to be on my side,” Odin growled at Kirill.
“I'm on Vervain's side,” Kirill strode over to me and kissed me quickly before rubbing his nose to mine and whispering, “As alvays.”
“Damn shifty shifters,” Odin grumbled.
“Just stop,” I sighed and went to take a seat at the long, heavy, wood table. Kirill and Trevor flanked me on my way there and then took the seats beside mine. “What exactly do you think you're arguing about?”
“Trevor called Re here to discuss the possibility of him becoming your lover,” Odin huffed and resumed his seat at the head of the table. “We're about to get married and he wants to bring in another man. I don't understand it.”
“Do you?” I looked over to Trevor in shock.
“He would be a good man to have on our side,” Trevor shrugged. “He has the whole Egyptian Pantheon available to him. That means that if we ever get into another situation like the one with the Hindu gods, we'd have another army to back us.”
“You're willing to share Vervain with another man just to get his army?” Odin glared at Trevor. “You're turning our woman into a whore.”
“Easy now,” I held up a hand when Trevor started to growl.
“We don't need the Egyptians,” Odin snapped. “We have the entire Pride, the Norse gods, the Froekn, and the God Squad.”
“We don't call upon the Froekn if we don't have to,” Azrael mused. “The Pride is strong but not as powerful as full gods are, and who exactly can you call upon besides your sons and the Valkyries?”
“Valid,” Kirill nodded as Odin transferred his glare to Az.
“You can call upon both angels and demons if you need to,” Odin pointed out to Azrael.
“If I'm desperate, yes,” Azrael nodded. “But I have to admit, there's a part of me that wants our family as strong as possible and Re would make a good addition. Remember Alaric's warning; trouble is coming.”
“You're all insane,” Odin threw up his hands and sat back in his chair. “Trouble is always coming, it loves our woman.”
“Odin, calm down,” I held up my own hand. “You haven't heard what I want yet.”
Odin immediately leaned forward and gave me his full attention. “I'm sorry, Vervain. You're right. We've proceeded under the assumption that you'd want a relationship with Re.”
“Don't you?” Re set wide eyes on me from his seat across the table from me. “If they all agreed, wouldn't you want to be with me?”
“It's not about that,” I said gently. “This aspect of my life has caused a lot of pain for people I love. It almost destroyed the Faerie Realm. I have to handle things more carefully from now on. I have to give myself rules and awhile back, I promised my lovers that there would be no one else unless the magic demanded it. There's been so many vows that I couldn't keep but I'm going to do everything within my power to keep this one. I owe them this and honestly, it's not a lot to give in light of what I already have.”
“And what about me?” Re whispered. “Don't you even care that you've done this? You brought these memories back to me and forced this love upon me as much as I forced you to share it. Shouldn't you take responsibility for that?”
“I do take responsibility for that,” I swallowed hard. “I may not have intended it, but you're right, it's my fault. I did this to you and I will regret it till the day I die. I hate that I hurt you, you've been such a good friend to me and I repaid you with heartbreak. It's not fair but neither is bringing you into my life. If I let you go, you can get over this. You can move on and find someone else to love. Now that you know you're ready, you can start looking for it and open yourself up to love again. I can even help you,” I lifted a hand and he cringed back.
“Don't you dare, Vervain,” his jaw clenched. “I don't want your help finding my true love. I don't need it because you're sitting right there. You're the one I'm supposed to be with. I know it in my bones. No one else will ever make me happy.”
“Re, that's a fantasy,” I said gently. “It just feels like that now but in time, you'll see that I'm not that hard to get over. And in the end, you'll thank me that I let you go. You'll have a woman all to yourself, no sharing or setting up schedules to see her. She'll be entirely yours. Don't you want that?”
“I want you,” he slammed his fist down on the table, making me flinch. “I don't care about sharing or schedules. I care about you... about us.”
I put my face in my hands and sighed. I wasn't prepared to handle this. I should have been. I should have been using all that time in Faerie to plan out how I should deal with Re. But I didn't and now I was lost.
“I release you from your promise,” Kirill said, shocking everyone.
“What?” I lifted my face to gape at him.
“I release you,” Kirill waved. “I vill not be zat vich holds you back from happiness. Vhat does it matter, one more lover? I know your heart and I know my place in it. No one vill ever take zat from me. So vhat matters more; having one less man around or having voma
n I love be happy?”
“Kirill, I am happy,” I took his hand. “Amazingly and ridiculously happy.”
“Tima,” Kirill sighed. “I vant you to make zis choice vith your heart. Don't make me ze reason you deny him. I don't vant zat.”
“You don't vant zat?!” I surprised them all with my anger. “You are the reason! All of you are the reason. That's called love. That's called a relationship. Commitment. I'm the reason you don't sleep with other women and you are the reason I don't sleep with other men. It's not about want, it's about love and respect and I will give you as much of both of them that I can. All of you.”
“Every time I zink I'm past vhat Nyavirezi did to me, you do something to show me vhat love really is,” Kirill whispered. “Zen I see zat zere are still parts of me vhich remain twisted by her.”
“Not twisted,” I gripped his hand tight. “Confused or maybe ignorant. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just want you to know that there are no lessers in this relationship. No one's happiness matters more than another's. We are all equals here and every opinion matters. Promises matter.”
“And this is why we're willing to share you,” Azrael smiled serenely at me. “Because even though there's five of us, you make each of us feel as if we're the only one.”
“Life for us can be complicated,” I spoke softly as I looked at the amazing men around me. “But love is simple.” I shifted my gaze to Re. “I do love you. But I fell in love with you in another time and I have to leave our love there. I have to respect the relationships I already have and the boundaries we've put into place to maintain them. I want you, I admit that, but people fall in love everyday and don't act on it. That's part of being in a commitment; wanting someone else but not acting on it because you already love the person you're with. If I had a normal life and I was married to just one of these men, would you still be here, asking to be included in our life?”
Re exhaled roughly and rubbed a hand over his face. His shoulders were tight and his features closed down. It hurt to see him suffering, especially since it would be so easy to ask him to stay. To ask him to share my life with me and share himself with me. How easy it would be to change everything. But I knew this one step could have disastrous effects. If I let Re into my life, my promise would be worthless and my limits would disappear. How many men would I stop at? Six? Seven? Ten? No, the magic was happy with five and so I must be too. And wasn't that the most ridiculous thing ever? How could I possibly whine about losing Re when I had Trevor, Kirill, Azrael, Odin, and Arach? No, I couldn't have Re too.
