But just as I’d committed to spending more time with Garret, my father retired and I became CEO of Kensington Chemical, which meant I couldn’t cut back on my hours. So I still worked all the time, but I took breaks from the office to pick up Garret at swim practice or to have dinner with him. It wasn’t ideal, but at least I was seeing him more.
Then something happened that took me away from him once again. The organization told me I had to marry Katherine. If I didn’t, they threatened to do something to Garret. I knew they wouldn’t kill him. He’s one of us and they want him to be a member someday. But they could do something else to him, like scare him or injure him. Or they could kidnap him and make me think it’s real so that I go out of my mind trying to get him back. They’ve done that to some of my fellow members who didn’t cooperate with their demands. It’s all fake, but the parents don’t know that until they do whatever it was Dunamis asked them to do. It’s just another way for them to control us.
I would never let them do anything to Garret, so I married Katherine, as I was ordered to do. Katherine insisted we live in a mansion and she didn’t like any of the ones that were for sale, so we ended up building one. It’s 18,000 square feet, which she said was too small but I refused to make it any bigger than that. And despite Katherine’s objections, I built a wing onto the house that was just for Garret. It has an indoor pool, a basketball court, a small movie theater, and a room with a massive TV and arcade games. Garret was so upset when I married Katherine and made us leave our old neighborhood, that I wanted to do something to make it up to him. I wanted him to like living here. But he doesn’t. He hates it. And he hates me.
He wants his old life back. He knows he can’t get his mother back, but he wants to live the way we used to, in a normal house and a normal neighborhood, not in a mansion that’s isolated on several acres of land and hidden behind an iron gate.
Now he has to go to a new school. It wasn’t my decision. The organization is making him go there because it’s where some of the other members send their children. It’s also where important people who aren’t part of organization send their children. People who could prove to be useful in the future, either in my business or personal life; lawyers, state politicians, and influential people in the community. I’ll make connections with these people through Garret and his friendship with their children. I’m using him, I know, but my father and the organization have given me no choice.
This is how things are done in our world. Our friends are chosen for us and we don’t associate with people who can’t benefit us in some way. I tried to escape that world when I married Rachel, but now she’s gone and I’ve been sucked back into it. Garret is getting older and I’m under constant pressure from my father and the organization to get Garret immersed in this life. The other members’ children have already been living it. They grew up in mansions and have always had fake friends, but this is all new for Garret and he doesn’t like it
“Sir, can I get you something?” the maid asks.
I just came downstairs and am standing in the living room deep in thought, worried about Garret.
“No. I’m fine,” I tell her and she walks off.
That’s another change Garret isn’t happy about. Being waited on by the hired help who follow us around, constantly asking if we need something. I find it annoying as well. I shouldn’t, because it’s how I grew up, but now I’m used to doing things for myself.
Katherine has never done anything for herself, so she insisted we hire people. We have two maids, a team of gardeners, a driver, and a cook. I hired Charles as our cook. Katherine protested, but I wouldn’t back down. Charles is like a brother to me and Iike an uncle to Garret, and he was a huge help after Rachel died. There was no way I was letting him go. I upped his salary and offered him a room in the house we built for the live-in help. He stays there during the week, then goes to his own house on the weekends.
“Pearce, we need to sit down and go over our social calendar,” Katherine says as she walks up to me in the living room.
“Not right now,” I say.
Katherine spends all her time planning our social life. She fills every spare moment of my time. If I’m not at work, I’m attending some high-society event with her. She knows I don’t want to go to these things, but telling her no always turns into a fight so I’ve found it’s just easier to go along with it.
“This weekend is the dinner party at my parents’ house,” she says. “My mother said Royce and Victoria will be there.”
I’m dreading this dinner party. I can’t stand her parents, especially Leland. I’ve always hated him. And I don’t want to be around Royce. I try to avoid him whenever possible. In a few years, he’s running for president, so he’s even more obnoxious and pretentious than he used to be. But at least he’s a decent father to his girls. He and Victoria now have four daughters. He’s given up trying to have a son.
“Pearce, are you listening to me?” Katherine asks. “Next Monday we have to attend an auction for—”
“I can’t discuss this right now.” I glance upstairs. “I have to deal with Garret.”
