by E A Owen
I lock myself in my room and lose myself in music. If it wasn't for music I wouldn't know what to do. It’s my way to escape from this nightmare. I really don't hang out with friends much because I'm embarrassed by my mother and don't want people talking. Besides, my mom can't take care of herself. She starts drinking first thing in the morning, and by the time I get home from school, she is beyond drunk and passed out most of the time. I've considered running away, but if I did that, my father would have no reason to stay and my mother couldn't pay the bills without his income and we would lose everything. I could go live with my father, but my mother would have no reason to live at all and probably kill herself from alcohol poisoning. I couldn't live with that either. My mother is a wonderful woman, but she has a problem. I am the typical mamma's boy. My dad worked all the time and would come home late at night, well after I'd gone to bed. It’s been only the past three years that he would disappear for days at a time, and that's when my mom started drinking heavily.
It's 7:00 in the morning, and I have to drag my tired ass out of bed and get ready for school with only a couple hours of good sleep to rely on for the rest of the day. I'm surprised I even get out of bed sometimes. I could just stay in bed and sleep. My mother wouldn't know the difference and my father is gone most of the time, so who cares. But my father has always been big on education. If he ever found out I was skipping school or getting bad grades, he would literally kick my ass and take my weekly allowance away. He has a master’s degree in business and is the CEO of a small company. He travels for work often, but we used to go on lots of family trips together. I've been to Disney World four times, St Thomas three times, and Hawaii twice. I’ve been to the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone National Park, Niagara Falls, and many more places over a ten-year period of my life. We stopped going on family trips about three years ago and my mom thinks that's when my dad was having an affair and taking another woman on these trips instead of us.
My mom says things to me she probably shouldn't when she is drunk, but she is lonely and needs someone to talk to. I've even suggested she go to a therapist to talk to a professional about her problems and get help with her drinking. She always says she will make the phone calls, but she never does. I think she even knows how bad she has gotten, recognizes that she and my father fight about her drinking all the time—when he is home. She yells about how he is gone for days at a time and how she turns to the booze to help with how depressed she is. My dad tries to stay calm as my mother yells at him. He tells her she needs to get a job and get out of the house and hang out with friends and get a life. He says she needs to lose some weight and take better care of herself. He tells her he knows that I'm doing most the chores in the house and it shouldn't be my responsibility to take care of the house while he is gone because she's too drunk to do anything. He tells her I'm only fifteen and should be studying and doing homework and hanging out with friends and have a girlfriend and not be taking care of her drunk ass all the time. You are the mother, he says, and you should be taking care of him, not the other way around. They fight about the same things all the time and nothing ever changes. I feel helpless. I have learned to put on my headphones and crank the music so I don't have to hear them fighting anymore.
We live in a nice house with a big yard and an indoor pool. We have a lot of money and I have been spoiled rotten, so I don't complain at all about how our life has become now that our family has been falling apart for the last three years. I help out as much as I possibly can around the house, since my mom is incapable because of her alcoholism. But my dad gives me a $50 allowance every week to do whatever I want with, and he makes sure we are well taken care of. The bills are paid on time, the fridge is always full, and they both have nice cars. I really can't complain because, I tell myself, there are many kids in this world that don't have everything we have and have never been able to take all the trips we have taken. There are a few kids at school who wear clothes two sizes too small for them, look filthy with their hair not cut or brushed well, and walk with their heads down and reek of cigarettes. So I try to remind myself that my life really isn't that bad and could be much, much worse.
I could hear my dad clanging things around in the kitchen. The smell of coffee and breakfast always reminded me that my dad was home. And when he is home, he is a very attentive father. He would make us breakfast in the morning before he had to leave for work and would give me a ride to school. I kicked my legs over the side of the bed and rubbed my eyes as I yawned. I slowly strolled over to my private bathroom and took a quick piss and headed down the stairs to the kitchen.
“Good morning, Trevor,” my dad said, seeming more awake than I was.
“Hi, Dad.”
“You ready for some breakfast? I made eggs just the way you like them with bacon and toast.”
“I'm starved! Smells great, Dad!” I said with more pep in my step. I walked to the fridge, grabbed the orange juice and poured myself a glass and set it at the table, then walked to the cabinet and grabbed two plates and pulled out the drawer below the black marble countertop that was speckled with glitter. I grabbed two forks and set the table for my dad and me. We both knew my mom wouldn't be up for hours and this was our time to bond in the morning.
My dad walked to the table with the frying pan in his hand and scooped some eggs on my plate, then scooped the remaining on his. He always makes my favorite, scrambled eggs with swiss and cheddar cheese and salsa with a dash of salt and pepper. He then grabbed the plate of bacon on the counter and set it on the table just as two slices of bread popped out of the toaster. He buttered both slices and set one on each of our plates. He then walked over to the coffee pot and topped his mug off and sat down at the table next to me.
