by Unknown
“I don't hate Hell,” His hands slid down my back. “I hate torture.”
His eyes sparked diamond white as he lowered his face to mine and kissed me violently. I felt myself lifted and thrown back onto the loveseat, Azrael's body following tight against me. His hands gripped me painfully, one sliding up to my neck to clench around the spot where it met my shoulders. He pulled back, breathing hard.
“This is just more proof of how you've changed,” he whispered. “You think sex will make everything okay. When did you learn that?”
“I don't think that at all,” I pushed him back. “In fact, I think quite the opposite.”
“Good,” he snarled, grabbing my waist and pulling me up. “Because this isn't going to fix anything.”
He turned me around and slammed me down over the back of the couch, knocking the air from my lungs. Before I could move, he was on me. I heard the sound of his jeans tearing as he pulled too harshly on the zipper. My own clothes were already torn from my rapid shift and it didn't take much for him to pull the remnants off me.
Then he was inside me, one hand at my shoulder and one at my hips, holding me still as he pounded against me so hard that every stroke stole my breath again. I had to push my hands between myself and the couch so I could breathe. I didn't try to stop him, knowing instinctively that he did need this, no matter what he said. A safe way to take out his anger on me.
So I braced myself and let him go. He never really hurt me and if I'm going to be completely honest, it was kind of exciting. I realized that I needed it too, I needed to punish him as much as he did me. I started slamming back into him, reaching behind me to grab at him and claw his flesh. He breathing went ragged, growls coming from his lips, the likes of which I'd never heard from him before. I chanced a look over my shoulder and saw that he'd gone completely Death Angel on me.
His flesh had gone transparent, showing clearly the bones beneath, and his eye sockets had become black pits, showcasing the twin stars of his eyes. His wings arched together above him, their apex looking like a hood, and his dark hair faded into the black, giving him the illusion of being skeletal. I swallowed hard as I watched the acid tears drip down his cheeks and splash over my back. Thank goodness I was immune to burning things.
I closed my eyes and turned back around, giving myself to the moment. Loving Azrael meant accepting all of him and Death was a part of him. I found beauty in this version of him too. How could I not? He was magnificent, all rage and vengeance, but still it was tempered by love. He wouldn't have joined himself with me in this moment, if he didn't love me. That much I did know about Az.
He jerked and came violently, then fell over me, panting. His wings drifted down around us and when I looked back at him, he was back to his normal self. His eyes were still filled with anger though. He met my gaze and they narrowed as he pushed off me.
“Get out, Vervain,” he whispered but the words were full of ferocity. “Like I said, this changes nothing.”
“Fine,” I snarled. “Stew here in your righteous anger, Azrael and when you're lying in that bed alone tonight, remember that your anger is the only thing keeping you from lying beside me.”
I stomped out of the room, my limbs shaking with my own anger, and went straight to the library to trace home. It wasn't till I arrived in the tracing room of Pride Palace that I let go of my fury enough to allow the pain surface. I instantly crumpled to the floor, folding my wings around me as I sobbed my heart out in private. I didn't want to share this with anyone else, didn't want to answer any questions and have to speak aloud the horrible truth.
That I'd just lost Azrael.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
After I had a good cry, I picked myself up and went into one of the downstairs bathrooms to splash cold water on my face. I changed back into my human form and when I looked presentable again, I wrapped a towel around myself and took the elevator up to the top floor. There I traded my towel for some clothes and told the others about what had happened between Azrael and I. I left out the violent sex.
They reassured me that he'd come around, that he couldn't stay mad at me forever, but I was still so very mad at him. I wasn't sure if we could get past this. He'd said I was a different woman and he couldn't be more accurate. I had changed. I'd changed more than I'd thought one person could ever change in a single lifetime. I'd gone from witch to goddess to fey and then to a combination of all three. I'd been to Hell and Heaven and seen things both wondrous and terrible. I'd met the consciousness of Faerie and the consciousness of the Void. I stumbled through their grand plans for me, rebelled, and then finally accepted who I was. Yes, I'd changed. Duh.
That Azrael would not only dislike my changing but accuse me of it as if it were an evil thing that I'd chosen to do, felt like a betrayal. I wasn't sure I even wanted to make amends with him. Would I have tortured that woman a few years ago? Probably not but I wasn't a dragon then. Dragons have different perspectives on things like violence and... well... eating people. There are a lot of things I'd do now that I wouldn't have back then. Like five men for example. That jack-ass had benefited from some of my changing and now he had the nerve to get upset over it? Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. I had half a mind to tell his daddy on him. Or even worse... his mommy.
The anger was good. It kept me from falling apart with grief. So I wrapped myself up in it and used it as a shield around my heart. Too bad the damage was already underneath, festering under that shield. I had a feeling that when I finally let go of my anger, I'd find my heart black and rotten beneath. Or maybe I was just being dramatic, in the way of most lovers.
Whatever the case, I ended up seeking sanctuary in the library. Burying my nose in a good book was a great form of escape for me. I was especially enjoying horrors lately, for the simple fact that it made my life look better. Plus, I couldn't read about love when Azrael was making my heart hurt.