“You can’t do anything about him, Pearce. He’s a teenager. You know how children that age are. They’re moody and obstinate. You need to stop coddling him and allow him to become a man.”
“He’s only 13. He’s not even close to being a man. And he needs his father, whether he likes it or not.”
She smooths my tie and looks up at me. “Our baby also needs a father, much more so than Garret does. He’s practically grown up.”
“He’s not grown up. He’s still a child. He acts out because I don’t spend enough time with him. That needs to change. I can’t be going to all these events with you. We’re never home, and now that Garret is back, I need to spend time with him.”
“You need to spend time with your wife!” She steps back and puts her hands on her narrow hips. She’s still very thin, with almost no curves. The woman never eats.
“You’re an adult. You don’t need my constant attention. Garret is a child and he’s struggling and he needs his father. I’m not going to abandon him just so I can attend charity events with you. We are cutting back on our social engagements and I am going to spend more time with Garret.”
“I am NOT letting that out-of-control teenager take over our lives! I never should’ve agree to let him live here. He hasn’t even been back an hour and he’s already ruining everything! I’m completely stressed, and it’s all because of him. He needs to leave. If you refuse to send him to boarding school, then have him go live with your parents.”
“He is not living with my parents. He is living here. With us. And he is not out of control. He’s just having a hard time adjusting to all the changes in his life. I’m not surprised that he’s upset.”
“So is that how it’s going to be? He gets to act however he wants? Use foul language? Fight with me? Walk around yelling and screaming and slamming doors? And instead of being punished, you’ll just make excuses for him?” She exhales forcefully. “No! I will NOT allow it. This is MY house and I will NOT allow Garret to control us or how we live!”
She storms off. I just let her go. I don’t want to fight with her, especially about Garret. She doesn’t like him and it’s no use trying to change her mind. Even if Garret was a perfect child, she still wouldn’t like him because he’s not hers.
Katherine and I fight all the time, and not just about Garret. We fight about everything. I try to avoid it, but as Garret said, Katherine tends to instigate arguments. I think she actually likes creating problems. She likes the drama of it. The tension. It adds some excitement to her otherwise boring life.
When we first got married, Katherine and I tried not to fight. We didn’t talk much so that helped. She didn’t act like the immature teenager she used to be, but I still had no interest in her. But we slept in the same bed and she’s somewhat attractive so we eventually had sex. I hadn’t done it since being with Rachel, and after it was over I fe
lt extreme guilt.
Katherine pushed me to do it again, saying it’s what married people do. I reminded her that our marriage was fake, but she said that, to her, it was real. She even said that she loved me. I felt bad for her and felt like she actually wanted this to work, so I tried to be more receptive to her. I tried to make it more like a real marriage. I took her out to dinner, bought her flowers, kissed her hello and goodbye every day, and had sex with her at night. But I felt like it wasn’t me doing those things. I felt like it was someone else. The me that existed before I met Rachel. The man who felt nothing. Who put on a fake act for appearance’s sake. The man who did what he was told because he was too tired to fight. The man who really didn’t care about anything because he felt nothing.
That’s the man who married Katherine and it’s the man I am today. A hollow shell. Uncaring. Unfeeling. Dead.
I think that’s how Katherine convinced me to send Garret away to boarding school. I had no fight left in me, not even for my son. But even so, I was devastated when he left. It just confirmed that I’d failed him. I’d let Katherine, a woman he barely knew, send him away. I considered bringing him home, many times, but then I thought it might be better if he was far away from here. Away from me. Away from Katherine. But last week he set his room at the boarding school on fire and they sent him home.
Now he’s back, and I need to try to be his father again. My past attempts have failed, but I’m not giving up. I love Garret with all my heart. I just can’t seem to express it. It seemed so much easier when Rachel was in our lives. She exuded love. She gave it freely. And just being around her made it easier to express love myself. Now I feel unable to do so. Like I forgot how. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.
I’m a failure as a father, and now I’m a father again. I have a new baby. A daughter. Lilly. I didn’t want another child. I told Katherine that, and she said she didn’t want one either. She said she was on the pill, and like an idiot, I believed her. But, of course, she lied, and last August we had the baby.
I should be happy, but I’m not. This isn’t what I want. I’m back to hating my life. Hating who I am. Hating that I’ve lost all hope. That I’ve given up.
