by Ali Dean
“Maybe you can make some new friends in your grade this year,” Jace offered.
“Yeah, maybe.” Jace would have no problem making new friends, and I was terrified he’d forget all about me.
“Are we gonna stay friends?” I asked quietly.
“Hell yes.” He sat on the edge of his chair with his hands on his knees and gave me his serious look, which made his green eyes darken. “Pep, you’re my best friend. Even more than Wes. You’re like family, you know?”
“Yeah. Gran sure thinks of you like a grandson.”
“Tell Buns I’m still comin’ over all the time for dinner. My dad’s cooking is shit and I gotta eat good if I wanna be starting quarterback.”
“You think you can? I mean, I know you’re really good and you’re pretty big for a freshman, but isn’t the starter that dude, Reese something? He’s a senior now, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he’s good. But you’ll see. I trained my ass off this summer. Coach is fair. If I’m good enough, I’ll get to play.”
Wes came back outside, followed by three girls. One of them giggled like an idiot when she saw Jace. I rolled my eyes under my sunglasses. Jace stood up and hugged each girl like he knew them really well. “This is Pepper.” Jace gestured to me and I waved from my chair.
“Hi.” I noticed Jace didn’t introduce the girls and he looked relieved when they told me their names. I wondered if he had them listed on his phone as “the blonde,” “big boobs” and “too much make-up.” I tucked it away as some good teasing material for later.
“So, how do you guys know each other?” I asked.
“Oh! We’ve been practicing cheer all week and Jace has been at football so we met at school the other day,” the girl named Stacy told me. “I live down the street so when Jace called, we just walked on over!”
I nodded. I was slightly alarmed by the energy bubbling from these girls and I really didn’t like the way that Jace was looking at them.
“So, you guys bring your suits? We have hoops for pool basketball,” Wes suggested.
The girls eagerly took off their clothes to reveal their bikini-clad bodies. I was wearing a bikini too, but I didn’t fill it out like they did. The boys eyed them appreciatively and I felt very small and plain. I wondered if my body would ever fill out. I wondered if Jace would ever look at me like he was looking at those girls.
“Do you wanna play, Pep?” Jace asked, spinning the basketball on the tip of his finger.
“Nah, I want to keep reading. I’m at a really good part,” I lied. I had no idea what was happening in the book I was so engrossed in moments ago.
I watched discreetly from the protection of my sunglasses as the boys played basketball against the girls. They touched each other frequently and unnecessarily. My chest felt tight and my entire body was tense. My physical reaction startled me and it took a few minutes before I realized it was a manifestation of my feelings. I was angry. And jealous. These girls didn’t know Jace, yet he was letting them touch him.
When Jace took one of the girls to the pool shed I felt like crying. Wrapping a towel around myself, I walked inside the house while Wes continued flirting with the other two girls in the pool. Without my own cell phone, I had to ask Mrs. Jamison if I could use their land line to call Gran. Jace would be annoyed when I left without telling him, but I didn’t care.
I waited outside for Gran. When she saw me, she didn’t ask any questions -- she could see that I was upset. After dinner, she made my favorite dessert – banana bread pudding - and we watched Titanic for the hundredth time. And when Jace called after dinner asking for me, she didn’t need to say anything. She knew.
“She’s not feeling good,” Gran said gruffly.
Jace said something on the other end and Gran replied, “It’s woman stuff, Jace.”
I figured that would shut him up, but apparently not. Jace must’ve kept asking, because Gran said, “She’s fine. Cramps.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Anyone else might be embarrassed by her but I love her like crazy.
“Mmmhmm,” she responded, and mmmhmmmed a few more times. “Okay, young man, we’ll see ya for dinner then. Don’t cause too much trouble on your first day, ya hear?” She laughed at something he said before hanging up.
“Jace’s gonna keep comin’ for dinner after his practices like usual.” Gran sat next to me on the couch and patted my knee. “It ain’t all gonna change, baby girl.”
But it already had.
***
After Jace leaves, I push play on my iPod and lie down on my bed. I let my body melt into my comforter and close my eyes.
I can’t deny my body’s response to Jace. He’s hot as all hell. And we like each other. As friends. So what’s the problem, right? Why not try being more than friends? Or at least friends with benefits, as so many like to term their non-relationships?
The problem is that Jace thinks of me like his little sister. Last year I was coming out of the girl’s locker room after track practice and I stopped at the water fountain. Jace was in the locker room talking to his best guy friend, Remy Laroche. They play baseball in the spring. I’d heard that guys didn’t give me much attention because Jace warned them away. I wanted to believe he did this because he wanted me for himself, but, based on the way he acted around me, I feared it was something else. Turns out I was right. Worse than being friend-zoned… I was like family.
Yup, that’s what he said. Remy asked Jace why he didn’t like other guys showing an interest in me, and if he wasn’t going to let other guys hook up with me, why didn’t he get with me himself?