“How are things going with you, Trevor?” my dad asked with quiet concern in his tone as he placed his hand on my shoulder.
“I'm okay, Dad,” I replied, pushing my eggs around on my plate.
“Are you sure? Your mom has put a lot of responsibility on you. You're just a kid. You shouldn't have to take care of your mother and be responsible for all the household chores when I'm away.”
“It's okay, Dad.”
“No, it's not! You should be hanging out with friends,” my dad replied while taking a sip of coffee. “I have a great idea! I know I'm really hard on you about school, and I'm really proud of you for getting good grades with everything going on with your mom and all, so I was thinking maybe you could skip school just this once and we could go out and do something together, just the two of us?”
My face lit up with excitement. “Absolutely! I would love that!”
We finished eating the rest of our breakfast in silence. My dad stood up while grabbing his dirty plate and coffee mug and walked over to the dishwasher and started loading it with all the dirty pans and dishes from breakfast. I finished gulping the rest of the orange juice. I rinsed off my plate and set my dishes in the dishwasher.
“Hurry up and get dressed and we can head out right away,” my dad said while he was bent over loading soap into the tray of the dishwasher. Within just ten minutes we were walking out the front door to the car, on our way to our first destination of the day. My dad handed me the keys as we were walking across the stone walkway leading to our driveway. I have my learners permit and need lots of driving hours, so my dad lets me drive as much as I can when he's home. Our first destination, the arcade.
***
We spent all day having fun, just the two of us, and didn’t get home until dark. It was really nice since my dad isn't around much. We spent a couple hours at the arcade, then we went out on our boat and sped around the lake for a couple hours enjoying the sun and warm weather. We grabbed a bite to eat at our favorite little burger joint. They have the best fries ever, crispy on the outside, soft in the middle with just the right amount of seasoning—really addicting. After lunch we went on a long scenic drive out of town and talked about everything under the sun. After the drive, went to a movie, and to end the night, we went
to dinner at the biggest Chinese buffet around, so many choices it would make your head spin. We just stuffed our faces until we couldn't move anymore.
I think my dad was feeling guilty for not spending much time at home and all the added responsibility on me, having to take care of my drunk mother while he's out of town and all the household chores and keeping up with school. He must have figured I just needed some time to enjoy being a teenager for once and forget about everything else for a day, even school. Which is pretty cool of him, since he's so strict about me getting good grades. He wants me to get into a good college and be successful. As we pulled up to our driveway, I turned off the car and handed my dad the keys.
“Dad, thank you for taking me out all day. I had a great time with you. I hope we get a chance to do it again soon. I feel like I hardly ever see you anymore.”
“I know, son, and I'm really sorry for that. I had a really good time too!” he said while the corner of his lip curled up in a half smile. But our fun had ended and we both knew what we were walking into when we walked through that front door. The inevitable.
My dad let out a loud sigh and walked slowly, one foot in front of the other, his head hung low like a beaten man. I just wish we could all be happy again and live a normal life. But who was I kidding? We were a very dysfunctional family, and without my mother getting the help she needed for her alcoholism, this family was doomed. I don't think she even realized the impact her drinking had on this family. She literally drank herself into a coma every day. I would be surprised if she didn’t have sclerosis of the liver. My worst fear is to walk home from school one day and find my mother dead. I have had many reoccurring nightmares of my mother dying. It's not normal but it's reality. My father and I have both begged and pleaded for her to get help, to go to AA or check herself into a treatment program, but she refuses, keeps saying she doesn't have a problem and can stop any time she wants to. I've even gone through the whole house after my mom was passed out on the couch covered in puke one day and raided all the cabinets and other spots I could think of her possibly hiding bottles. And I dumped every single one of them down the drain, full bottles, half-empty ones, others with just a few swallows left in them. That doesn't stop her; she just goes to the store and buys more. She probably thinks she drank all of them too, since she doesn't even know what’s going on half the time.
My father paused before unlocking the front door. “Trevor, I just want you to know how bad I feel about not being home much for the last couple years. I know my being gone has put a lot more stress and responsibility on you because of your mother’s drinking. And I want you to know I'm going to be home more because it's not fair to you to have to take care of your mom and everything else around here. It's my responsibility, and I've been a coward, hiding from the issue instead of doing something about it. Your mother is in really bad shape, and if she doesn't get help soon, she may drink herself to death. So, I want you to know that I'm not hiding anymore. I'm going to try to fix this family. You don't deserve to live this way. I've been thinking a lot lately, and I think the best option is to put your mom into an inpatient treatment program. I don't know how long she will be in there for, but it will be as long as needed, until she can function again without alcohol. We're talking probably at least six months, maybe longer. It all depends on her progress and when the doctor thinks she is okay to leave. How do you feel about that, son?”
“To be honest, Dad, you must have been reading my mind. Mom's condition is worsening by the day, and I have nightmares of coming home from school and finding her dead. Mom needs help, and I think you should go ahead and do whatever it takes.”