“Hey,” Ilario walked out onto the balcony that opened up off the library. He plopped into a chair beside me and laid a book in his lap.
“Hey,” I looked over at the book he was holding and laughed. “Black Beauty? Seriously? I didn't even know we had that.”
“I've never read it,” he shrugged and smiled. “I grabbed it because of the cover. It spoke to me for obvious reasons.”
“You know what they say about judging a book by its cover,” I chided.
“You chance upon really great stories?” He asked with a lifted brow.
“You end up reading about a little girl and her horse,” I countered and he gave the book another look.
“Did you not even bother to read what it's about?” I reached over, flipped it open, and pointed to the summary.
“Oh,” he frowned. “I guess I'm too distracted to read anyway,” Ilario sighed and set the book on a table beside him.
“I know you're worried about Constantin,” I patted his hand. “I'm worried too but we'll be meeting with the God Squad in just a few hours. We'll figure something out and get him back, I promise.”
“I understand why you had to go after Azrael,” he set steady eyes on me. “I would have too if it had been my lover in trouble. I just hate that Constantin is there while I'm sitting around here doing nothing.”
“You're not doing nothing,” I reached down to squeeze his hand. “You're waiting for everyone to arrive so we can do something that will work. We have to be smart about this.”
“I know,” Ilario rubbed a hand through his dark hair. “We've gone through this enough times that I should be able to deal with it by now.”
“What's that?” I frowned at him.
“The waiting,” he looked back at me. “When we used to spy for Epona, we'd take turns on missions. She didn't want to lose all of us in one go if something bad were to happen and besides, spying is best done alone.”
“So the rest of you would be stuck in limbo, waiting for whoever was out there to return,” I surmised.
“Exactly,” he shook his head. “There were so many years of
subterfuge and seriousness for us. I think that's why we ended up starting the band. We needed to believe life could be fun again.”
“And then Constantin got abducted,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” he looked out over Pride territory. “You'd think that after awhile trauma would leave you, that you'd at least go numb to the memories, but it doesn't work like that. You bury them and although their echoes are distant, all it takes is one misplaced foot to kick the dirt away and reveal it to the light.”
“Yeah,” I whispered because there was nothing else to say. He was right. You could try and ignore the pain of the past but it remained a part of you forever.
“After all we've been through, I can't let Constantin die like this,” his face seemed to age as he looked at me, turning the free spirited musician into a fierce soldier. “He deserves better.”
“He's not going to die,” I promised, though I had no idea if I could keep my word. That's just something you do for friends, promise them anything they need to hear and then try your best to not become a liar.
“It was easier among the humans,” he went on, ignoring my promise. “And it was harder. If they discovered what we were, they'd do horrible things to us but discovery was rare and most times we were able to fool the humans very easily.”
“What happened when you were discovered?” I asked without thinking.
“I never was,” he looked at me in surprise. “I'd most likely not be here if I had been.”
“Then how do you...” I trailed off as I realized how stupid my question was.
“There was a lot more than four of us originally,” he confirmed my suspicions. “Epona had a full stable of horses once but her meddling dwindled down the herd. When it was only the four of us left, she finally conceded that espionage was not her game. We vowed to never become a part of war again.”
“But...” I inhaled sharply. “You broke your vows to help me?”
“It was a childish vow,” he said grimly. “A man of honor cannot avoid war forever. You must take a stand eventually or you will die a much slower death.”
“Thank you for taking that stand with me,” I said.
“You're welcome,” he nodded. “Thank you for helping us get Constantin back.”
“I haven't done anything yet,” I sighed.
“You've done a lot,” he touched the back of my hand lightly. “Don't let Rain's bluster get to you. He's just out of his mind with worry. He was always closest to Constantin.”
“I wish I could have stayed but even if I had, there was no way to free Constantin and Rhiannon,” I shook my head. “It was the best I could do to get you guys freed.”
“I know that and I think Rain does too on some level,” Ilario assured me. “Remember, he was a soldier once too. He knows about tactical retreats.”
“Where is he, by the way?” I asked. “Is he alright?”
“He went home to be alone for a little while,” Ilario said. “He'll be back in time for the meeting. Thanks for letting us stay here for now.”
“You're always welcome,” I gave him a little grin. “It's not like we don't have the space.”
“It's just good to be here in case anything happens,” he sighed.
“There you are,” Trevor poked his head out of the library. “We're gathering for the meeting.”
“Already?” I sat up. “I didn't think I was out here that long.”
“Books,” Trevor shook a finger at me. “You know what they do to you.”
“Make me smarter?” I lifted my brows.
“Uh huh,” Trevor glanced pointedly at the copy of Misery in my lap. “I fail to see how that is making you smarter.”
“Stephen King is brilliant,” I huffed as I stood up.
“And scary,” Ilario added as he stood too.
“Yeah, I don't know where he comes up with these ideas,” I took the book back in and replaced it on its shelf.
“No, I mean he's scary,” Ilario amended. “As in scary looking. Do you know he reads stories to children on Halloween? How do they not run away screaming?”
“He's not that bad,” I chuckled.