I was still holding on to the water fountain, but I wasn’t drinking. I stayed leaning forward though, letting the stream of water brush my lips. Then I heard Jace’s voice.
“Man, that’s not gonna happen. Pepper’s my family. She’s like my sister.”
His sister.
Okay, so he could have just been saying that, right? Maybe he didn’t really mean it. Doubtful.
There’s no question Jace really likes girls. I’m a girl, and we’ve been alone in his room, or mine, tons of times and he’s never made a pass. So, the only other explanation is that he doesn’t want me because I’m just not hot enough.
Look, I know I’m no Madeline Brescoll, but I’m not ugly. My boobs are fairly unimpressive but I’ve got great legs. Despite Jace’s efforts, some guys have shown an interest in me. Given Jace’s reputation with the ladies, it seems like he would have made a move… if he didn’t think of me like his sister, that is. So there you have it.
Sure, I think of Jace like family in some ways too. We love each other unconditionally. We’ve got each other’s backs. He’s got his own crowd at school, and I’ve got mine. But we know we’ll hang out together on our own time. I don’t have any siblings, but maybe that’s what it’s like.
Unfortunately, my stupid libido doesn’t get that she’s not supposed to want Jace.
Chapter 3
The next morning I hop in to the passenger side of Jace’s black Jeep for the first day of school. The sound of Green Day is pulsing through the car.
I hand Jace the cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese that Gran made for him. “What’s up?” I ask before taking a bite of my own bagel.
“You and your short-ass shorts.” Jace shakes his head in disapproval.
Ignoring him, I roll down the window. Why should I hide my legs, my best feature? With my arm out the window, my hand slices through the warm breeze.
When I feel Jace staring at me at a stoplight, I ask, “What?”
He reaches out and swipes cream cheese from the corner of my mouth with his index finger before putting it in his own mouth to lick it.
My mouth goes dry. Ugh. Does he have any idea what he does to me with a simple gesture like that? I sigh and look back out the window, trying to take my mind off his green eyes that scream sex and mischief.
As we pull into the senior parking lot at Brockton Public, the groups mingling around outside turn
their heads. Everyone recognizes Jace’s car.
Kayla Chambers, Andrea Hill, and Lisa Delany greet Jace on the sidewalk. They’re all seniors this year and, as usual, look gorgeous wearing summer dresses that show off tan arms, legs, and cleavage. I finger my own long brown hair that hangs well past my shoulders. They smile indulgently at me. Not as fake as Madeline, but it’s no secret they’d ignore me completely if I didn’t know Jace.
I walk towards the school and feel a familiar arm settle around my shoulder. “Morning, Pepper.”
“Hey, Charlie.” He opens the door and gestures for me to go inside before him. Charlie Owens is the captain of the boys’ cross team and is one of my closest friends.
“So, did you get to meet your hero yesterday?” I ask him.
Charlie laughs. “Yeah, yeah.”
Zoe pops up next to us. “You mean his man-crush? It’s totally justified, Charles. Ryan Harding is, like, really hot. And he’s actually super cool. For a cross country runner, that is. I bet you he gets scooped up by the Barbies though.”
“The Barbies?” I ask. I stop at my locker and start turning the combination.
“Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean. The hot popular girls. You know.” Zoe nods her head enthusiastically. “I mean, you could be one too if you wanted, Pepper.”
“A Barbie? Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment? I’m not even blonde.” I pull a couple of books from my backpack to store in my locker.
“Whatever, I was just calling them Barbies anyway. That’s not like, what everyone else calls them, you know. I made it up. You like?” Without pausing for a breath, Zoe turns her attention to Charlie. “So Charlie, I didn’t get to talk to you after the cookout. What did you think? Ryan’s cool right?” I don’t know how the girl has so much energy this early in the morning, but she is always buzzing. It’s contagious. I suppose that’s why I like her so much.
Charlie scratches his head, and a lock of curly blonde hair falls over his forehead. “Sure, yeah, he’s a nice guy. He won’t have anyone to train with, though. I feel kind of bad. Even his easy pace on the team run yesterday was kind of quick, and I’m pretty sure he was making an effort to go slow.”
Zoe tugs on one of her pigtail braids. She has the most beautiful strawberry blonde hair, but she rarely wears it down. “Yeah, well, that’s what Pepper has to do when she runs with the team.”
Zoe Burton is the reason I started running freshman year. We sat next to each other in freshman English on the first day of school and she talked me into showing up at the first cross practice.
“Yeah, but she can at least do speed workouts with the guys’ team. Ryan’s going to be doing all the workouts by himself,” Charlie points out.
“He’s probably used to it,” I tell them.
“Workouts” for runners doesn’t mean exactly what most people think. A “run” is just that – a regular old run. We run every day, but we have “workouts” about twice a week. Workouts require faster running, intervals, hills, or something more specific that is harder than a regular run. We also do a long run or a race once a week.
Zoe twirls her braided pigtail around her finger and changes the subject. “I’m sorry you had to miss the cookout at Coach’s yesterday. How was Bunny’s birthday party?”