Maybe this was how it was supposed to be all along. Maybe I was meant to be miserable. Meant to hate my life. It’s how my father raised me. He never wanted me to be happy.
So he got what he wanted. I’m not happy. I don’t think I ever will be again.
RACHEL
“That’s it for today,” I say, closing the small yellow book. Marco and I are sitting at a table in the back of Celia’s restaurant.
“Thank you, Miss Smith.” Marco gets up and puts his little arms around me. It reminds me of Garret hugging me and I start to tear up.
“You’re welcome,” I say, smiling to hide my sadness. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Sì,” he says, then quickly corrects himself. “Yes.”
I nod. “That’s correct. Goodbye, Marco.”
I wave as he runs off to find his mother, who works in a shop down the street. Marco’s parents hired me to tutor him in English. The children here are taught English in school, but that’s not enough to make them fluent in it. Marco’s parents want him to become fluent in English because they think it will help his future. Help him get into a good college and get a good job in a bigger city. This tiny village is beautiful and quaint, but it doesn’t offer much for job opportunities.
A lot of the parents in this village feel the same way as Marco’s parents. That’s how I ended up being a tutor. Word got around that I’m from America and soon parents were asking me if I would teach English to their children. I’ve been doing this for two years now. The children are so eager to learn, and they’re all very sweet. They bring me flowers they pick from the hillside or they draw me a picture or give me hugs.
The children remind me so much of Garret that I honestly don’t know how I’ve been able to even do this. I keep telling myself I’m helping give these children a better life. A brighter future. But doing so is nearly killing me. Being around children makes me miss Garret even more. I think about him constantly. And when Marco gave me that hug, I almost broke down. I want those little arms around me to be Garret’s. I want to hold him again and tell him how much I love him. I want to see his smile and those bright blue eyes. I want to hear his voice and hear his laughter.
I race to the bathroom and shut the door and fall to my knees, sobbing. I have to see my son. I can’t keep waiting. He’s growing up and I’m not there for him. Where does he think I am? Does he think I’m dead? Or did Pearce tell him the truth? If he knows I’m alive, does he know why I haven’t come back? Does he know that I’m only staying away because I’m so terrified of what might happen to him if I showed up there?
As desperate as I am to go back, I can’t risk it. I need Pearce to come get me.
Where is he? Why hasn’t he come here? Why hasn’t he at least sent me a message, telling me what’s going on? What’s taking so long?
These questions are on a continuous loop in my head. They drive me crazy because I don’t have the answers. There’s no explanation. I’ve heard nothing from anyone. Not Jack. Not Pearce. No one.
I know Pearce would do everything possible to get me back, so there must be some complication that’s preventing him from doing so. Jack said I need to be patient, so that’s what I need to do. I just need to be patient. Pearce will come for me. I know he will. He won’t give up on me. It’s been three years, but I know he’s still trying to find a way to bring me home.
And until he does, I can’t give up. I have to keep hoping. I have to have faith.
I have to believe that someday we will all be back together.
****
From the Author
In book four of The Kensingtons, the story will intersect with The Jade Series in certain places as it skips ahead in time, showing Pearce’s life at critical moments and ending near the end of the last book in The Jade Series (Always Us). If you already read The Jade Series, there will be parts of the next Kensington book that you may find repetitive because you already know what happened, but those explanations need to be in there for the people who have not read The Jade Series. Those sections are brief and you can easily skip over them if you’d like. If you haven’t read The Jade Series, but plan to, now would be a good time to do so. You’ll get a more detailed account of what happened to Garret during his teen years. If you just want to read this series, and not the other one, that’s fine, too. In book four, the characters will tell you what happened, just not to the level of detail it was explained in The Jade Series.
Thank you for reading the book, and the series thus far! I hope you’re enjoying Pearce and Rachel’s story, and would love it if you’d leave a review.
The next book, which is the final book in the series, is coming soon!
Author Allie Everhart Facebook page
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Website: allieeverhart.com
Twitter: @AuthorAllie
Books by Allie Everhart
Choosing You
Knowing You
Loving You
Promising You
Forever You
Finding Us
Becoming Us
Always Us
Garret: A Jade Series Companion Novel
Needing Her
Keeping Her
Protecting Her
Protecting Her Page 30
