by Beth Flynn
“James!” Jason cried.
He lunged for Grizz, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. I watched Grizz hold him as he looked at me and then at Mimi, his eyes unsure as Jason clung tightly to him. My son had his face buried in Grizz’s stomach. I let out the breath I’d been holding and nodded.
“Did you hear what happened, James? Did you hear about it?” Jason asked as Mimi and I walked in, closing the door behind us.
I started to get tears in my eyes as I watched Jason look up at Grizz, still clinging to him tightly. It was then that I remembered how loving my little boy always was, especially with Tommy. There had been lots of hugging and physical affection between father and son, and Jason had obviously missed that. The men in our lives—teachers, coaches, even Alec—who had stepped in to offer comfort had all eventually gone back to their lives. They were still kind and loving and continued to include Jason in their activities. But all talk and memories of Tommy, the stories Jason craved, the stories Jason still needed to hear had slowly faded away as people returned to their lives and routines.
This man from Tommy’s past, James, would be a new source of comfort to my hurting child. I looked over at Mimi and could see she recognized it, too. I felt a warmness invade my heart. I swiped at the tears and was heading for the kitchen to get a napkin when I almost tripped over a dog.
Less than an hour later, I sat next to Mimi under the shade of a large tree and watched as Grizz showed Jason how to bait a hook and cast his line. I recognized the spot as one he’d taken me to more than fifteen years ago. I hadn’t realized how far out we must have driven back in the eighties. Development had been spreading west but apparently hadn’t reached Grizz’s favorite fishing spot. I quietly strummed my guitar as we talked.
“He likes him, Mom,” Mimi said quietly. “He really likes him.”
I knew she was referring to Jason’s fascination with Grizz.
“I know he does.”
We didn’t say anything else for a few minutes. I watched Grizz lean over and say something to Jason as he nodded back my way. Jason handed Grizz his fishing pole and ran toward me, his face flushed.
“James thinks I might need more sunscreen,” he told me breathlessly. It was hot, and the heat was taking its toll on my son.
I laid down my guitar and after lathering him up and sending him back to Grizz with two cold drinks, I turned to look at Mimi. She was sitting up, resting both elbows on her knees. She raised a bottle of water to her lips and took a sip.
“Do you?” I asked her. She looked over at me. “Like him?”
“I think I do, Mom. I can’t tell you why. I certainly don’t have a reasonable explanation as to why I like him. You seem happy right now. Happier than you’ve been since Dad died.”
That was a revelation that startled me. Today had started out so awful, but as our day progressed, a calmness had settled over me. Grizz had been smart to take us away from the noise of the city. To a place where we wouldn’t be continuously reminded of what had happened this morning.
Of course, we would have to face the harsh reality of today’s events, but it was almost therapeutic being away for a few hours. It was nice being with him and my children. Together.
The realization that I was doing something Tommy would probably disapprove of caught me off-guard. Almost immediately, I jumped to my feet and started packing up our picnic lunch and shouting orders that it was time to go. Jason whined that it was still early and he didn’t have homework.
I caught a questioning glance from Grizz, but he didn’t try to dissuade me or change my mind. He quietly told Jason he would take him fishing another time.
“Thank you for the picnic, Gr...James,” I said without looking at him. “We have a busy week coming up, though. Jason has back-to-back games, so probably not. There won’t be time for another fishing trip.”
“Awww, Mom,” Jason started to say, but he recognized the look I gave him and didn’t say anything else until something occurred to him.
“James, do you want to come watch me play? You wanna come to one of my games?”
“I’ll see if I can make it, Jason.”
I eyed Grizz and knew he was lying. He wouldn’t be going to watch any of Jason’s games and I knew why. He didn’t want to be seen, and he didn’t have the heart to tell my son he wouldn’t be going and didn’t want to disappoint him.
“You know what?” I asked, a reassuring sense of calm starting to come over me. “It’s still early. We can stay longer. Go on, Jason. You haven’t caught one yet.”
I saw the small nod of approval from Mimi and avoided Grizz’s glance as I sat back down, picked up my cell phone and started fiddling with it.
“No signal,” Mimi said blandly.
“Yeah, I can see that now.” I placed my phone back on the blanket between us. “I guess it’s driving you a bit nuts, huh? Not being able to text your friends.”
I leaned over and dug a container of fruit out of the cooler.
“Not really. Things have been different since school started.”
“How’s that?” I popped a chunk of pineapple in my mouth.
“I don’t know, Mom. I can’t explain it. With everything that’s happened this past year—the Leslie thing, the disasters with Elliott and Slade, him.” She nodded toward Grizz. “And of course, Dad dying. Well, I guess the things that are important to my friends just don’t seem so important to me anymore. Even more so after what happened today. I feel—different. I’m just not interested in the same things they are now.”
It was totally understandable, and I told Mimi I thought maybe her feelings were what it meant to be on the brink of a different type of maturity. I also told her I was sorry her sudden leap into adulthood came with such a high cost, the biggest being the loss of Tommy, but she explained that she felt ready for it. She was ready for a change, but she wasn’t sure exactly what it was.