“Well, we had like twenty people over to her friend Lulu’s house. I think Gran’s got half of them convinced they need a medical marijuana prescription and the other half already have one. The women got Gran a bong for her birthday. And then they christened it.” I glance up at Zoe and Charlie.
Zoe’s mouth is slightly ajar and Charlie is slowly shaking his head back and forth. They’ve met Gran before, so this can’t be a huge shock, but still. “So yeah, I’m pretty sure I was high from secondhand smoke by the time I had to drive Gran home after the party.”
Zoe’s eyes widen as she zeroes in on someone behind me. “Oh, hi Jace,” she squeaks.
“Hi, Zoe.” Jace leans against the locker next to mine and nods at Charlie. “Charlie.” Charlie raises his hand in a half wave. The Barbies linger behind Jace.
“So you got high yesterday, huh?” he asks me.
“Shut up.” I punch his arm. Hard as a rock.
The bell rings for first period. I shut my locker. “Anyone got Ramirez for History?”
Zoe raises her hand and we head down the hallway.
“Drive you home after practice, Pepper,” Jace calls out.
I raise my hand in a wave.
“How do you sit in the car with him every day without jumping him? I mean, I get turned on just looking at the guy,” Zoe whispers loudly.
“It’s not easy, Zoe. It’s not easy.”
***
When I walk into the lunch room, I recognize Ryan Harding immediately. He’s sitting on a windowsill by the popular table, with Lisa and her long blonde hair leaning up very close to him, batting her big blue eyes. She really does look like a Barbie.
I know what Ryan Harding looks like because he was featured in Running Fast Magazine last month. He won high school Nationals as a junior, and is shooting for a second win this year. The article focused on his decision to move to Brockton for his senior year, instead of staying in California. His dad, Mark Harding, was the new head coach at the University of Colorado last year. Ryan was planning to stay with his uncle and finish up high school in California, even though his parents and little brother moved here. I read the whole article, because I was curious about the guy. Plus, I want to go to UC, so Mark might be my coach someday.
I realize that I’m staring, and Ryan has caught me. The corners of his mouth lift and he pushes away from the window sill. Lisa stumbles backward, and I can’t stop my smile. She really irritates me.
When Ryan walks my way, I look behind me to see if there’s someone else he’s approaching. But when I turn back around, Ryan is standing right in front of me. “Hi, Pepper,” he says warmly. “I’m Ryan.”
“I know. I mean, you were on a magazine cover so I know what you look like. But, um, we’ve never met. I would remember.” I shake my head, and can’t help but chuckle at how dumb I sound. Star-struck. I’m as bad as Charlie. “Um. Yeah. So, anyway, how do you know who I am? I’m not on any magazine covers, as far as I know.”
Ryan laughs and shrugs. “Someone pointed you out earlier today. Sorry, I don’t mean to be creepy. I thought I’d meet you yesterday. At the cookout thing.”
“Oh yeah, I was bummed to miss it. It was my Grandma’s birthday party. But I’ll be at practice today.” I become aware that we are standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and that Lisa is shooting daggers in my direction. I feel others’ eyes on me as I start walking towards Charlie’s table.
He’s sitting with Claire Padilla, my co-captain, and the rest of our crew. “You’ve met Charlie, right?” I nod towards Charlie, who waves tentatively. “He was the guys’ number one runner last year. He’s a senior with you.”
“Oh yeah, we met yesterday. Hey, Charlie.” He puts up his fist and the two do the pound thing.
I plop down next to Charlie and notice Ryan watching me uncertainly. “Wanna join us?” I ask.
“Oh, my lunch is back there.” He points behind him with his thumb. “Let me just go grab it.” He hurries over to the popular table and I catch Jace staring in my direction, along with everyone else at his table.
“Wow, he came right up to you. I guess he knew who you were,” Charlie says excitedly.
“I guess. He said someone pointed me out to him, whatever that means.”
“Probably did his research on Coach Tom and the team before deciding whether to train with us. You know, as the reigning state champ, you’re kind of famous, too.” He bites into his sandwich.
I shrug and turn to my other side. “Hey Claire, what’s up? We didn’t see you much this summer.” She and Zoe are the number two and three runners on the team, depending on the day.
“I was studying for the SAT,” she explains. Claire’s a senior, and has be
en obsessed with college admissions since I met her my freshman year.
“All summer, every day?”
“Well, when I wasn’t studying, I was running or working at the pool.”
Ryan sits down between me and Claire. “Are you a lifeguard?” he asks.
Claire blushes and swallows. “Yes,” she whispers.
“What about you, Pepper? What did you do this summer?” Ryan turns his attention to me.
“Oh, I bus tables at Old House Tavern.”
I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder and I know immediately who it is. “Hi, Jace.”
He pulls over an empty chair and manages to squeeze it between Ryan and me. “Pepper,” he says in greeting.