“I'll meet you down there,” Trevor interrupted. “I need to find Kirill.”
“Alright,” I waved him off.
“Actually, I'd better call Rain and let the others know as well,” Ilario pulled his phone out.
“Texting works better here,” I advised as I headed for the elevator.
“Thanks,” he nodded and started typing.
I took the elevator down to the first floor and started toward the dining hall but a familiar voice stopped me.
“Hey there, dragon lady,” it came from behind me and I twirled around to see Apollo.
“Apollo?” I frowned. “What are you doing here?”
“My sister brought me for the big meeting,” he shrugged. “She said you might need a hand and I was kind of bored.”
“Gee, thanks,” I grimaced. “Where are all your groupies?”
“My muses stayed home,” he corrected. “Artemis said they couldn't come.”
“Remind me to thank her for that,” I chuckled. “Though she brought you so maybe that makes us even.”
“Hey,” he grinned, belying his offended tone. “I'm a cool guy.”
“Uh huh,” I looked over his torn jeans, flannel shirt, tousled blonde locks, and heavy boots. “Back in the nineties maybe. Grunge is out.”
“I'll keep that in mind,” his eyes went intense. “You look, no, you feel different today. Or maybe, I just didn't get close enough to you last time we met,” he sidled closer. “There's something about you. Something bright and compelling... I think we should have dinner together.”
“What?” I jerked back from him and then I sighed with realization. “It's my star. Your sun is attracted to it. Don't worry, you'll get over it.”
“Your star?” He cocked his head and backed me down a side hallway. “Now you've really got my attention. It sounds like we'd be perfect for each other.”
“Ah, no,” I squished up my lips in distaste. “The last time a sun god thought that, I ended up draining his magic.”
“Oh, naughty,” he grinned. “Is that code for sex?”
“No, it's not code,” I huffed. “I actually drained his magic.”
“Oh,” his face fell. “That's right, I forgot you could do that. So no dinner then?”
“Not unless we share it with several other people,” I swept by him and went into the dining hall.
It looked as if everyone had arrived while I'd been distracted by Apollo and they were already beginning to discuss our monkey problem. Rain was irritated, judging by his expression, but the other dark horses just looked worried. I gave Ilario a little smile as I found a seat.
“I don't think you understand quite how large a force the vanara can muster,” Brahma said.
“Come on,” Finn smirked. “We've got almost eighty werelions right here. That's not to mention the Froekn, who I'm guessing will be happy to participate in any battle.”
“They have triple that in vanara alone,” Sarasvati had come with Brahma again. I guess she wasn't going to let him exclude her anymore. “Then there are the suparna, the riksha, and all the other gods Hanuman can muster through his father.”
“Can you give us a guesstimate on numbers?” I asked as I slid into an open seat between Odin and Kirill.
“A guesstimate?” Sara laughed. “Sure, maybe five thousand.”
“Five thousand?” Torrent's jaw dropped open.
This may not seem like a huge number for an army but when it was an army of gods, your perspective changes. Five thousand was an astronomical number.
“I didn't realize there were so many gods in your pantheon,” I said to Brahma.
“They're not all technically gods,” he gave what I like to call a facial shrug, where you kind of lift your brows and grimace while you tilt your head a little. “It's like your lions or the angelic host. They're sort of demigods, if you will. Not as
powerful as a god with strong human myths baking him, but still formidable.”
“How would we even get past their wards uninvited?” Sarasvati asked.
“Well, when we've battled gods in the past, they let us into their territory, or a neutral area,” I glanced down the table at Torrent. “But if we're trying for a sneak attack, we have Torrent.”
“Torrent?” Sara looked down towards Torr.
“He can unmake magic,” Artemis said proudly.
“Artemis!” I glared at her. “Do you remember when I told you not to tell anyone that and you said you weren't an idiot?”
“But it sounded like you were going to tell her,” she gaped at me.
“I was going to make something up,” I huffed and looked over at the shocked Sarasvati. “Please don't breathe a word of this to anyone. It could put Torrent in danger.”
“No kidding,” she set her wide eyes back on him. “I can think of a few gods right off the top of my head who would want someone like him dead.”
“Sara,” Brahma looked at her sternly.
“Oh!” She laughed a little. “Sorry. Yes, of course I vow not to tell a soul.”
“Thank you,” I sighed. “So if we snuck in, do you still think they'd have those numbers?”
“You could lower it down to a thousand perhaps,” she nodded. “But as soon as the fighting begins, they'll be calling in reinforcements. It won't stay that number for long.”
“So what do we do?” Horus leaned forward on the balls of his feet. He was perched on his chair again.
“Oh for fucks sake, sit down,” Hecate pulled on his arm and Horus looked down at her with an annoyed expression. “Just because you're a bird god doesn't mean you have to act like one all the time.”
“Very well,” Horus said stiffly and shocked us all by complying.
“Thank you,” Hecate, aka Kate, gave him a kiss on the cheek and then looked over at the rest of us. “I thought you all had lots of friends to call on.”
“We do,” Thor frowned and shared a look with me.
“Well?” Kate lifted her brows. “What's the problem?”