“Well, I hope you’ll share it with me when you do decide, Mimi. I’m here for you. You know that, right, honey?”
She smiled at me, a bright big beautiful Mimi smile, and then lifted her water bottle as if making a toast.
“To the future, Mom.”
“To the future, Mimi.” I lifted my own drink as I pondered what our future could possibly hold.
**********
We found ourselves back at Grizz’s house where we grilled the fish he and Jason had caught. After eating dinner and cleaning up, I told my children they needed to thank James for a nice day and say their goodbyes. Jason was disappointed but tired, so he didn’t put up too much resistance. The afternoon heat of the Everglades had worn him down.
I felt a bit wilted myself and was suddenly concerned about my appearance. I self-consciously started tucking my hair behind my ear and touching my face when I felt a warm breath at my ear.
“You’re beautiful.”
I turned to see Grizz next to me, his expression unreadable, and I cast a quick glance at my children. They hadn’t noticed. I was all of a sudden very anxious to get home to a hot shower.
After some more chit-chat in his doorway, I thought we’d said the last of our goodbyes when I heard Mimi ask, “So, James, do you think you can teach me how to drive?”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Grizz
2001, Fort Lauderdale
Grizz had tried to tell Anthony he wouldn’t be working for him anymore after what had happened at the convenience store, but Anthony was convinced the two guys wouldn’t press charges. And he was right.
Anthony hadn’t been contacted by the police about his wayward employee, and so Grizz continued to work for the landscaping company and noticed that his fellow workers tried to include him more in their conversations. He’d picked up enough Spanish in prison to communicate with them. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
Rocky was a bit of a challenge, but Grizz had always loved animals and found that he was a natural with them. He took pleasure in and was challenged by training the obviously abus
ed animal. Rocky was turning out to be an excellent and well-behaved dog. He went to work with Grizz every single day and kept him company in the evenings and on the weekends.
Grizz had given Mimi a couple of driving lessons since that fateful day in September, and he enjoyed her company. She was a smart girl with a quick wit, and giving her driving lessons propelled him to distant memories of teaching her mother to drive so many years ago. He told her she was a fast learner. She told him that he was a good instructor. He couldn’t be sure, but he felt like he may have been bonding with his daughter.
He hadn’t meant to disappoint Jason by not openly attending his games, so he did the next best thing. He watched from afar and would explain to Jason that he’d been there but had been on his way somewhere and couldn’t stay to say hello. It was the truth and so far, it had appeased the boy. He’d also seen something at a couple of the games that he didn’t care for. Tommy’s business partner, Alec Davis, had shown up as well, and he sat with Ginny. He couldn’t be sure, but he was under the impression that their friendship had waned a bit. Maybe he’d been wrong.
Thanksgiving was approaching, and Grizz checked with Ginny before deciding whether or not to accept Carter and Bill’s invitation to come to dinner. She said she didn’t have a problem with it, and so he’d told Carter he would be there. He knew he wouldn’t even need to ask if anybody else was on the guest list. Carter knew better.
The young man who’d taken Tommy’s life had pled guilty and was now serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. He had optioned for the plea instead of risking the death penalty.
Matthew Rockman’s trial had been postponed twice and was scheduled for this coming February, which would also be the one-year anniversary of Tommy’s death.
“Tommy told me he’d changed his mind. He wasn’t going to testify against Matthew, and I completely agreed with him,” Ginny told him.
They’d just finished eating turkey at Carter and Bill’s. Jason was playing a video game with Bill. Carter and Mimi were cleaning up. Carter had suggested that Grizz and Ginny go up to the guesthouse and retrieve the telescope that was stored up there. Maybe they could all watch the stars together later that night.
She sat on the bed in the little guesthouse, her hands folded together and clasped between her knees. She looked at Grizz accusingly.
“He’ll get convicted with or without Tommy’s testimony,” Grizz said from the corner, where his telescope had been stored. “Not because of anything Blue did. Because Matthew is guilty. He did murder her.”
Ginny stood then and walked to him, her arms crossed.
“I know you must’ve had something to do with it. Admit it. You had her murdered and made it look like Matthew did it.”
He’d been bending down fiddling with the telescope, but now he stood up and gave her his full attention.
“Yes and no. I did have Blue plan it, so yeah, I’m responsible. But it didn’t happen that way.”
She cocked her head and waited.
“It was all set to go down,” he said. “Jan contacted Matthew with the intention of blackmailing him, and he agreed to meet her. After Matthew left the hotel room, someone was going there to handle her and plant evidence. Except when they got there, she was already dead. Don’t know what she ended up saying to Rockman, but it must’ve put him over the edge, because he’d strangled her with the phone cord. It was not what we had planned, but it still provided truthful evidence against him.”
He didn’t say anything for a few more seconds, and before Ginny could comment, he blurted, “I would’ve stopped it if I could. I would’ve called it off, but I couldn’t.”
Ginny didn’t reply to his last admission because she wasn’t sure she believed it.
“How do you know this? Who told you Matthew really did kill her?”
“Anthony told me. He stays in touch with Blue.” He paused then. “How much do you stay in touch with Blue?”