My dad patted me on the shoulder. “Just wanted to talk briefly about this before we go inside. I didn't want to ruin our day by talking about your mom the whole time; today was about us having fun together. But I just want you to know your mother most likely won't be home tomorrow when you get home from school. We can visit her in a few weeks, but she needs this time to detox, to reflect and get better.”
“Okay, Dad. I think this is what is best for Mom too.”
My dad smiled his half-crooked smile and shook his head as he opened the door. My mom was passed out of the couch, her glasses knocked over on the coffee table in front of her. Her drink had spilled and was dripping off the edge onto the floor. My dad and I just looked at each other like we could read each other’s minds.
I walked over to my mom, kissed her on the forehead and softly said, “I love you, Mom.” I turned away and walked toward my bedroom, knowing that was the last time I would see my mom for a while.
VII
Julia
I can't believe we are moving again! If I am not mistaken, we have moved six times since I was born and this will make it move number seven. I swear the second I start making friends, we just up and move again. I'm getting to the point that I feel like I shouldn't even attempt to make new friends anymore because, to my disappointment, my parents will announce we are moving again.
I'm fifteen and will be going into my junior year of high school. I hope this is our last move until I graduate because it would be nice to graduate with people I know instead of complete strangers.
This move in particular, has made me stricken with anxiety. The idea of a new life, new kids, new teachers and school, made my stomach do somersaults. Moving makes me feel so alienated and out of place. Sometimes I wish I could magically transform into a turtle and hide in a protective shell that makes me feel comfort and peace. I genuinely hope this move will be different from all the others.
“Julia!” my mom yelled from downstairs, “Have you seen my lotion? I can't find it anywhere.”
“Yeah, Mom, I have it. Hold on a minute!” I hollered back. I walked around all the moving boxes stacked around my bedroom, none quite full just yet but some getting close. I walked into my private bathroom and grabbed my mom's lotion I had borrowed a few days ago and had forgot to put back. I absolutely love my mom’s lotion. It smells fantastic and leaves my skin feeling amazingly soft. As I walked down the narrow hallway, I could hear my mom singing faintly to some song playing in her bedroom. To be honest, my mom has a great voice and I don't know why she never pursued a singing career. My mom is really happy! You can hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes when she talks. She sings a lot more and has got an extra pep in her step lately, and that's due mostly to her promotion, which is also the reason we have to make another dreadful move.
But this move may not be so bad after all. My parents told me we're moving into a big house right on a lake. Our backyard opens out to the shore with a private dock and beachfront access. At least that’s their selling point to this move. We've moved a lot, just never to a place with a lake right in our backyard, which is pretty sweet. I will definitely enjoy the summer lying on the beach every day, soaking up sun rays and working on my tan. But I'm really going to miss the friends I've made here in Olive Hill, Kentucky. It is hard to keep in touch with friends when you move so much. There are a few friends I wrote or sent postcards to keep in touch after moving, but that usually only lasts a couple months and I stop hearing from them. Now we are moving to Moneta, Virginia right on Smith Mountain Lake in the Blue Ridge Mountains, which is only 5 1/2 hours away. And my mom will be working in Roanoke as the Origination Banker at Wells Fargo, which is a huge promotion. But I really hope this is our last move.
What I'll miss most about Olive Hill is Carter Caves State Resort Park. We would take our camper up there for a weekend getaway. We loved to hike, and so, with more than 26 miles of scenic hiking trails, it was the perfect spot. But my favorite was Cascade Cave, created by nature over millions of years and a cool place to explore. We also took kayaks out on the water, went on bike rides, and ate at Tierney's Cavern Restaurant. I always ordered the Chicken Quesadilla or the Kentucky Hot Brown, which is toast points with baked country ham and roasted turkey smothered in cheese sauce, topped with tomato and bacon and cheddar cheese, and baked to perfection.
With M
om's promotion and a big house right on the lake, we may stay in this new location for good. At least, that's what I'm hoping. Mom said there's a mall just a few miles from our new house. What teenage girl doesn't like to shop? It's perfect, so I shouldn't complain much. My parents also said that my best friend Nicole can come stay with us for a few weeks this summer, if her parents will let her. So far that sounds promising, at least that's what Nicole said. And since my parents know how much I love Carter Caves State Park, they promised we could come back to visit. So, this move is starting to sound better and better.
***
The drive to Smith Mountain Lake was not bad at all. We hit a little bit of traffic, but with the few stops we had to make, we made it to our new house in just a little over seven hours. I didn't know what to expect when we pulled up. Mom and Dad seemed overly excited, but they kept the details pretty much a secret; or as they would put it, the house was “a surprise well worth waiting for.” All I knew was that it was big and right on a lake. That was enough for me. We were following behind my dad, who was driving our camper and towing his vehicle behind it. We crept around the neighborhood, slowly admiring the lake and beautiful houses.