“Not at all. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him before he came to the hospital. After Tommy married me, we really did stay away from everything gang-related, so that included Blue. The kids don’t know him.” She looked at the ground then. “I think it’s for the best.”
Grizz nodded. “It is for the best.”
He didn’t want them to have any reason to be in contact with Blue. He was glad she and Tommy had distanced themselves from that life.
She ran a hand through her hair and sighed.
“What is this? What are we doing?”
“Carrying the telescope downstairs to set it up.”
“No, that’s not what I mean.”
“I know it’s not what you mean, Kitten,” he said, his deep voice quiet.
She shook her head slowly. “What good could possibly come from this? From us? I just can’t see where or if it could be anything. Or even if we want it to be anything.”
He took her gently by the hand and walked back toward the bed. She hesitated but let him lead her. After sitting down next to her, he softly said, “I know what I want to happen. I know that I’m still in love with you. I think about you constantly, Ginny. I’ve never stopped thinking about you or loving you, and I’ve thought about this very question nonstop.”
“And?”
“And, if I get to be in the same room with you, to hear your voice, to look into your eyes when you talk to me, just once in a while, then I’m willing to accept that.”
“It would be crumbs, and I can’t see you living the rest of your life on crumbs.”
“They’re more than I deserve, Ginny.” His eyes were sincere and warm.
“I’ve never seen you like this,” she said honestly. “I’ve never seen you so patient. It’s not what I remember.”
“Prison can change a man. Even me.”
He didn’t think he could bear to see doubt about him in her eyes, so he jumped up then and went back to the telescope, his back to her. She followed him to see if she could help. Without knowing she was right behind him, he turned to ask her something and found himself smacking right into her.
His instinct to grab her was immediate. He stood there, looking down into her face, his hands gently clinging to both of her upper arms. She looked up at him, and their eyes met. He slowly moved his hands to her face, lightly caressing her left cheek with his thumb. Their eyes stayed locked. He looked at her lips, then back at her gaze. He saw the invitation, or at least what he hoped was an invitation.
He lowered his mouth to hers.
She held her breath and closed her eyes when she realized he was going to kiss her. She sighed when he gently nibbled her bottom lip. He stopped only to press his lips lightly against hers. He still held her face in his hands and found himself nibbling, kissing, nibbling, kissing. He had to restrain himself from parting her lips and plunging his tongue inside her mouth. The need to taste her sweetness was overwhelming.
He felt her hands reach up behind his neck, pull him closer. She parted her mouth first, the invitation now obvious.
Gently, so gently, he let his tongue explore the inside of her mouth. His erection was immediate, intense and almost painful. He broke the kiss and looked down at her.
“I didn’t mean for it to go this far, Kitten,” he said in a low growl.
“I didn’t either,” she said breathlessly, ignoring the ache she hadn’t felt in a long time.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you. It’s too soon.”
“Too soon?”
“I’m afraid you’re still in mourning. It hasn’t been a year yet.” She knew he was referring to Tommy’s passing. “I don’t want to confuse you or make you do something you might regret later. I can wait until you’re sure of what you’re feeling.”
She was getting ready to answer him that she was a woman who didn’t need to be told what she was or wasn’t feeling when Jason’s voice floated up the guesthouse stairs.
“Did you find Aunt Carter’s telescope?” Jason yelled from outside. “Do you need help?”
/> **********
The stars were out in full glory that night, and they’d each taken turns looking through the telescope. Ginny watched as Jason excitedly told them he recognized some of the constellations. They were sitting on Carter and Bill’s deck, roasting marshmallows in the fire pit and making s’mores. The porch light cast a warm glow over the happy stargazers as they ate their treats and talked about stars and the things they were thankful for.
“My Dad had some tattoos. But they weren’t scary like some of yours, James.”
The group fell silent and all eyes turned to Jason, who’d been standing next to Grizz as he adjusted the telescope.
“What is this one? I’ve never seen one like this,” the boy said, pointing curiously at one on Grizz’s neck.
“It’s a prison tattoo,” Grizz told Jason. He didn’t look at Ginny for approval. It was going to come up eventually. No use pretending he could hide it.
Jason’s eyes widened, and Ginny held her breath as she waited for what she knew would be Jason’s next question.
“Were you in prison?” he asked, the fascination in his voice obvious.
Grizz turned away from the telescope and gave Jason his full attention. Not taking his eyes from Jason’s, he said, “Yes, Jason. I was in prison.”
“Wow. What did you do?”
“Let’s just say I did things that were bad enough to send me to jail. One day, when you’re older, if you still want to know, I’ll tell you. But for today, let’s just say it’s not something I’m proud of and don’t like to talk about. Is that okay with you?”
“Did you know the guy that died?” Jason asked. “Corbin said my parents knew some guy in prison who was getting killed. He owned a motorcycle gang.”
Ginny had to put her hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp. Jason hadn’t forgotten about Corbin’s comment over a year ago.
“Yes, I knew him.”
“Were you there when he died? Was he your friend? Did you like him?”
Grizz looked over Jason’s head and met Ginny’s eyes. Without breaking their gaze, he answered the child.
